Satan is pretty busy these days, but it's nice to know that he still takes the time to sit down and write letters to his fans, followers, and business partners.
Yeah, I meant to write that cause I thought it sounded like something an ESPN Anchor would say and Satanw as trying to coopt their voice in his letter. And yes, it's my last day, so there's that. House your ass later, dudes.
well cory, fuck off and such... heres to ramen noodles and boxed wine. not sure if u ever wrote anything but if u did i bet it was (huh) well any way good luck.
Dear Satan,
Perhaps I'm missing something here, but, since I like to be up front and honest...might as well ask:
It seems we had an agreement, but, apparently, by the looks/sounds of these letters...you're cutting me some slack. Maybe its the dearth of evil people out there. Evil doesn't seem to command the premium it once did. More than likely, it's your sick sense of humor.
Thanks in advance for letting go of my soul. I'll be sure to pay that back in spades by getting you some dumb backwater folk to follow me, then detour 'em right to you? I'll even throw in Sarah Palin...what? Already got her? Ok, but still my deal is sweet.
Sound good? All I need is verification that you are truly freeing my soul from our "15mins-of-fame" contract and we'll be good to go.
Hey Bernie, WTF? You said you were going to do it and you did it? I gotta give you kudos for that. I mean Jesus F***ing Christ, you stole more money than a fleet of tractor trailer trucks could cart away. I used to think Johnie (Dilliger) was good, but DAMN!
Anyways, I heard that you've retired. I'll see you soon! I'm working on a deal to get Charlie off the hook and get these things called Made Off scandals.
(25 Comments)
Twitter
Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
May 15th, 2009 at 01:56 pm
"house his ass" ?
May 15th, 2009 at 03:13 pm
Sorry about that. Cory wrote this one, and it's his last day today, so he get's a free pass on grammar and spelling.
May 15th, 2009 at 03:59 pm
Yeah, I meant to write that cause I thought it sounded like something an ESPN Anchor would say and Satanw as trying to coopt their voice in his letter. And yes, it's my last day, so there's that. House your ass later, dudes.
May 15th, 2009 at 05:58 pm
well to be fair, the costs of food and beverages are enough to accrue a small mortgage, so i guess the term "house my ass" would actually fit.
May 16th, 2009 at 09:20 am
well cory, fuck off and such... heres to ramen noodles and boxed wine. not sure if u ever wrote anything but if u did i bet it was (huh) well any way good luck.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
^^ EPIC WIN
May 15th, 2009 at 01:57 pm
Fake.
May 15th, 2009 at 02:05 pm
No, I think they are really letters from the devil.
May 15th, 2009 at 03:50 pm
No, I thought so too, but if you look close...they look a little photoshoped.
May 18th, 2009 at 08:51 pm
Those 3 comments were as funny as the article.
May 15th, 2009 at 02:39 pm
LOL Frank Caliendo sucks balls... Hold on I'm going do my Frank Caliendo impression:...
mmhmm *clears through*
"Hi I'm Frank Caliendo and I suck balls."
Thank you the end
May 15th, 2009 at 03:31 pm
Did you mean to say "Clears Throat"?
Learn how to form a coherent sentence genius
May 16th, 2009 at 02:54 pm
You're so cool! Thank you, Mr. DICtionary, you've saved the day!
May 18th, 2009 at 09:39 am
Oooh, I came. Thanks guys
May 15th, 2009 at 02:39 pm
Jesus Christ here to see satan
May 15th, 2009 at 04:03 pm
Even Southpark's gay Satan is less pussy than your Satan. Way to go out with a whimper, Cory.
May 15th, 2009 at 07:03 pm
No worries Satan, we can totally hook you up. We get all our lessons from Obama and the Democrats.
May 19th, 2009 at 04:55 pm
change is scary, huh.
May 15th, 2009 at 08:39 pm
*Cue Chris Crocker*
LEAVE SATAN ALONE!
He's the only reason anybody knows my name!
He's the only reason the whole world doesn't just get into one really long line and take turn beating my whiny ass...
LEAVE SATAN ALONE! He's a good daddy?
May 17th, 2009 at 05:53 am
I thought that Brown Recluse Spiders and Satan were the same person.
May 17th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Buldog dog videos with sexy hot bitches
May 18th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Dear Satan,
Perhaps I'm missing something here, but, since I like to be up front and honest...might as well ask:
It seems we had an agreement, but, apparently, by the looks/sounds of these letters...you're cutting me some slack. Maybe its the dearth of evil people out there. Evil doesn't seem to command the premium it once did. More than likely, it's your sick sense of humor.
Thanks in advance for letting go of my soul. I'll be sure to pay that back in spades by getting you some dumb backwater folk to follow me, then detour 'em right to you? I'll even throw in Sarah Palin...what? Already got her? Ok, but still my deal is sweet.
Sound good? All I need is verification that you are truly freeing my soul from our "15mins-of-fame" contract and we'll be good to go.
Let's do breakfast...I start taping at 10am.
May 20th, 2009 at 06:56 am
The banker who catched all those little birds
I DEFINATLY told a huge pike about their whereabouts about 3 minutes after you dropped them off in the river, crispy hoisin duck for us!
thanks
May 21st, 2009 at 03:01 pm
And a "purple monkey dishwasher" to you too!
May 29th, 2009 at 02:54 am
From Satan:
Hey Bernie, WTF? You said you were going to do it and you did it? I gotta give you kudos for that. I mean Jesus F***ing Christ, you stole more money than a fleet of tractor trailer trucks could cart away. I used to think Johnie (Dilliger) was good, but DAMN!
Anyways, I heard that you've retired. I'll see you soon! I'm working on a deal to get Charlie off the hook and get these things called Made Off scandals.
Post new comment