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The 10 Greatest Fast Food Sides

Because three pounds of processed meat won’t tide you over until dinner.
10. Cheesy Tots – Burger King
If there’s one thing cheese and potatoes need, it’s a thick coating of deep-fried batter. The starving African girl I sponsor for a cup of coffee a day isn’t capable of comprehending these.
Calories/12pc: 430
Total Fat (grams): 24
9.  Chicken Rings – White Castle
A little known fact: The ring is the most succulent part of the chicken. White Castle knows this. White Castle knows all. (It should be noted that the Castle also offers you the option of a Chicken Ring Sandwich. With or without cheese. God bless you White Castle.)
Calories: 320
Total Fat (grams): 23
8. Sausage Poutine –  Chez Ashton (Canada Only)
For those of you who haven’t ventured north of the border, Poutine is the reason we have not invaded Canada. Consisting of French fries, cheese curds and gravy, this little heart attack in a bowl will leave you waving off the defibrillator.  But Chez Ashton decided to toss a few sausages on top just for good measure. This belongs on this list of school lunches.
Calories: 630
Total Fat (grams): 37

7. Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya – Popeye’s
While this is found under the “Legends” section of the menu, eagle-eyed members of the Popeye’s Krewe will know that you can also order up a side dish of their “award winning” spicy Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya. I have no idea what award they won, but I’d like to work for the organization that gave it to them.
Calories: 220
Total Fat (grams):  11
6. Jack’s Cheesy Macaroni BitesJack In The Box
Because, when you really think about it, macaroni and cheese should be fried. This belongs with these works of art. Photo courtesy of our pals at Yumsugar.
Calories 6/pc: 440
Total Fat (grams): 25 
5. Cheesy Bread – Dominos
Sure, there are a few other pizza establishments that have their version of the cheesestick, but Dominos was the first to say, “Hey, you just ordered three greasewheels, but you’re going to need something to wash them down with. Why not try a little more breaded cheese?”
Calories/stick: 140
Total Fat/stick (grams): 7
4. Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges – Jack in the Box
Does it have bacon? Yes. Does it have cheese? Yes. Does it have potato? Yes. If you have anymore questions about the worthiness of this side, please email them to IAmADumbass@YesICalledYouADumbass.com.
Calories: 720
Total Fat (grams): 48
3. Crumblies – Long John Silvers
These crusty little deep fried bits of delicious heart disease will fit into any of the aortic crevices that weren’t clogged by your entrée.
Calories: 170
Total Fat (grams): 12
2. Curly Fries – Arbys
Arby’s has a very respectable side menu. With such creative options as Onion Petals with Southwest Tangy Sauce and Jalapeno Bites with Bronco Berry Sauce you can really expand your fast food palate on the sides alone. But nothing beats the teeth-shattering crunch of Arby’s classic take on the potato. These are even good cold.
Calories: 397
Total Fat (grams): 24  
fast food sides, kfc, fast food, kentucky fried chicken
1. Mashed Potatoes and Gravy – KFC
I have no idea if there are any real potatoes found in these mashed potatoes, but I don’t care. Salty, creamy and rich, they make a great dip for your home-style biscuits or a surprisingly sturdy spackle for your shower. If mom could make mashed potatoes like these, I wouldn’t have left the womb.
Calories: 140
Total Fat (grams): 5
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51 Responses to "The 10 Greatest Fast Food Sides"

  1. Anonymous says:

    What the hell? You forgot about the chilli chees and onion Tater Tots from SONIC.

    And Arby’s Potato Cakes

  2. BIGO says:

    WHAT ABOUT THE CHEESEY POTATOES AT TACO BELL – Fried Potatoes smothered in cheese and sour cream and some chives for the veggie content. Drool!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Potato Oles from Taco Johns especialy if you get cheese sauce.

  4. Bill says:

    You can’t have a list of stuff without a ton of assholes telling you what you left out. Well, you left out that stuff those 2 girls were eating out of that 1 cup. There. I’m an asshole, too.

  5. Anonymous says:

    There is actually a better version of poutine…instead of sausage you can get Montreal Smoked meat on top at Dunn’s in Montreal. Also, instead of mashed potatoes you can get poutine in Canada….and IT’s GOOD!!!!!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Jalopeno Bites – Anywhere should make the list. Arby’s with Bronco Berry Sauce for the win.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Jalopeno Bites – Anywhere should make the list. Arby’s with Bronco Berry Sauce for the win.

  8. Adam says:

    Jack in the box is the win of fast food sides

  9. yeaa says:

    addd Checkers Fully Loaded Fries!

    Bacon, Cheese, and RANCH!!

    instant heart attck

  10. Steve says:

    Cheesey Fiesta Potatoes

  11. Fully says:

    Poutine from KFC. FTW

  12. James jones says:

    Oh yeah! KFC Mash taters and Gravy gets me every time!


