Alcohol is a wonderful thing, but it can also turn your friends into those people that take a fun night of drinking and turn it into a sobfest, a fight or an uncomfortable conversation. Here are the 10 worst types of drunk people.
10. MRS. "I WILL BE CRYING BY THE END OF THE NIGHT"
It’s the end of the evening and everyone in the group you came with have all decided to look at your phones, try to find a cab, or pay your bill, for a total of about twenty two seconds. Unfortunately this is twenty two seconds you could have spent paying full attention to this girl. This causes this girls self esteem levels to fall dangerously low, and they can only be raised by the insertion of a random man’s penis inside her vagina, or by getting as many of her friends to pay attention to her as possible. If said penis is not available, tears are the next best thing. She’ll start balling uncontrollably, then when everyone gathers around her and asks her what’s wrong, inevitably the reason will be so perplexing you’ll make the same face you made when you realized at the end of The Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis was actually dead.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION:
YOU: Hey, should I call a cab?
FRIEND: Yeah, I think so, it’ll take a bit to get here.
MRS. CRYER: (SOBBING), God, (SOBBING, SNOT RUNNING), I feel so stupid!
EVERYONE: What’s wrong? Are you okay? Oh my god, what happened?
MRS. CRYER: I-(SOB) I saw a homeless guy (SOB) yester-(SOB)-day and I thought, ohmygod you guys.
YOU: You thought oh my god, what?
MRS. CRYER: (SOBBING INTENSIFIES) I just, I don’t know. (More sobbing)
9. MR. "I WILL HIGH-FIVE EVERYTHING YOU SAY"
This guy is so excited to be wasted that anything you say will get him so pumped up, he will stand up and run over to you while holding both of his hands in the air for a full-on double high-five. But despite what you might think, he’s not really listening to what you’re saying, he’s just so hammered that he’s picking up random words you say and using them as an excuse to high-five. You could be talking about anything from NATO’s new role in the Pacific region to the fact that Coldplay sucks--it doesn’t matter--he will high-five you.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION: You: So, the doctor walked in and said I had to have my gall bladder removed.
MR HIGH-FIVE: Gall bladder! YES! (high five)
YOU: (sheepish high-five) Thanks…Phil. So…I went in for the surgery, and when I woke up the surgeon came in and said everything was a success, except that they found a small cyst on my large intestine.
MR HIGH-FIVE: Intestine, bitch! HIGH-FIVE time!
YOU: Are you high-fiving my intestine or intestines in general?
MR HIGH-FIVE: High fiving! (high five)
8. MRS. "I'M SO FAT, AREN'T I?"
Everyone likes to have a little attention thrown their way. But after a few cocktails, this girl’s sole purpose for speaking is to get you to give her a complement. But to do that, she talks about herself in a faux-negative light so you can tell her how wrong she is. The problem is, she IS a little fat, but since you’re a guy and you want to have sex with her anyway, you fall into her trap every time.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION: MRS. COMPLEMENTS: Oh God, I just got the worst hair coloring at the salon. Look at this. Doesn’t it look terrible?
YOU: Ohhhhh, noooooo. No no no no. Not at all. It looks good. Really nice, actually.
MRS. COMPLEMENTS: Ugh. It’s not as bad as these jeans I just got. They do NOT fit my hips at all. They totally make me look fat.
YOU: Those jeans? Are you crazy? They look great! I was just about to complement you on them. They make your hips look super sexy.
MRS. COMPLEMENTS: Really? But they give me those muffintops I heard you guys talking about earlier. You said something like, “Muffintops make me want to shit puke and then puke shit.”
YOU: No, I never said that. I LOVE muffintops. I think they’re…super hot. I don’t like super skinny girls. I don’t think girls should look like that.
MRS. COMPLEMENTS: Awww. I totally agree! It’s so not natural!
7. MR. “CALLS YOU A HOMO IF YOU’RE NOT DOING SHOTS EVERY TWO MINUTES”
I’m not certain, but to date, I don’t think scientists have found any evidence that links “refusing to take shots of alcohol” to “being a homosexual.” But apparently this guy has because he’s quick to tell you “dude, don’t be a fag, bro, take this shot of Jager.” No matter what drink you’re holding, or even if you’ve taken a shot earlier in the night, nothing you do is good enough for this guy if you’re not pounding liquor like you’re trying to forget a rape.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION: MR SHOTS: Shot time, bro! Let’s do it! Little Jack D action.
YOU: I don’t know man, I don’t do well with shots. Plus, I have a Jack and coke al-
MR. SHOTS: Bro, get the dick out of your mouth and take the shot.
YOU: Ha, I’d really rather not man, but thanks.
MR. SHOTS: Bro, come on, get up off the cock you’re sitting on and take this shot!
