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10 Best TV Neighbors

We grew up watching sitcoms, and the best character in any traditional sitcom is always the wacky neighbor.  Just like the retarded kid that they tried to integrate into your fifth grade class, the wacky neighbor provides excellent comic relief and spices up every situation with unconventional silliness.  These are our 10 favorite sitcom neighbors:
 
Marcy D’arcy
Married…With Children
 
Living next door to Marcy D’arcy is being neighbors with your sixth grade math teacher who hated your guts because you whispered a fat joke to your friend on the second day of class and somehow she heard you and held it over your head for the rest of the year.  She’s cranky, bitchy, and really easy to make fun of, so if your going up against her, you’d better take Al Bundy’s lead and have a "you look like a little boy and you have no tits at all"-type comeback for everything she says.
 
Why She’d Be A Good Neighbor:  She keeps her yard clean and presentable, she’s always down for a blue-humored battle of wits, and if you can keep her on your good side, she’ll do your taxes for you.
 
Why She’d Be a Bad Neighbor:  She’ll never stay out of your personal life, She goes through husbands like malaria through Africa, and she usually has a stupid boy haircut.
 
Where She Is Now: Amanda Bearse, who portrayed Marcy on screen, moved on to television directing.  She directed about 30 episodes of Married…With Children, and went on to direct episodes of a ton of popular shows.
  
 
 
Boner Stabone
Growing Pains
 
Boner Stabone was a pretty standard, Eddie Haskel-esque neighbor on Growing Pains.  He stands out in our books as possibly the best innapropriate-joke-that-slipped-through-the-cracks-of-network-television ever.  Boner’s real name is Dicky Stabone.  His nickname is Boner.  Any way you slice it, he was one giant dick joke airing weekly on primetime network TV.
 
Why He’d Be A Good Neighbor:  Mike Seaver knew first hand why Boner was so valuable: just like Eddie Haskel, Boner could easily earn your parent’s trust and easily get you into the action and out of trouble, just by bullshitting your folks better than you ever could.
 
Why He’d Be A Bad Neighbor:  If you were in the shoes of Mr. or Mrs. Seaver, Boner could bullshit you to no end.
 
Where He Is Now: Joshua Andrew Koenig, who played Boner on Growing Pains, has appeared in a couple of Star Trek episodes, and he also performs with an improv group at IO West in Los Angeles.  That’s pretty much it.
 
 
 
Winnie Cooper
The Wonder Years
 
 

Winnie Cooper was the doe-eyed, innocent girl next door that we all wanted but couldn’t have, because we grew up in a trailer park next to a crack house.  Winnie represented a simpler time.  We all wanted our own Winnie Cooper, but honestly if we could’ve had her when we wanted to, we would’ve done terrible, unspeakable things to her, and she wouldn’t be the symbol of innocence and love that she is today.  We’d have a sweet story to tell, though.
 
Why She’s A Good Neighbor: She was cute, sweet, innocent, and grew up to be an incredibly hot piece of ass.
 
Why She’s A Bad Neighbor: She probably wasn’t giving it up on the regular.
 
Where She Is Now: Danica McKellar hasn’t done much of anything since she left The Wonder Years in 2003.  Oh, wait, she wrote two New York Times Bestselling books that teach math to kids, and she also co-authored a mathematical theorum that’s way too complex for us to make any sense of. So, if you count those as "things she’s done", then I guess she’s done some stuff.  Also, she’s ridiculously hot now.
  
 
 
Cosmo Kramer
Seinfeld
 
 
Cosmo Kramer is the most over-the-top, quintessential wacky neighbor in television history.  Everyone knows him, everyone loves him, and everyone cheers when we flies through the door.  End of discussion.
 
Why He’d Be A Good Neighbor:  Kramer always has something interesting going on, so if you have a super boring life like we do, then he’d be great to have around.
 
Why He’d Be A Bad Neighbor:  Cosmo has no respect for locked doors or privacy.
 
Where He Is Now: Michael Richards is currently a racist bigot. He’s also been on a few episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm this season.
 
 
 
Mr. Feeney
Boy Meets World 
 
Mr. Feeney was the all-purpose adult for the kids on Boy Meets World.  He was, at various times throughout the series, their teacher, their principal, and their college professor.  He was probably also a stalker.
 
Why He’d Be A Good Neighbor: He could help you with your homework.
 
Why He’d Be A Bad Neighbor: He’s your F*CKING principal.
 
Where He Is Now: William Daniels, who portrayed Mr. Feeney on screen, is still acting, and he pops up everywhere. You probably saw him on Scrubs and Boston Legal, and in the shitty Will Farrell movie Blades of Glory.
 
 
 
Buddy Lembeck
Charles in Charge 
 
Buddence Lembeck, better known as Buddy, was Charle’s best friend and sidekick.  Although he had a way of sucking up to the adults, this loveable idiot usually always had a way of getting Charles into trouble.  Like the time he lost everything and tried to kill himself…oh, wait…that was real life.
 
Why He’s A Good Neighbor: When you’re a teenage guy who’s stuck babysitting, you’ll take what you can get.
 
Why He’s A Bad Neighbor: He’s a trouble-causing idiot.
 
Where He Is Now: After a failed suicide attempt in 2008, Willy Aames, who is the most cowboy-sounding non-cowboy on Earth, appeared on the VHI program Broke and Famous.  He’s currently working his way to becoming a fully licensed financial advisor….huh…interesting.
 
 
 
Ned Flanders
The Simpsons 
 
Nedward Flanders has been the neighbor to the Simpson family for over 20 years.  Better known as Ned, this Bible thumping, well-intentioned widower would likely give you the shirt off his back if you asked for it.

Why He’s A Good Neighbor: You can take advantage of him all you want.  If his wife were still alive, you could get caught sleeping with her and still somehow manage to get an apology out of Ned.
 
Why He’s A Bad Neighbor: He’s upbeat as all f*ck, and sometimes that’s annoying.
 
Where He Is Now: Ned is still living next door to the Simpson family.  He stays busy running the Leftorium and raising his two sons, Rod and Todd, who never age.
 
 
 
Wilson
Home Improvement 
 
Wilson was a real Rennaisance neighbor.  He possessed tons of obscure knowledge on nearly every subject and he was a valued and trusted neighbor to his retarded neighbor, Tim Taylor.  Oddly enough, you were never able to see anything more than his eyes on the show, which probably seemed like a pretty great gag for the first season or so, but then got really really annoying and cumbersome.
 
Why He’s A Good Neighbor: He always gives great advice.
 
Why He’s A Bad Neighbor: He probably had multiple shallow graves in his tiny backyard.
 
Where He Is Now: The actor that played Wilson died from lung cancer in 2003.  I’m guessing he always had a cigarette concealed behind that fence.
 
 
 
Kimmy Gibler
Full House 
 
Kimmy Gibbler was the prototype for all annoying child neighbors to follow.  She was completely obnoxious, disrespectful, and had about as much sex appeal as a dirty diaper (at least to someone who doesn’t like f*cking dirty diapers).
 
Why She Was A Good Neighbor: She was always good for a funny zinger, and her uncanny resemblance to Joe Perry meant that DJ never had to worry about Kimmy stealing her man.
 
Why She Was A Bad Neighbor: She had inexplicably stinky feet and always insisted on taking her shoes off.  How wacky is that?!!

Where She Is Now: Andrea Barber, who played Gibbler, lives in Los Angeles.  She quit acting after Full House was cancelled, but you can follow all of her boring normal activities on her Twitter and Facebook pages.
 
 
 
Steve Urkel
Family Matters 
 
Steve Urkel broke the "annoying neighbor" mold when he came on the scene. Never has there been a more annoying neighbor.  It got a little creepy when the show aged, and he was like 24 years old and still acting like a weirdo nerd, but when he was a little tiny kid, what an actor he was.
 
Why He’s A Good Neighbor: He’s smart, and he always had a way of looking out for Laura.  He also dabbled in science quite a bit, and if you could get your hands on some of the stuff that turned him into Stephan Urkell, life would probably be a lot better.
 
Why He’s A Bad Neighbor: He’s like a painful tumor on your balls that won’t go away.  Everything about him is irritating.  He also destroys garages, kitchens, roofs, cars, and living rooms pretty frequently.

Where He Is Now: I saw Jaleel White just a few nights ago with a random group of people in LA eating Chinese food.  He seemed like he was having a good time. He refused to sign my tits, though.
 
 

28 Responses to "10 Best TV Neighbors"

  1. Exile says:

    I thought Urkel fell madly in love with Stalinism and became the 44th President (and first Fuhrer) of the USA, Adolf Judas Obama.

  2. aLaNa says:

    Whoa- How is Larry from Three’s Company not #1 ?

  3. egging itors says:

    Get back here, I’m hard again. And would it kill you to fist my asshole and tongue my balls this time?

  4. :D says:

    Hell yeh!! Boy Meets World was THE BEST show on TV in the 90s, hands down.

  5. d0k74 j0n35 says:

    Know how I know you’re gay?

  6. triton2toro says:

    Seriously… He was Jack’s wingman, a good drinking buddy to take down to the Regal Beagle, good for a few sexually inappropriate comments made to Chrissy or Janet, and would cover for Jack with Mr. Roeper. Plus, every once in a while he’d hook up with some hot tail that would have a hot girlfriend for Jack- you can’t beat that…

  7. You suck says:

    How many fuggin self plugs can you put in an article?!? Seriously…

    Did you decide beforehand, well I want to link to the penis article, then base the entire joke/entry around that? Cause let me tell you, it’s not working. Not funny at all, and hasn’t really been funny since Justin left.

  8. Renton says:

    What about that White House neighbour in That’s My Bush? You know, the illegal cable TV guy? ;)

  9. Evil Taco says:

    Yeah, because it’s not even remotely possible that they just randomly thought of other articles that were related to what they were talking about and linked them in.

    Personally, I think it’s cool. I don’t have the time to read every single article on every single site, so sometimes I peel through stuff like that and find more new shit I didn’t know about.

    God, people get pretty uppety about sitcom lists. It’s just the internet. Chill out.

    my captcha fits this: hernia smoothy

  10. aLaNa says:

    Precisely!
    And Holy Shit Where’s Fred and Ethel?!

  11. CHILD says:

    MR. Belvadere or harry from harry and the henderson’s hell yeah!!!!!!! but larry from threes a company is the best ever!!!! Wait oh yeah i forgot to call u all gay-tards

  12. CDK says:

    The best name to ever be aired regularly was Beaver Cleaver on “Leave it to Beaver”

  13. PirateWench says:

    You probably want to go back and update Koenig’s “where he is now”.

  14. pratik says:

    I loved/hated Steve Urkel.

    He made the show really funny, but anytime he really fucked up all he had to do was make some sad pity face and the audience would go “awwwww…” and you’d have to forgive him.

    He could do anything, from pouring toxic waste all over Thanksgiving dinner to explaining to your boss how you talk shit about him behind his back.

  15. BillyBlaze says:

    Got any cheese Carl?

  16. sam says:

    What about Glen Quagmire? Giggity.

  17. Denitio del Toro says:

    Josh Andrew Koenig, or AKA AK47, can be found every week on Never Not Funny, Jimmy Pardo’s podcast. He does the video for the podcast.

    http://www.pardcast.com

  18. justin says:
    Yeah. You’re right. I think he’s actually related to Pardo too.
  19. Henrik says:

    How about Cody from Step by Step? Now that is a guy i would like as my neighbor.

  20. CodyLAMBERT says:

    Cody was Franks Nephew. He lived in his van in the driveway.

  21. Jimmy Johnny Jim James says:

    Isn’t Holy Taco supposed to be a humor site? This wasn’t funny AT ALL.

  22. Guy In Coma says:

    Were you offended by the retard joke?

  23. BIG E says:

    BLADES OF GLORY WAS AWESOME! And, Mr. Feeney was AWESOME in it!

  24. Denitio del Toro says:

    Let us forget, Mr. Feeny was the voice to Kitt, the star of Knight Rider

  25. Colonel Sanders Mother Fucker says:

    Holy Taco is beginning to suck fat babies dicks. You guys need to take some time off and recoup.

  26. WHATTTTTT says:

    LAST!

  27. d0k74 j0n35 says:

    this should’ve just been called “10 Best TV Neighbors of the 80′s and 90′s.” No Ed Norton? He’s only one of the best characters ever created on one of the greatest sitcoms ever created.