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10 Items You Think Make You Cool, But Don’t

Being cool is normally subjective. But there are some things that unequivocally make you uncool. We’re not saying we’re cool, we’re just saying if you own any of these items, you’re not.

10. iPhone


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: You can access e-mails, high speed internet, and watch videos, all on your phone. Because really, normal people around you are so f*&king boring you can hardly bear actually interacting with them.

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: I’ve done some research and iPhone is actually a Japanese word that means “something that’s not able to be put in a pocket and instead must be carried in your hand at all times or set on the table in front of you so that any one around you can see it. This may sound shocking, but when someone remarks how hot it is, they’re not asking you to look up the temperature in both farenheit and celcius, or show them a clip on a 3 inch screen from “An Inconvenient Truth” in an effort to relate this heat to global warming.

9.Ironic Belt Buckles


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Now you can show up in bars and point at your belt buckle and tell people that you are a “Rodeo Champion” or a “Pac Man” or a “Truck Driver” or a “Jack Daniels.” And while they will know that you are actually none of these things, you think you’re being playful and a little bit mysterious. You also think this tactic will help you pick up women.

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You’re the same person who has ironic facial hair (mustache), drinks ironic beer (PBR) and wears ironic T-shirts (Lucky Charms). You spend your entire life trying to look as shitty and poor as possible while, chances are, you have rich parents or a job for an accounting firm that pays you over $60,000. In four years you will be a Republican living in the suburbs and complaining about your 401k over wine spritzers at dinner parties.

8. Blue Tooth Headset


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: All the other losers have to use their hands when they talk on the phone. Not you! You can talk on your phone and at the same time safely give some loser the finger because they’re only driving the speed limit. It’s Tuesday, doesn’t this asshole know you have your jujitsu class at 24 hour fitness to go to?

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: I don’t give a shit if you’re talking to someone on the other end, when you’re in a Subway Sandwiches and they’re trying to take your order while you say “Listen, you give me that paperwork for the Johnson account by tomorrow or it’s your ass. No mayo. I said no Mayo! Yeah, that’s right, Johnson account on my desk! No pepperoncinis! it’s pretty god damn confusing and asshole-ish to everyone trying to deal with you. Answer your phone when you have time to hold it in your hand. The only people that should be wearing blue tooth wireless headsets are military field generals and the people that work the day after thanksgiving sale at Old Navy.

7. Quoting Austin Powers/Borat/Old School


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Put on your earmuffs because that woman has a vageen that hangs like sleeve of wizard. Yeah, baby! Those movies are HILARIOUS, thus if you can quote them, by default you’re hilarious too!

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: We all enjoy quoting our favorite movies, but let’s put these three to bed. Not only did I have every last bit of dialogue to the Borat movie screamed in my face three months before it came out, but let’s face it, Austin Powers wasn’t funny 10 years ago. And I still have to hear people telling me that “circus folk smell vaguely of cabbage.” On top of it, everyone murders the accents. Whenever I hear some asshole in a bar trying doing his version of Borat, somehow he sounds like a tongueless Canadian with a sock in his mouth. This has to stop or I am going to skip the earmuffs and go directly to cutting my ears off.

6. PT Cruiser


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: It’s like a car from back in the thirties! It’s sleek design and throw back look allows everyone tailgating in the parking lot at the Dave Matthews concert know that you’re a free spirit who is all about having good times!

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: If you’ve ever wondered what a gay transformer would turn in to, wonder no more. Not only do they call a retarded amount of attention to themselves on the road, when you drive them you look like a soccer mom whose transporting alcohol during the prohibition era.

5. Tricked Out Bicycles


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: I honestly have no idea.

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Instead of looking like some hipper, younger version of a real biker (who actually is cool), you just look like some 8th-grader who blew his allowance on sparklers for his tricycle. With its weirdly-bent handlebars and wacky forks, your “cruiser” looks like the elephant man of bikes. Plus, these things are clearly uncomfortable to ride. I love watching some tattooed douchebag try to look laid back and cool after he had to dislocate both of his shoulders just to reach the handlebars. Not to mention, you could’ve gotten a friggin’ car for what you paid for this piece of crap. Dumbass.

4. Fidel Castro Hats


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Wearing a Fidel Castro hat let’s the world know that you’re different and that you have thoughts and ideas that make you significantly more special and free thinking than those who wear traditional baseball hats.

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You know why the Communist Cuba Military can get away with wearing them? Because they carry automatic weapons. You most likely carry a compilation book of Charles Bukowski poems. The tiny bill and camoflauged coloring make you look like a retarded son of a army ranger who had a pair of scissors and access to his father’s closet. I realize you want to tell the world you’re a non-comformist, but unfortunately being a non-conformist means you’re conforming to non-conformism. You might want to ponder that at that next record release party for a band no one’s heard of that you’re pretending to like.

3. Guitar Hero


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Dude, this game totally rocks! I love this song! Hell yes! Welcome to the Jungle, baby! You’re gonna diiiiiiiiiiiee!

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Despite what the commercial says, you do not suddenly turn into Slash when you’re playing this video game. You are playing a child-sized guitar that doesn’t even have strings. It has multi-colored buttons and an on/off button. And playing this video game does not mean you can play the guitar now. If I have to hear someone say “I can totally play ‘Anarchy in the UK’” but actually mean “I can totally play ‘Anarchy in the UK’ on Guitar Hero,” I am going to take a pee inside the nearest PS3.

2. Longboard Skateboards


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: You’re just a laid back dude who likes to cruise the streets and board walks but still has the credibility shared by those who ride smaller, more dangerous boards.

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You’re basically one step away from being the little kid at Costco who jumps on the big grocery cart when his mother isn’t looking. Whereas if a normal skateboarder falls he injures himself, you’re traveling at speeds that allow those walking to pass you, and if you fall, you’ll most likely fall on the board and continue traveling. Hence, you’re basically riding a skateboard designed for those without any coordination or athletic ability. It’d be like playing baseball, except replacing the ball with a giant stuffed animal.

1. Funny Ringtones


WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: A ring tone is a great way to give strangers and coworkers a little peek into your personal life and let them know that your grasp of pop culture is vast. You’re pretty sure that having a silly quote from Monty Python or the Transformers theme song as your ringtone will make those around you realize that you are a the guy everyone else wants to be. There is definitely more to you than meets the eye.

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Having your phone play Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy” just makes you look (and sound) like an asshole. And the fact that you let it “ring” 15 times while you stand there and look around for reactions to your hilarious little joke not only reeks of desperation, but it makes everyone around you want to cram that phone up your taint. Put it on vibrate like every other normal person and keep your witticisms between you and your collection of Star Wars figurines.

710 Responses to "10 Items You Think Make You Cool, But Don’t"

  1. AH says:

    You forgot to add bloggers who can’t find real stories so they make top ten lists.

  2. Socialdee says:

    Right… umm did whoever wrothe this longboard article happen to notice how fast this guy downhilling is actually going? street surfing downhill is more hardcore than you idiots realize. fall off at 40mph and see how that feels.

    • MagneticLemons says:

      I don’t think you realize how ridiculous you jut sounded when you said, “hardcore”.

  3. #9 sucks says:

    Please for the advancement of society (which I am loosely assuming you are attempting to do with your cute litte list) learn how to use the word “ironic” appropriately.

  4. gravy says:

    blowing off steam on the internet instead of going outside and marching to DC to PROTEST! we have millions of things to protest, we need to have ONE MEGA PROTEST

  5. lolzers says:

    You forgot:
    Making lists of shit thats not cool.
    Why you think you’re cool:
    It makes you sound like an authority on things that are not cool, so surely you must know about things that are cool!

    Why you’re not cool:
    The second anyone gives you’re “uncool list” much thought, it becomes apparent how much of a douche-bag you are. You confuse “whose” with “who’s”, steal ideas from other sites (Maddox beat you with the Fidel Castro hat thing only about by a whole 6 months), and it’s obvious you have never actually tried longboarding (while going down a hill, speeds can approach 30mph). Furthermore, you probably suck at guitar hero and are just jealous. Try to remember it’s just a game, and no-one actually believes they ARE Slash.

  6. cirujano says:

    @socialdee so if I understand your statement correctly, I’m an idiot because I think street surfing is a dangerous and foolhardy activity undertaken by testosterone-bloated immature teens, whereas my participating in said activity and falling off an overgrown skateboard at 40mph would make me NOT an idiot…? I think you have a transposition problem in your logic circuit.

  7. Philosogay says:

    I’m so gay for you right now…

  8. office jerk says:

    you just pwned yourself. well played sir.

  9. Likki Likki says:

    While I’m guilty of #2, I do actually know how to play the guitar. Great list though. I concur.

  10. Likki Likki says:

    Sorry, #3 that is….

  11. guitarheroguy says:

    guitar hero is really fun… i myself do not go around saying i know how to play songs on a video game, but it is pretty damn impressive to see someone play a difficult song on guitar hero. Though i do think that pt cruizers are lame, and that “castro hats” are wierd looking, this list is pretty much bullshit.

  12. Bod says:

    The Che Guevara t-shirts are something a lot of people do not think about, yes you show everyone you are a revolutionary that fights capitalism, but you are wearing the t-shirts with the design that sells the most and has become the emblem of capitalist t-shirt selling.

  13. Pratik says:

    1. Always carrying a drink around no matter where the hell you are.

    Why you think you are cool: You’re such a busy person that you don’t even have time to grab a glass of water. Your container is always filled with the trendiest drink, whether it’s Starbucks, that fruit shaker powder you mix with water, some herbal tea that makes you feel all spiritual, or some hot cocoa (at 4PM on a July afternoon).

    Why you aren’t really cool: You have completely bought into the FDA bullshit about having to drink 64 ounces of water each day and can’t think for yourself, plus you have to take a piss every half hour which makes you the Detrol LA poster child.

    2. For the guys: having the need to sit one seat apart from your friend so others don’t think that you’re a gay couple.

    Why you’re cool: Your feel secure with your masculinity and can now commence talking about banging chicks and throwing back beers with your buddy. This is only possible because of that one extra seat in between you two. Take away that little space and it goes from “two guys hanging out” to “GAY” in a heartbeat.

    Why you aren’t really cool: It’s the midnight release of The Dark Knight and the theater is beyond full capacity so move the fuck over, asshole.
    (Okay, that’s not really an item but it pisses me off badly)

    3. Anyone who feels the need to bring their camcorder to any event, no matter how mundane it is.

    Why you think you’re cool: you are capturing the precious moments of this fleeting life, and are going to carefully label and alphabetically arrange your recordings as soon as you get home.

    Why you aren’t really cool: you’re too busy with zooming, panning, snapping, and cropping to actually enjoy the recital that you are at. Even though you can watch and re-watch the tapes you have at home, you never really got to enjoy it when it actually happened. And by the way, you always end up watching your impressive library of memories alone.

  14. meomy says:

    This is so dumb people are who they are.. so shut the fuck up about it already… Have you guys ever played guitar hero? it is for fun.. and well very challenging. So keep your little opinions to your selves and shut the fuck up…..

  15. morty says:

    Late addition*People who are on their period viciously defending a video game…aka douchbags

    see above

  16. Scott says:

    Damn fine list. I only wish it were longer…. So fun to get angry at people in this world.

  17. woah says:

    dUde? you can travel way faster on a longboard than any skate board. long boards are made for bombing hills. i have gotten up to 43 mph on mine. your a douche who is angry at the world probily because you cant do anything on the list well. pussy biatch

  18. weenisface says:

    i think woah needs a hug

  19. Shadus says:

    You forgot:

    11. You make lists of things you dislike and call them uncool

  20. Eric says:

    #x: Making stupid useless lists like all the other blogger who are looking for attention they can’t get in real life, but are trying hard to finally become ‘cool’.

    I could make this sound funny, but hey, I won’t return to this lame site anyway, so I won’t. The reason why I’m so negative is BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE like 10000000 times, and it was only fairly funny the first time.

    Bet you don’t have the balls to publish this

  21. Mike says:

    #y: Eric. Do us a favor Eric; when you come back to this site (as I know you will) try to say somthing funny.

  22. Shaban says:

    This sucks… Noone can say whats cool and whats not… I myself do things that suits me and not someone else… I dont do things that other people would like to see me doing… If people buy an iPhone just to look cool thats stupid, also for other things. But if they buy an iPhone for their needs (like me) and for developing things for it then whats the big deal?

  23. Shivany says:

    Okay, I am not guilty of any of the above… except the funny ringtones part! WHAT? WHY? I like them! Whaddya mean ‘set it on vibrate like everyone else’? Every Tom, Dick and Harry and their uncle use ringtones. A vibrating phone sounds like a fart when it’s on tables, and I hate being startled by something pulsing in my pockets! I’m keeping my X-Files theme song, thanks. At least that’s not annoying, to me anyway.

  24. Bryan says:

    other than the old school reference this list is perfect…i hate those f’ing fidel castro hoots…possibly the most ridiculous things ever

  25. Bryan says:

    i forgot to mention taking a full photoshoot of yourself by simply extending your arm and making awful faces to post on facebook/myspace

  26. @lolface says:

    hey lolface, get a fucking grip. this is the internet. people can do whatever they want. it’s just for entertainment. i hope you choke on the next dick you suck.

  27. Joe says:

    I fail to see the irony in the belt buckle. The stupidity…yes, but no irony there. Nice list otherwise.

  28. AssHat says:

    You forgot to add bloggers who can’t find real stories so they make top ten lists.

  29. Jacob says:

    What the hell is wrong with everyone trashing the author. Whether or not you agree with his taste the list was friggin funny. For everyone who got even the slightest bit offended you need to do a nut-check and realize this blog for what it is. Half of you are upset because you don’t have enough self esteem to laugh and say “HA HA its true. Even though I freaking rock on Guitar Hero, and go to weekly competitions this guy still makes it funny.”

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  33. bhornbuckle75 says:

    At one time or another I have been guilty of at least 4 of these. However I knew they were not cool at the time, so I was under no illusions. Well except for the Longboard. I used to LOVE my Longboard back when I was a skater. I could do more tricks on it than I could a normal sized board. I could ollie higher too. As for the others…yes I have worn a Castro Hat…but honestly its one of the only hats that look good on me…I got a weird head, what can I do??? I drive a PT Cruiser, but I really didn’t want it. I sort of inherited it from my Mother when my Volvo died. It was cheaper than buying a brand new car, so hey, Might as well. Oh yeah and I do have an I-phone, and I like it. But I don’t show it off thinking its “cool”.

  34. Morgan says:

    1) I’d put money on the fact that you wouldn’t be able to stay upright on a longboard, skateboard, or any other board for that matter. Why hate on longboarders? Are you sick of seeing them whiz by the window of your dark room, lit only by the glow of your computer screen?

    2) You probably haven’t played much guitar hero, because if you had you’d realize that its a tremendously fun game. It probably isn’t your cup of tea because it’s a game that is made better by actual, in-person interaction.

    3) Seeing as you are a blogger, you probably are a PC nut who hates all things mac. This would explain your disdain for the iphone. Macs are great because they work… well. Sure I miss the ample amounts off access to the inner workings of my PC, but guess what I don’t miss? Constantly needing access to the inner workings of my PC in order to fix shit on a weekly basis.

    4) Congratulation on pointing out that non-conformists conform to other non-conformists. Just when I thought that the oldest, most played out, pseudo-intellectual observation had finally been laid to rest, you revive it! Guess what? The people who you call “non-conformists” aren’t trying to dress different from everyone else. They are simply trying to dress different from the masses who are force-fed their concepts of self by MTV and Cosmo. If you really want to be a non conformist, start wearing a cape. I promise that you will be the only guy in town rocking that style. Good luck with friends though…

  35. D says:

    I cannot believe how many people are getting pissed about this. It is a stupid list made by some stupid kid on a stupid website. If you honestly have the time to sit here, read this, and spend the time getting pissed about it and think about a “funny” retaliation, then you honestly have no lives. It’s really kinda sad actually.

  36. Will says:

    You forgot faggy golf visors worn at night, or anywhere but a golf course

  37. sean says:

    i love my longboard, riding is a total blast so i really dont give a fuck if ppl think its cool or not. btw longboards are alot faster than the standard skateboard. longboards ride slow in crowded areas so not to kill anyone unlike most duche skateboarders that just dont give a fuck

  38. Same Shit Different Day says:

    Hilarious. You have many of my pet peeves listed here. Can’t stand skaters, wiggers, blue toothed motherf*ckers

  39. Self-Built says:

    hmmm… #5 seems to be the only item in your list that a person actually has to create themselves with their own 2 hands. Guess it pisses off the bloggers that can’t even build their own keyboard using a simple diode matrix. To buy and use is easy.. most losers can do that. But to create something using your own 2 hands and then have someone dis you? That’s fucked up. By the way.. that bicycle costs less than a single tank of gas for your car to build dumb-ass. I suppose you bought your computer (pre-assembled and loaded), and are too stupid to clear the engine fault codes in your own car… But you have a “cool” computer and a “cool” car right? Sounds like you’d be a great Dictator of a second rate country.

  40. Clockwork Overkill says:

    I gotta say being “cool” is having the courage and know-how to be different. Overkill is very cool if you’ve got the balls to ride it. I ride mine all the time and laugh at all the “un-cool” people emptying their pockets to fill the tank of there “cool” SUV. Y’all look real cool standing next to your dinosaur petrol buggy when all the gas is gone…have fun walkin.

  41. Anonymous says:


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  43. travis says:

    DUDE, you’re so cool you know what is cool or not. Wow, I wish I could be as cool as you. GET OVER YOUR POMPOUS SELF.

  44. Pablo says:

    Haha Jesus so many of you dumbshits take this so personal. You’re thinking fuck this guy, I have a big belt buckle and it IS cool. YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAGS HES TALKING ABOUT! So go ahead and get offended. I hope you crash your longboard into a tree! FELCHERS!

  45. mikey says:

    Longboards are made to go much much faster than regular skateboards…Hence the bigger wheels and faster bearings. You can break 40 M.P.H on one. Please do some research before you post something.

    And LOLFace is totaly right.

  46. WhiskeyGirl says:

    the bluetooth one for sure! there is a girl at work who has one it so annoying, i never know if she is talkin to me or on the phone, she fuckin wears the thing all the time!

  47. Nisa says:

    You’re wrong about long boards because the best thing about them is that they go crazy fast [bigger wheels ya dig]. And the point of them is for people who don’t do tricks, just cruise around. Why would you want a small slow ass board that you have to kick 500 times to go like a block when you can cruise on a long board with less effort? DUH.

  48. believing in global waming is NOT cool. Al Gore lies, pays off hundreds of scientists and gets FATTER off your scam carbon credits payments. Trust us, global waming is a hoax.

  49. Troy says:

    So… like 200 people all post the same thing (because actually reading the comments before you post one is for losers) bashing the author for assuming that he’s important and anyone cares what he thinks. By doing so, they assume that they’re important, and that someone out there cares what THEY think. Isn’t the Internet wonderful?

    I loved the article, by the way.

  50. chriscross says:

    yeah longboarding doesn’t belong on this list. i don’t know where you got the idea that they are slow and have no element of danger. get on one and try to ride down a steep hill, when you experience the death wobble and lose your board going 30+ mph maybe you will reconsider the skill and risk involved. throw cars into the mix and it gets even more funky. put on some sliding gloves and you can make it really interesting. cmon now, 5 minutes on youtube and you’ll see whats up.
    that being said there are plenty of people who can’t bomb hills yet still ride longboards. while i could be a dbag and call them all posers, i won’t. longboards are great for getting around town and have some advantages (and disadvantages) over bicycles.

  51. adam says:

    I cant stad people who get all mad at a joke. Anyony thats mad cause they have one of these items know they have it trying to be cool and ur probly not.

  52. Ed says:

    Your all a bunch of douche bags!

  53. dead head banger says:

    LMAO Sensitive much? You guys take yourself waaaay to seriously. You bitch about how uncool it is to bitch about what is or isn’t cool. Your arguments have about a zillion fallacies in them. Calm down. It was a funny list and you know it.

  54. guitarzero says:

    To all you guitar hero gods who think they are playing the song. Use the cheat code and turn off the visual cue. Let’s see you play without looking, almost like a real guitarist.

  55. Boris Yelstin says:

    The only way that this list could be accurate is if the author owns and wears a leather jacket, has knife fight scars, and no emotions. Then, and only then, will I give a fuck.

  56. I'll Be There For You says:

    Dude? All that shit is awesome.

    Guitar hero – Best game ever
    Longboards – Super fun
    Iphone – Have you seen this thing? Its fucking awesome.
    Crazy Bikes – Silly but still kinda cool
    Ironic Belt Buckles – Irony is still funny right?
    Funny Ringtones – Funny is still Funny right?
    Bluetooth headsets – Hilarious
    Austin power quotes – I’m so horney baybee
    Pt- cruiser – It’s a car!
    Fidel Castro Hats – Its just a hat dude?

    Maddox eats your shit because hes better than you.

  57. Anonymous says:

    LOL… Amen

  58. Anonymous says:

    Raise your hand if you give a fuck????

  59. Felipe says:

    Long board dudee!
    Surf on asphalt!

    your asshole, try to be happy seen the good things of the people!

  60. Anonymous says:

    haha, you all make me laugh…. hehehe….

  61. Anonymous says:

    longboards r sick and they r designed for speed dumbass therefore making u not go slow

  62. Jamie says:


  63. annoyed says:

    For all those that are trashing the author, he/she can say whatever they want, because it is the internet. ANYONE can write WHATEVER they want, even if it is in chat-speak because they are too lazy to write the entire word, which would be one or two more letters (i.e.: crazy=crzy), has horrid grammar, and makes absolutely no sense.
    If you want this to go away, that would mean taking away human rights. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind having a few rules w/ free speech, like no swearing every other word and wasting precious oxygen, but then half the country would get their panties in a wad. “I want to be able to cuss for no f***ing reason in front of m*****f***ing kids and have absolutely no control over my horrendous grammar. I obviously didn’t pass English”
    But, this will never go away until those rights are revoked. So, shut it. The right for them to be stupid is also the same right for you to tell them they are stupid.

  64. Anonymous says:

    Tattoos! The only rebels anymore are those without them. When church going girls I know are getting them, they’ve lost their cache’. Tribal and chinese tat’s are the worst. Exactly what “tribe” is it you belong to and YOUR NOT CHINESE!

  65. Anonymous says:

    Making a list of “what’s cool and what’s not” automatically puts you at #1. Whoever wrote this list is tragically hip.
    Blogs might be cool now……..

  66. This list is real fun!!! really stupid!

  67. Anonymous says:

    I’m sure this was hilarious to you and your friends, but next time you want to make a list, do some research and read a dictionary.