6. MRS. “I'M GOING TO MAKE-OUT WITH YOU JUST TO MAKE MY BOYFRIEND ANGRY"
After an evening in a bar, this girl will invariably feel like her boyfriend is ignoring her because he’s either playing Big Buck Hunter or having a four-minute conversation with one of his friends. As retaliation, she will scan the bar and see you as a perfect way to remind her boyfriend how important she is to him. You, being an idiot with an easily-manipulated ego, assume her overbearing advances are because you just got a super sweet haircut or because you’re God’s gift to the ladies. You are wrong on both counts.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION: MRS. BOYFRIEND: I’ve been staring at you all night.
YOU: Really? Wow.
MRS. BOYFRIEND: I’ve got a thing for guys who wear jackets.
YOU: I just got this jacket the other day. It’s new.
[Begin make-out session]
YOU: Hey, do you want to get out of here? I live only a few blocks away.
MRS. BOYFRIEND: No, I’m going to leave with my boyfriend.
YOU: You’re boyfriend? Who’s he?
MRS. BOYFRIEND: He’s the guy walking over here right now. The big one.
[Begin face-punching session]
5. MR. “DID I EVER TELL YOU I WAS MOLESTED?"
Everytime this guy has a few drinks, he wants to have a heart-to-heart discussion about his most intimate thoughts and feelings. It doesn’t matter that you are in a crowded bar where everyone else around you is screaming for rum and Cokes and saying stuff like, “That girl’s titties are like, massive, bro.” This guy really needs to get the time his step-dad gave him a taint massage when he was 11 years old off his chest.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION: YOU: I can not believe the Bears didn’t make the playoffs. How do you not beat the Texans? The Texans!
MR. MOLESTED: Dude, you’ve been a really good friend to me through a lot of shit. I never told you this, but when I was younger, I was, sorta, oh man how do I say this…touched by one of my babysitters.
YOU: Uhhh, that…totally sucks, dude. But you told me this last week.
MR. MOLESTED: I did? Sorry, it’s just that sometimes, I just can’t get this image out of my mind. My therapist said I needed to talk about the incident with trusted friends if I ever want to get over it.
YOU: You want to talk about it again? Can we talk about those gargantuan tatas over there, instead?
MR. MOLESTED: I wish I could talk about them. But what happened to me makes it hard for me to be intimate with the opposite sex.
YOU: I lost an erection once when the Bears lost a home playoff game.
4. MRS. "I BECOME A FAKE LESBIAN AFTER HAPPY HOUR"
It’s been mathematically proven that lesbians equal awesome, but the worst thing a chick can do is be a fake lesbian. The fake lesbian is easily identified by her penchant for tequila. After she downs a few, she’ll start discussing some super-hot chicks that she likes, and is very attracted to. She’ll soon progress to a heated, detailed discussion about which chicks in the bar she’d make out with. The problem is that she’s all talk. She’s not making out with anyone tonight and she knows it. A fake lesbian is like a bizarro version of Back to the Future where the Delorean has an engine problem and can only go 87 mph. It’s terribly frustrating, and nothing ever happens.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION:
HER: Ooh. That chick at the bar is hot. I love her skirt. It’s so short.
YOU: Yeah, she is hot.
HER: I’m gonna wait til she goes to the bathroom, and then I’ll go in after her and hopefully we can strike up a conversation.
YOU: Whoa, really?
HER: Totally. She’s got great boobs. I’d love to see them...touch them...caress them...
2 HOURS LATER
HER: If she comes up to me, I’m totally going to just grab her and start making out.
2 A.M.
HER: I’m going to wait for her outside when she leave the bar, and then just get it on with her on the sidewalk.
3. MR. "I'M GOING TO PROFESS MY LOVE TO MY EX-GIRLFRIEND VIA TEXT MESSAGE"
There’s two famous equations in the history of the world. 1) E=MC^2 and 2)Drunk + Text Messaging = regret. Usually this guy realizes at about 1 in the morning that no girl in this bar is going to come up to him walking backwards with their pants down and legs spread with a sign on their back that says “please F me,” so he gets super depressed and thinks no women like him. That’s when he busts out the phone and decides to text message the last girl that had sex with him, talking himself into the fact that they still have chemistry and their love was real, and she’d love to hear him profess his love to her at 1:45 in the morning via a text message that misspells the word “the” four times.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION:
MR. TEXT MESSAGE: Dude, chicks just aren’t in to me.
YOU: Maybe you should try talking to them, instead of standing in this poorly lit corner of the bar, behind a table.
MR. TEXT MESSAGE: You know, I should text my ex. We had a real thing man. I don’t know how it got all messed up, but it was real. I’m gonna text her.
YOU: She has a boyfriend now. Plus, she told you to never text her again, the last time you texted her.
MR. TEXT: She was just saying that because she knew what we had was real, man. Her heart was saying she wanted to hear from me, you know.
