Turd Station 2: Dark Territory

February 8th, 2010 | 06:08 pm
Turd Station 2: Dark Territory

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Nascar Sponsors Kim Kardashian (AllLeftTurns)
 
The 10 Best Movie Dates Ever (ScreenJunkies)
 
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The Funniest Animal Fails of all Time (SuperTremendous)
 
Ask the Sexpert (LemonDrop)
 
The Hottest WAGs (Coed)
 
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Cheltzie is HOT (HailMaryJane)
 
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Dis Some Bo Sheet (IAmBored)
 
How To Buy Lingerie For Yer GF (Maxim)
 
I'm gettin' iBalled (EJB)
 
Sexy Star Trek (BuzzFeed)
 
The Weatherman Meltdown (Asylum)
 
The Mirror Scare Compilation (FilmDrunk)
 

Inner Monologue of a Guy at Work on Free Donut Day

February 8th, 2010 | 03:59 pm
Hmm, free donuts, huh?  I wonder if that means that something bad is about to happen.  Like, "Sorry, you're getting laid off.  Have a donut."  I wouldn't be surprised.  Well, anyway, I might as well take one of these babies. 
 
 
Let's see, there's the chocolate with sprinkles, and there's a chocolate without sprinkles.  Well, why wouldn't you choose the one with sprinkles if you have the option?  I can't think of a single good reason.  This chocolate donut with sprinkles looks totally manhandled, though.  Look at this: there's, like, a finger indent on the top of it.  It's pretty obvious that somebody just poked their whole finger into this donut.  I was probably Dennis in accounting.  I f*ckin' hate that guy.  Always laughing, and adding things.  He knew I was going to narrow it down to the chocolate with sprinkles donut, and he deliberately sabotaged me.  What a dickbag!  Well, I got news for you, Dennis: I'm not gonna play your game.  I'm not taking that donut.  What are you gonna do now, Dennis?!  What are you gonna do now?!!
 
 
Ooh, maybe I'll just have a jelly-filled donut instead.  It's always so hard to tell what's in these, though.  You have to touch the little leaky hole on the side and then taste your finger to see what it is.  I wonder how many people have already done that this morning.  Dennis probably has, that dickbag.  What a dickbag that guy is.  Seriously.  Oh, shit, Stacey the receptionist just came into the break room.  Holy balls, is she hot.  Okay, she's coming over toward the donuts.  Don't panic. Stay calm. Try not to sweat. Whichever donut she chooses, I'll choose the same kind.  Then she'll think that we have some kind of bond.  Yeah, then she'll start to notice me!  Oh, that'll be great!  In a few years, we'll be married, and have some kids, and live in a cool house and bone each other non-stop, and it'll all be because of this one, singular moment, at the donut table, when I decided to----
 
 
What the f*ck?!  What the f*ck was that?!!!  Did she just tear a piece off of a donut and leave the rest there?  You can't do that!  You can NOT f*cking do that!!  If you choose a donut, you dedicate yourself to that donut, and you eat the whole damned thing!  That's just common donut etiquette!!  What kind of a donut whore are you, Stacey?!!  Forget it!  I will not spend the rest of my life with a breakfast pastry slut like that.  I deserve better!  I deserve....that bearclaw right there.  Oh, the bearclaw.  It's not as good as the other donuts, but it's always larger.  Quantity over quality, that's the bearclaw's game.  God dammit.  I swear they just bring these free donuts in here to stress us out.
 
 

Doritos Date Night Commercial

February 8th, 2010 | 11:44 am
Everyone's posting their favorite Super Bowl commercials today, so we decided to post ours. Enjoy!
 