  68. kate says:

    i realize how old this is now, but its funny, its also funny that everyone who commented seemed mad at either you or other commentors…anyway…funny

  69. fuku says:

    Your argument for longboarding being uncool may be legitimate for people who cruise the boardwalk at a snails pace, but until you’ve been weaving in and out of traffic on a busy street or hit the pavement going 30 mph downhill you have no room to talk

  70. Rile McLaughlin says:

    know what else should be on the list? people who post lame shit on the internet because nobody will listen to them in real life. get a life douchetard. know what the top speed for a longboard is? 80mph. if you fall doing that youll get a bigger booboo then if you fall doing a damn kickflip

  71. Terry says:

    re: the guitar hero comment:

    You’re just the douche who assumes people play the game because they think they’re real rock stars, and not just because it’s fun. Crazy notion, I know.

  72. Anonymous says:

    Well done. Laughed my ass off, and unlike some of the people who have things such as the belt buckles and guitar hero i still think its very funny. and those people who get so offended should really just go away. if they didn’t want to be offended then they shouldn’t of looked at the article, Christ i took one look at the title and though ohh fuck i probably have all then, but fuck it it should be funny

  73. Kevco says:

    Funny…but so bitter. The iPhone one sounds like sour grapes from a guy too poor to buy a good phone and the “Quoting Austin Powers” isn’t really an “item” now, is it? Why not boot these two in favor of johnny a’s suggestions at the top?

  74. Anonymous says:

    it looks like i’m late to this little party, and i didn’t go through and read every single reply (those of you “defending” the longboard gave me a good chuckle though… thanks), but i have to say that the tribal armband tattoo belongs here. i can’t imagine that doing the exact same thing as everyone else makes a person feel cool, but then again, brand new tribal armbands are being done every day (actually, the same old shitty armband is being copied and pasted to a bunch of new arms every day). just my two cents worth…

  75. bored says:

    writing “txt” when they mean “text” because you save .0001 seconds by skipping the e

  76. Expert says:

    You forgot to add these items to your list.. all on one simple picture, and hard to find but a lot of people have them..

    awesome, and fun.

  77. Anonymous says:

    You dumb fucks.

    Some of you are displaying some hidden gems of wisdom.

    But most of you are just downies.

    Good job. @.@

  78. Anonymous says:

    Wow that article was stupid as shit and so were the majority of the commenters. Also longboards can go REALLY FUCKING FAST! Kevin Reimer (a pro longboarder) has gone 125 km/h! That’s 77mph for all you idiots that don’t use a measuring system that makes sense! And that’s no anomaly, he is often in competitions against other boarders and is in no way the indisputable best. Oh shit ever heard of the IGSA? Fukkin dumbshits!

  79. kevin_spacey says:

    Longboards are actually much faster and performance capable than a standard skateboard. Long boards are smoother and faster and are intended for traveling, while skateboards are more trick oriented. You know nothing of what you speak!

  80. Anonymous says:

    I totally think that the following should be added to this list: Stickers on your car that represent clothing brands. Unless you work for the actually company: TAKE THAT SHIT OFF. Who cares if you fucking wear Von Zipper?

  81. eradesourry says:

    This site is very cool throughout the Internet by a hot girl Clik

  82. Anonymous says:

    you obviously do not know anything about longboarding.


  83. Anonymous Prime says:

    Belt buckles rule. Homophobia does not. Longboards are really fun to ride down hills, but very impractical otherwise.

  84. urgerycum says:

    Hi, I’m also wondering! Hope everything is well with you! Would love to see the new line.

  85. I am unable to understand this post. But well some points are useful for me.

  86. Nedra says:

    Badly need your help. It’s innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn’t.
    I am from Northern and now teach English, give please true I wrote the following sentence: “Find and book cheap airline tickets, hotel rooms, vacations and rental cars with kayak.”

    Best regards :D , Nedra.

  87. Saulo says:

    Interessante esse top 10


    ( http://saulolopes.blogspot.com )

  88. james says:

    P9zq64 dk6LpqdFf2n5MzCh

  89. down syndrome mommy says:

    I’m offended at his “retarded” comment. but I guess I would be huh. Don’t mock gay people, long board riders ect. Feel free to mock the handicapped

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  91. Anonymous says:

    Guys, chill. Its a joke. Everyone who has been to youtube once in their life has seen longboarders going 70mph in Colorado and understands that they are probably the gnarliest athletes since gladiators.

  92. Shane Hemmer says:

    I would like to make it known to anyone who should read this article, that item number 4, Fidel Castro hats, is a poorly re-written, ripped-off version of an ORIGINAL satirical writer, of whom many of you may know, named Maddox.

    The author of this “Holy Taco” probably knows and adores Maddox, and thought it would be cool if he copied part of one of Maddox’s articles, but changed it up a bit so he could seem unique and satirical, while not having to be accused of stealing ideas on the off chance that someone might recognize Maddox’s work. He didn’t even reference it or anything, which is just a tool-ish thing to do.

    For the real creative genius behind the anti-Castro hats article, go to this link:

    It’s a little way down the page, titled: “You are not a Cuban dictator.”

  93. Haleyjane says:

    Cool is on the inside.

  94. cakez says:

    i totally agree with everyhthing you said. which sucks because i googled “are pt cruisers lame” and your page showed up. by the way my dad just bought me one for my birthday. thanks dad.

  95. Anonymous says:

    11 Items You Think Make You Cool, But Don’t

    #11 Making a blog about 10 Items You Think Make You Cool, But Don’t

  96. Miscellaneous says:

    …man… too many touchy comments.

    People need to get over themselves and stop taking the popular opinion so damn seriously.

    So don’t toss your iphones or your GOD AWFUL UGLY pt cruisers…keep them… not because some one said they were cool. Don’t toss them just because I think THEY REALLY ARE GOD AWFUL UGLY…keep them because you enjoy them, they serve their primary functions well enough to meet your standards and/or the item itself makes pleases you. (Not some intangible promise of a status upgrade.) It doesn’t matter if I think YOUR CAR LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING ROLLER SKATE… You don’t know me. I don’t matter to you. So fuck my opinion… but in my realm, I shall continue to proclaim that the pt cruiser is as UGLY AS SIN. Take it or leave it.

    (taking note of the captcha: “the shackles”. No shit.)

  97. Anonymous says:

    if you think that longboards are stupid, then you dont know jack. the tricks you do on a longboard are much more intence than a short board. look i can make it flip, no… on a longboard its: look i can speedcheck, then drift a corner at 50mph, and avoide going over a cliff. there are reason that you wear full leathers and motorcycle helmets. if you fall, you die. i would say that is an extreme sport. whoever wrote this blog is a douche, who doesnt know what they are talking about. that would be like calling surfing, not as real because you dont kickflip a surfboard. fuck you. i make my own longboards, rather buying them. i put work and design into each of them. i dont act like i am superior, and have let a lot of ppl ride them. everyone who has, has felt the euphoria of flowing. this site has no real information, and seems to be run by a pervert. screw you

  98. tom says:

    what you wrote was great make some new ones. fu kin histerical ,,,,,, you offended 90 percent of america thats y they all mad.THEY ARE ALL PUSSY CONFORMIST..

    the dark knight shit is great soooo true

  99. Anonymous says:

    “but unfortunately being a non-conformist means you’re conforming to non-conformism”

    Yeah, that right there pretty much invalidates half the arguments on here.

  100. Anonymous says:

    what should have been on the list are Guidos… AKA people with sunless tanners, spiked hair, designer jeans (should have been on list too… you know the ones with premade holes), puckered lipped photos… google it.

  101. Jonny says:

    Am i the only one who noticed that this was all done to be funny!? Its not meant to be taken seriously you bunch of up tight bells ends!! hahaha

  102. CubanaLush says:

    I think this is a funny list. I wear Fidel hats all the time but I’m also Cuban. Thats all folks.

  103. fuckthisshit says:

    your telling me no one ever gets hurt on a longboard!!!!??? there are countless clips on youtube of people going down insane hills and eating the fuckin ground hardcore. yeah some pussies only cruise around all slow but most people take hardcore hills.

  104. Anonymous says:

    Nick Mater’s Facebook picture is him with a shirt saying “I go to school for the babes” in all caps. All credibility is lost.

  105. Anonymous says:

    The first five 10-5 was hilarious

    after that it just started getting stupid and hateful

  106. heraldo rivera says:

    why do you have a problem with longboarding. not every one who rides them just cruises around on board walks with their shirt off so ladies can check out their tatts and muscles (a lot of people do though and they are retards) not all long board are ridiculously long Its going to be an olympic sport that counts for something. Honestly I ride mine to bomb hills for fun and the rush,and because I snowboard I like to stay in shape in the summer. I bet you couldn’t go 50+mph down a hill on a peice of wood with wheels. youd shit your self and crash. It’s great way to get around if your car isn’t available at the time.
    it’s great exercize. cardio and lower body all in one. I agree with the rest of your blog though. pt cruizers piss me off.

  107. Anonymous says:

    hahaha wow people are funny as hell and take things to seriously and longboards are pointless…

  108. Anonymous says:

    Great! Pretty much right on. People that wear blue tooths are pretty much losers.

  109. lovehamster says:

    Cunt lips should be far less flappy. Especially puffy punched-in vaginas on longboards. Whatever happened to men lacking fallopian tubes? If you’ve found yourself guilty of anything on this list, and yes, I’m mostly looking at you. You will never grow testicles.

  110. God says:

    one of them is wrong and its the longboard one cause I skateboard (with a normal skateboard) and i longboard and i love both of them. longboards will get me places faster and I can chill on them sad part is that you cant do tricks. Normal skateboards are fun cause you can do plenty of tricks but really you cant go as fast and as smotthly

  111. Jacquie says:

    I think this is hilarious. Not only is the author basically right about all of it, reading all the comments makes it even funnier. All of you who are defending your “not cool” thing do realize that you are defending it because you think it’s cool right? Which basically makes the author’s point, that you think you are cool and the rest of us don’t. I love it, keep defending yourself so we can keep laughing at you.

  112. Hafdis says:

    hehe I thought it was funny :D

  113. millie says:

    wow. something tells me you have no idea about what’s cool and what’s not. iPhones are awesome, don’t hate cause you can’t afford one. and they do have text. oh and um. it’s a “device” not an “advice” wow. ok. so yeah. whoever wrote this is officially uncool.

  114. Anonymous says:

    What about UGGS????? Over priced amazingly Ugly trend that needs to die!

  115. Jason says:

    so basicaly i think that whoever made this crap up was 100% for sure teased and bullied as a child.. they also must have had to experience all of these things to have such an imotional discomfort with numerous events as such. maker of these posts is hiding something and has a personal problem (such as bodily deformities, glasses, bad breath, and other nonsense) great job disrespecting so many people for your own pleasure to make you feel better about yourself… and in your next life i hope you are reborn coming out of the woumb wearing a fat ass belt buckle talking on a blue tooth conected to an iphone and the your first words will be “i like” very nice!” and blasting out of the womb driving a PT cruiser pulling a trailer with your tricked out bike and your longboard in the trunk… oh yea i forgot to mention that your going to own a fidel castro hat company when you get old and make your side money creating funky ringtones.. have a nice day! – Doc.

  116. Anonymous says:

    I think that this site is the biggest waste of time i have ever contributed to. The list was actually cool. Wether you like it or not. It’s cool. We all do the same thing in life. We all move, sleep, eat, drink, shit, shower, well most of us shower, work, and most importantly try and share our lives with some-one who cares… Well, the thing i think everyone is missing in this post is the same thing that seperates us. “the way we go about it”, that’s the only difference between everyone in the world, otherwise we are all the same. It’s the way we go about it that shows our personality. We can’t make ourselves cool, only other people can. So the things on this list is merely a reflection of what other people think… I can’t believe you guys don’t get that. And really who cares what other people think… If you like longboard skateboards… Ride it… If you like PT Cruisers, drive one…. But remember, if you bought it to be cool, you wasted your money because coolness is not for sale… Neither is love…. You can’t create it and it’s not for sale. Cool is merely how some-one else thinks of your personality…. That’s it…

  117. Anonymous says:

    Wow, kids. I feel sorry for everyone who, like me, was stumbling and found something slightly funny, but whose mood was ruined by all you dumbasses arguing with each other about worthless shit. No one cares if you ride a longboard and are offended. People are going to talk shit about you whatever you do, so clean the sand out of your cooch and go outside. Christ.

  118. that one kid says:

    Hey man, have you ever tried going down a hill on a longboard and going upwards of 35 miles an hour? Do you even have the balance to do a manual? yeah didn’t think so. try it before you knock it man.

  119. SmellTheColorPurple says:

    Nick Mater: Chill the fuck out dude. It’s called “satire.” Maybe you’ve heard of it? I have an iPhone, and I quote funny movies all the time (not those three), but you don’t see me flipping shit all the time. This list is about stereotypical views. I, unlike you, don’t need constant validation to feel good about myself. I just KNOW I’m badass. Ha but you, on the other hand, seem like a little douche. So shut the hell up.

    P.S. Quit being a whiny bitch and get a real skateboard.

  120. God says:

    How about you actually supply yourself with actual information on the subject before you go ranting on case in point longboards; apparantly you beileve you move slower on a longboard when in fact you move much faster, you’re not very smart are you?

  121. Anonymous says:


  122. Anonymous says:

    Poser. Yeah alright. Try going down a wicked steep hill on your little fag board and see how long you last. Can’t go 40mph down a mountain on a fag board, can ya?

  123. bestdisk says:

    If Timur it is possible, also I will take, I will place here best-disk.ru

  124. lieben says:

    Interessante Informationen.

  125. Anonymous says:

    What he ALSO forgot to add is that people think that posting a comment about how posting a comment about a cool and uncool blog is cool, but it’s actually totally gay…


  126. Anonymous says:

    hahahaha genius.. i have a bluetooth headset.. somewhere in my house.. but i don’t know where it is. but anyway.. that list is a masterpiece.

  127. whatever says:

    People who can’t laugh at themselves = everything thats wrong with the world. I have had personal traits of mine made fun of dozens of times on this site and I LAUGH AT IT. God damn son, I would hate to live in a world where I had to take everything so fucking serious that I got all pissed at a longboarding joke. Jezus fucking Christmas, how anal are you? Lighten up and if you can’t take a joke what the fuck are you doing on a joke site? Shit!

  128. WanderingDead says:

    HaHa! i like to see all those skater kids become angry over something some guy wrote for fun ! to be honest, all of those things are true, if you ask me, i hate all those stuff.

  129. Anonymous says:

    Damn.. The messages are more fun then the article.. You dumb fucks trying to defend your long boards are just to damn funny.. Its a board you stand on and go with lighten the fuck up… Who gives a shit if there is more or less skill…

    If fucking people worried more about themselves then others… oh wahat a world it would be…

  130. John says:

    Uncool is a DJ on a supposed C & W radio station running down cowboys who have worked all their life to win a trophy buckle, while also working 24/7 – 365 to supply us with food to eat. Strap yourself to the back of a wild bull or a bucking bronc for 8 seconds and then you can talk.

  131. Anonymous says:

    Yes, I love you!!

  132. FrankleeMiDeer says:

    @lolface: Nail on the head!

    @Mr. Anonymous Article Writer Dude: Take some English Comp classes. No one ever told you that a preposition is something not to end a sentence with? Right, said Fred.

  133. Anonymous says:

    i dont care if you dont like guitar hero never disrespect the ps3 its not its fault are playing that instead of the drums on rockband

  134. superfluous says:

    Writing list of cool and uncool things?
    Wearing underwear inside out on the outside of your pants isn’t cool.

    or is it?

  135. Anonymous says:

    how gay are people who defend their long boards so passionately. if you werent so insecure about riding them you wouldnt give a shit. but knowing that one persons opinion cuts you so deep, you to know how lame it really is.

  136. Anonymous says:

    Lemmings; I think is the summation of this list.
    1)Longboarding became hugely popular about three years ago. As a “shortboard” skater, Most of these long boarders were just bad shortboarders who were not all that good. Longboarding is fun though, and if you enjoy doing it then just do it damn it, and who gives a shit what your peers think. If alot of you longboarders had that attitude when you were getting picked on for your goofy style on short decks you would be ripping shit up and 360ing a 10 step right now, just like you wanted when you stepped on a board for the first time as a kid.
    2) another lemming trend that has just exploded all over the college scene here in california are these elaboratly printed hoodie / track shirts / tees. It is an amazing exception to see a male student at humboldt state not wearing one. And now that everyone got their financial aid checks they’re everywere, like locusts they just appeared overnight.

    I lived in Rochester NY, and about 4 years ago there was this huge sub-culture of bike builders, they made all these dr. suess like designs. Anything that you create with your hands and imagination, for the sole purpose of personal enjoyment deserves some deal of respect. Especially when eveything can be accessed through ready-made means…..yeah…..why do I care?

  137. Star says:

    The article was hilarious and caused me to laugh out loud, spitting water all over my keyboard. Frankly though, the comments to it are even more hilarious. You are all very very angry people who should immediately enroll in an anger management class before you hurt someone.

  138. johnny a says:

    nice! but you forgot two:
    1.) crocs – for people who think they’re prepared for a british invasion by land OR by sea, but really are just wearing two shitty and uncomfortable pieces of plastic on their feet.
    2.) mesh wife-beaters – not only can the ladies see my arms up to the shoulder, now they can see my amazing chest and stomach too! actually, champ, no one wants to see the beer belly and gratuitous amounts of hair on your upper front. keep it under wraps, preferably ones we can’t see through.

  139. J-Barr says:

    I would like to contest this entire Top-10 in order to have it replaced by the ATTITUDES I FIND MOST UNBECOMING:
    1) Claiming to have the ability to deem random stuff “Cool” or “Uncool.”
    2) Believing stuff makes you cool.

  140. Anonymous says:

    LOL… its a joke.. So all cowboys supply us with food?? I know the mexican cowboys outside of Home Depot dont do a damn thing for me…

  141. Ariana says:

    Btw, the commenting system on this page sucks. So if my post has been placed more than three times.. heh, that should speak for itself.

    Either way, I’m out, this page is not even worth coming back to. xD rofl

  142. Anonymous says:


  143. Anonymous says:

    Dude I think I laughed more at the commentary than anything else on this list. Dont hate on longboards, try to shred to a dead stop from going 5 mph without falling or looking like a faggot. Yeah thats right, I said faggot, quit getting your panties in a bunch. Its synnonymous with lame. Whoever wrote the affirmative action comment and the following comment really should consider taking about 15 steps back from there computer, and then proceed to lower ones head and run as fast as they can at there monitor…Hopefully subdueing both beyond repair.

  144. Anonymous says:

    >iphone are good, but u look like an arse using it
    >longboards are fast, but if i saw some1 in town on 1 id put a log in the way.
    >any one tring to be a nonconfromist is a conformist
    > funny bulks are great untill ur dad finds it funny

    i could go on all day,

    pros and cons to everything

  145. Anonymous says:

    yea I have a friend who quotes funyy movies ALOT , i feel like giving him a DIRTY SLAP sometimes

  146. Mero says:

    Dude, you’re a Jackass. Some of these things aren’t used because they think they’re cool, but because they’re just better. Iphones may have bad reception, but overall, they’re decent. Some “Ironic” belt buckles are funny. Like the one in the picture. It isn’t being used to show you’re cool. but the exact opposite. Having a videogame controller belt shows the world that you’re a nerd and proud. Al beit, people that wear bluetooths all the time can be annoying, but they are really useful. People quote those movies because they are funny movies. Pt Cruisers are cool and nice cars, that’s why people have them. You are right about the bike thing. Fidel hats are just another style, no reason to rat on that one. Longboards are used because they’re WAY easier. I couldn’t ride a skateboard to save my life, but i got a longboard down in a day. And funny ringtones are awesome.
    There, I hope I made my point well enough.

  147. Anonymous says:

    Why you think your cool: You have a section for girls on your site

    Why your not cool: You have that section to make people think you are a guy who loves girls but in reality you have no game and have never hookup with anyone which is why you have the time to think of all of these not cool things. Fuckin Bitch

    Ya do more reasearch on longboarding before you bash it.
    I agree that posers who buy longboards because its kind of a fad right now who can’t skate and do go really slow and in a straight line are not cool and stupid but respect the real longboarders who freeride, slide, and do downhill.
    My friend fractured his head and damaged an artery in his neck causing him to bleed from his ear for 6 hours straight i def don’t think you can do that if someone walking is going faster than you. I’d like to see you try to ride a longboard. go get a life bitch.

  148. cool face says:

    Epid troll is epic.

  149. Patrick says:


  150. boreder says:

    longboarders are the rollerbladers of skateboarding

  151. Derrill says:

    Someone should take away your internet access. Seriously.

    And maybe the fingers you typed this list with.

  152. This is funny says:

    Everyone has an opinion. What’s funny is that the one that everyone hates on is the one that was good enough to be on the web, and not just a fucking comment.

    If you are this hurt about someone making fun of your VIDEO GAME PREFERENCE, you’re not going like life in the real world.

    So your phone is loud and pretentious. So you get pleasure out of playing a child’s game and you’ll be damned if anyone notices this fact. So you skate on a board designed for transportation and not for skill (it’s kind of like the station wagon of skateboards). Its O…K… your mom is still going to make you breakfast tomorrow and do your laundry. Now go stand in front of the mirror and repeat this :

    “Everyone has an opinion, so this mean man’s words mean nothing unless I let them!”*

    *except for the fact that guitar hero truly blows, those hats really do look stupid, and longboards…come on, might just as well wear clown shoes.

  153. Anonymous says:

    dude fuck you, if the author can make his fuckign oppinions so can I. Longboarding is fucking fun, and not easy at all, so shut the fuck up you stupid ignorant mother fucker. actually try longboarding down a hill before you rip on it, asshole.

  154. Anonymous says:

    Nick Mater is a wang! Get a real skateboard, you poser.

  155. Anonymous says:

    dude… your a HUGE fag

  156. Anonymous says:

    twat face

  157. Anonymous says:

    Hey! Lay off WoW. That’s where all us cool ppl hang.

  158. Anonymous says:

    u r weak bitch

  159. Anonymous says:


  160. Anonymous says:

    i dont understand y u wrote an essay 4 an internet post its not a big deal

  161. Brett Carter says:

    Muu you really hit the nail on the head, well put.
    I found the list really funny, despite being guilty of a couple of ‘douche’ crimes, people just need to chill out and laugh at themselves, get over the ego and just CHILL OUT. And do something for charity without recognition.

  162. Anonymous says:

    Chill out. I play Guitar Hero every once in a while, and I’d put it on this list too. It’s just a cheesy internet post, have some fun with it.

  163. JapaneseIsMyFirstLanguage says:

    Japanese is my first language. I am also fluent enough in English to get an A in a UCLA English class (for Americans). As far as I know, “iPhone” is not a Japanese word. What Japanese word is “iPhone” supposed to sound like (according to you)? I’m all for cutting down the suffocating hype, but can’t you do a better job of it?


  164. asvt says:

    Faux hawks ( fake mohwaks) are also annoying.