  13. garth says:

    lord. i’ve had almost all of those. sometimes i order nothing but sides. after a long run as a vegetarian i’ve come to realize i’ll eat any god damn shit the local fast food joints want to throw up (ah ha ha) on the menu. it’s disgusting.

    i’d add the “french toast sticks” from JITB tho. those things are a tiny chest full of death. and, it goes without saying, delicious.

  14. iammatt says:

    I whole heartedly agree with this list, however I feel you have made a glaring omission. How could Animal Style Fries from In-N-Out be left out of such a list.

    Fresh cut and fried french fries, cheese, sandwich spread (mayo, ketchup, pickle relish), grilled onions and pickles. mmmmmmm

  15. Anonymous says:

    The mashed potatoes and gravy at Popeyes are way way better than at KFC’s. No question about it!

  16. ntopics says:

    Great list of fast food.
    Seeing fast food is almost as good as eating it.

    thanks from tony

  17. Ashton’s poutine is one of the worst out there! Only people who grew up in and around Quebec City enjoy that stuff… If you ever go to Montreal you have to try one of the 20 poutine at La Banquise.

  18. matt says:

    how about the chili cheese fries from Krystal? they make me fat and kill me a little every time i eat them.

  19. SoCali says:

    Good call with those bacon cheddar wedges from jack in da crack but you can’t forget to add sour cream to them bitches. Add a 3 piece egg roll n your good to go after a long night at the bar

  20. S Sparks says:

    Great list….but….why do you have a picture of Dominoes BREADSTIX but you mention the Cheesy Bread?

  21. Always Eating Always says:

    you’re right about the White Castle selection. the ring IS the most succulent part of the chicken. shouldn’t their burgers be counted as a possible side? I used to order 6 of them and then stop for a cheesesteak sandwich and eat the Castles like a side dish.

  22. Eve says:

    Now how could you overlook, red beans and rice from Popeyes. I put a cup of those in the fridge once, and half of it was grease. But I still eat them. LOL

    Waffle house has lovely hash browns, especially if you get them with everything like onions, green peppers, cheese, tomato, …just look at all those healthy veggies there. : )

  23. jagoff says:

    haha, Bill wins hands down.

  24. Tristan says:

    the thing is they actually look pretty much the same i think.

    also, its funny, but as im typing this, there’s a dominoes ad on the right side of the page!

  25. Tristan says:

    was your computer lagging? you posted that twice.

  26. Tristan says:

    no dude, thats cheesy bread.

  27. jil says:

    Many thanks for this post titan poker

  28. bill gates says:

    Crumblies are just the bits of the breading from the battered
    chicken or fish planks..

    Its just breading thats been tossed in the oil so you get little ‘crunchy crumbles’ of breading.

  29. Anonymous says:

    You didn’t explain what is in the Long John Silvers Crumblies. Just what the hell is that? It looks like chewed up grape-nuts tossed on some Safeway Deli General Taos chicken.

  30. Anonymous says:

    dominos may have started the cheesy bread but chanellos perfected it too bad they got rid of the heartattack in a box whole pizza with just cheese and enough greese that you could see through the bottom of the box when you got it god that shit kicked ass on drunk nights

  31. Buddy Ice says:

    For a site called Holy Taco you guys missed the most obvious greatest side dish; Taco Bell’s Cinnamon Twists, real authentic fare from south of the border.

  32. Steve says:

    If you believe these “total Fat(grams)” figures, I bet yours is shaped like a pear!

  33. Holycow says:


  34. Anonymous says:

    I was expecting to see cheese coney’s from Skyline Chili at the top of this list. This being left off is a complete injustice to hotdog’s, chili, and huge mounds of shredded cheddar everywhere.

  35. Dom says:

    I jizz in my pants. And almost threw up too.

  36. STEVEN says:


  37. Lets add Crazy Bread to that list from Little Caesar’s.

  38. frankie says:

    PORK ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the only good thing about new jersey)
    my local deli makes a ‘heart attack’ breakfast sandwich… sausage, bacon, pork roll, egg and cheese, with homefries (i always put about a half bottle of tabasco on it too).

    white castle chicken rings rock too!!!

  39. Tristan says:

    you know what’s better then a pork roll?

  40. Anonymous says:

    Im gonna have to add one to the list Cookout’s side of Corndog

  41. Mmm lets have some

  42. Ardy007 says:

    One of each please. Longevity is overrated.

  43. Momma C says:

    As for the chicken rings, my husband has always said to our kids. “Girls there is only one place on the chicken that looks like this”.

  44. Cartman says:

    I would have to say I love every side dish at Popeye’s and they’re mashed potatoes are especially amazing. They don’t even compare to KFC’s potatoes.
    I’m really fucking hungry now. too bad Popeye’s is closed :(
    and I know it’s not fast food but..my slice of heaven is Hashbrown Casserole at Cracker Barrel.

  45. Anonymous says:

    I think they served those curly fries at lunch at my middle school… I would always get them when they had them, they were yummy!

    And they were still good cold if I let them get that far (usually didn’t).

    So yeah, NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.

  46. Aksaray says:

    thanks a lot.


  47. OMFG HOLYTACO says:


  48. Danny McCooz says: