Because three pounds of processed meat won’t tide you over until dinner.
10. Cheesy Tots – Burger King
If there’s one thing cheese and potatoes need, it’s a thick coating of deep-fried batter. The starving African girl I sponsor for a cup of coffee a day isn’t capable of comprehending these.
Calories/12pc: 430
Total Fat (grams): 24
9. Chicken Rings – White Castle
A little known fact: The ring is the most succulent part of the chicken. White Castle knows this. White Castle knows all. (It should be noted that the Castle also offers you the option of a Chicken Ring Sandwich. With or without cheese. God bless you White Castle.)
Calories: 320
Total Fat (grams): 23
8. Sausage Poutine – Chez Ashton (Canada Only)
For those of you who haven’t ventured north of the border, Poutine is the reason we have not invaded Canada. Consisting of French fries, cheese curds and gravy, this little heart attack in a bowl will leave you waving off the defibrillator. But Chez Ashton decided to toss a few sausages on top just for good measure. This belongs on this list of school lunches.
Calories: 630
Total Fat (grams): 37
7. Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya – Popeye’s
While this is found under the “Legends” section of the menu, eagle-eyed members of the Popeye’s Krewe will know that you can also order up a side dish of their “award winning” spicy Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya. I have no idea what award they won, but I’d like to work for the organization that gave it to them.
Calories: 220
Total Fat (grams): 11
6. Jack's Cheesy Macaroni Bites - Jack In The Box
Because, when you really think about it, macaroni and cheese should be fried. This belongs with these works of art. Photo courtesy of our pals at Yumsugar.
Calories 6/pc: 440
Total Fat (grams): 25
5. Cheesy Bread – Dominos
Sure, there are a few other pizza establishments that have their version of the cheesestick, but Dominos was the first to say, “Hey, you just ordered three greasewheels, but you’re going to need something to wash them down with. Why not try a little more breaded cheese?”
Calories/stick: 140
Total Fat/stick (grams): 7
4. Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges – Jack in the Box
Does it have bacon? Yes. Does it have cheese? Yes. Does it have potato? Yes. If you have anymore questions about the worthiness of this side, please email them to IAmADumbass@YesICalledYouADumbass.com.
Calories: 720
Total Fat (grams): 48
3. Crumblies – Long John Silvers
These crusty little deep fried bits of delicious heart disease will fit into any of the aortic crevices that weren’t clogged by your entrée.
Calories: 170
Total Fat (grams): 12
2. Curly Fries – Arbys
Arby’s has a very respectable side menu. With such creative options as Onion Petals with Southwest Tangy Sauce and Jalapeno Bites with Bronco Berry Sauce you can really expand your fast food palate on the sides alone. But nothing beats the teeth-shattering crunch of Arby’s classic take on the potato. These are even good cold.
Calories: 397
Total Fat (grams): 24
1. Mashed Potatoes and Gravy – KFC
I have no idea if there are any real potatoes found in these mashed potatoes, but I don’t care. Salty, creamy and rich, they make a great dip for your home-style biscuits or a surprisingly sturdy spackle for your shower. If mom could make mashed potatoes like these, I wouldn’t have left the womb.
For a site called Holy Taco you guys missed the most obvious greatest side dish; Taco Bell's Cinnamon Twists, real authentic fare from south of the border.
I was expecting to see cheese coney's from Skyline Chili at the top of this list. This being left off is a complete injustice to hotdog's, chili, and huge mounds of shredded cheddar everywhere.
You didn't explain what is in the Long John Silvers Crumblies. Just what the hell is that? It looks like chewed up grape-nuts tossed on some Safeway Deli General Taos chicken.
PORK ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the only good thing about new jersey)
my local deli makes a 'heart attack' breakfast sandwich... sausage, bacon, pork roll, egg and cheese, with homefries (i always put about a half bottle of tabasco on it too).
You can't have a list of stuff without a ton of assholes telling you what you left out. Well, you left out that stuff those 2 girls were eating out of that 1 cup. There. I'm an asshole, too.
There is actually a better version of poutine...instead of sausage you can get Montreal Smoked meat on top at Dunn's in Montreal. Also, instead of mashed potatoes you can get poutine in Canada....and IT's GOOD!!!!!
lord. i've had almost all of those. sometimes i order nothing but sides. after a long run as a vegetarian i've come to realize i'll eat any god damn shit the local fast food joints want to throw up (ah ha ha) on the menu. it's disgusting.
i'd add the "french toast sticks" from JITB tho. those things are a tiny chest full of death. and, it goes without saying, delicious.