  165. officially, PT cruisers blow goats and if you drive one (by default) you suck butt as well… ironic belt buckles are for the people too witty to express themselves through normal means such as suicide… i kind of like the iPhone but, only because i work in IT and i know what it’s capable of, not because it’s the latest gadget in my trend arsenal. seriously, fuck austin powers

  166. Danny says:

    you know whats not cool? thinking you’re cool or better than other people just because they don’t think the same way you do. the list is kind of ironic actually.

  167. Anonymous says:

    awww! it looks like someone’s pride got hurt!

    why don’t you go back to your 12 year old sk8t3r friends?

  168. H says:

    I think you mean to say “iconic” belt buckles. “Ironic” really makes no sense.
    Funny list though.

  169. Chris says:

    I cant get over the way people went ballistic when one of the things they thought made them cool appeared on the uncool list. This place really IS a freak magnet! I love it!

    Can I add: #11 white guys who have black friends so they feel the need to use the word “AKS” instead of ASK because their friends do. In fact, lets just add anybody who thinks ASK is pronounced AKS!!

    Add to that the ridiculous big pants that they cant keep up so their underwear is all showing but they justify wearing by saying they are so “comfortable” How the hell can it be comfortable feeling the waistband around your hips and having to pull up your pants every 30 seconds?

    #12. Facial piercings. Especially involving the nose. Yuck! All I can visualize is the snot collecting on those things and on the things inside the nose that hold studs on. Gag me. Not cool, no way!

    Tatoos. Don’t get me started. Nothing says sleeze bag more than body tatoos on a girl. Don’t believe me. Watch some porn movies..all those girls have tattoos on them. It’s the sleezEball badge of honor, I guess. Great look sticking out of a cocktail dress at a ritzy occasion..especially when you’ve gotten old and your skin isnt so hot anymore. Think ahead, girls!!

    Super jacked up cars with monster tires. They make me laugh, but I dont think that is what the owner intended.

    One last thing…people who cant speak their own language. For example…it’s not “I SEEN.” It’s “I Saw”. It’s not “I had went” …it’s “I went”, or I had GONE”. It’s not “I had came”. It’s I CAME”. No matter how smart you are, as soon as you open your mouth and say “I SEEN him yesterday”, you look like a dumbass. I met a stockbroker last week who is amazing at his job but his grammar was so bad I am still debating whether to trust him with my money. That’s a pity.
    Wow, I feel better already. I know why the author wrote this blog…it’s stress relief therapy.

  170. John says:

    I’m guessing Nick is a long boarder and has a wacky ring tone

  171. Being cook with your iPhone is lame but the phones are not, I agree being a wigger is my number 1.

  172. =] says:

    Heyyy, I laughed a little.
    And I think long boarding is cool, but whatever, it’s your list.

    But, although I agree crocs shoulda’ been on here, cause they’re really strange, I just found out something interesting yesterday. You can recycle crocs, and they do; they melt them down and make new ones, which they then give to people who have no shoes in Africa. Which, you have to admit, is kinda’ cool.

  173. diiiiiiiiiiiiick says:

    So all longboarders are laid back, huh?! FUCK! We’re not all fucking laid back! SHIT! And what the shit is this shit about the shits not going faster than motherfuckers fucking walking..and shit?! A longboard goes WAY fucking faster than a fucking regular deck. Damn! SHIT! FUCK! DICK! You’re fucking, shitting, dicking ignorant!

  174. shmoe says:

    If I buy all the “cool” stuff I would have no money. Being broke is definitely uncool. Having money is the coolest. Stop trying to be cool emptying your wallet buying trendy junk and start saving for the impending economic collapse that is upon us. Being smarter than all the other dumbasses is cool.

  175. up yours says:

    hey you forgot- people who try to look cool by publishing a list of things that personally annoy them and calling them uncool

  176. ayy says:

    uhhhh, yeah, #2, longboards go a million times faster then normal skateboards this is the stupidest thing i have ever seen

  177. Anonymous says:

    Okay, who ever called the dude a faggot should just shut up!
    There is NOTHING wrong with gay people. So just shut up. Thats the most offensive thing you could probably call someone.

  178. Rey Del Stereo says:

    lets be honest here. long boarders are the shit. and you are not

  179. lumber61 says:

    Sales Reps at the Airport…taking golf swings while on the phone….. and guys at the gym grunting to get a big lift…. have my vote to be killed..

  180. You forgot douche bags who pop their collar. I think that shit is so stupid. I’d rather wear a business suit.

  181. Texas Skater says:

    Your take on what is cool is out of touch. You know nothing about longboarding. These machines are built for speed, stability, response, traction. Getting your facts straight. Now that is cool. DumbAss

  182. Lets not forget most of the douche bags on here with uncool – not to mention stupid web names.

  183. Dorothy Parker says:

    chill douche.

  184. Moderate Mike says:

    Yeah. Can the whole world please quit trying to be cool or different. Lists like this are sooo right, let’s just all be utterly boring, and all 100% the same. Then there’s no need anymore to waste time on explaining how unnessecary some people’s behaviour is.

  185. Dorothy Parker says:

    I’m a fag and I love the word faggot and throw it around all of the time. If you use it yourself, you disenfranchise the attack behind it.

    Chill. I’m also a honky.


  186. Anonymous says:

    speaking of queers…nice response.

  187. Wilhelm says:

    Please Add Neopolian Dynamite to the list of unquotable movies. If I have to listen to someone “build her a cake” one more time, Their gettin’ a nuckle sammich.

  188. Baby Huey says:

    Hey you forgot about people who make cool and uncool lists in blogs, actually i was just reading about 40 comments from people who said that and realized something…you didn’t, cause you wrote something that upset and offended enough people to comment pure hatred towards you! That my Holy Taco friend is some cool shit!

  189. Cori says:

    I just think it’s cute that jacob’s picture is up there.
    Fun shorts jake!

  190. Josh says:

    One thing that compelled me to submit a comment was that I wanted to tell all the people who used the style of the article to insult it’s writer that they are not funny or clever. I would have put this in that same form but then I would be in the same category as those I just said weren’t funny or clever and I wouldn’t want that to happen.

    Also, I just felt like people weren’t getting pissy about the belt buckle comments enough compared to long boards, guitar hero, and iPhones so I need show belt buckles some love and even things up.

    Fuck you man, my belt buckle with a bottle opener is the shit! Its practical AND sexy! I also have a belt that’s like a car’s seat belt and it ROCKS! I feel safe and secure where ever I go. You don’t know anything about belt buckles you homo!

  191. Chad says:

    That was Retarded!!! Who ever wrote this may think they’re cool, but they’re not.

  192. Kali says:

    OMG, people, relax, the list is hilarious. Just cuz ya found yourself in it, and it hurts, you can’t dish the list. I will sell my Cuban hat on eBay tomorrow. Hahahahaha!

  193. Jimmmy says:


    But i like longboards. Nice way to travel if you suck a skateboarding XD

  194. Nick Mater says:

    Whoever wrote this list is AN ASSHOLE. id like to find him, ram my longboard up his ass and slap him sor ard, he’ll go into a coma. LONGBOARDS ARE BUILT FOR SPEED. and if this dumbass knew did any bit of research he would find that falling on a longboard while going at a top speed of oh say 35mph! you will end up with a little more than a scratch. id like to see someone walking even try to pass me up.



  195. Anonymous says:

    um… dude, iPhone isn’t really japanese, its a joke you retard

  196. Anonymous says:

    Ya, longboards are the greatest thing ever! Who dare mock the almighty longboard shall burn in an eternal hell fire with VD and midgets. FUCKING 35 MPH bitches! Cant you understand thats almost warp speed! You cant go any faster then that! I will now make idle threats about dismemberment and beatings and comas and whatnot.

  197. Anonymous says:

    Hahahaha, Nick Mater is a little bit too butt hurt about this. Guess what, long boards are gay! You are just being gay at a higher speed than regular skaters, those guys are being gay at regular skate board speed

  198. Anonymous says:

    very good, i agree

  199. Turd Burgaler says:

    calm your douche, Douche.

  200. Turd Burgaler says:

    get back to WOW where you belong… douche 2.

  201. berz says:

    nice – i loved how ur argument went along the lines of:
    blah fuck blah fuck blah fucking blah fuck blah fuck fuck blah fuck

    im amazed u managed to form coherent argument… oh wait u failed

    do u have a belt buckle that says fuck? or let me guess u use ur hands free phone while u fly down a hill at 35mph and inconveneince every1 else by going slower than normal traffic.

    let me just put this in form of argument u will understand:
    shitting fuck hands free phone wank fuck argument fuck shit traffic wanker

  202. Anonymous says:


  203. Funkapotamus says:

    ha! fag! most longboarders are fuckin posers, and thats it. they dont have the skill or tenacity to learn a trick which involves falling a shitload. my gay faggot homo ass uncle takes stupid shit way too serious. so does this tool, he IS a gay ringtone gay skateboard faggot

  204. *burps* says:

    true true. that list was really stupid.

  205. Anonymous says:

    ya but hes right about all the other things, he was completely off on what the entire purpose of a longboard is. I dont care what you do on a short board, its pussy shit compared to slaloming cars going 35mph around corners down a hill.

  206. vigi-giiiiiiiiiiiiii says:

    hahahahahahaha. that made me laugh. and since your thing is going to be diiiiiick mine is going to be vigi-giiiiiiiiiiiii.

  207. Anonymous says:

    dude you’re a fag…

  208. Anonymous says:

    Um guy above me. u totally just wasted ur time, go have a cry somewhere else that isnt about something that has nothing to do with what the fuck ur on about



  209. Anonymous says:

    Douche, slow your douche

  210. Anonymous says:

    hahahaha douche, i bet you have an i-phone with a funny ring tone that people hear while you ride longboard in your fidel castro hat on the way to pick up your “chopper bicycle”

  211. Darryl says:

    what a fuckin idiot, a little proud of ourselves, are we?

  212. Anonymous says:

    i don’t normally comment on things like this, but this just got under my skin. you clearly have no idea what affirmative action even is, because it has nothing to do with calling people names (perhaps you’ve heard of that whole “freedom of speech” thing we’ve got in our handy dandy constitution?). in fact, most people who actually live in the US don’t know what affirmative action is, so i find it rather hilarious that someone from the UK thinks they understand the US government enough to criticize it so confidently. how about you educate yourself before you make ignorant remarks.

    secondly, for someone who “has nothing on jews”, why do you think its unfortunate that they supposedly make up half of congress? if there’s nothing wrong with jewish people, why would you be upset with their involvement in government? but more importantly, there are hardly any jewish people in congress. nearly all prominent american politicians are protestant. a few are catholic, and yes, a few are in fact jewish. i think you are thinking of the idea of hollywood being dominated by jewish directors, producers, etc. you know; hollywood, the united states federal government… they can be easily confused… IF YOU’RE AN IDIOT.

    and lastly, people get up in arms about the terms “faggot” and “gay” because its become acceptable to use them as insults, largely among males who are terrified of their own sexuality. calling someone “gay” instead of an asshole, or jerkoff, or any other random insult is damaging to the gay community because it implies that being homosexual is negative and something to be mocked. this may not mean anything to you, because you’re obviously stupid beyond comprehension, but its harmful to people in this country who happen to be homosexual and are still struggling for the right to be seen as equal to everyone else.

    so in conclusion, go fuck yourself, you anonymous english dumbass.

  213. Anonymous says:

    Read the disclaimer at the top.

  214. Anonymous says:

    that was sarcasm there. read before you reply.

  215. Anonymous says:

    ok listen, personally i think this list is completely true, and anyone who fits any one of these things are such losers or douchebags. stop blaming the writer of this thing because you are a loser and cant accept it.

  216. Anonymous says:

    That is awesome.

  217. Anonymous says:

    dude dont ever post anything online ever again… actually you should just try to isolate yourself from society so no normal person has to deal with you

  218. Anonymous says:

    mate you know what i fucking hate, AFFIRMATIVE ACTION. We can say whatever we goddamn want here in england, virtually noone gives a crap, its just unfortunate that your country’s run by a government, where jews make up more than half of fucking congress. i have nothing on jews, just that they obviously have something on everyone else, and that is why being anti-semetic is worst insult you can give in the US. and why dont we get our rights for not being a jew? isnt it as serious as being anti-semetic when one insults white/ black/ asian people?

    and my point is this applies to gay people or “faggots”, a word which relates to them. just because we say the word doesnt mean we’re making fun of gay people. Its you affirmative action freaks whos making the world a much more complicated place to live in, where minorities and/ or those racially different to your average joe caucasian appear to have very often more rights than white people. just calm it. we respect all people of all backgrounds, cultures, colours, religion, you just dont have to push it in our faces and punish us if we say something that could just about be interpreted as an insult.

  219. Anonymous says:

    Yea, Long Boards are also for faggots.

  220. Drew says:

    What a douche.

  221. Anonymous says:

    and i also bet your “chopper bicycle” has a “my other ride is a pt cruiser” sticker on it

  222. Anonymous says:

    oh my. OWNED.

  223. Anonymous says:

    long board might have been cool when they first came out but quickly lost their “coolness” after every fucking kid on every fucknig campus in America got one and rode them around busy campus sidewalks like they were one of the z-boys. it’s not cool anymore. a skateboard that hovers with no wheels, now that is cool. A longboard, however, not cool.

    Let’s recap:

    Hovercraft = cool

    Longboard = douchey and uncool

  224. george says:

    but they still make you look like a tool

  225. Anonymous says:

    i agree! crocs are hideous! i was expecting that id see crocs on this list.. it’s pathetic that it even costs too much! *barf* *barf* *barf*

  226. B says:

    I definitely think Crocs should have been in place of longboard skateboards. Longboards aren’t really a trend and do take skill to be good at it without busting your ass on rocks or potholes or whatever in the road. They’ve been around for a long time and are actually fun to ride and simulate surfing in a way. And I don’t know who you’ve seen going slower than walking speed (maybe the one time you tried it?) but I go as fast as I can on mine with my dog and can keep up with cars… so yeah… Crocs are way more idiotic than skateboards. But I’d like to see someone try and skate in Crocs… that’d be funny.

  227. Gord says:

    You for got one,

    #1: People losing their mind at something that is meant as a joke.

    Get a fucking grip people

  228. patg says:

    You are a moron. Longboard skateboards travel at much faster speeds than regular shortboards. Many people have even died from falling. You sound likes a bitter nerd that just wants a reason to feel funny.

  229. Ben says:

    Yeah the longboard thing is stupid, downhill longboarding is fast. If you don’t believe me, ask my friend Diddy, he broke three bones in his hand and wrist, pinched a nerve in his back, and has arthritis now at 21 just from one intense longboard accident going down this beastly hill. He hit a rock and started wobbling, and next thing I knew he was like 5 feet off the ground upside down, then landed right on his shoulder. Thank God he rotated enough that he didn’t hit his head or he’d probably be in a lot worse shape than he is.

  230. alternapop says:

    i don’t think people who wear crocs think they are cool. i just think they have zero fashion sense. this also goes for any guy who wears denim shorts. no exceptions.

  231. wtf brah says:

    PBR is not ironic, it is great beer, winner of gold medals at beer fests and it is cheap. st. pauli girl and stella artois are ironic beers. they look like they might be fancy beers for fancy people- ironically they are overpriced mass produced euro schwill. 40′s are way more ironic than PBR.

  232. ms says:

    How about blogging about stuff you don’t like that annoys you because of your personal preferences. It seems that it will make you superior to others, and yet it’s not cool either. dumbshit.

  233. danny p says:

    dude youre an idiot for thinking longboards are for uncoordinated people. me and my friends bomb our longboards down monster hills, slaloming back and forth like madmen trying to keep our boards under 30 miles an hour so that id we do fall we dont get royally f’ed up. i’d love to see you try and ride a longboard down even a gentle slope without letting the wobble get to you and throwing you 30 feet to a bloody death.

  234. aj says:

    Don’t hate because you cant afford an iPhone. Just because you still have a free Nokia from the 90′s doesn’t mean they are uncool.

  235. kidfinesse says:

    I would also add: Tribal tattoos or any tattoo for that matter. People think it makes them stand out as rebellious, but so many people have them now it actually just makes you a boring follower.

  236. dorkfish says:

    I completely disagree with this whole article. I’m glad I don’t have to hang out with the author, sound like a complete weirdo to be around.

  237. AIR says:

    Yeah, I’m guilty of the quoting movies thing sometimes, its’ true, but it’s still kinda fun to do, so fuck it. Funny list though. And PT Cruisers, yeah, NOT cool.

  238. Gent says:

    Hrmm..ok, ironic:

    Commentors (that got bent out of shape due to being/having/done anything on the list) that are blasting the author for being “uncool” for publishing a cool/uncool list because he’s just a blogger and really has no voice. What was the reason for posting a comment, then?

    Gotta love the commenters that need to act out their elitist tendencies with a “been there, maddox done that…I read it!” comment. So what, it’s still entertaining. I’ll be glad to refund you what you paid for this entertainment. Ah, that’s right, it’s nothing. Why did you read through the entire article if your time/entertainment ratio is so important. Furthermore, why’d you bother to waste more time commenting?


  239. ithinkther4iam says:

    i dont do any of this stuff but i am still about as uncool as it gets. litl ticked by the anti-republican thing but then again, some people are jsut so small-minded. it was an ok list but all of u people getting all whiny and offended, chill. no excuses. be accepting. get over urself. u arent the most amazing thing ever. (nor am i for that matter so i prolly shouldnt b talking)

  240. waltron says:

    longboards are meant for “bombing” hills…. which basically amounts to carving down a steep incline much in the same way a snowboarder would, except instead off falling on fluffy white snow you get a face full of asphalt when shit hits the fan. speeds reached on a downhill session well exceed any that can be achieved by some punk pumping away furiously with one leg while trying to look cool in his checkered vans and army surplus jacket. i recommend actually trying out some of these things before labeling them good sir.

  241. ToSte says:

    The funniest part of this article is how it pisses everyone off. It’s a commentary, it’s not like the dude stuck his finger in your ass.

  242. Annon says:

    even though i play guitar hero i dont go around saying i can beat songs on it but i also play a real guitar and i go around saying i can play song on my stratocaster

  243. $@N+@ says:

    Very entertaining! “cool” people don’t need store bought crap to prove their “cool.

  244. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, i know people who brag that they’re good at guitar Hero. When I tell them can you play this tune on a real guitar….they look away lol

  245. dhgfkbfcytkl says:

    you forgot one:
    People who make rants:
    WHY IT MAKES YOU SEEM COOL: Because you think that now that you have an opinion and cinicism toward the world, that that give you a right to complain about everything everyone does.

    WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Because in reality you’re dumb. You do not look into the true practicality and every facit of things, that could be a reason that someone uses it or has a good opinion of it for themselves and not for others before bashing on it. People do not do everything soully to impress others, but you think that everyone is not like you and they just want as much self attention as possible, so you think that all these people not like you are not as cool as you. You are the person who’s always calling people dumbshits without finding a real reason.

  246. hehe says:

    Longboards are ghay, and so are the fags who ride them. Guitar hero sucks and should only be played by kids who are younger than 5..if you disagree, grow up bitches.

  247. jordan.f says:

    okay seriously, I use my longboard to get around and its really fun to ride so go ahead and think i look lame, have fun thinking about that while Im actually enjoying myself.

  248. Ed says:

    Shows how much you know about that chopper bike. It’s home built, and costs less than a hundred bucks to build. I’ve been a biker for years – Misfits – We say that bike is cool. Any idiot can go to wallyworld to buy a bike. This thing is for real. Just like our hogs, that thing is custom built.

  249. Anonymous says:

    Also forgotten on the list are people who try to look cool by telling other people what they do isn’t cool.

  250. spicehippie says:

    It’s funny how many people are defending the long boards lol.

  251. Chapstick addict says:

    Now I’m paranoid I’m going to do something that somebody will think I’m doing because I think it makes me cool but it really doesn’t and only shows that I’m clueless which is totally uncool. Hey, maybe its kind of cool to be clueless!? At least until everybody tries to act clueless because its cool to be clueless, but then it will be become uncool because it’ll be sooo obvious you’re trying too hard which just is not cool.

  252. Some Douchebag said:

    dont have iphone lack one feature I use most? txt messaging? most of the time im too fuckin lazy to even call my gf or friends so i just txt.

    Because texting is much much less energy/time consuming than saying,” I can’t talk right now baby, I’m busy masturbating to Halo 3.”

    Also, how the fuck does one text, when one can’t spell? Or maybe you’re just too fucking lazy to finish the extra letter or two in the words TEXT or FUCKING. But that’s cool. UR Ju57 rly 1337. Fucking queer.

  253. Ria said:

    u n ur suck-ups r total dopes man..
    how can u decide what’s cool n whats not..
    one advice: GET REAL n GET A LIFE
    luk out 4 ur friends.. they may b guilty according to ur fucked-up list

    So, “Ria”, what’s your first name, Dia or Gono? Also, people decide what’s cool, so idiots like you don’t have to. If it was your call, I suppose we’d be braiding our hair with condoms. “Total dopes”? What the fuck? Did we time warp to 1976? And speaking of getting a life, why are you even looking at this page? If your life is so fulfilling that this sort of “suck-up” shit is far beneath you, then I have to wonder why you were even wasting your time here?

    I love flaming flamers, and boy, what a flamer you are, cocksucker.

  254. Ithinkther4ican’tspell said:

    i dont do any of this stuff but i am still about as uncool as it gets. litl ticked by the anti-republican thing but then again, some people are jsut so small-minded. it was an ok list but all of u people getting all whiny and offended, chill. no excuses. be accepting. get over urself. u arent the most amazing thing ever. (nor am i for that matter so i prolly shouldnt b talking)

    Yes, because republicans are very open minded. Just look at their gay marriage policy.

  255. The Human Torch said:

    FLAME ON!!!!!

    Yes, indeed. Please do. Especially if you are guilty of any of the things mentioned in the above list.

    Yes, ladies, even my penis stretches to incredible lengths. Isn’t it INCREDIBLE?
    Well, yes. That’s how I got my name. And my groove back.

  256. Nels Ari says:

    Clearly another wanna Be Loser with a blog. These blogs pop up because for 1 this guy works part-time at walmart stocking shelves and has nothing better to do.
    Is jealous because he makes 8 bucks an hr after putting in twelve years of service.
    His only goal in life is to someday be THE GREETER so he can sit on his ass and say welcome to wal-mart.
    Get a clue,get an education, then go get a life.
    Put down the taco your eating during 4th meal.
    Get some exercise.
    And quit trying to be the (insert famous reporter here) You know you never will be.
    You making an uncool list is like Barney Fife, writing a book on how to be a policeman.

