6 Types of Girls You’ll Meet on a Reality Dating Show
Right now there is a dating show on TV. Flick through the channels, it’s there. From decrepit reruns of Chuck Woolery’s Love Connection to Excused, the 5th Wheel, the Bachelor, Flavor of Love and a few thousand others, the idea that you could meet someone who is not a soulless abomination in jeggings on a television show has fascinated mankind for decades now. But just what sort of person has given up on humanity so thoroughly that they’d seek to find love on TV? Let’s peruse!
By:Ian Fortey|February 9, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Thin Ice
If everyone in Norway is like this guy, I'm there.
By:Ian Fortey|February 9, 2012
Cynics Agree: Wal-Mart’s Slogan For Health Foods, “Good For You,” is Extremely Sarcastic
Call it a trend, call it a movement that’s here to stay, the fact remains: food chains are making strides when it comes to providing you with healthier options, whether it be on menus if they’re restaurants or on their shelves if they’re grocery stores. If you want some healthy alternatives to the classic junk foods you love, it seems every grocery store has an aisle or two entirely devoted to a version of your favorite snack that won’t convert your feces from a solid in to a liquid. Even Wal-Mart is getting in the game.
By:Luis Prada|February 8, 2012
Babies Are Not Exercise Equipment(?)
Great news, everyone! If you're looking to drop some of that post-baby weight, you're in luck. Turns out, the fitness solution you've been searching for is the very thing that caused your problem in the first place. No, not unprotected sex, we're talking about the baby! That's right, your favorite new piece of workout equipment is currently crying and shitting itself in the other room.
By:Jim Tews|February 8, 2012
Holytaco Buzz: Incident at Hole 13
Golf can be a fun and relaxing sport...until someone impales someone else with a golf club. That's right -- the Eagle Lake golf course in Texas witnessed a B-horror movie level atrocity when two groups of golfers got in an argument about the speed of the game, ending with one man impaling another's leg. To top it all off, it all happened at Hole 13, which just cries Lloyd Kaufman to make a horror movie about this. Don't mess with Texas, I guess.
By:Noah G|February 8, 2012
Google Voice Made More Useless!
If you guys think Google Voice is as useless as we do, you're not alone. Our friends at Guyism map out their newest feature, and how you can officially thank them for making your life even more unnecessarily complicated.
By:admin|February 8, 2012
25 Homemade Weapons
Everyone thinks guns and ninja stars are cool, but there's so much cooler when you make them yourself at home from old pop cans and stray socks.
By:Ian Fortey|February 8, 2012
The 5 Strongest Reasons to Oppose Gay Marriage
Gay people getting married has consumed more of our collective time in the last decade or so than any of us could possibly imagine. Many of you probably think all of this effort to stop two people from getting married could have been better spent focusing on literally any other aspect of society that needs real solutions – from crime to poverty to the environment. But you’d be wrong.
By:Ian Fortey|February 8, 2012
The Morning Jolt: FDR American Badass
If you only see one movie about an ex-President killing monsters, make it this one (there are actually several to choose from).
By:Ian Fortey|February 8, 2012
Anne Hathaway’s Basic Instinct Audition
So Sharon Stone may be known for her work on the Paul Verhoven classic Basic Instinct, but Anne Hathaways Audition piece Celebjihad whipped up for us just might take the cake.
By:admin|February 7, 2012
The Best Feminist Revolution Ever is Iran’s Female Ninja Revolution
When women in America wanted to be treated equally, they burned their bras and refused to shave their armpits. In Iran, women become ninjas – extremely badass ninjas.
By:Luis Prada|February 7, 2012
Randy Travis Defends Himself For Being Drunk In Public
Well, y'all caught me. I was drinking, in front of a church -- I guess, technically, I wasn't drinking, because my bottle was empty. I was just drunk. I apologize for acting irresponsibly in public like I did, but you have to remember, it was Super Bowl Sunday. That's a big drinking day for everybody and I honestly thought I was in the clear because by my estimation, I was less drunk than every one around me. I may have been drunk according to your law, but not according to mine. According to Randy's law you're not really drunk until you're the most drunk one among you.
By:Jim Tews|February 7, 2012
25 Old Timey Robots
Modern robots are far too fancy for their own good. Back in the day, robots were way more awesome. And boxy.
By:Ian Fortey|February 7, 2012
Replotting 6 Classic Sitcoms for HBO
Hollywood is mired in a mind boggling enigma of inspirational backward diarrhea. It keeps swallowing shit to construct the same thing you’ve seen over and over again, remaking, rebooting and adapting ideas that other people have done the same thing to 6 times over already. Star Wars in 3D? A Spiderman reboot? A million and one reality competitions ripped off of previous versions of the same show? It gets tiring. If new ideas are so had to think up, then may we suggest at least adapting your rip off to a new venue and changing the tone? So basically more blood and boobies, we want this stuff on HBO.
By:Ian Fortey|February 7, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Cooking by the Book
Three things - yes we've posted this before (this is the 3rd time), yes it's still hilarious, and yes someone deleted the old link, so we needed to do this. Needed to!
By:Ian Fortey|February 7, 2012
Celebrities As Cyborgs
Sometimes you wonder what a certain celebrity looks like naked. Other times you wonder what a celebrity would look like if they were a cyborg. If you fall in to the second category, Regretful Morning’s got you covered.
By:Luis Prada|February 6, 2012
24 Celebrities In Bizarre Foreign Commercials
Like Nic Cage, Arnold, and Chuck Norris doing weird sh*t as much as we do? Good, because our friends from Coed Magazine have whipped up a collection of our favorite celebs in bizarre foreign commercials. Enjoy!
By:admin|February 6, 2012
Website Prevents Accidental Icelandic Inbreeding
For most of us, incest isn’t a problem. We don’t have to worry about it. Yes, your 1st cousin might have a nice rack, but she lives in Newark and long distance incestual relationships never work. Very few among us have to deal with incest and inbreeding in our lives, but that’s probably because very few among us lives in Iceland, where incest is a massive problem, apparently.
By:Luis Prada|February 6, 2012
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