Here are the match-ups for Round 1, Day 1 of the 2010 Douchebag Tournament. We're going to post a lot of match-ups all at once during the first round, so bear with us while we get the riff-raff out of the way. As we get into the tournament and the number of competitors dwindle, we'll be able to provide a more in-depth analysis. Also, check out the voting boxes just below each of the match-up pictures. When you scroll over them, you'll see the names turn yellow, and when you click it your vote will be tallied. Here are today's douchebag match-ups:
(1) Kanye West
Why He's a Douchebag: If you interrupt someone in public while they're accepting an award and retardedly and inappropriately exclaim that they didn't deserve to win it, that's referred to as "pulling a Kanye". If your name is synonymous with highly offensive public behavior, then you are a douchebag.
(16) Jon Gosselin
Why He's a Douchebag: Jon was the star of Jon & Kate Plus 8, a show illustrating the difficulties he and his wife faced in raising 8 children. Then in 2009 Jon decided to divorce his wife because he was banging her plastic surgeon's daughter. We don't care about any of that, but he wears a ton of Ed Hardy, and that makes him a huge douchebag.
(1) Tiger Woods
Why He's a Douchebag: He cheated on his super-hot Swedish model wife repeatedly with something like 15 different women. That makes him a professional athlete. He's a douchebag because she beat the shit out of him for it, and then he lied about that stuff until so many women had come forward that he had to 'fess up.
(16) Floyd Mayweather
Why He's a Douchebag:Floyd was supposed to fight Pacquiao this month, but he kept being a bitch about it and complaining about getting drug tests done Olympic-style, which Pacquiao's guys didn't agree with. This would've been an epic boxing match and Floyd knew he'd probably get his ass kicked, so he pussied out like only a douchebag would.
(1) Glenn Beck
Why He's a Douchebag: Glenn Beck is a retarded idiot who was given time to talk and cry on television, and he uses it to vomit out conservative retard-logic faster than a 16-year old bulemic girl coughs up french fries.
(16) Scott Brown
Why He's a Douchebag: Brown is the new Senator of Massachusetts. He's also a republican, and he's taking the seat formerly held by Teddy Kennedy, a staunch democrat. Scott Brown also posed nude in Cosmo in the '80's, which was that decade's equivelant of texting a pic of your penis to a girl: it's pretty funny, but also super douchy.
(1) Jim Kramer
Why He's a Douchebag: Jim Kramer should be a landlord in some shitty, worn-down Brooklyn apartment building. He should just come out in a filthy wifebeater and scream at you when you're trying to sneak in to avoid paying the rent. Somehow, CNBC decided to give him Mad Money, a show about finance. He's always wrong because he's an idiot, and he adamently denies it because he's a douchebag.
(16) Raj Rajaratnam
Why He's a Douchebag: He was arrested in 2009 for insider-trading. He's the richest Sri-Lankan in the world, but that's like saying you're the best masturbator ever: it's only important to you, and nobody else gives a shit. In real-world terms, Raj is worth about 1.8 billion dollars. This is impressive, considering that he's suspected of secretly funding a violent and bloody civil war in Sri Lanka right now.
It's finally here. The moment you've been anxiously awaiting for months: the paternity test came back negative! You're not the father! Congratulations! In other news, Holy Taco's 2nd Annual Douchebag Tournament begins today! If you're not familiar with the tournament, you can check out last year's epic showdown here. This year's tournament will run pretty much the same as last year, except that we're going to speed it up a little to keep it action-packed. We've also got a new logo:
We took 64 douchebags from the fields of Entertainment, Sports, Politics, and Business, ranked them accordingly, and matched them up in a manner similar to a crazy college sports tournament that takes place in March but that we can't name for legal reasons. The tournament will run for 10 days (March 16-March 26). Each day, we'll present new match-ups between douchebags from all four categories andyou'll vote for who you think is the bigger douchebag. The losers will be out of the tournament, the winners will move on to the next round, and eventually one of these shitheads will be declared the Biggest Douchebag of 2010. New match-ups will be posted daily at about 2:30pm PST (to give us time to tally the votes). Alright, enough of this jibber-jabber. Here are the brackets for the 2010 Douchebag Tournament:
Where You've Seen Her: Maria Kanellis is a former WWE "Diva", and went on to pose for Playboy in 2008. Aside from that she's to star in this seasons Celebrity Apprentice, as well as making her broadcasting debut for HDNet. Wow, that was boring, now here's some hot pictures of her.
Pointless Quote: "Pushups are a major part of my workout, to keep my breasts perky."
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