  257. KTT says:

    Gonna agree with everyone – you know nothing about longboards. Sure, if you’re riding one just because it’s been a new trend lately, then you’re lame. I’ve taken some nasty falls from a board, and you don’t need to be on a steep hill going 50mph to get effed up. They look like they’re going slow because it’s a more stable ride. I also rode short board for a few years and think it’s crap compared to longboarding.

    Some of your other stuff on the list was mildly amusing, but other than that you just seem really bitter. Go cruise on a long board and find some one to hug, just chill the fuck out dude. =)

  258. albert says:

    Long boarding kicks ass and last time i checked people go twice as fast on longboards then pussy ass skateboards besides what kind of faggot are you to create a blog on whats cool and not cool fuck u, u god dam cool patrol

  259. Joel says:

    People relax and don’t take offence. So what if this is the opinion of the author don’t forget that the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum. That’s right… different strokes for different folks. I’d love an iphone because they’re a pretty impressive unit, I’ve used one but I can’t justify spending the money on it. Been longboarding before and it was fun, got one of those Castro hats and I bought it as an alternative to some normal looking caps, just for a change, thats all. Don’t like the blue tooth headset or the PT cruiser but that’s just cos its not my style. Either way, don’t get pissed off cos someone else is bagging something you like, its just not worth the effort. As for crocs, well I wear mine because they’re comfortable for me, not cos I think they’re a fashion statement and if someone wants to bag me for it, well feel free, its not going to stop me from wearing them.

  260. frosty says:

    epic list & the response it generated made it more so , this is the best freak magnet i’ve seen in ages

    tnx for making me laff =D

    i would like too add those ppl that use thier phones as stereos , tho it makes them easy to find in the dark =)

  261. JM says:

    I would also like to contribute a #11 to this list:

    Taking advantage of built-in obsolescence by submitting a “things that make you uncool” list to an aggregator of pop culture news

  262. regal says:

    number 11. Posting a blog about how things you notice everyday and maybe even take part in aren’t cool and are stupid. Keep up the good work shitstick.

  263. Cod Peace says:

    Tricked out bikes? Those are often built buy people who cut up junked bikes and weld their own mutant ones. Is there something uncool about grinding wheels and TIG welders?


  264. Board Longer says:

    Actually, longboards are capable of much more velocity than regular skateboards, and can cause quite some nasty spills.

    Skateboarding and longboarding are two way different styles of riding. Longboarding preferred for long cruises and rolling hills, skateboarding for park and street riding.

  265. cirujano says:

    Shooting playing cards off your dog’s head with 12-gauge slugs requires FAR more skill than downhill longboarding (assuming that you don’t actually WANT to decapitate your dog, I mean).

    Now don’t try to tell me that’s a stupid idea, because as you just explained, it helps to try something out before you judge it. So let me know how it turns out, OK?

    Although I’m pretty sure that for people other than microcephalic fucktards, it is in fact possible to judge the idiocy inherent in certain activities WITHOUT participating in them.

  266. cirujano says:

    This opinion of yours — it’s based on which reputable polls of exactly how many cops in how many precincts in how many cities, and how many pro football players on how many different teams?

    By all means feel free to disagree with anyone about anything, but don’t assume that the opinions of people you’ve never met necessarily coincide with your expectations of those opinions, and don’t try to cite your assumptions about those opinions to support your own point of view.

  267. Ben says:

    Actually, downhill long-boarding, and long-boarding with footwork requires a lot of skill. It helps to try something out before you judge it.

  268. tin says:

    longboards go way faster than regular skateboards. its smoother and you don’t have to push as much. try going down a hill first

  269. Anonymous says:

    hahaha oh my. A personal favourite of mine is when people try to disquise their hurt feelings with big angry comments that always ‘cleverly’ use paranthesis for witty retorts (Like it makes you cooler if you say something sarcastic in the middle of a sentence) and then proceed to call you illiterate.

    seriously guys, who cares about longboards, put things into perspective, guitar hero is a GAME, no need to get so upset. And really, I don’t think anyone cares that your mate can go 100km/hr on his awesome longboard, shouldn’t he be contributing a bit more to society?

    useless skills aren’t skills worth having or respecting.

  270. Drew says:

    spkn’ n’ abbrev’s is fr douches

  271. krizzle says:

    most of you haters are like “omg lyke everyone has their own opinions so stfu!!!1111one.” HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT? this list IS an opinion, so swallow your own words. damn.

    btw, some of you should actually read these comments before commenting yourself. there are about 20 comments saying “you forgot to add bloggers who write entries about what they think is cool”. jesus people repetition is NOT COOL. how about we add “people who COMMENT on blogger’s journals bitching about how omg wrong they are because they obviously have no sense of humor and can’t understand it’s the internet.”

    awesome list – definitely gave me a laugh.

  272. scott says:

    okay problem here. I got a PT Cruiser because there’s plenty of room to carry my long boards in it. Chicks really seem to dig the cruiser epically if I’m wearing my Castro hat! don’t seem to understand the hostility twords the cruiser. I wouldn’t give it up for “a million dollars”

  273. chill says:

    you people are awfully angry about this… I guess cause you do one of the above noted things?? and feel like you have to defend it? why do you care so much… chill the hell out! who cares if this guy doesn’t like PT cruisers, if you do and you have one good for you… everyone has an opinion, just cause someone doesn’t agree with yours doesn’t mean you should attack them.. calm down and go play some guitar hero or something…

  274. Dick J says:

    It’s all in how you look at it. I play guitar hero with some friends every now and then, but I certainly don’t consider it cool. So I wasn’t offended by this article. I think it’s hilarious! Keep em coming!

    It’s really too bad Apple has become a cool icon now. I use Apple hardware and software as a graphic designer/video editor everyday, and I support their products 100%. However, they’re giving into the fad now. I think #10 should have been a Macbook Air though. The iPhone integrates well into the other Apple products making it a vital tool, but the Macbook Air….it makes me sad. What a fucking waste.

  275. Adam says:

    very funny, but have to disagree with you about guitar hero. Cops don’t go around dissing people for hating GTA just because they can shoot people in real life. Likewise pro football players don’t hate the “posers” that play Madden.

  276. Adam says:

    sorry that was supposed to say playing GTA

  277. longboards are gay says:

    When was the last time someone ollied a side walk to sidewalk street gap and then bombed a hill after on a longboard? uhhh never! long boards are built for fags who cant do anything on a real skateboard. You can easily go like 35 + on a regular board with some good ol 54mms if you are a REAL skateboarder and not some fucking hippie or middle aged gay dude trying to impress your limp wristed friends. Go pick up an issue of thrasher and find out what real skateboarding is. LONGBOARDERS DON”T KNOW SHIT!

  278. Dik Wrinkly says:

    11. Writing an online page about what people think is cool but isn’t

    Why you think you’re cool: You must be cool if you are the chosen god send decider of what is cool and what is not.

    Why you’re not cool: You are a nerd that wrote a website about things that are not cool…. enough said?

  279. Dread Knight says:

    @lolface: you’re the man! :D


  280. Good list. Certainly had me amused.

  281. BlueBoY says:

    I,too,, will disagree on this article. Based on my analysis from your article, it is mostly based on your own perspective in life. With that, you have made your own conclusion of what is cool and what is not from your point of view. We respect your critcism based on how you see iphones, fidel castro hats, guitar hero, etc, but I do not think it is right to just judge it and tell everyone that this is the fact for everyone. I, for one, likes changing my ringtone based on my musics because, as you said, I want to share everyone how my personality is wherever I am. But, not everyone does the sort of thing like you said about ringing it 15 times until someone notice you. Maybe in your own experience it does, but its not an accurat efact that ringtones can be considered as a non-cool factor. And also, the thing about the bluetooth analysis, it is clear that you mean to say that people using bluetooth are lazy people. Well, that may be true but it is not enough to judge it as a gadget that makes people un-cool. Some people have their own reasons to use bluetooth headsets, not just trying to be cool and wanting to be noticed.

  282. willdacanucker says:

    Wow. All the loners and losers bashing the author need to get a life. You obviously have nothing better to do than sit on your fat asses and surf the internet INCESSANTLY to look for things to bitch an complain about. How else would you morons know that this list has been done 100000000000000000000000000000000000000 times if you guys had any resemblance of a real life? Also, you uncreative idiots that feel the need to use the word ‘douchebag’ (or any variant thereof) over and over again just like the other 4567784383838 uncreative posters before you, need to learn some real grammar and stop being so lazy. In the end, 99.999999% of all you people on here bashing this article, have ZERO life and feel the need to be a ‘tough guy’ on the ‘internets’ because there is no way that you would have the balls to say this stuff to anyone else on the street. It was an article written in jest. Get over yourselves.

  283. Rexton says:

    I have just recently got a wireless Bluetooth headpiece for my phone not because I want to look cool but the fact that I use it to answer my phone while riding my 1000cc V-Strom motorcycle as I am touring around Europe!

    The only thing I find un-cool are chav’s that have no colour coordination and try to talk like a gangster while having their pants drop below their waist too show there brown skid marked underwear!

    the way this author has described things is not directly at the people who own these items but on how some people use them! you have professional long boarders who make long boarding cool but you have others who pretend to be one of these professionals and just strole around not achieving anything!

    Iphone is cool for a business man who travels a lot or a gadget fanatic who just loves to play with electronics! the un-cool part are when people use this item while in the a group socializing!

    Caps are great! but only when they are being used for what they are designed for which is too keep the sun out of your eyes, it is like people wearing sunglass’s inside or permantly!

    What I am saying is there is no certain cool or un-cool to things as everyone is different and thinks differently.

  284. Shaggy says:

    What about the assholes that wear knit caps 365 days of the year.

  285. allyoop says:

    I looooove how so many people are reacting personally and angrily to this list! CHILL PEOPLE, CHILL!!!

  286. @willdacanucker says:

    Thank you for taking the time from your very important life to stoop to the level of all the other posters.

  287. Soviet Canuckistani says:

    #Z – People who think they are cool by mispelling words, but add letters and/or numbers that make up for the letters they’ve left out. (e.g. l8ter, prolly(probably).

    Why you think your cool: Because everyone else who does it is in that Cool group of people that you want to be friends with.

    Why your not cool: Because when you get out into the real world and actually have to properly spell words, your going to look like an idiot who didn’t bother to learn and retain proper spelling and/or grammar and/or punctuation.

    P.S. I know my Grammar is horrible, my punctuation is ok and my spelling is pretty good.

  288. Anonymous says:

    I suppose you don’t like colour either.

  289. Anonymous says:

    What is cool in my book …. people who don’t take themselves so seriously, people who can actually take a joke, people who can laugh at themselves and not be so damn offended by everything…. really, lighten up. Who cares if someone’s spelling isnt perfect… you understood what they were trying to say, right??? …. Have a Wonderful Day :) lmao

  290. Jon says:

    You forgot Truck Nutz

  291. jimbo slice says:

    New title: 10 Items everyone MUST have in college.

    Your welcome.

  292. Sean says:

    I was going to point out why this list is silly, but I suppose it’s unnecessary. Some stuff is totally a matter of personal taste. Also, although I only know one serious longboarder, he did commute every day down a hill at 45 mph, at the end of which was an intersection with a moderately busy street with no light or stop sign. Same guy was once issued a speeding ticket on a 50 mph speed limit highway which curved through the mountains (thus somewhat blindly). Whether you think that’s wise or cooler than a skateboard are other issues entirely. He was a badass.

  293. edd says:

    #5 “Not to mention, you could’ve gotten a friggin’ car for what you paid for this piece of crap. ” – Also not to mention the guys over at atomiczombie.com make these out of old bikes from the tip…

  294. shadow says:

    sadly i do play guitar hero only cause its a good game and i can play the real guitar so thats a one up for me on actually being cool

  295. toecutter says:

    @Ck- fucking brilliant analogy

    Once again…..the blog is just a Fucktard Magnet. The internets are thick with insecurity.

    Read a book once in a while people. It will give you a feeling for spelling and punctuation.

  296. bobo says:

    ur a bunch of newbs!!!!!1 PWND!!!!!111

    So thats what it feels like to be a typical replying moron…interesting

    iPhone = cool

    Ironic Buckles = Gay

    Bluetooth = Practical

    Quoting Shitty movies = too common

    PT Cruiser = Super Gay

    Tricked out Bike = Super Super Gay

    Fidel Hats = should only be worn by commie fucks

    Guitar Hero = Fun for about 3 seconds…then you realize how shitty it really is

    long boards = a notch below razor scooters…which is still shit

    obnoxious ring tones = Obnoxious…and gay

  297. sir jorge says:

    it’s so true, longboards are lame.

  298. Eric says:

    Pretending to know what’s cool and the narcissistic assumption that you could determine what is and isn’t cool for everyone else is the least cool thing in the world.

  299. Anonymous says:

    somebody’s bitter about missing out on some trends.

  300. lad says:

    yeah, its totally photoshopped.

    just look at the reflections.

  301. Miscreant says:

    The whole cool/not cool narrative is so played it is going to have to become fossilized to return to irony.

  302. Rafael BRAZIL says:

    Juntando estes 10 itens nao sao mais ridiculos que este site de merda !!!!

    Cara nao sei de onde vc tiraram que o iphone é ridiculo tao ridiculo que metade de quem escreveu neste site tem o iphone !!!

    Como disse o colega no topo:


  303. Philosogay says:

    I’m SUPER gay for you right now..

  304. Nobody says:

    Has this guy ever tried to ride a longboard, its not as easy as it looks and they are way faster then regular skateboards. This list just sounds like some guy hating on everyone.

  305. JR says:

    Wait a second…. You’re saying you don’t like Star Wars Figures? You, good sir, are a douchebag.

  306. CAPS LOCK says:

    crocs should’ve replaced #2

  307. Phelan says:

    This is like a crappier version of Cracked Magazine.

    That “10k for MDA” shirt is classic, though.

  308. longboarder says:

    longboarding is awesome!
    hop on one and try before coming to conclusions…
    alot of boarders now go 100+km/hr

  309. kd says:

    have you included making top ten lists as an appropriate item for your top ten list?

  310. Sarah says:

    I love you.

  311. Lynda says:

    I find it rather funny…

    A rather smart way to flush out all the “uncool” people, list things they own, say they are uncool,because we ALL know one persons view is shared by the entire world, then gather the “uncool” peoples names,emails and websites by allowing them to post their angry responses, while the rest of us point and laugh… brilliant plan.. hehehehhe all in good fun loosen up

  312. Rybs says:

    I turned around in a bar one night to the sound of a blood curdling scream of a small infant being beaten. But in fact it was some rather fierce biker type fellow letting his mobile phone ring and ring so everyone in the bar could hear his amusing ringtone. I think he, was enjoying it.
    Some people are just great.

  313. D says:

    Totally agree with this list, especially long boarders, it just pisses me off when I see one on campus. Learn to skateboard dammit!

    Anyways I don’t have any of these on the list yet, but I’m thinking of getting the iphone when 3g comes out. Not because I think it’ll make me cool, but so I won’t get lost =/ when I’m out on the road but maybe I should hold off. We’ll see.

  314. Chris says:

    How about an article entitled ’10 things that aren’t perceived as cool but actually are’?

  315. backassward says:

    This is hilarious. Almost all the people who have issues with this, have no ability to use proper spelling and grammar… this speaks heavily as to the type of person who gets their panties in a knot over this.

    Groove on, you crazy wankers.

  316. hamm3rhead says:

    The only reason the iphone guy is uncool: He’s talking into the earpiece!

    Otherwise it’s far and above the best phone I’ve owned.

  317. Pimpskinny says:

    Cell phones propelled the average person’s ability to be an asshole in public to heights never imagined. The Blue Tooth ™ provides the additional benefit of looking like a total idiot at the same time, including everyone from the mall-shopping Emo to the six-figure executive walking from high-rise office to the gym.

    By the way, anyone who wears a Blue Tooth without being on a call needs to be killed. Wearing one of those things while talking to someone in front of you is the same as saying: “I’m listening you, sure, but someone more important might call at any moment. You got that, loser?”

  318. florian says:

    well i know where NOT to come to read online.

  319. Anonymous says:

    My addendum would be to people who spend a hour on their hair to make it look as messy as possible. Its like taking an hour shower to spray piss scented cologne.

  320. Oldtimer says:

    The more you get offended by this list, the more of a douchebag you are.

  321. Hank Fox says:

    How about those pseudo-cool asshats who drag out their cellphones in movies and check their email or whatever every five minutes. They get to flash everyone in their row, and every row behind them, with the light of their phone screen, distracting everybody so they can find out if their retarded friends sent them a text message in the last 5 minutes. “Look, I can check my email in the theatre! I mean, like, ohmigod, I’m sew koool!”

    And for cool-but-not-cool, nothing beats Trucknutz or BumperNuts, those plastic bull testicles that guys hang from the bumper hitch of their pickups.

    Why you think you’re cool: You think people who see them will associate those huge blue plastic testicles on your truck bumper with your own massive, manly pair.

    Why you’re not cool: First, bright blue bull testicles hanging off your truck bumper might be funny, but only the first time you see them. After that, they start to get mildly offensive, and finally they just seem pathetic and annoying. Plus, probably nobody who sees them is going to think you’re equally well endowed, or if they do, they’re going to find the idea more than a little repulsive. The few exceptions will be those creepy, desperate bar-hanging scags of one gender or the other, in which case, you’ll deserve each other.

  322. Ron Diggity says:

    This is list is whack!

    You forgot the most important one.

    People who write BLOGS are not COOL as much as they THINK they are.

    Why you think you’re cool: Because you feel like you have a voice, that people will actually listen to you. That you are somebody, somebody with power and influence. You want to share your stories. That you are WEB 2.0

    Why you’re not cool: BECAUSE YOU ARE A NOBODY! You sit at a computer for inspiration and you’ve lost touch with the importance of life, LIVING.

  323. James B. says:

    The Longboard one is gold. There should be something in there about hair gel and silk shirts.

  324. Anonymous says:

    What’s wrong with Bukowski you illiterate fuck?

  325. diephone says:

    The iphone screen goes black when place near your ear. that photo is FIXED!! har har

  326. Guy says:

    You know, playing this doesn’t make you cool like a real guitarist.
    Didn’t you hear me?
    Stop having fun!


  327. partyclaw says:

    How DARE you make fun of Guitar Hero! Guitar Hero is awesome! Come talk to me when you can shred through Evenflow on level 10 without ever touching the big red button when you’re supposed to touch the big blue button! I heard Guitar Hero 3 is going to have Enter Sandman! I wanna see all these losers talk their crap then!

  328. Violent Steve says:


  329. Ryan says:

    Wow, “Gay Transformer” comment on #6 is comedic genius. Well done.

  330. Anonymous says:

    To all those people complain about this list, isnt complaining about the list being made just as bad as making the list itself

    its the internet, if you dont like the article stop reading it. Your WORSE then the author who your trying to make look bad.

    not so hard is it

  331. Heather says:

    I notice all of the people getting upset are ones who are guilty of at least one of the items on this list. It is a very impressive list and I cannot deny that I might be subject to a few of these. I think PT Cruisers are cute even though deep down I know they have a horrible consumer reports rating. My brief interlude with guitar hero was fun and I did feel proud of myself if I did well. Now the bluetooth thing pisses me off, I used to work in retail and it is the most annoying thing you will ever have to deal with. I just usually refused to talk to anyone until they were off the phone– I’ve always wanted to start my own business so I could tell customers to fuck off. But hey thats just me. We’re only human, we want to impress and amaze, even though in the observation of others doing what we do to gain attention, it just annoys us.

  332. andrew says:

    80mph on a longboard

  333. Landmo says:

    Biased list is biased

  334. balls says:

    Longboarding is like luge, but STANDING UP

  335. rick says:

    lol I love it.

    iphone – so true

  336. gary says:

    yes, exactly what is wrong with bukowski? at least the person with a compilation of his poetry (which is in my backpack right now) is reading something.

  337. DSKZ says:

    Wow. You used a picture of me goofing off for your Castro hat piece. Please remove it or be prepared to pay me, bitch.

    Your also uneducated. Im not going to dignify your list with an answer.

  338. DSKZ says:

    OK, how about this… you have 3 days. My lawyer is salivating.

  339. Dancer says:

    Hey Taco, Does this now make you ubercool as you are so above these suposed fashions/fads?
    And where do you get off uing other people’s pics for your sad little sites

  340. Dick Kennedy says:

    Re the skateboards, it should be pointed out that no-one is cool on *any* kind of skateboard once they pass 16 years of age. Ages 16-20, skateboarding is for people who have failed to find something meaningful in their lives (like sex). Twenty-somethings on skateboards define the words ‘immature’ and ‘loser’.

  341. DSKZ says:

    Yeah because sitting your fat ass inside of a car to go 5 blocks is really fucking cool.

  342. blaw says:

    You forgot “douche bags that grab other peoples’ work and republish on their blog as their own.” Is it that hard to get off your ass, grab a camera and step out and take your own fucking shots?

  343. Fuck you. says:

    Stop stealing images you cunt.

  344. haha says:

    Your also uneducated.

  345. Uber_Hipster_Cunt says:

    All of you are douchebags.

    There. I feel much better about the world.

  346. Tony Hawk says:

    RE: Skateboards
    Oi Fuck Face Dick Kennedy.
    Does that mean I failed at life and I have had no sex…

    You have no idea Dick wad….

  347. DSKZ says:

    Im Batman.

  348. DSKZ says:

    Whatever you do dont click my name.

  349. Leighann says:

    haha, oh please.

    Christ. People, in general, are all a bunch of pretentious judgemental bastards. at any rate, the list is still funny and even more funny is that everyone on here’s all worked up.

    Bahaha, Fail.

  350. emdeecee says:

    I found the comments to be almost as amusing as the list!
    #6 was my favorite & I actually like PT Cruisers.

    When I was a kid, some one walking around talking to himself was considered crazy. Now he (or she) is usually just a looser using a bluetooth headset.

  351. Aeryle says:

    wow, i had no idea there was anything called a longboard before.

    it’s called ten items you think make you cool. if you don’t like the idea of people judging others because they have a mind of their own, then maybe you shouldn’t click the link, read it, comment, blog and tell all your movie-quoting friends how much of a douche you think this guy is.

    i tried to read all the comments, but I can’t; it takes too long. shows how cool the author is, everyone on this side of the prime meridian read and commented this.

    i love you!

  352. Aeryle says:

    i like DSKZ’s entry. how long did it take you to put together something like that to prove some point that probably only i saw?

  353. DSKZ says:

    Thanks for taking it down.


  354. Anonymous says:

    This is not funny

    learn to be funny, then try again

  355. abhorsen says:

    love the blog/site/page i go to get a laugh. looks like you’ve got the bastards rolling again. also, i relish the assholes who contradict each other. keep it up you bunch of geeky dipshits!

  356. Jason says:

    What isn’t cool-
    People thinking they have to defend things in their life because of list some guy writes as if he’s the authority on what is cool. Also known as being high strung – taking yourself to seriously, and caring about what a site called “holy taco” believes.