I whole heartedly agree with this list, however I feel you have made a glaring omission. How could Animal Style Fries from In-N-Out be left out of such a list.
Fresh cut and fried french fries, cheese, sandwich spread (mayo, ketchup, pickle relish), grilled onions and pickles. mmmmmmm
Ashton's poutine is one of the worst out there! Only people who grew up in and around Quebec City enjoy that stuff... If you ever go to Montreal you have to try one of the 20 poutine at La Banquise.
Good call with those bacon cheddar wedges from jack in da crack but you can't forget to add sour cream to them bitches. Add a 3 piece egg roll n your good to go after a long night at the bar
you're right about the White Castle selection. the ring IS the most succulent part of the chicken. shouldn't their burgers be counted as a possible side? I used to order 6 of them and then stop for a cheesesteak sandwich and eat the Castles like a side dish.
Now how could you overlook, red beans and rice from Popeyes. I put a cup of those in the fridge once, and half of it was grease. But I still eat them. LOL
Waffle house has lovely hash browns, especially if you get them with everything like onions, green peppers, cheese, tomato, ...just look at all those healthy veggies there. : )
I would have to say I love every side dish at Popeye's and they're mashed potatoes are especially amazing. They don't even compare to KFC's potatoes.
I'm really fucking hungry now. too bad Popeye's is closed :(
and I know it's not fast food but..my slice of heaven is Hashbrown Casserole at Cracker Barrel.
dominos may have started the cheesy bread but chanellos perfected it too bad they got rid of the heartattack in a box whole pizza with just cheese and enough greese that you could see through the bottom of the box when you got it god that shit kicked ass on drunk nights
(50 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
December 10th, 2008 at 01:19 pm
For a site called Holy Taco you guys missed the most obvious greatest side dish; Taco Bell's Cinnamon Twists, real authentic fare from south of the border.
December 10th, 2008 at 01:25 pm
If you believe these "total Fat(grams)" figures, I bet yours is shaped like a pear!
December 10th, 2008 at 01:37 pm
yummmm!
December 10th, 2008 at 01:49 pm
I was expecting to see cheese coney's from Skyline Chili at the top of this list. This being left off is a complete injustice to hotdog's, chili, and huge mounds of shredded cheddar everywhere.
December 10th, 2008 at 01:53 pm
I jizz in my pants. And almost threw up too.
December 10th, 2008 at 02:00 pm
DUDE NUMBER ONE SOUNDS ALMIGHTY RIGHT NOW. I WANNA STICK MY WEINER IN IT.
December 10th, 2008 at 03:24 pm
You didn't explain what is in the Long John Silvers Crumblies. Just what the hell is that? It looks like chewed up grape-nuts tossed on some Safeway Deli General Taos chicken.
August 15th, 2009 at 09:08 pm
Crumblies are just the bits of the breading from the battered
chicken or fish planks..
Its just breading thats been tossed in the oil so you get little 'crunchy crumbles' of breading.
December 10th, 2008 at 04:48 pm
Lets add Crazy Bread to that list from Little Caesar's.
December 10th, 2008 at 04:59 pm
PORK ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the only good thing about new jersey)
my local deli makes a 'heart attack' breakfast sandwich... sausage, bacon, pork roll, egg and cheese, with homefries (i always put about a half bottle of tabasco on it too).
white castle chicken rings rock too!!!
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 am
you know what's better then a pork roll?
http://smouch.net/lol/
December 10th, 2008 at 09:49 pm
What the hell? You forgot about the chilli chees and onion Tater Tots from SONIC.
And Arby's Potato Cakes
December 11th, 2008 at 06:14 am
WHAT ABOUT THE CHEESEY POTATOES AT TACO BELL - Fried Potatoes smothered in cheese and sour cream and some chives for the veggie content. Drool!
December 11th, 2008 at 07:58 am
Potato Oles from Taco Johns especialy if you get cheese sauce.
December 11th, 2008 at 09:23 am
You can't have a list of stuff without a ton of assholes telling you what you left out. Well, you left out that stuff those 2 girls were eating out of that 1 cup. There. I'm an asshole, too.
December 11th, 2008 at 11:53 am
There is actually a better version of poutine...instead of sausage you can get Montreal Smoked meat on top at Dunn's in Montreal. Also, instead of mashed potatoes you can get poutine in Canada....and IT's GOOD!!!!!
December 11th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Jalopeno Bites - Anywhere should make the list. Arby's with Bronco Berry Sauce for the win.
December 11th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Jalopeno Bites - Anywhere should make the list. Arby's with Bronco Berry Sauce for the win.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 am
was your computer lagging? you posted that twice.
December 11th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Jack in the box is the win of fast food sides
December 11th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
addd Checkers Fully Loaded Fries!
Bacon, Cheese, and RANCH!!
instant heart attck
December 11th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Cheesey Fiesta Potatoes
December 11th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Poutine from KFC. FTW
December 11th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Oh yeah! KFC Mash taters and Gravy gets me every time!
www.privacy.de.tc
December 11th, 2008 at 01:06 pm
Filthy...Richmond
December 11th, 2008 at 01:22 pm
lord. i've had almost all of those. sometimes i order nothing but sides. after a long run as a vegetarian i've come to realize i'll eat any god damn shit the local fast food joints want to throw up (ah ha ha) on the menu. it's disgusting.
i'd add the "french toast sticks" from JITB tho. those things are a tiny chest full of death. and, it goes without saying, delicious.
December 11th, 2008 at 01:52 pm
I whole heartedly agree with this list, however I feel you have made a glaring omission. How could Animal Style Fries from In-N-Out be left out of such a list.
Fresh cut and fried french fries, cheese, sandwich spread (mayo, ketchup, pickle relish), grilled onions and pickles. mmmmmmm
December 11th, 2008 at 01:57 pm
The mashed potatoes and gravy at Popeyes are way way better than at KFC's. No question about it!
December 11th, 2008 at 04:23 pm
Great list of fast food.
Seeing fast food is almost as good as eating it.
thanks from tony
December 11th, 2008 at 05:08 pm
Ashton's poutine is one of the worst out there! Only people who grew up in and around Quebec City enjoy that stuff... If you ever go to Montreal you have to try one of the 20 poutine at La Banquise.
December 11th, 2008 at 08:31 pm
how about the chili cheese fries from Krystal? they make me fat and kill me a little every time i eat them.
December 12th, 2008 at 12:38 am
Good call with those bacon cheddar wedges from jack in da crack but you can't forget to add sour cream to them bitches. Add a 3 piece egg roll n your good to go after a long night at the bar
December 12th, 2008 at 05:55 am
Great list....but....why do you have a picture of Dominoes BREADSTIX but you mention the Cheesy Bread?
January 14th, 2009 at 11:03 am
no dude, thats cheesy bread.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 am
the thing is they actually look pretty much the same i think.
also, its funny, but as im typing this, there's a dominoes ad on the right side of the page!
December 12th, 2008 at 11:44 am
you're right about the White Castle selection. the ring IS the most succulent part of the chicken. shouldn't their burgers be counted as a possible side? I used to order 6 of them and then stop for a cheesesteak sandwich and eat the Castles like a side dish.
May 19th, 2009 at 12:53 am
Many thanks for this post titan poker
December 12th, 2008 at 06:59 pm
Now how could you overlook, red beans and rice from Popeyes. I put a cup of those in the fridge once, and half of it was grease. But I still eat them. LOL
Waffle house has lovely hash browns, especially if you get them with everything like onions, green peppers, cheese, tomato, ...just look at all those healthy veggies there. : )
December 12th, 2008 at 08:03 pm
nyam nyam
December 12th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
haha, Bill wins hands down.
December 13th, 2008 at 09:17 am
Im gonna have to add one to the list Cookout's side of Corndog
December 15th, 2008 at 03:00 am
Mmm lets have some
December 21st, 2008 at 01:54 am
One of each please. Longevity is overrated.
January 13th, 2009 at 11:03 am
I think they served those curly fries at lunch at my middle school... I would always get them when they had them, they were yummy!
And they were still good cold if I let them get that far (usually didn't).
So yeah, NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.
January 24th, 2009 at 08:54 am
As for the chicken rings, my husband has always said to our kids. "Girls there is only one place on the chicken that looks like this".
February 2nd, 2009 at 09:15 pm
I would have to say I love every side dish at Popeye's and they're mashed potatoes are especially amazing. They don't even compare to KFC's potatoes.
I'm really fucking hungry now. too bad Popeye's is closed :(
and I know it's not fast food but..my slice of heaven is Hashbrown Casserole at Cracker Barrel.
April 12th, 2009 at 08:35 am
dominos may have started the cheesy bread but chanellos perfected it too bad they got rid of the heartattack in a box whole pizza with just cheese and enough greese that you could see through the bottom of the box when you got it god that shit kicked ass on drunk nights
July 9th, 2009 at 04:17 am
thanks a lot.
aksaray
October 29th, 2009 at 01:21 am
POPEYES FRIESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN THOSE NOT BE ON THE LIST!!!!!!!!
November 18th, 2009 at 05:43 pm
BOOBS
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