Marissa Miller is HOT in Miami (TotalProSports)
Learn How To Crush Bones (MadeMan)
Hilarious David Caruso Memes (ScreenJunkies)
25 Hilarious Translation Fails (Manofest)
The Front Butt Gallery (TheChive)
Frog Gets Pwned (TotallyCrap)
Keeley Hazell Hotness (AskMen)\
Hot Girls On The Internet (DoubleViking)
Intense Google Street Views (Oddee)
Kimmel Owns Leno (EvilChili)
2 Girls, 1 Mouth (TooShocking)
Anne Hathaway GQ (HollywooTuna)
Kourtney K's Babydaddy (DailyFill)
Taylor Does The Mayor (CelebSlam)
The All New Arcade Mug (Walyou)
 

What Her Valentine's Day Gift Really Says

February 8th, 2010 | 09:59 am
Valentine's Day is this Sunday, which means that this week you'll be on a quest for a gift that will get you laid without implying too much.  The Valentine's Day gift that you give your girlfriend says a lot about your relationship, and if you're not careful your gift might send the wrong message. Here's what her Valentine's Day gift really says:
 
The Practical Gift
 
What You Think It Says:
We've only been together for a short time, and I didn't want to intimidate you by getting you something lavish and expensive, so instead I got you something that you can actually use a few times until it breaks!
 
What It Really Says:
We've only been dating for a month.  There's no way I'm gonna empty my bank account for your gift just yet.  The item that you received from me was either a re-gift that I got from my weird cousin for Christmas, or it was right by the register at Walgreens, where I stopped to buy condoms on my way over to your place.
 
The Expensive Gift
 
What You Think It Says:
You are so important to me that I saved up a shitload of money to buy you something really fancy.  All of your friends are going to be so jealous, and you'll be able to show them that you've got the best man in the world. Plus, it was totally worth it just to see the smile on your face when you saw your gift.
 
What It Really Says:
The only thing I have to offer you is wealth.  I'm literally trying to purchase your love and affection and you're going to fall for it, because this gift is f*ckin' incredible.  Also, remember those three sex things that you'll never let me do? Well you're gonna let me do all of them at the same time now.
 
The Homemade Gift
 

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MILF Monday: Amy Adams Pictures

February 8th, 2010 | 12:05 am
 
Where You've Seen Her: Every guy and girl has a crush on Amy Adams.  Most of us first saw her as the innocent nurse with pig tails in Catch Me If You Can and more recently in the giant hit Julia & Julia.  If only she had more half naked photos, we'd all be a little happier.
 
MILF Status: Amy is expected to have her first child in these next few months with husband Darren Legallo, a lesser and not as good actor as his wife.  But, he is tapping that.
 

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Meteorologist Freakout

February 7th, 2010 | 01:07 pm
 
At first I thought, "Wow. I think this guy just crapped his pants on live TV." But then I realized that he's a weatherman. He needs this. I think all his reports should be this passionate. 
 
News Anchor Faints on Live TV (TotalProSports)
Big Game Celebrity Poll (MadeMan)
Behold The Snack Food Stadium! (AllLeftTurns)
Cop Out Goes Redband (ScreenJunkies)
Girl Decks Herself In The Face (TheChive)
Romanian Cops Love Booze (TotallyCrap)
Keeley Hazell Gallery (AskMen)
Green Ranger Turned MMA Fighter (DoubleViking)
The Best Valentines Out There (Oddee)
Kids Who Need Attention (EvilChili)
Being Gay Is Bad For You (TooShocking)
Rihanna Is Usually Hot (HollywoodTuna)
Taylor Swift's Getting Boned By The Mayer (DailyFill)
Charlie Sheens Car (CelebSlam)
The Google Cube (Walyou)
 

That's Good Advice

February 5th, 2010 | 05:59 pm
That's Good Advice

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Danica Patrick Fever (AllLeftTurns)
 
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15 Amazing Japanese Projects (SuperTremendous)
 
How To Bang A Guidette (LemonDrop)
 
Hot Super Bowl Fans (Coed)
 
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Robot vs. Unicorn Gallery (AdultSwim)
 
Cheltzie is HOT (HailMaryJane)
 
Fab 5 of the Week (NQTC)
 
Hot Girls At The Pool (Maxim)
 
Epic Super Mario Rap (IAmBored)
 
Todays Amazing Click-a-Chick (BustedCoverage)
 
Dump Truck vs Bridge (EJB)
 
Who Are The Top 100 Women? (BuzzFeed)
 
How To Get Lucky At The Big Game (Asylum)
 
Check Out Some Norweigian BubbleDeath (FilmDrunk)