    What also isn’t cool-
    Unoriginal ideas – like this list being a rip off of, and not nearly as funny as http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

  357. Jasper says:

    The long-boards one is very dear to me. I happen to think they automatically make you look like a douche. Take a closer look next time you see someone on one. Fucking douche, I’ll bet.

    10 and 8 is me, but I’ve grown accustomed to my lack of cool. It’s part of my charm really.

  358. Zombie Holocaust says:

    I like reading lists like this, but only when they’re done well. I didn’t even smile once.

    Learn what “irony” means. I’ll also bet you’ve never read a single Bukowski poem, you illiterate douchecanoe.

  359. Keakealani says:

    Yeah, I still can’t really believe anyone who doesn’t know how to use an apostrophe.

  360. B says:

    Get over yourself. Really. You know why you’re uncool? Because you think your judgemental shitty attitude is worth something.

  361. Sam! says:

    You forgot the people who pl out of parking lots and the people who say what you forgot

  362. meme says:

    Has anyone here that said “crocs” should be on the list, actually ever WORE them?
    They may be ugly, but damn it, they’re comfortable pieces of rubber and well worth the 5 bucks. So… hush.

  363. eric says:

    hummer should have been a given

  364. Matt says:

    Good list.
    Disagree with the longboarding, I think you should try it.

  365. lolwut says:

    omfg that is not funny. i have done some of the things on the list and will therefore leave an angry, but witty and original* comment (following the ‘what is cool/what isn’t cool’ format) to the author detailing how butthurt i am that he doesn’t like the things that i like. just wait till my myspace friends hear about this. then you’ll be sorry.

    no it’s not.

  366. Colin says:

    You should chill out. Getting pissed about something like that is really weak man :/

    Like, I don’t get pissed about anything on this list because none of it affects me at all. Don’t get uppity about someone’s choice of transportation or phone or whatever.

    All of you guys here are really big whiners. Seriously, enjoy life please.

  367. bbgoose says:

    it’s “iconic” and not “ironic” dipshit. way to go including yourself in douchedom.

    live and let live; those people aren’t trying to bring you down.

  368. William Shitesworthy says:

    But my mom says I’m cool…

  369. Anonymous says:

    The commenters doth protest too much, methinks.

  370. EvilBelgian says:

    I Must say that I agree Here with the author of this hilarious piece of work. that is except for the Iphone.

    You must have been molested by an Iphone when you were younger to have something against them or maybe you just can’t afford one, but it’s ok we all have our bad points.

  371. Maksim says:

    Great article. And yes, fuck iPhone.

  372. D2 says:

    Two problems; one you bash PBR, the only beer that costs under $13 for a 30 pack that doesn’t taste like contaminated water. Two longboards are made for cruising, and apparently you haven’t ridden one since they are always going faster than a normal skateboard (as long as you’re crazy enough to do it).

  373. Luke says:

    To all those people complain about this list, isnt complaining about the list being made just as bad as making the list itself

    its the internet, if you dont like the article stop reading it. Your WORSE then the author who your trying to make look bad.

    not so hard is it

  374. K says:

    Damn, people get uptight when they think their “coolness” is being criticized! Grow up already.

    Liked the PT Cruiser rant. Around these parts, we actually call them PT Losers. Lame, yes. But PT Loser drivers don’t really deserve the extra effort to think of a wittier insult.

    And also… You might want to look up “ironic” in the dictionary. That’s all I’m saying.

  375. Thad says:

    I’m loving on all the white people that are reacting to defensively here in the comments. I bet they are the same that take stuffwhitepeoplelike the wrong way. This list is spot on. I honestly don’t think anyone wearing a Fidel Castro hat thinks they are cool though…

  376. Han says:

    Hey but wudnt be life be boring if everyone stop trying to be cool… :/

  377. dude! says:

    that’s what she said

  378. ThaeLastEnemy says:

    I used to play guitar Hero 3, byt I stopped for fear that slash will emerge from my face.;

  379. Rob says:

    What about black framed eye glasses?

  380. Nathan says:

    Good thing I have a blackberry and not a stupid iphone.

    -Sent from my AT&T Blackberry

  381. Anonymous Coward says:

    I think some people here missed the point. The point is that it’s really annoying when people TRY HARD to be cool. It’s uncomfortable, and occasionally makes me embarrassed for them. I would rather that people just be themselves and do what’s natural.

  382. ImKooL says:

    Everyone that comments with anger and hate is NOT COOL.

    Well…except for me of course. Im guilty of 1-10.

    (except for guitar hero, it’s possibly the dumbest shit Ive ever seen)

    (and everything else)

  383. John Mansky says:

    Great article – made me laugh my ass off and on a slow, miserable day at work in an office that’s just what I needed!

  384. notcrumb says:

    damned, I like the 6. PT Cruiser
    and own a longboard.
    I’m a dick.

  385. One More Time says:

    The more you get offended by this list, the more of a douchebag you are.

  386. JT says:

    I have an issue w/ the Fidel Castro Hat…

    I wear one b/c I commute on a bike everywhere and the small/flexible beak means that the hat can fit easily in a backpack. I can then throw it on at my destination.

    Nothing sucks more then helmet hair

  387. thaliandra says:

    I think I’ll start giving out bluetooth headsets to crazy homeless people who I see talking to themselves. That way nobody will know for sure…..

  388. Listener says:

    Isn’t it kinda personal thing what one likes and what one dislikes…

  389. Kevin says:

    Long boarding is so unatheltic: http://youtube.com/watch?v=57sM8oUxaRY&feature=related

    Luckily having your own Blog makes you the coolest person ever!

  390. Kevin says:

    Long boarding is so unatheltic: http://youtube.com/watch?v=57sM8oUxaRY&feature=related

    Luckily having your own Blog makes you cool as hell

  391. KyoZero says:

    Level 10? Are you serious? Do you realize there are only 4 level ranging from Easy to Expert?

    Way to go though.


  392. Someone says:

    Contempster dot com is one awesome site that does this kinda stuff all the time. Good list though.

  393. edinburgh says:

    Longboards are at least as dangerous as shortboards. Of course a longboard on flat ground is nothing, but neither is a shortboard, and thats where the majority of shortboarding takes place.

    Longboarding hills and mountains is definatly intense:

    These guys face death.

    I used to ride stacked parking garages at 30 mph, and my friend from the BVI used to hang with groups that rode the mountains at 40+mph.
    The swiss kids are pretty daring too.

    Its well enough to poke fun at them for other reasons, but its definatly not for pansies.

    Gravey (post may 15) is right, people should protest in DC. Things in washington are not ok, and it is the duty of a democracy for its citizens to let their feelings known to the government. (/rpspam)

  394. Cooler than OP says:

    I don’t own any of the above items but from the way the author sounds, he seems to be very very “bitter”. Only pokes fun at the owners of said items but doesn’t really explain why any of the above items are “not cool”.

    Maybe your parents should have given you a few more hugs as a kid as opposed to sticking all those things up your ass.

    Your attempt at being funny: EPIC FAILURE.

    Better luck next time.

  395. Anonymous says:

    Do these hats actually have the words “Fidel Castro” hat written on them? If not, then they are just a hat. If they are sporting 50′s era army fatigues then maybe they are going for a look. Lets talk about the asses that still where trucker hats and aviator shades while there inside getting their Boba Tea. Or the people who where their sunglasses on the back on the back of their heads.

  396. jeff says:

    I have something else that belongs on this list:

    Web pages written by “journalists” who think they are the sole arbiters of what is cool.

  397. stiff says:

    Bukowski thanks you for the publicity, douchebag.

  398. C.M says:

    To read so deeply into the reason somebody would where a hat or play a game ,you need to get a life. Although i do agree with the ringtone one.

  399. Bob says:

    I agree that people who wear their Bluetooth ear pieces everywhere are total douchebags, but I have one that I wear when I drive. It is safer to use a headset while driving IF you have to talk on the phone, and I have an intense hatred for wires, so I figured Bluetooth was the way to go. Just for the record as well, I make sure to turn off the little blue light on it so as to not draw attention to myself.

  400. Jack says:

    “Round em up, put em in a field, and bomb the bastards”

  401. John Engler says:

    I think it’s great that in the photo of the iPhone, the iPhone is upside down. Bwahahaha!

  402. RutoMail.com says:

    Great list, you read my mind.

    1. With the movies you can add any quote by Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler.

    2. Include neck scarves on fat people.

    3. NASCAR bumper stickers.

    4. People who take the time to read a list then bitch about said list.

    5. IRC moderators that actually kick. I mean PUH-LEASE.

    6. Anyone that disagrees with me.

    7. RutoMail.com for more amusing pictures and crap.

    8. Anyone currently using “Bra” or “Bro” in a sentence.

  403. RadKing says:

    What makes you think that Cuba has Nuclear weapons? Idiot.

  404. relax says:

    hahaha I think its funny people are reading this list and posting angry comments because they got offended. For example read meomy’s post May 14th, 2008 at 11:01 pm or Eric’s post May 15th, 2008 at 1:21 am . I play guitar hero, i long board, i skateboard, and I want an iPhone. I still find the list hilarious.

  405. wahhhhhh says:

    wahhhhhh, i’m so angry with everything i need to make fun of it to make myself feel better!

    i like tearing down activities other people enjoy because i don’t like anything interesting myself!

    wow, cracked, SUPER original.

  406. C says:

    Great list, I agree with everything but longboards. Pretty much every single thing you said in that statement in completely false. Longboards actually go much faster then skateboards due to the diameter and texture of their wheels, hence the need for them to be so long so you can keep control.

    Good try with that research though, you really gained a lot of information by looking at a picture of a guy longboarding and making some shit up. Quality writing.

  407. Poe says:

    I few have mentioned it… Longboards are easily as dangerous if not more dangerous than their shorter counterpart. The whole idea that if you fell you might just land on the board, and keep going with no problem, is potentially the dumbest thing I have heard in a while. This person has obviously never rode a longboard. That said, I think that if you ride a longboard just because you think that it makes you cool…that you easily fit in this category. These are usually people you see carrying their board however, or who have it posed in their room after using it one time.

  408. Anonymous says:

    haha i find it funny that the author is so bitter all of these things. i love it when he says longboarders are so uncoordinated and require no athletic ability. when you can do half the shit these guys do and go 40mph+ downhill on a skateboard then you can talk shit or else just keep it in your ass and shut your mouth


  409. chanwhk says:

    First, I need an explanation to the Japanese meaning of IPhone. I know Japanese and I couldn’t understand how you could translate IPhone into Japanese.

    Secondly, with all these things that you rated uncool, does that made you a cool person?

    Cool and uncool is a very personal comment. Just as some people marry fat ass people and thinks that they are beautiful or attractive… I just think they are disgusting.

  410. Drew says:

    11. People who sit at home and write blogs about other people.

    Why you think you are cool: You can voice your opinion to the world! Everyone can know the things that you like and dislike and the size of your dog’s shit this morning. Hooray!

    Why you are not cool: Every self-important douche bag on earth has a blog. They are fucking free. Nobody wants to read your lame attempts at being funny. Top ten list blogs are almost as funny as taking a picture and writing FAIL on it. Wow, real fucking genius. My seven year old niece is more creative than this shit.

    StumbleUpon: THUMBS DOWN

  411. jeff v says:

    haha!!!!! dude so fuckin true man. well put and very clever.

    Long boards(wrong boards) are for blatant homos who try to act cool but have never even thought of learning how to ollie or god forbid ding up a shin trying to learn a kick flip.
    i phoners are boners… i cant tell you how many times ive heard someone say ” call me on my i phone” … this is spewing with gold. well done good sir

  412. please says:

    please someone love me

  413. fuck penis' says:

    I longboard and have skateboarded, and most of the time, longboards are more dangerous. IF you think we just cruise you’re retarded, we go WAY faster than the average skateboarder and try to do tech sliding and see how well it goes, see how laid back it is, trust me, you WILL fail and you moron if you fall you don’t fall on your board, dickhead.

  414. @RutoMail.com says:

    “2. Include neck scarves on fat people.”

    Are there other kind of scarves?

    - Ankle Scarves?
    - Wrist Scarves?

    Is there something else we should know about like foot hats or elbow socks?

  415. Shane Hemmer says:

    I would like to make it known to anyone who should read this article, that item number 4, Fidel Castro hats, is a poorly re-written, ripped-off version of an ORIGINAL satirical writer, of whom many of you may know, named Maddox.

    The author of this “Holy Taco” probably knows and adores Maddox, and thought it would be cool if he copied part of one of Maddox’s articles, but changed it up a bit so he could seem unique and satirical, while not having to be accused of stealing ideas on the off chance that someone might recognize Maddox’s work. He didn’t even reference it or anything, which is just a tool-ish thing to do.

    For the real creative genius behind the anti-Castro hats article, go to this link:

    It’s a little way down the page, titled: “You are not a Cuban dictator.”

  416. TurretTop says:

    Kind of funny, kind of not but whatever. I wanted to do a little soapbox work about longboards. Downhill longboarding often requires speeds in excess of 50 mph. Let’s see your kickflipping comrades take a fall at those speeds and not hobble off whimpering for their mommas.

  417. Mike says:

    I don’t care what anyone says, I’m still fucking cool cause i have an iPhone and YOU don’t!!

  418. Longboards R Cool says:

    All of you posting your longboard videos actually drove the point home for me. I actually saw some queer wearing a helmet on one of these things. It also was the most boring 10 minutes of my life, thanks.

  419. Meg says:

    Thank God someone said Crocs. Those are the ugliest shoes I have ever witnessed ( and I grew up with jellie shoes!).

  420. Fuck the bullshit says:

    Nothing but haters..

  421. mark ass buster says:

    a good alternitave to a longboard is a fatty liquor store cruiser with some fatty 65mms that you can ollie up curbs with and still go much faster than a sandal wearing hippie listening to phish soul cruising down the sidewalk on their wank plank. i have never ever in the 12 years of skate ratizm witnessed anyone on a longboard bombing a hill or for that matter doing anything the slightest bit gnarley. Ya cant powerslide on a longboard so how the fuck are you going to bomb a hill like a man??? ” i used to skate is a famous longboard quote”… unless your over 50 or you have a period once a month, stay the fuck off a longboard!!!! marks!!!!

  422. ANDiDAS says:

    what about popped collars? My personal number one.

  423. QF says:

    Funniest site I’ve seen today.

    Second best part was reading the comments from people who actually felt slighted by your list! It seems that iPhones, longboards, and guitar hero are very touchy subjects — or do the comments reflect something about their users?

  424. notcool says:

    what a ghey list – what a ghey site. what a stupid list by closet pedophiles. to the idiot who thinks crocs are bad footwear, to dissing the iphone, to dissing long boards – fuck yourself. and no, i don’t think i am cool.

  425. @ mark ass says:

    maybe You cant slide a longboard but that’s probably because you suck.

  426. Ryan says:

    I Love The Fact There Was An Advert At The Side Saying
    “Win An iPhone”

  427. some of these points are to true! I could think of several others that could be added to the list also. good post.


  428. Hmmm says:

    All these haters agreed or listed what they hated but gave no alternative or had the balls to say what they thought was cool… Except for the skater who types like he is texting on his mobile (With his Bam Margera background)… All you losers can whisper in each others ear while you circle jerk about how less cool other people are without putting your neck out there. You should all stop butt patting and kissing up to some asinine blogger whose name isn’t onthe article

  429. Big Fat Dick says:

    I’m a big fat dick.

  430. People who constantly have to judge others in order to feel like they fit in are not cool. You, sir, are not cool. I bet you actually are jealous of these people in real life.

    Who cares whats cool or not, let people do what they want. I saw a comment telling loler to chill out, and that on the internet you can do whatever you want, well, let people in real life do whatever they want. Let them wear their fidel castro hats, and funny belts. Let it be.

    And that is why YOU are not cool.

    btw, longboarding rocks

  431. Peter says:

    longboards rock brotha. i gave you some amount of credit up until that point.

    i’ve got some nasty gashes from carving some hills.

  432. business says:

    I can’t believe you put the iPhone on there! Arghh, to you. But I agree with everything else, so you still rule. I suppose I agree to what you say about the iPhone, but it comes in handy for business people. Being a publicist, I can catch up on the Wall Street Journal, NY Times, Economists, and porn (j/k), while waiting in long lines, accountants & law offices.

  433. Edmoser says:

    I noticed for #9 you went with the annoying belt buckles rather than the much more annoying and much more prevalent ironic t-shirts. Does that have anything to do with the fact that your website happens to advertise those t-shirts? Maybe you should practice what you preach ( #7) and give the “uncool” Deez Teez the boot.

  434. HUBCITY says:

    I would have to put those gay ass affliction shirts on this list. I hope those guys crash their crotch rockets and mess up their frosted tips.

  435. Fuck u says:

    Longboarding is awesome. you can go anywhere and do anything a shortboard does, plus there is way more style involved in longboarding. And if you really think there is no way to get hurt on a longboard, point one down the steepest hill you can find and When you do fall, you better hope you land on the board and keep rolling because if not your going to be sliding across the ground on your skin.

  436. Anonymous says:

    Why you think you’re cool: You’re 16 and posting comments to a blog post

    Why you aren’t cool: …you’re 16 and posting comments to a blog post

  437. lulz says:

    I enjoy how everyone can’t laugh at it and are offended. “Dude i play guitar hero it is very hard and challenging and i dont see why u are talking bad about it” or “I’m indie and a do/wear/have all these things, this is a stupid list. It’s very uncool.”

    Minus the longboarder thing, the rest seem compliant with how rather annoying and played up these objects are.

  438. Alex says:

    I agree with most of what you have to say but I think its funny that you think someone traveling walking speed can is going faster than someone on a long board. You obviously have never seen someone actually use one. The whole point is going really really fast and yes you do get hurt badly.

  439. Tom says:

    wow, you are an insanely bitter human being.
    and ur shit about long boards is so retardedly inaccurate its clear uve never used one before. theyre faster than regular skateboards, thats the whole point of them existing. damn dude, get a life. you are full of hate

  440. Confuscious says:

    This page suck.

  441. Contact says:

    Wow.. After reading your list and comments following I was left wondering “Does this author now realize he is exactly the douche he in trying to cut down in this list?”.

    10) iPhones have changed the cellular industry whether or not you want to admit it. Look at 99% of the new phones coming out from other manufacturers that are totally biting on Apple’s style. (I’m a blackberry guy myself)

    9) You should probably just avoid looking at others guys crotches while in bars

    8) Good luck talking on the phone while driving in California with out one after July 1st.

    7 thru 4) You’re not necessarily wrong on these.. but you weren’t actually funny either

    3) Guitar Hero is a fun game.. now read that last word again. That’s all it is. Nobody is here making fun of you because you play WoW.

    2) You obviously don’t skate at all – long or short board. You really need to stop talking about stuff you clearly know nothing about.

    1) There is something to be said about everyone in the world not having the same generic manufacturer created ring tones. This also serves as a great meter of how cool or not someone is determined on which ring they are using.. Just about any song will immediately make you a douch though.

    I got here from clicking thru dig.. I will now return by closing this tab only to immediately bury your link as hopefully to save one person 10 minutes today from reading yet another stupid shitty blog with no original content. Please find another job (outside of web development). Way to fail.

  442. matt says:

    hahaha! this list rules. why do you have to defend yourselves? “Crocs ARE cool!” lol! who the hell cares?? if you like something then go do it instead of talking about how cool it REALLY is. thanks everyone for making me laugh so hard!

  443. lamerz says:

    Aww… sounds like the indoor kids have come down with a case of cryabetes.
    I’ll go call the waahmbulance.

    Number 1 should be pseudo-blogs and people who copyright phrases like “holy taco”.


  444. trendho says:

    looks like this piece hit a nerve in some people. relax, it’s all in good fun. ppl are so sensitive these days. just take the bluetooth out of your ear at subway and for the love of god, please don’t take calls on your blackberry in the shitter.

  445. emc says:

    It’s comedy, jerks. Lighten up.

  446. Gorilla Scrotum says:

    Holy Taco fails at humor and creativity. The whole “cynical is overused by dozens of “comedy” websites and most of them do it better than this. Double Viking, Cracked, Omglists, Maddox, this shitty website, they’re all just pure uninspired knockoffs of eachother. You guys fucking link to MAXIM? Jesus christ.

  447. freya says:

    oi oi oi!!!! what the hel are you all arguing about its only a list its ONLY text its ONLY made up i mean i wanted an iphone and i play guitar hero but it doesnt mean im ‘uncool’ its just the person who wrote the blogs opinion okay? it means nothing absolutely NOTHING and you people who all dont like this page are full of hate too cuz ur going blahblahblah ur full of hate while HATING the blogger stupid much? just leave it cuz it means NOTHING and blogger person you shouldve known better to put a top 10 list of ‘uncool’ stuff cuz a lot of people still like that stuff and it offends them okay?

  448. Autonomous Anonymous says:

    What’s Cool: Enjoying what you you enjoy with little to no regard for the jives and jabs of others, whether that be childish videogames, impractical ringtones or spending your life’s savings on an iPaperweight.

    What’s Not Cool: unfunny list blogs, crapping up my Digg with their unfunny clone-ish failure. I remember when Digg was good, damn it.

    And like everyone’s already said, Longboarding is RIDICULOUSLY fast, and requires an incredible amount of skill, balance and coordination.

  449. tbolt says:

    You have obviously never used a longboard. or maybe you have only seen people use one on flat areas, but in MD we have hills which can put us at speeds of up to 30mph…so that really renders your argument moot.

    other than that, i agree

  450. freya says:

    shhhhhhhhhhhhh stop arguing NOW

  451. Eturnstyle says:

    lol @ people getting genuinely upset over this list.

    This is a funny article. If you read this and get mad that some guy on the Internet called you “uncool” for doing some of this stuff, you are both a tool, and probably still in high school.

  452. Fandango8 says:

    I would add tatoos and baggy-saggy-below the knee shorts. Did anyone notice that the longboarder was riding his unit backwards?

  453. pat says:

    you forgot soul patches, tribal tattoos and insane clown posse merchandise (they normally come in one package)

  454. IGLOO says:

    Im pretty sure Iphone is the modern “real” god

  455. weaksauce says:

    I could tear skateboarders a new asshole on my longboard. everything else is cool.

  456. don't care about cool says:

    for anyone, especially the blogger, who thinks longboarding is easy…
    i’d let you ride my board down a nice big hill and then laugh my ass off when you get speed wobbles and eat shit after about 20 feet. once you peel your skin off the pavement and pick all the gravel out of your hands and knees, THEN come tell me longboarding isn’t dangerous. downhill guys consistently top 50mph (unofficial record verified by GPS is 78mph), and in the course of a casual cruise most longboarders will reach 20mph. a shortboard, by design, will have trouble even going that fast. the two are made for different things. i respect shortboarders too, because i certainly couldn’t get on one and do the tricks they do. give longboarding the respect it’s due too. there’s quite a bit of skill involved. sounds like the blogger described a poser, and i’d make fun of them too.

    the rest of the list, save for iPhones and guitar hero, is pretty funny. iPhones are pretty functional, but flaunting it just cause you have one is gay. and guitar hero is just a game. i suck at it, but it’s still fun, especially when drunk!

