10 Reasons To Be Satisfied With America

A recent gallup poll has revealed that only 11% of Americans are satisfied with the country’s condition. It’s pretty understandable considering what we’re used to. We’ve made some serious downgrades in the last few years, but we’re still not totally screwed. I mean, we’re pretty screwed, but not when you consider how bad it could be. We’ve got to dig deep to find some positive points about life in the United States, and focus intently on those until our problems fix themsleves! Any time you get down about being an American, here’s a few things to keep in mind:

At Least We’re Not Zimbabwe

Zimbabwe is ranked the most miserable place in the world. For a few reasons: It’s really, really hot, everyone is poor, crime is incredibly high and they’re currently fighting a horrible AIDS epidemic.

Nobody’s Mass Looting and Rioting Yet

As the divide between the rich and poor grows larger in America, there’s an increasing threat that the people who have nothing to lose will lose their minds and start busting shit up, just like they did in England. Us Americans, however, have a little more self-control than that. We wouldn’t loot and riot to prove a point to our government and the rich. Unless there was a really bad hurricane that resulted in biblical flooding.

Being Number Two Isn’t So bad

Maintaining your position as the world’s super power is incredibly exhausting. I say we just embrace our gentle downfall and rest for a bit. Our country is like the valedictorian who gets sent back to a lower level math class. Now all of a sudden, very little is expected of us, and we’re easily able to meet those expectations. Let’s just have fun, take a trip to the beach for senior week, or spend a few weekends in a row getting high in the woods.

We Still Have The Entertainment Industry

We still run show business for most of the world. Because our basic needs as a country have been met for so long, we were able to achieve some serious self-actualization, to the point of pure vanity and detachment. We are still the ones who provide films and TV programming that help people in shittier countries escape their even shittier lives for a few hours.

We have a lame educational system that we can blame our problems on.

When we look at the decline of America, we need to find somewhere to point the finger of blam. Luckily we don’t have to look too hard because our shoddy educational system is right there. We can’t be expected to move forward as a nation if we’re not giving the truly ambitious and underprivileged people the same access to a good education.

Applebee’s

It’s like America’s living room.

We’re Hilariously Fat

We’ve still got so much food, we’re killing ourselves with it!

Our Free Speech Is Still Pretty Free

Citizens and politicians alike are free to speak their minds without getting shot by a sniper or burned at the stake. That’s definitely something to keep in mind.

If You Somehow Get Rich, You’re Going To Be Super Rich

With the way things are going if you do somehow find yourself with a lot of money, thanks to tax cuts for the rich and easy-to-spot loopholes, you’ll be able to hang on to that money and turn it into a whole lot more!

No Embarrassing Royals

The closest we come to embarrassing royalty is our Hollywood stars. They’re embarrassing and as annoying as a royal family, but luckily they don’t hold very much political power. I mean, of course until they’re old enough to become a governor.