  457. teunis says:

    Fuck you. “Fidel” hats are sick.
    Especially when Gucci makes one.

  458. Euph says:

    It’s hard to agree with you on a few points, namely longboards and iphones, but, please, go look up the definition of ironic and irony in the dictionary. Those belt buckles are not ironic. Beards are not ironic. Shirts are only sometimes ironic, and lucky charms isn’t.

  459. Dirt says:

    Gotta agree on Bluetooth headsets. I bought a bluetooth Jammer just because I hate the way people use the damn things. Use it in you car I am all for it but, in the mall at the store walking down the street put it away.

    It is great to see someone talking on their headset as there walking down the aisle then you hear hello, can you hear me? Some look at their phones others do the oh well must have dropped the call. The distance isn’t far but far enough to keep that crap from working near me.

    Like the list even though I like and own some of the stuff on there but not because I think it makes me cool.

    I’m cool because “I wear my sunglasses at night”!

  460. 69SK8ER6942069 says:

    longboards are for pussies
    they’re impractical and boring
    get a real skate and like ollie or something

  461. Chris says:

    I think some of you guys need to chill out. So a blogger said that something you do is uncool. Who cares? It was meant to be humorous. I have no doubt that each of you, along with myself, and the author do things that are “uncool.” Who cares? Stop ripping the guy. It was a funny article and (believe it or not) incredibly accurate.

  462. boston says:

    in no particular order:

    1. Nalgenes

    2. Dudes wearing sunglasses at bars

    3. Girls wearing black tights (Greenwich Village girls)

    4. Yoga mats

    5. 3k or 5k organized runs

    6. buying a latte and sitting at Starbucks for hours with you iBook

    7. Starbucks

    8. Corona

    9. Oval stickers on the back of your car (WTF)

    10. Burritos

  463. fuck it says:

    obviously, all of these items are now totally cool…again.

  464. Not A Douche says:

    You know, only douche bags (is that one word, two or hyphenated? whatever, you’re one however it’s spelled.) go around telling people what’s cool and what’s not. Find something interesting or relavant to write about.
    And f**k you, iPhones, belt buckles, PT Cruisers and funny ringtones ROCK! Bluetooth headsets are the future, deal with it, wah freekin wah, people use something I don’t approve of to communicate. What the hell ever.
    Obviously your girlfriend thinks you’re funny guy, and I bet your mom loved the little skits you put on when you were a kid, but it’s adult time now, grow up.

  465. Worst fucking article ever. Guitar hero is a motherfucking video game, why not hate on every game that comes with a peripheral while you’re at it?

  466. iPhoneGuy says:

    I love my iPhone.
    Yet, I laughed at your list.
    When I travel, Google Maps via the iPhone has saved my ass many times.

    I shit you not, i took a call the other day in the grocery store while waiting in line, and low and behold this guy in front of me had one too. He felt the urge to pull his out and place a call as to say, “I’m just as cool as you too.”

    Fuckin weirdos, it’s a great phone, but its not an extension of your penis.

  467. longboarddude says:

    screw you. you probably cant even step on one without bustin your oversized ass on the street

  468. you're dumb says:

    umm writers a fucking retard. longboards can go up to 80mph.

  469. Jick says:


  470. b says:

    haha the only reason you put guitar hero on the list is because you suck at it LOL

  471. Everything is true except for the iphone part!

  472. Victor says:

    People that wear black to be different. Too bad they look just like everyone else wearing black to be different. Come up with your own unique style, then I’ll be impressed.

    Bands that wear only black…there is a genre of music where you, and the entire audience, are required to wear black. Child please.

    Spending more money on car accessories than their cheap car originally cost…it’s still a cheap car. Impress me by pimping out an expensive vehicle.

    People that get tattoos that “have to be” displayed. I laugh at the tank-tops and muscle shirts worn 24/7…even in winter. Must be a burden.

    Bumper stickers…especially eco ones. Get a bicycle and shut up.

    Backpacks in Seattle. “But they are practical”…stfu.

    Ditto on the plastic shoes…you paid how much for plastic shoes?

    Advertising anything for free…do they pay you to wear their logo? Dumbass.

    Tribal piercing. “Look at me, I have big holes in my head!” I just want to be the person selling the holes to these dumbasses.

    T-shirts with stupid sayings on them…at least take the wal-mart sticker off first.

  473. Andy says:

    WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Oh man look at me skewering pop culture! Yeah! Who do they think they are, riding bicycles and long boards! Now I’m going to drop some totally relevant comment about going to Starbucks, or a martial arts class, or something else all those other people do!

    WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You’re really not that witty, clever or funny. Also, your grammar and spelling leaves something to be desired. Oh, and I almost forgot that all of your humor is a shitty rehash of other more popular articles and ideas that have already been had by dozens of other people on the Internet. Think about that. You’re not even cooler than other people on the Internet. At least you hate yuppies…

  474. Andy says:

    And also:
    Why I’m not cool: I didn’t read the comments and it turns out several other people already bashed you with your own format. Doesn’t change the fact that you’re a worthless cretin. Keep fighting the good fight!

  475. tom says:

    You are a tool if you think people on foot travel faster than those on longboards. Maybe you should stop being such an internet warrior and actually get some sun, hop on a longboard (or skateboard [either way you will most likely fail on both]) and see what’s out of writing boring predicted demeaning blog posts on a crappy blog that’s only saving grace is Break.com linking them. (I know that Holy Taco is their “project”)

  476. Tom (not the myspace TOM) says:

    By the way,

    Next time you make a list, try not to specify “ITEMS” in the title and have one of those “ITEMS” (you are using the tangible form of it btw) be a person quoting a movie.

    Should have just left that out since I think it’s been covered many times in the past by tons of other websites. Dork.

  477. Jake says:

    Whaaaa! Whaaaaa! These people have a website and are stating opinions on it! Whaaaa!

  478. jordan says:

    eric: the #1 you think your cool but your not..

    posting a comment about a stupid blog that threatens the blog poster to publish your comment….

    “Bet you don’t have the balls to publish this”

  479. Tracy says:

    My iPhone TOTALLY makes me cool. I’m reading this page from it right now and talking about it on my bluetooth headset while people around me wonder how to be as cool as me.

  480. jeff says:

    Is Muscular Dystrophy ironic? I guess if you thought that you would be strong and healthy, but instead you find your muscles wasting away and difficulty in tasks that many people take for granted. LOL!

  481. Satch says:

    I can’t tell you how many of my friends have said that they are great musicians after playing Guitar Hero. I can’t tell you because none of them have ever said that.

    I agree with some of the list, but seriously, does the author get pissed off when people have fun or something?

  482. dietbrisk says:

    11. Having a blog and hating on everything
    WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: You have edgy, witty comments on small niches of society, much like Seinfeld did back in the day on his TV show, and now you’re on the front page of Digg.
    WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You spend your time on the Internet, prepping your blog about people different from you. There are many telling things about this statement: first of all, you live on the Internet, you’re as highly appreciated as a /b/tard. Second, you’re writing about people who don’t read about your blog and suggestions, and don’t care to, not only making your statements nil, so realistically you’re writing to a non-related and useless audience. This also making your blog a cock-stroking contest. And a tell-tale sign of penis-envy for these individuals whom have been written about, for the sole fact that they are doing something with their lives unlike this blog’s self important author.

  483. JokeHitler says:

    This article would be AWESOME if it was funny!

  484. silent jay says:

    truthfully i was’nt aware of the “fidel castro” hat non-conformity thing – i did’nt even know they were being called “castro” hats – i bought one because I never find ball caps that fit my head properly (= anyhow i like them – much nicer fit .

  485. . says:

    No one has ever claimed that playing guitar hero actually grants the ability to play real guitar, it’s simply a fun game, just like every other game out there. The only people that say things like this are people who don’t play the games themselves, just like the people who think playing a FPS will turn you into a mass murderer (quite the opposite)

  486. Sean says:

    Amen, thats a great list.

    I would have replaced the long board one with Crocs.

  487. Liz says:

    I love your whole list except for the _____________. I do/own this and therefore it should be removed because I agree with the other nine things. I still want to be considered cool so if you continue to think ________ is uncool I will in turn decide that you are uncool and call you a douche/loser/lame ass. I am sure you now regret writing this article because hundreds of us took the time to read, think and respond, convincing you that you are wrong in your cool assessment and you must retract #__ from your list.

    Also…I have never noticed longboards or even thought about them but after reading the comments I suddenly feel compelled to make fun of the people who ride them.

  488. ENGEL says:

    1) the guys that try too be cool by dressing different than normal people like darkies and punks and hippies but they are just the same as everyone (different than normal people)
    2) the guys that wear clothes with the brand written so that everyone sees it to be cool, but they are really saying im just a really stupid guy that wants to impress everyone with my clothes where the really cool guy is the one that says
    hey how much did your armani grey sweater cost
    well i didnt really know but i got one exactly the same without the armani thingy at 20 bucks

  489. Big Vaku says:

    Not cool: pants hanging below you ass. You think that you look slick, but really you look like you were taking a dump right when the phone started to ring in the other room. Pull up your pants and put a belt on, but make sure that you wipe first.

  490. mrsleep says:

    Yeah, I’d have to say you are dead wrong on the long boards.
    It’s quite evident you have never tried to ride one, and you really should before you spout off about it. Longboard is not the easy button of skateboarding.

  491. JAB_au says:

    Oh yeah the PT Cruiser totally sucks ass.

  492. John says:

    You totally should have included hookah. so not cool.

  493. ozzy says:

    I promised not to reply to this crap but i feel uncool not doing it, so here it is!

  494. ANON says:

    This Blog, in it’s entirety, is a piece of shit. The layout is disgusting, the cliche use of a random name, making your banner have “lawl super 1337 cool popup shadow FX LAWLZ”. And on top if it all, you write an entry on a done-to-death topic.

    As many have said, this is a ridiculous list. Guitar Hero is for having fun, not bragging about one’s ability to play guitar. Long Boarding is about sitting back and enjoying the smooth ride versus having to micro-manage your alignment so you don’t crash into the nearest pedestrian/post/oncoming car. Having ringtones isn’t as annoying as you claim. Most people do not keep their phone on vibrate as you claim “every other normal person” does. I personally have 12 of the ringtones on my phone set to different people, and they are all ringtones of the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time songs.

    I would also like to point at that you are a total fucking douche-wad. Honestly, I am surprised that you managed to make it this far in life. Unfortunately, the way the world works, the more of an elitist “I’m better than you, prick” attitude one has, the further they get in life. I guess calling you an arrogant asshat, however, would be an understatement.

    I have seen better arguments on /b/. But I bet people who read /b/ are uncool, as well, huh?

  495. joe says:

    I love all the people defending longboarding. The words they choose to describe why its not stupid totally reinforce what the initial suggestion implies

  496. brad says:

    Longboarding depends where you are. Living in Colorado, longboarding is the way to go. there were skateparks and such, but I have seen longboarders cruising down the road in front of my condo at 40+ mph. With larger wheels it is even possible to take them on some offroad downhill trails. Maybe the flatlanders don’t see it, but in a mountainous area, cruising a hill on a longboard is hella fun. You just can’t do it as well on other boards. Street and park skating is fun, but for speed and cornering longboards are great.

  497. Baili says:

    I just don’t give a fuck. I think if more people DIDN’T care, the world would be a better place. So many people take offense to this shit…I say, who cares? Stop trying to defend yourselves, you are who you are, you like what you like, you wear what you wear, period. As long as you are happy, fuck everyone else.

  498. Bob says:


  499. Fred says:

    Dude, this is ridiculous. This whole page makes me hate the internet.

  500. Joe Ardent says:

    Regarding #5, that’s a photo from Atomic Zombie. They sell the plans, and that’s it. You build it yourself, and the total cost is less than $100. DIY bike == cool, case closed.

  501. carl k says:


  502. Longboarder says:

    I have to disagree with number 2. As there are many douchebags who just “cruise” there are just as many of us that bomb steep ass hills and if we fall were losing some skin or breaking something.

  503. Greg says:

    People (the general public) who read and respond to blogs, myself included, are shit.

    I’m not sure what’s happening here? This blog at best is light entertainment, at worst a little bit mediocre. It’s an opinion piece meant to fill a few minutes of people’s time. Why have all the responses been so psychotic and disproportionate to the initial insult? Fervently defending video games and skateboards… lighten up.

    I particularly like ANON’s vitriolic response. Especially where s/he writes:

    “I personally have 12 of the ringtones on my phone set to different people, and they are all ringtones of the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time songs.”

    I think this might be a case of the pot calling the kettle a “douch-wad”!

  504. Ryan says:

    ANON dude you’re a joke. Your completely irrelevant and immature cheap shots at the site show just how much of a loser you are. I personally have an iPhone but instead of whining to a bunch of people who couldn’t care less I suck it up and chuckle which was the INTENTION not for you to piss blood over a blog post. Seriously dude grow a pair.

  505. SaveOurSkyline says:

    i agree with most of these, but he needs to add: ’11. Writing Snarky Blogs About Stuff That Bothers Me And Makes My Life So Difficult.’ It’s kind of funny that he’s threatening to pee inside someone’s PS3. I think he should try that and find out how electricity and urine react when you’re standing on the ground.

  506. Gerard says:

    ^ You know, I only read a 20th of the no-doubt-stumbleupon-bloated comments section before scrolling down here, but that’s gotta be at least the 6th time someone suggested that same 11th item.

    No doubt I skipped the other 60 rebuttals exactly the same as mine.

    Right, to the person posting below me: (I know you can read this while typing your name and email, asshole. Don’t ignore me)

    Chances are, whatever you were going to say has already been said several times, and then made fun of by some misogynistic dickhole.

    “lol, i’m totally number #. ur totally right about #, though. they suck and should all die hahaha. ur totally right when you said !”

    “haha, everyone guilty of that number is a nerd”

    “at least im not a ”

    “Get a life, all of you. I can’t believe you’re wasting your time on petty internet arguments. Seriously, what’s wrong with all of you people. It’s people like you that really show the downside to internet anonymity. You all suck.

    Oh dear, I appear to have strayed off the subject of pointing out the above poster’s mistake and managed to bury myself under layers of hypocrisy and useless rebellion from internet messageboards. I wasted 15 minutes of my life that could have been spent sleeping on something that no one will ever read or appreciate. I am the epitome of all that I am trying to passive-agressively bash. I am anonymous.

  507. Devon says:

    I was thinking that crocs and those hideous elephant pants from Hot Topic should be on here. :( So sad.

    But the above was very true as well.

  508. Samantha says:

    Why do people see that this is a list of things that are going to be judged, read it anyway, and them complain about how stupid it is to write a list like this? Just don’t fucking read it! It’s not hard! Read the title and say ‘This isn’t something I would like’ and travel away from it. And if you really hated it, why are you taking the time to write about everything you saw that was wrong with it. You do realise the people who make this are laughing their asses off at you? But, if you want to be a collassel douche for life, then by all means continue trying to better the world by leaving angry comments on funny blogs.


  509. Phil says:

    NY Yankee hats outside of New York!!!! Hey, assholes! Whether you’re from NY, or like to pretend you’re from NY, here’s a news flash for you: We’re not impressed!

  510. DaMan says:

    I love the rock game. Me and my biddies have a great time on it. I dont see anything wrong that game…The colorful buttons are there so you wont get lost. The brightness neon i understand….

  511. tarnishedhero says:

    I don’t do or have most of that sh*t, I think the Castro hats urk me the most..
    Communist Dictators suck b#lls. Since when has being a ruthless murderous evil man been a symbol of non-conformity… Hate on old GW but hell I guess Stalin is a patron Saint of MASS MURDER, not to mention MAO and well yeah Castro is a groovy cat…. its funny how people hate our style of politics yet the WORLD runs and swims, flies and walks to be here…

    opps this was supposed to light-hearted…. I guess I better quote some more Anchorman to make myself feel better.

  512. sfb2008 says:

    samantha rocks. and to all the defenders of long boards and guitar hero – no one cares how fast you can go or how dangerous riding a long board is or how much fun it is to play GH or how hard it is to play some of the songs.

  513. Anonymous says:

    Just not terribly amusing.

  514. uncoollistsforthecool says:

    all you people bashing his blog or top ten list need to eat a bowl of dicks. It’s not the authors job to prove his/her opinion to you and you all sound like a bunch of butt hurt 10 year olds “waaaaaaa he made fun of my guitar hero!” Grow up and enjoy the list as something to either laugh at or not laugh at. I can’t believe how full of fail and aids most of the people who have posted are.

  515. schmilf says:

    GH is fun. i dont care who you are…. quit worrying about looking cool and have a good time.

  516. phil says:

    I didn’t pretend to like the band… I really do like them

  517. anon says:

    Congratulations on getting your stale list of uncool things linked on Fark. Enjoy the thousands of hits you get today. Tomorrow, you’ll be back down to 4 visitors/day.

  518. oohahh says:

    I’m with CodPiece on this one. If you weld the bike yourself: cool. If you pay someone $1000: not so cool.

  519. sam says:

    one problem that automatically invalidates this list -

    PBR is good. maybe not “good” in terms of having 200 pounds of hops in each six-pack and an alcohol content of 10%, but good in terms of me being able to drive fifteen minutes into the next state and buy a 30-pack for $12.
    hell a 30-pack costs $19 where I am now and it’s still my light beer of choice.

    pabst blue ribbon, it’s the beer that keeps on giving
    when i’m drinking it I am winning, when it’s in my belly I feel nice
    pabst blue ribbon, it’s the beer that keeps on giving
    for such a modest price you get a beer that you’ll taste twice

    heinekin, heinekin, fuck that shit
    pabst blue ribbon is the beer that’s it
    heinekin, heinekin, fuck that shit
    pabst blue ribbon is the beer that’s it

  520. johnny from Brazil says:

    Man I take almost one hour to make a comment, how many people in this site, this thing is like some from that books whosay to the people things that they already know, but for the fact it´s written they say: Oh this will help in my life…
    I have to say, wath a fuck is that, use a gamepad in the belt, this is a thing that we here in Brazil never will do.
    I´m going, see ya.

  521. AoE says:

    I don’t think anyone actually believe they’re cool when they’re playing a charlie brown instrument plugged into a TV do they? None of my Guitar Hero playing friends do. But… and I’m guessing this is something that you’re not going to be able to wrap your mind around dear author of this blog post, but we play it to have fun, not to be cool, you dig?

  522. Diehard31575 says:

    I hate GRILZ…or however you spell it. So freaking not cool. It looks ridiculous and you can’t understand a word the wearer is saying. I Stood behind a GRILZjerk at Wendy’s and after the employee asked four times what he wanted to order the kid had to take it out to be understood. He got much laughter from those of us behind him. Don’t get me started on the low riding pants that show the underwear and to keep them up one has to walk all pigeon-toed or with one hand on the waistband. Pseudocool!

  523. Chuck says:

    dumbass – longboards are for riding on hills since that’s not fun to do on a short board

    I could go on, but if you just understood then there’d be no need for words

  524. Anonymous says:

    Sounds like someone is pissed because they don’t have a life or friends.

  525. Reginald says:

    Anybody who reads this blog entry, or especially this comment, is not cool.

  526. Fidel Castro says:

    Personally, I myself adore these Fidel Castro hats.

    Oh wait, what’s that? I’m Fidel Castro?


    Unless your sure you’re Fidel Castro, don’t wear Fidel Castro hats.

  527. zeph says:

    Woo! Someone just turned 30 and is feeling cranky. No wonder he didn’t put his name on the article.

  528. sean says:

    yeah, why dont you tell us whats cool you fucking hipster douchebag?

  529. Nicky says:

    o_0 I thought this list was very funny.
    What is cool or uncool is relative though, and people getting so angry about someone else’s opinion is ridiculous.
    Apparently a bunch of 5 year olds got a hold of mommy and daddy’s laptop and are mad that someone called them uncool.
    Get over it.

  530. For Real? says:

    11. Leaving Mean/Lame/Stupid/Unfunny Replys to a Blog

    WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: All the other internet people will see what a witty and “cool” person I really am. After all, only my opinion matters, nobody else is smarter than me. Anything and everything posted on the internet must have proper grammer and spelling at all times or I have the right to decare it WRONG!

    WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Its just a list made for entertainment, Who cares? If you don’t like it try to do better yourself and see what replys you get. If I don’t care for something on the internet I just click the X in the corner and it will go away.

    TADAH! Problems solved!

  531. Hank Azaria says:

    Jesus, that sucked.

  532. Josef says:

    What about not bothering to read the all of the of the responses and re write pretty much what someone else has already said because as you were reading through them you started to come across the same things being said so you skipped to the end to write this post?

  533. meq says:

    this site is the biggest rip off of cracked.com I have ever seen. for shame, young man!

  534. Cory says:

    Wow, it’s a bad maddox impersonator.

    And you clearly don’t know shit about longboarding.

  535. longboards are way more intense than “normal” skateboards. i don’t even have to ollie– i just roll over shit! but really, i’m just glad that i don’t have to change out of my flip-flops.

    and Long Boarder, you’re right. longboards go waaaayyyyyy faster. i was doing like 35 mph and slammed so hard i nearly ungayed myself.

  536. Mike says:

    One time I saw this guy riding a tricked out bike and wearing crocs, but he wasnt paying attention because he was trying to sync his bluetooth to his Iphone, so he could download the miss new booty ringtone and he ran over this guy on a longboard wearing a cuban revolutionary hat. well that guy got pissed and beat him over the head with his cast iron Retro General lee beltbuckle, then screamed, Very nice not so much, and jumped in his PT crusier and drove off to the guitar hero tourney at the mall. the end:)

    Im guilty of the bluetooth thing but thats because I drive a lot of long distance and i get bored and call people, which is usually the only time i talk on the phone, and rather than be an asshole driving with a phone jammed in his ear, i drive hands free.
    Also guilty of Crocs…uglier than homemade sin…but unbeleivably comfortable. I road tested them at 6 flags…8 hours of walking, standing in line and generally sweating…my feet were the only thing on me that didnt hurt. Dont knock the crocs!
    And guitar hero is just fun. Just a mindless game to play and relieve some stress without having to overthink anything.
    And I love the retro stuff…mainly Old rock tshirts. Im old..just trying to recapture my youth with 80s metal bands.

    As far as uncool…the Che guevara shirts worn by all the white kids who probably have no idea who he is or what he stood for; the toby keith hats, people who jump on the obama bandwagon blindly just because everyone else is…

    Great list!

  537. Mike5055 says:

    I think military (Fidel Castro) caps do have a reasonable purpose actually. I travel a lot (Amazon, Andes mountains, Patagonia, Sahara, Borneo, etc.) and I wear one. I mostly wear it to keep the sun off my head and also because I don’t really want the longer bill like a normal baseball cap.

    So my point is this. If you’re not in the military and/or you don’t travel to places where it makes sense, then yeah, it’s stupid. But even then, to each, his own.

  538. HI.P.A. says:

    After skimming the responses I have only noticed one comment on the misuse of “ironic.” If so many people wear those hats there must be something to it. I’m sure long boards can go much faster than people walk, and unless the author can skateboard then they have no reason to comment. PT Cruisers do suck. Guitar Hero is a fun game. I don’t have a blue tooth, but anyone who owns a car with a manual transmission would agree it would be useful while driving.

  539. Relax says:

    This describes half of the people at my college. Thank God for lists like this – we need to laugh at these trends that come and go. It’s all cyclical. For anyone whose feelings are hurt, learn to laugh at yourself, cause we already are and will continue to…

  540. Josef says:


  541. Shastar says:

    #11: 22″ rims/spinners,‹
    Why you think you’re cool: Yo Boyeeeeee! This shiate is dope fresh! you be blingin’ and all da pimps will be hatin’ when you come down the street in this sweet ride!!!,‹
    Why you’re not cool: You’ve put them on a 2001 Ford Taurus. So you’ve got rims on that lower the car’s performance, Don’t handle worth shiate, and cost more than you pay rent an any three months. Welcome to Douchebagville, Mayor: YOU! Good thing you got those spinners, Every Mayor needs a Helicopter!

  542. sk8 or die says:

    I’m disagreeing with #2. Longboard skateboards go FASTER than trickboards- a downhill longboader can reach speeds in excess of 70 mph. They are designed for transportation, not as a kiddie version of a trickboard. They also have a different set of tricks that you can do with them.

    Check these vids out :



  543. hamropalo says:

    great need to review b4 stepping cool

  544. Tim S says:

    good article

    Here’s my question, why the hell does anyone need a cell phone while driving? DRIVE! For emergencies, yes, but we didn’t need them 30 years ago, why do you need them now? Everytime YOU are on the cell phone you endanger OUR lives you self centered prick.

    I and many others, get to be the guy behind you, watching you yack, yack yack, weave in and out of the lane, hit the brakes, lane swerve, brakes again, more brakes, brake brake brake..etc while excitedly talking to whomever who has the misfortune to be on the other end. And all I can think is “douchebag” not “oo he’s cool, he has a cell phone, he must be important, maybe he’s a millionaire!”

    And the long boards, come on kids, in the 70′s we had skateboards that were long enough to put two feet on them with an inch to spare , and that’s it, these large skateboards I’m thinking. “Now there’s a kid that’s retarded”, it’s like riding a tricycle with training wheels.

  545. Anonymous says:

    The list was funny. No need to throw a bitch fit because something you own or do was on it.

  546. marvin says:

    I totally agree on the Fidel hats, and would add the Che shirts. The items send the message that you think murdering thousands of dissidents is totally cool, but managing a star bucks makes you worse then Hitler.

  547. WhoCares? says:

    Seriously, it was a fun little article. I think y’all are taking it way too seriously and too personally. You know what I think is uncool? When people get bent out of shape about articles like this. Don’t you have better things to do?

  548. Mr.Dandy says:

    I would add non-functional pickup trucks. Pickups are for hauling stuff. They aren’t built for speed, or passenger comfort, or looks. They are for people who regularly need to haul things that a passenger car can’t handle.

    Yet lots of trucker jackasses, especially where I live (So Cal) act like they’re driving Maserattis. They get fancy paint jobs, lower them to the ground, or jack them up about 3 feet. They add plastic spoilers, air scoops, bumper nuts, clever vanity plates, and completely close off the cargo area(!) Then they drive them like sports cars. They weave in and out, super-hemi straining to its limit, so they can sit one car-length closer to the next red light. I’d love to see what they’d do if they were actually forced to put a half-ton of bricks in that shiny cargo bed. Cry like a baby, I’d bet.

  549. jc says:

    Nice article.

  550. jeebs says:

    HaTeRs! u StOoPiD pEoPlE bAd MoUtHiNg DiS lIsT dO sOmEtHiNg On Da LiSt.

    PS… people who type like that. It took me almost 5 minutes to do that. You can’t take the time to learn the correct spelling of simple words but can take the time to make it illegible as well?

  551. haha. says:

    longboards traveling at speeds that allow those walking to pass you? have you ever seen someone walk at 35+ mph? i sure havent..

  552. Anonymous says:

    its funny, people who dont think longboards are “real skateboards” never actually ride either one

  553. John says:


    Why you think you’re cool: You’ve got a SHINY new computer that looks great, and can do all these cool things, even though a PC is cheaper and can do everything your new Mac can do! But it looks nice, right? And it’s easy to use!

    Why you’re not cool: You bought a computer because it looked nice and was easy to use. You probably got a Mac because you’re too stupid to run a REAL operating system. You wasted tons of money, because you could have just gotten a PC, which is cheaper, and can do everything a Mac can do, and more. Can you run games on a Mac? Nope. Does owning a Mac make you a complete douchebag? Yep.

  554. rachel says:

    haha right on.

    replies to this are hilarious reads.
    dont be so offended people, its just opinion…we all have them.
    If YOU want to go around quoting austin powers…somewhere, someone will think youre cool.

  555. bobby-bob jr says:

    Most of this list is bullshit and unjustified, I think it’s retarded just like the person who wrote it. Everyone who commented you guys are fucking hilarious, trying to explain to shit to idiots, calling people shit-bricks, its all fucking stupid and funny. Those posts are the only reason all this is funny. Bottom line is long boards kick ass, iPhone is the most sophisticated piece of technology on earth and chances are it is the apex of civilization as we know it, I’m a hypocrite, as most importantly, all yall bitches is so stupid its fucking hilarious (except longboard and iphone defenders, by far coolest people ever, they ice cold). FUCKING douchebags

  556. Barf says:

    10 11 Items You Think Make You Cool, But Don’t

    11. Ironic Blog with Meaningless Name

  557. noname says:

    I cannot beleive you ass, you can’t say that longboards arent cool, you’re just a poser who doesn’t know anything

  558. wow says:

    hey, maybe you should do some fucking research before you start flying dicks out your ass. yeah, there are some kids that do that, but you dont know what your talking about, longboarding is more than that. if you’re telling me this video doesnt envolve coordination or athletic ability you’re on some good crack and have a huge stick up your ass.


  559. Long Boards says:

    Yeah to the guy that says wearing a helmet on a long board makes you a queer

    Lets see how you do after you fall while riding 30 mph+

    This blogger or whatever clearly has never ridden a long board

  560. billy says:

    what’s wrong with looking like a gay transformer? pt cruisers are ok on the inside. don’t be mad at the pt if you can’t afford one, just buy something cheaper.

  561. you.are.an.idiot says:

    your a tool. clearly you havent ridden a longboard, or have seen someone ride one as they are a shitload faster than regular skateboards and you certainly dont land on the board and continue travelling when you stack.
    douche bag.

  562. erin says:

    I desperately want one of those NES belt buckles now. That’s freakin’ fantastic!

  563. Harman says:

    I pretty much agree with everything except for the longboard, and Guitar Hero. I don’t skateboard, but even I know that longboards are faster. And Guitar Hero? Why rip on it? Every Guitar Hero-hater I’ve encountered just sucks at it.

  564. Smokey Bear says:

    How long did it take you to create this list?

    Now think that you could have been learning how to ride a longboard or playing guitar hero instead of being a little bitch with a keyboard.

    I shattered my left arm and broke my right one on 2 places on a longboard a couple months ago, I never injured myself on a short board, so get fucked, you don’t know anything about one being more dangerous. I get the 4 metal bars that are going through my arm out tomorrow, and I would like to punch you in the mouth. Right after I play some guitar hero.

  565. Dervish says:

    Lmao? A longboard is a lot more dangerous than a skateboard, traveling 60 mph taking a hairpin takes skill and you can get really hurt, also if your wheels drift too much you can hit a guardrail.

  566. Hellcat says:

    Ever rode a longboard? try bombing a hill with loose trucks asswipe

  567. rt says:

    People who use “whack”
    White people who say “Peace out”
    White suburban teens who flash gang signs
    American tourists who speak in “Broadcast Voice” no matter where they are
    Idiots who bother bands on their pause and wanna talk about the band they’re starting

  568. greaser says:

    Sounds like a lot of people read blogs just so they can flame the author.
    Are you the kind of people that watch late night TV just in case they show a nipple and you can write a “scathing” letter to the tv station?

    If you don’t like reading blogs that people have written in a light-hearted manner just to entertain, then don’t read them! But don’t bore us with post after post all saying the same damn thing.

    This article is not only funny, but it’s pretty accurate.
    Basically, if you’re trying to be cool … you’re not cool!

    And that does include people that flash about their iPhones, ride around on huge penis-extension-long-boards (A skateboard? Really? ARE YOU 12?) and a hell of a lot more jokers that walk the streets every day begging for approval from strangers.

    Ahhh :)
    Flaming the flamers.
    How ironic.

  569. Jay says:

    “circus folk smell vaguely of cabbage”?!?!?!?!

    I must be one of those people that loves quoting the movie because I have NEVER heard that line. What are you quoting?

    “Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands” . . . perhaps?


  570. Robot Robot says:

    Unicycles require a lot of coordination, skill, and concentration. When riding one in public, they also make you look like an asshole.

  571. Aaron says:

    youre a fag…..I even agree with some of the things you have in here but just the way you wrote about them makes you come off as a whiny fag

  572. amanda says:

    you forgot…..
    1.excess amounts of hair gel. no, actually the use of any hair gel at all. hair gel=douche bag.
    2. while you chose the PT cruiser, i believe the douche bag-mobile would be the mustang, bar none. i don’t know what it is about the owners of mustangs that gives them this sense of power that makes them truly believe they are the only ones who can exceed the speed limit while having their windows rolled down playing the latest, most ghetto-esque rap CD-all while passing the soccer mom in the mini van in a no passing lane. i know, bad ass.
    oh, and typically owers of mustangs where excess amounts of hair gel.

  573. amanda says:

    you forgot…..
    1.excess amounts of hair gel. no, actually the use of any hair gel at all. hair gel=douche bag.
    2. while you chose the PT cruiser, i believe the douche bag-mobile would be the mustang, bar none. i don’t know what it is about the owners of mustangs that gives them this sense of power that makes them truly believe they are the only ones who can exceed the speed limit while having their windows rolled down playing the latest, most ghetto-esque rap CD-all while passing the soccer mom in the mini van in a no passing lane. i know, bad ass.
    oh, and typically owers of mustangs wear excess amounts of hair gel.

  574. Nick says:

    You missed out the number one:

    CHE GUEVARA t-shirts

    I mean, he was a communist revolutionary who failed almost everywhere he went. Even Castro ended up hating him. How the hell can any middle-class capitalist student from the ‘great evil’ that is the USA relate to him on any level?

    But a good list nonetheless

  575. tree4 says:

    Fidel Castro hats (my brother calls them janet jackson hats) are generally cliche, but for me they are necessary because i have a huge head and those are the only ones that fit my massive dome.

  576. Jan says:

    Basically you’re making fun of everything that’s been hip but isn’t novel anymore.

    You have much to learn grashopper.

  577. Phresh says:

    Longboarding is awesome. Almost as awesome as skateboarding. You can do moderately dangerous things on longboards like bomb hills and ride in pools.

  578. Rebekah says:

    Can no one take a joke! Obviously the people who are hating took the time to read it. Which makes you a bunch of douches because knowing good and well you will all be back!!! Losers lighten up. This was freaking hilarious and SO true! Keep on keeping on!

  579. LaurLaur says:

    Hey! I take offense to #2. I longboard and basically… well, your explanation of why its not cool to longboard didn’t make one ounce of sense.

    Also, yep. I’m a GIRL! Way to be sexist!

  580. LaurLaur says:

    i also must say that your choice of un-cool vehicle was not the worst I could think of. What about a prius? Homo homo homo homo homo.

  581. ElieD says:

    Thank you for this article these are the top reasons why I hate people so much. Especially guitar hero. Too bad I don’t have the email addresses of the people I hate so they could realize that they aren’t individuals and that they really are losers.

  582. Trolly McTrollerson says:

    I feel as though your critique of the bluetooth headsets was a little over the top, and to be completely honest, un-called for.

    I use my bluetooth headset constantly and find that my peers often have no problem pointing at/out the fact that I wear such a fashionable techno-accessory.

    Please try to think your top tens through a bit better. I understand that you need to make jokes that everyone can relate to, but throwing away accuracy and journalistic integrity for a cheap laugh? Disappointing!

  583. Jackson says:


    A longboard can go 10 times as fast as a skateboard and rubber wheels make a much smoother ride. And can you carve on a skateboard? no.


  584. lifemare says:

    do you know why YOU’re not cool?
    cause you think you know what cool is all about!

    if you had even the remotest idea, this would’ve been a list worth reading… what a waste of time and internet space!

  585. GS says:

    The majority of the people who are getting offended here are the iPhone fanboi fags.

  586. phillipjennings says:

    yeah Crocs are for little girls 5 and under.

  587. Klip says:

    What’s more annoying is a judgmental person unloading his salty load of BS all over the internet: The medium without shame!

  588. StrangerDanger says:

    Do the people who are bashing this realize how stupid they’re being?

    No one made you read this and it was all in good fun so please yank the trees out your arses and move on.

    Even I didn’t agree with the list but I admit it was funny (actually made me want a Fidel hat). Y’all are way too sensitive.

  589. farker says:

    It’s funny seeing this one person re-posting comments under different names about how awesome “longboards” are. Some of the posts are just a couple minutes apart.

    Not only is someone deeply offended by an attack on their hobby, but seems determined to prove its worthiness to complete strangers for validation.

  590. tek says:

    I don’t do any of these things, but your list sucks. Anytime someone thinks they’re an authority on what is or isn’t cool, they look like a bigger douchebag than the people they’re trying to call out.

    If you were really cool, you wouldn’t care enough about all of the things these people were doing. Because you’d be too busy getting laid. That’s cool.

  591. Anonymous says:

    What the fuck is wrong with you? Who cares what other people do? What are you in grade 5? Who the fuck cares if someone rides a long board, or a tricked out bike, to me it sounds like your jealous of these things, who the fuck cares what other people do/wear/own, they enjoy it, they have there own point of view and opinions.

    PS: You probably suck ass at guitar hero and thats the only reason you don’t like it, if you can play some of the tough songs on expert, you are fucking cool in my opinion, so fuck right off buddy and let people do what they want, don’t judge people because of your own insecurities.

    Hell im a guy and i wear a pair of plastic green and black plastic sunglasses that were 50 cents. Lots of people say what the fuck are you wearing, but you know what? I dont give a shit what they say because i like them.

    I hope your not over the age of 20, you have alot of growing up to do.

  592. Anonymous says:

    PS: No one looks “cool” everyone leads there own life.


    Same with all of you that agree with him and suck his ass about “how good the list is” you need to grow up, all of you.

  593. Chris says:

    Amen to #1 ! Just as bad are musical ringtones which I despise, and there are a few people in my office who have them (and I’m not the only one in the office who’s bothered by them)

  594. Oh please…longboardshmongboard….enough with the olliedudes or downhill demons. You and your minions need to take a break from your cheerleading antics. The attention whores who wear the bluetooth from the moment they wake up until they crash are the most annoying fucks out there. “Hey, look at me…I’m soooo important that I need to be connected to people at all times”. There’s your uncool!

  595. whosamadingy says:

    COME ON!! :P The blog is funny…and I think that’s all it was intended to be. The world is a ridiculous place most of the time, so just laugh it off will ya?! This is just a website – and I doubt anyone held a gun to your head making you read it. (“Doubt” being the key word there.)

    From the sounds of most of these comments, I suspect many people are crying themselves to sleep tonight holding their iPhone/blue tooth/belt buckle/longboard close to their uncool heart.

  596. Anonymous says:

    @whosamadingy: I dont do, or own any of the things listed there except guitar hero. But i dont look down or call people who have these things “uncool”

  597. rane says:

    long board skateboards are actually much faster than regular skateboards. good call, dick.

  598. lizbet says:

    Nuthing to get so mad about people. Just a little unsophisticated and lame. Calm down.

  599. whosamadingy says:

    BTW, I’m puzzled (as were others I see) by the use of the word “ironic” in #9. I think you have it confused with the word “idiotic”. ;) lol

  600. ironic says:

    i like all the dumbasses that are complaining about posting opinions on blogs…….

  601. f says:

    yeah dude longboards go pretty damn fast

  602. whosamadingy says:

    Anonymous said: “@whosamadingy: I dont do, or own any of the things listed there except guitar hero. But i dont look down or call people who have these things “uncool”

    My Reply: Neither do I. Isn’t that IRONIC??!!

    I was just being sarcastic, but in this forum I can see that humor, sarcasm and such go over like a lead balloon.

    Carry on, my wayward son.

  603. Wrayvynn says:

    I hate belts, PT cruisers, guitar hero, my hat is a barmah and I only wear it when it rains. Mike meyers has gone way down hill in his old age, I dont skatboard.
    I don’t even HAVE a cell phone, so that eliminates 1, 8, and 10.




  604. cas in mis says:

    “…Whereas if a normal skateboarder falls he injures himself, you’re traveling at speeds that allow those walking to pass you…”

    Thats funny cuz most people i know that ride longboards, bomb hills @ 35-45mph…

  605. watching_you says:

    in reference to 3. Guitar heroes:


  606. OrGoN3 says:

    11. People that only use spell check

    WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Dude! I don’t even have to spell correctly when typing!! It’ll always fix my mistakes, making my piece of crap prose look professional!

    WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Using spell check is an easy way to make sure you spell correctly, and spell words that you aren’t sure of, but then again, that’s what Google’s for. It won’t check your grammar or to make sure what you’re typing is syntactically correct. Oh and neither will grammar check. That fails even more.

    WHO ELSE FAILS: Whomever typed up number 4 and typed “make you look like a retarded son of a army ranger” and the editor (or lack there of) who approved it. I’ll give you a hint, try son of an army ranger. Yes you may have tried to sound “cute” or “hip” by using army ranger instead of the synonym for a female dog (is cursing filtered here?) but at least give an effort.

  607. LadySlingstheBooze says:

    Funny, funny, funny. But dude, you need a copy editor. I would have LOL’d like a photoshopped kitten had I not been too busy groaning and punching the wall in agony/rage at the plethora of atrocious grammar. Please, get yourself an MLA handbook, study it thoroughly, and then come back to grace us all with your wit minus the glaring errors. Please?

  608. Josh says:

    What’s not cool is having such low self esteem that you get pissed when someone inadvertently makes fun of through a damn funny list. Get some confidence if this list offends you or anything else offends you for that matter.

  609. PixySix says:

    I wear a Castro hat. Every other kind of hat looks stupid on me. A lot of the things on this list CAN be uncool, but only if you bought them to look ‘cool’ not if you just like them.

    Longboards are much easier to navigate on than skateboards.
    Mario Brothers t-shirts and other camp 80′s clothes are fun because Mario rocks and SOME parts of the 80′s were really cool since they’re from our beloved childhoods.
    iPhones are like an mp3 player, digi cam and phone in one which saves a lot of money and space in your bag.

    Basically, by telling other people that they aren’t cool for liking the things that they like you just look shallow and insecure yourself. What is cool?

    Every thing that you do and/ or like is cool, I’m sure. And you never buy anything or do anything in the hopes of impressing anyone else?

  610. sara says:


  611. ttownbeast says:

    How about just admitting your part of that whole generation X grunge thing? I had more fun hanging out with a bunch of old drunk bikers when I was supposedly part of that craze. Oh even better a lot of the old drunk bikers kids acting like wiggers now that is soooo F#%%$%$%#$ funny. Oh even better yet we have the EMOS now who look like a bunch of retro punks who used to listen to The Cure. OH SHIT even better than that all the wannabe cowboys who buy wicker hats and hang out in downtown Tacoma shitkicker bars that are going to close down six months after they open. sorry maybe I should have blogged this on myspace or ranted anonymously on craigslist.

  612. Tom says:

    This list is lovely. My only objection is that you cannot cram something UP someone’s taint because it is the non-hollow part BETWEEN things that you could cram something up.

    When I set out to write this, I totally didn’t think it would make me sound like a pervert. How about that?

  613. enlightened. says:

    I used to enjoy PBR until i read your list . You’ve taught me a valuable lesson internet blog person…

    I now know that I was just trying to be ironic as opposed to simply inebriated as I had previously believed.

  614. Mitch says:

    I don’t know if it has anything to do with being cool or not…. but I think it’s pretty funny/sad when someone with a big fat ugly head is wearing a blinking star trek blue tooth.
    Now why would you want to attract any more attention to that fat ugly ass head of yours???

    One day I saw a guy, not exactly attractive… with a blue tooth, earrings, brow piercings, tatoos!!! looked like a raving idiot…

  615. wiggersrule says:

    You guys are a bunch of pussy reverse racists. All the losers depicted were white. I see plenty of blacks wearing bluetooths, playing Guitar Hero, and using iphones, and Asians use iphones, too. Wake the fuck up. We’re all equal. Make fun of everybody equally.

  616. Johnny Slaughter says:

    #n: people who get angry or heated about a blog

    Why they think they’re cool: They take time out of their lives to type out an “angry” response on why one or more of the items isn’t uncool (usually meaning they have/practice/participate in it), and/or why the author is a jerk or loser for making the list – therefore defending their hobby/material possession and showing everyone else who bothers to read the comments how right they are, and how wrong the blogger is.

    Why they’re not cool: You’re getting passionate/angry/heated about a comedic blog with no specific importance other than a quick laugh. Seriously… Do you really care that much?

    ~ Johnny Slaughter.

    PS – No one forced you to read this, or the original blog. You have only yourself to blame.

  617. invoked says:

    blackberrys are just as bad as bluetooth headsets.

  618. Desiree says:

    Fuck them. The “why you’re not cool” on #9 are exactly the words I’ve been searching for for months.

  619. Jason says:

    Actually a longboard skateboard is a great way to get around. It’s MUCH faster than a short board. Not fast as a bike but easier to put away. It carves much like a longboard surfboard. And with enough practice you can do all of the cool tricks like the kids at hot topic do on their short boards. But hey that’s just from someone who has be on one & a surfboard most of his life.

  620. Mike965 says:

    You can’t shove something up someone’s taint, The taint in the area between the scrotum / vagina and the a$$ hole….. You can do a few things to a taint but shoving something up it isn’t one of them. (called taint because it taint the a-hole and it taint the balls)

  621. YourMomma says:

    You forgot: The people who comment saying, “you forgot bloggers who can’t find real stories so they make top ten lists”, “Making lists of shit thats not cool”

    Why you think it’s cool: you believe you are being very clever, witty and original while attempting to tell the author off for making said list.

    Why you aren’t cool: At least 50 people before you have said the exact same thing. It isn’t clever or witty. You sound like a douchebag.

  622. Ryan says:

    Umm… guitar hero is just fun… and I love hearing from people who have tried to play or can play a real one who just plain suck at the game… you’re right. Its not playing a real guitar. That doesn’t mean its not fun. Hero players don’t have any grand delusions of suddenly being endowed with guitar shredding godliness… they’re just having fun playing a game. Other than that pointless “You’re not cool” I found the rest of the list pretty much spot-on.

  623. YourMomma says:

    P.S. Telling people to shut the fuck up and keep comments to themselves just makes you a hypocrite.

  624. Cornholio says:

    “Whereas if a normal skateboarder falls he injures himself, you’re traveling at speeds that allow those walking to pass you

    Thats funny cuz most people i know that ride longboards, bomb hills @ 35-45mph”

    Most people you know are geriatrics or pussies. That’s the point. Old farts “bomb” hills on longboards because they are “safer”. Put some 72+mm wheels on a short board and hit a hill at 50+ mph and watch your life flash before your eyes as the board shakes violenty and throws you into the gravel on the side of the road in the apex of a turn you can’t negotiate. That’s living.

  625. DoucheSwoosh says:

    Funny article- but fuck you on the longboard critique. Fool, I was ripping banks, ollying whole fucking flights of stairs, and sliding handrails back when Reagan was president. I am pushing 40 now, everything hurts and I’m inclined to leave all the pop and sizzle to young bloods out there that still got healthy cartilege in their knees. (Godbless ‘em- some of these kids now are doing shit we never imagined back in the day.) Back on point though, longboarding is something cool that us old boys can still do. And if you think it’s all slow cruising, I got some downhill runs around here that are so goddamn fast that they will make your shit your frilly panties.

  626. really? says:

    ps – kudos to Dummer than mud” i agree whole-heartedly on alot of wht you had to say. It takes a great writer indeed to strike this much conversation and controversy (if you will) into the hearts (or arses) of this many people.

  627. haha.. says:

    I’ll add another one to people who make lists about what’s uncool. How about “people who reply with their own personal list” ?

    “people who carry around drinks they think they are so cool, but they’re NOT” hahaha…Yeah what losers and their drinks!! But people who take the time to write a post about it don’t just think they’re cool they ARE cool. Duh,

  628. Dictionary says:

    I think you mean “iconic” not “ironic”

  629. tattau says:

    why in the hell are you people getting angry at the author? are you so unsure of your own identity that you have to bash some dude for his opinion? if you had any sense of individuality and liked stuff for YOUR opinion of their actual functionality/aesthetic, you wouldn’t feel offended or discouraged by a different opinion. this just attests how shallow and volatile your identity really is.. sheep.

  630. Scoot says:

    hey, this list mildly entertained me, and like everyone else, I got a little pissy, I see how stupid my pissyness is, but I wish to post anyways. I think it’s cool if you have no idea what a longboard’s about…but I make a living off of longboarding, I’m a pro who’s been champ for 4 or 5 years running now, down mountains like maryhill in goldendale washington, in the goddamm alps, down mutherfucking mount fuji, and I’v broken 110 kph, I’v also slid for 70 feet around a corner, and I have bailed so many times, it’s not even funny, I’v had both bones go through both arms, and have had blood poisoning due to the amount of skin that was forcably shredded from my body. and I only have three real teeth. ontop of that, I make up to 10,000 bucks a race, and each and every one of these things on this list are special to someone, and should be treated as such… …this is why I never go on the goddamm computer…I’m going longboarding…

  631. cory says:

    dude, there’s nothing wrong with PBR, actually the only thing i really agreed with you on was the pt cruiser and the bluetooth headset aside from that those other things in their own way are cool, sure you may not think they’re cool but let me guess you just have the greatest fashion sense in the world and you probably drive a subaru

  632. me says:

    Hahahaha!!!!! Hilarious list, and very well written.

    And guys, nobody cares whether you agree or disagree.

  633. this guy is an idiot says:

    you are an idiot

  634. ummm says:

    People who shit-blog on trivial subjects to make themselves feel better:

    Why you think you’re cool-
    Because you are on the internet, you will have thousands of viewers no matter how fucking stupid your material is, it’s the internet. So even if you are saying absolutely nothing, or have somehow convinced yourself your opinions are valid, you have a sense of accomplishment to fall back on simply because people have nothing better to do at 4am than stumble the internet.

    Why you aren’t cool-
    Because noone agrees with your envy fueled anger for those people with awesome belt buckles and iPhones. Maybe you should get a productive hobby rather than running around paying so much attention to everyone other than yourself, then maybe something you would have to say would be relevant in any way.

  635. Joe B says:

    Did anyone else notice that in the iPhone picture the guy is talking on the iPhone upside down?


  636. EU says:



  637. Jordi N says:

    have you ever tried to ride a longboard down a mountain (what they were made for) passing cars? no? then dont say they arent dangerous.

  638. Thegreatone says:

    What a stupid list.

    Guitar hero > you and anyone who ‘lols’ at your attempt at humour.

    Uncool: Blog lists, adding your own crap to stumbleupon.

  639. anon says:

    tricked out bikes are supposed to be for fun, and transportation. not because you want to look “cool”. i ride trick-bikes, all that i have made myself. no, i couldn’t get a car for the price of one of these, let alone would i rather have a car. i welded all of my bikes myself and probably spent about 10 bucks on each of them. you are the asshole who wastes your money riding about in your goofy looking bmw.

  640. Mduyba says:

    Haha, the comments are hilarious. People get so angry!
    I have a long-board, and I totally ride it because skateboards are harder to ride. Do people even quote Austin Powers or Old School anymore? Also, those bluetooth headsets make you seem schizophrenic when people don’t notice that you’re wearing one.

  641. Anonymous says:


  642. Miles says:

    Heeeeeell no on the longboards. I’m a longboarder and I bomb hills like crazy. You can do stuff on longboards that you could NEVER do on normal skateboards. With that being said, you can do a HELL of a lot of stuff on a new-school or old school board that you could never do on a longboard. So they both have their ups and downs. But most of us longboarders use ‘em to get around (much less effort in getting around), just relaxing, carving which helps out with surfing and snowboarding, or to bomb hills and get to speeds that no trick board or old school board could ever dream of getting. Especially carving boards like the “Loaded” brand, those things are the sickest

  643. rAnon says:

    I’m glad everyone seems to be taking this posting as a personal attack.

  644. kiley says:

    i like that i wasted 30 minutes of my day reading all these comments.

    from my iphone.

  645. confused... says:

    y can’t we all just get along? someone writes something… and then someone else has to insult the person that was insulting the person who posted the blog…. this is madness… can’t we all just have our own twisted and rediculous opinions? i think guitar hero is fun though overrated… i think the nitendo belt is retarded and lame though i play world of warcraft so its not the nerd factor … its just lame. the hat thing…. whatever… tricked out bikes…. i’m not goin there, but pt cruisers… lol. i kinda like them. i drove my dads for a while and saved uber money on gas. now what would really make me happy… for someone to put up a post following mine that has absolutely nothing to do with my post.

  646. still confused says:

    also… for sheer enjoyment see anon’s post 7 posts above this one. =-)

  647. Ben says:

    Why you think you’re cool: You hate things that shouldn’t bother you, and in a world in which the non-mainstream is cool (and thus mainstream), it’s cool to actively hate and speak out about things that really have nothing to do with you or anyone else.

    Why you’re not cool: You assume you know why people do or wear these things, when you really simply don’t understand, and just as every other mentally constipated person out there, you hate and attack what you don’t understand. Or it could be because you think that by sharing your skewed, angry views you’re being funny, when really, you’re just being a douche bag.

    Was I way off here? Yes?


  648. memo says:

    “Wearing a Fidel Castro hat let’s the world know that you’re different…”

    Use proper punctuation, biotch!

  649. noncforming says:

    All these losers that responded to this post like it was the word of god are idiots. Do you not realize that by putting this up the person was probably trying to be funny and generally acknowledge how lame merchandising and pop culture have become. Im sorry, but i didt realize that because someone made a cool/not cool list, thats how things roll around here. You are all idiots and may god have mercy on your soul. Props to the creator of all these things. Funny stuff…

  650. redemption says:

    being cool is uncool.

    why you think your cool: because you were able to grow facial hair before most kids your age could. Because you got to have sex with a myriad of girls through out your youth and because your parents bought you a slick ass whip with rims and a racing stripe.

    why your not cool: because your probably a bully who hurts other peoples feelings and have cost them tens of thousands in therapy bills over the last 7 years. FUCK YOU RICHIE DEAUGASTINO! I HEARD YOU GOT SOME 17 YEAR OLD PREGNANT!! WHO LOOKS LIKE A RETARDED GIRAFFE NOW?

  651. Simon says:

    Please Add To This List:
    Notebook computers with 8in screens that are so small you’re not really sure if it’s a notebook or a Nintendo DS, lite.
    Come on people, you can’t really read what’s on those screens!

  652. Anonymous says:

    Finally! Guitar Hero! Just because you can push some buttons doesn’t mean your playing a guitar. I actually play a guitar and get pissed when people get so obsessed and proud of themselves that they can play guitar hero. Go out and learn to play a real guitar asshole.

  653. Aimee says:

    Who cares? If you like something, you like it, if not, good for you. Conformists are sheep, non-conformists are sheep, and that makes internet bloggers looking for attention…what, exactly?

    Honestly, if you don’t like the people who do these things don’t hang out with them.

    Although the ringtones one is totally true.

  654. Anonymous says:

    The thing I love most about peoples blogs are the replies that follow. It’s like these people have been personally attacked by someones generalized opinion. I happen to agree with the things on the list, but that is just MY opinion! And my opinion is not the truth of the world, nor is anyone else’s. I laugh when people go on about free speech, and then turn around and mock someone else who has a different opinion. It’s like, you have the freedom of speech, as long as you don’t challenge my beliefs and ideas, because thats not cool, and it makes you a loser! I must say, there are alot of hypocrites out there! “your list is bang on, except for the fact that you made fun of long boards! they are awesome! screw you!” or “everybody that does what is on that list are losers, except people with iphones, because i have one! and there awesome! screw you!” If you wanna ride long boards, go ahead! But I’m still gonna think you look gay doing it! Like to pride yourself on the fact that your awesome on guitar hero? Good for you! Set your goals low and you won’t be disappointed! But this is MY opinion! And if you don’t like it, then suck it up princess! Because there is not a goddamn thing you can do about it!

    and yes, I do have a silly ringtone…

  655. Siegfried says:

    Shouldn’t it be iconic belt buckle, not ironic?

  656. Joe says:

    Great article. I’ve been saying #3 forever. it might be fun to play guitar hero, but it drives me crazy when people think that they’re bad ass for it. my friend actually BOUGHT A REAL GUITAR because he thought that playing guitar hero would make him good or something! unless you’re playing the first six frets a 2 1/2 foot guitar with a pedal thing on it ( SERIOUSLY, WTF) it probably actually destroys the ability to play guitar. they say it introduces you to some great rock too. yeah, that’s really helpful. “What are you listening to?” “Welcome To The Jungle.” “Oh, like on Guitar Hero?” “*punches face in*” RockBand is worse. Would you rather spend 200 something bucks on a fake bunch of instruments so that you can waste your life in your room, or would you spend that money on a cheap guitar to start out with, practice and actually have a chance to do something with your life? looking forward to more. keep writing!

  657. ... says:

    1) Chill

    2) Everyone’s very uppity about their longboards. It’s kinda like the guy who freaks out when you call him gay because he knows that he is.

    3) I want to thank the author for this list. It’s hilarious despite people who are too scared to be assholes in real life so they have to do it online.

  658. Jeff says:

    A very funny and true list! Made me laugh out loud. I especially like gay transformer line… I might have to borrow that one! Pay no attention to the internet fighting going on here, this is a great post! Good work!

  659. Quinn says:

    Dude. The whole thing was meant to be humorous. Whether or not it succeeded is subject to opinion, but REALLY – did u come ALL the way to this website just to crap on someone else?

    Aside from the complete & utter lack of originality from the o-so-witty masses who ALL commented virtually in unison that ‘you forget to add people who make lists of whats cool’ – you seem to have missed the joke in its entirety.

    I won’t bother with the axiomatic description of how thoroughly & completely you overlooked the irony, cos, as has been said: explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog: No one enjoys it & the frog usually dies.

    There’s a WORLD full of unfunny things that are much more worthy of your scathing criticism. You could always bombard the ABC website & question their persistent refusal to cancel “according to jim’ (undeserving of capital letters) – or possibly turn those rapacious daggers to the aggressively unfunny 118th season of AFV.

    … or you could always go back to reading the Economist & telling the other guys at the tee shirt design company how you don’t ‘own’ a tv.


    Why You Think Its Cool: Cos you were an unpopular child who had to rationalize it.
    Why You’re Wrong: No. You were right. Keep it up. Everyone thinks your snideness is insightful.

  660. Hitami says:

    I am so guilty of playing Guitar Hero, but i don’t think that playing it and being good at it makes me instantly cool.

  661. Kinh says:

    I don’t ride longboards to be “cool” (what is this, High school?). I ride longboards because it’s fun as hell! Don’t like em? too bad so sad get over it.

  662. CD117 says:

    F*** You on the hat one. My head is too big for anything else. I have a big head.

  663. Bear says:

    Although 99% of the world plays Wii, it is about the most retarded item you can own. I think it’s actually a step down from Guitar Hero, which I also hate. I play videogames to relax and sit on my ass, not swing a doofy tv remote around like I have epilepsy. I won’t even go into the subject that Nintendo has been releasing the same 5 games over and over again for 20 years. No, the worst part of the Wii phenomenon is the driving wheel for the Mario driving game. I wish people would take a look at themselves holding that retarded little thing. They make exactly the same thing for toddlers, but it has a little squishy horn button instead of controls for your stupid ass game.

  664. peter says:

    anyone notice the trend of people bitching that the writer is a douchebag because he lists what he finds uncool, while these people are doing the same only with a much shorter (read: one item) list.

    Laugh it off, no one cares if you dont like the article, if you think its sucks, go to a different page.

    IMO, the castro hats arent bad. its the people who try to be non conformist with them. I wear stupid s*** all the time just because I wanna have a laugh. I dont think im cool. just that I am who I am.

  665. ROFL Lovely article

  666. really? says:

    okay. for all of those that feel the need to comment” you forgot to add ‘people who do top 10 lists’ or ‘you’re a fag for not liking my speedy 40mph longboard’ or ‘hey i have an iphone and im better than thou’” – get over it. its what comedians do – take semi- or un- funny things and exaggerate to make them funny. this list was at least kinda funny, so you meanies (who obviously read these top 10 lists just to bitch) can take your longboard and your iphone and shove it up your nose.

    on a side note – for those of you about to coment on how i cant spell, or type(key) or i use improper grammar, i know. get over it, you just sound like a douchebag with no better ammunition to use on me.

    to the blogger – thanks for some funny truths about the world, except i kinda like those hats… not for the ‘statement’ they make, but because they are kinda comfy :)

  667. Chase says:

    The irony on all of this is: If you happen to display all of these items at once, you’re considered a badass.

  668. lolface says:

    you forgot
    “saying what is cool and what isn’t”
    why you think its cool:
    because it makes you feel powerful over people and thinking that someone out there is going to follow your advice and do “uncool” things according to you.

    why your not cool:
    if you were cool you would have a leather jacket open showing your white shirt underneath a muscular build, some cool glasses and slick back hair cut and a blond busty girlfriend who doesn’t seem to understand why you only call her to have sex

  669. Jeremy says:

    I like the way you bag longboards for being slow, then post a picture of a guy who is pretty clearly flying down hill. Thats really… cool.

  670. Myles Kilometers says:

    Remember “wiggers”. That’s my number 1.

  671. Ck says:

    Apparently some people find it far more important to register their complaints, even if others have done it previously, and in far more intelligent ways. I find it disturbing how many of the posters on here don’t bother to read or seem to give two flying shits about what others have already written. This is like watching five hundred male dogs walk past the same fire hydrant. The hydrant is unhurt, but all that piss just smears into one big, stank pool.

  672. tallboy7 says:

    Codpieces. No wait. they make you totally cool.

  673. MistaBigDick says:

    I’m guessing Lolface has a Bluetooth Headset.

  674. Buddy Ice says:

    Yea, I remember “wiggers”, they’re called “hipsters” now. Instead of wearing clothes that are too big, they now wear clothes that are too small. See #9, Ironic Belt Buckles for an “ex-wigger” at it’s finest.

  675. Seth says:

    What the fuck is up with people bagging on Crocs? I first came across them a a few years ago when my wife, a nurse, said that people at work were beginning to wear them and when she tried them on they were the most comfortable thing she’d worn. Keep in mind these are the opinions of people who are on their feet wearing scubs 12+ hours a day and could give a shit about what the hipsters whose suffering they’re working to minimize think about the look of their shoes. I tried them on a few weeks later and agree that they are the most comfortable shoes I own. “Ugly”? This opinion seems always to come from someone who paid waaay too much for a haircut intended to make the wearer look like they don’t get haircuts.

  676. Steve Firth says:

    #1 no item has ever made anyone cool, it just impressed some wankers

    #2 cool is doin your own thing – the fact its become associated with stuff just shows how shallow and stupid the world is

    #3 I dont own any of the items, except guitar hero and thats FUN, u ppl might have some when you stop worryin about what other people think. *spolier* they think your a twat

  677. Dan says:

    your a skateboarder arnt you…?

  678. Dan says:

    But you also forgot…

    11. Calling longboard skateboards “uncool” when all you really wanted to do was show how big and “macho” you are on skateboards.

  679. Deus says:

    It’s been said time and time again by those who have trolled the web and found this site, but I’ll do it because it makes ME cool:

    1. Stumbling upon a site that decides what is and isn’t cool and is written by someone who clearly doesn’t understand the definition. Douche.

  680. spam says:


  681. J says:

    I agree with everything except # 2. Longboarding is fun and a great way to get around. I’m sure there are people who ride because they want to be “cool” but I’m sure it’s like that in the shortboarding world too, in addition to any other activity.

  682. Better thena you says:

    people who get offended by other peoples opinion of whats cool and what isn’t. Then try to justify it.

    Why it’s cool: It makes you look like a self righteous schmuck who is obviously is much deeper and more original then the author.
    Why it’s not cool:
    Because your a self righteous schmuck, who is shallow and absolutely unoriginal who is commenting on a blog that has absolutely nothing to do with whether they are cool or not. You people are freaking morons.

  683. haHa says:

    no matter what this list says –
    your wife/girlfriend love my longboard and my iphone and my fidel hat !

  684. ushouldswallowmykids says:

    drink up BITCH!

  685. Anonysumo says:

    Agree with Sigfried, ‘iconic’ would make sense. Inadvertent misuse of the word ‘ironic’ is common among those who think-they’re-cool-but-aren’t.

    Someone should tell my co-worker that beeping her car-horn keylless lock EVERY TIME she exits her car became not-cool-at-all sometime mid-nineties.

  686. Charlie says:

    I have animal hospital as my ringtone. Its awesome so fuck you.

  687. Obiwan says:

    Yes: But some of us are Nerds we know we are Nerds, and we could care less about being cool. From our point of view those of you who are focused on being cool should ‘Get a Life’

  688. jonathan boles says:

    i longboard, and i don’t care whether it’s “cool” or not, in fact, i care even less whether YOU think it’s cool or not.

    i just do it for fun. to hell with anyone else and their negative opinions — i’m having fun, and they’re just jealous they aren’t.

  689. ed banks says:

    This list is fucking awesome and totally spot on. Theres a whole lot of douchebaggery going on in this world today and this list hits quite a few high points. Fuck your iphone, fuck your headset and fuck your gay belt buckles.

  690. Bob Hawkins says:

    Can I point out something about PT Cruisers? They’re hatchbacks. Detroit figured out how to sell hatchbacks. The retro styling is just a diversion so you don’t notice you’re buying a hatchback. They’re a 1947 Packard with the trunk missing. They’re hatchbacks.

  691. Yrral says:

    iPhones are an iJoke.

  692. Tommy Salami says:

    Great list. I’ve got someone at work sitting across from me with one of those Fidel hats. She looks like an NVA regular.
    I am also getting ashamed of my beard with all these hipsters with ironic facial hair.

  693. Xintus-1765 says:

    I can’t believe all the idiots arguing about how cool a videoame is…

    Are you guys for real ?

    Get a life…

  694. rudyjenkins says:

    i want to thank all of the uptight, defensive longboarders out there that have given me so many more reasons to avoid giving y’all the benefit of the doubt. you mean to tell me that one could hurt oneself if they ride a wheeled plank down a hill at 40mph? and people have dies from this, seriously? now i love the speed obtained from muscles and gravity as much as the next adrenaline junkie but Damn, kids.

  695. Ria says:

    u n ur suck-ups r total dopes man..
    how can u decide what’s cool n whats not..
    one advice: GET REAL n GET A LIFE…
    luk out 4 ur friends.. they may b guilty according to ur fucked-up list…

  696. Ria says:

    the reason he has not added CROCS is that may be ‘cuz he has them!!
    u n ur suck ups should get a life…. GET FUCKING REAL dude…
    in my opinion u fools are complete dopes who r jus’ plain irrational..

  697. your mom says:

    good stuff. all true.

  698. Anonymous says:

    I liked this post better when MADDOX wrote a better one. unoriginal.

  699. Anonymous says:

    I disagree with the longboard one, but couldn’t agree more with the bluetooth headset

  700. dickgrays1 says:

    Screw you!

    – Sent from my iPhone

  701. VV says:

    dont have iphone lack one feature I use most? txt messaging? most of the time im too fuckin lazy to even call my gf or friends so i just txt. I hear the iphone doesnt have txting. Thats lacking for an advice that seems so hightech everywhere else lol. But yeh good list. I laughed. U shud mention everything an emo wears, crocs and bandana’s as well. Hmm maybe pink shirts and popped collers too. Cuz those people need a slap.

  702. Jack says:

    Hey VV, the iPhone does have texting, but please refrain from writing anything to anyone, this is clearly not your strong point.

  703. Text says:

    Ok, so my longboard sucks ass. But my hoverboard totally rocks! My dad got it for me on a business trip to Japan back in ’89. I swear.

  704. r jones says:

    11. Goatees.

    12. White men acting and dressing black (the “hip-hop” arm gestures, the walk, the baggy pants, the cap on sideways with the sticker still on it..) And don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.

  705. bojimuncher says:

    So you think your better than everyone else here but yet you did the same thing in retaliation to them?

    anyway, good article, it just happened to piss off people that have/like some of the things on this list.