YOU: No. I don’t. Give me you phone right the fuck now.
MR. TEXT: Too late, I already sent her three texts a couple minutes ago. Hey, is soul mate one word or two?
2. MRS. “TIME TO BRING UP OLD SHIT YOU’VE DONE THAT PISSES ME OFF.”
Girls are like national geographic specials: They like to dig up really old shit and then talk about it for several hours. As soon as this girl gets boozy, she’s accesses the google search inside her head and types in shit like “time I thought I was pregnant and my boyfriend made an abortion joke.” Then she’ll take that little emotional bomb, and hurl it at you like you’re occupying a middle eastern country.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION:
YOU: So, I was thinking we could head to another bar.
MRS. OLD SHIT: Sure, yeah. Maybe we could head to another bar without me, like you did on Halloween two years ago. Let’s do that, that would be awesome.
YOU: What? I didn’t go without you, I thought you were already- why are we talking about this, it happened two years ago!
MRS. OLD SHIT: Maybe you should talk about it with your ex-girlfriend, like you did on my birthday.
YOU: She called me asking for the name of my mechanic!
MRS. OLD SHIT: How come you’ve never given me the name of your mechanic.
1. MR. LET’S WRESTLE
I think it’s great that you wrestled for two years in high school. Good for you. But depending on what kind of party we’re at, that was anywhere from 3 to 10 years ago, and you probably weren’t really, really drunk at every wrestling match. This guy will let you know when he’s ready to go by approaching you in a Quazimoto-type stance. He’ll proceed to swat at you playfully like an orangutan chasing bubbles, constantly repeating “C’mon. C’mon. C’mon.” He’s going to wrestle someone or something tonight. That’s inevitable. You’ll just have to make sure that it’s not you.
TYPICAL CONVERSATION: YOU: (talking to someone else) Yeah, so after astronaut school, I just wanted to chill for a while.
MR. WRESTLE: Dude! Dude! Dude! C’mon. C’mon, dude. C’mon.
YOU: Hey, man. I’m having a conversation here. Please stop playfully swatting at me.
MR. WRESTLE: C’mon. C’mon. C’mon. C’mon, dude. C’mon.
YOU: I don’t want to wrestle you.
MR. WRESTLE: I don’t wanna wrestle you either. I just wanna teach you how to suplex somebody.
*If you enjoyed this list, please give it a Digg. We would greatly appreciate it. (And it keeps us in business.)
However there is another type of drunk - the alcohol rehabilitation one - "I am always drunk and always refuse when you ask me if I want a drink"... typical alcoholic behavior.
on a seperate, but equally annoying note. how about mr. i'm going to proofread internet comedy articles for grammatical errors. it's not a f'ing term paper, relax. although, we are all impressed by your profound knowledge of the english language. congratulate yourself on being so smart.
You forgot the WOOOOO!!!! girls, especially at any bar that has a band or any concert with a bar in the venue every two minutes of the next two hours will be filled with ear peircing shrieks of WOOOOOO! or screams of ohmygodthisisthebestsongever!!!!!! as they sing along to every fourth word of the song and just scream throughthe rest of it. They usually travel in packs of girls just as retarded as them and bring their frat boy douche bag boyfriends along and feel the need to slam into you knocking your drink over, then hang all over you as they slobber apologies and continually ask "why are you mad?" or "are you mad at me?" They suck.
Let us not forget Mr. "That's What She Said"...it could take something as small as "I'm gonna grab another..." "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"...gets very old very quick.
Viva drunk texting. I am notorious for this. It's terrible and what's even sneakier is I'll drunkenly delete them, wake up the next day and see that field blank...I know then that I have done something very, very bad...ex sex text(ing) something like that...which I WOULD NEVER do sober. Can't even remember the fucking number sober. I get all "Psychic Friends Network" and remember phone numbers I long ago erased for this very reason lol.
I can think of worse things than Mr. High Five guy. Like Mr. Get Drunk and Eat Your Leftovers guy. That dude sucks, especially when your drunk and craving that chicken finger sub you got in the fridge. You open the door to only find an open wrapper, some lettuce, and maybe a chunk of blue cheese if you're lucky. F that dude.
dude i'm a number nine, i don't even need an excuse i just go around high fiving random dudes. i think i make up for it by the fact that i know my limits, and i never get drunker than that.
I'm number 3. But the girl version...and it's more like random texting...
*cringes*
That is why I usually drop my phone in the toilet before I even start drinking.
Been one myself a few times and can honestly say nothing is a bigger cock block. Gently swaying trying to keep it together for the half decent girl you're chatting up... mate enters the scenario 'WHAT YOU DOIN FAGGOT! SHOTSSSSSS!'
I'm a variation on the westler. I start trying to box with tall people. After I knock them out/get my ass handed to me, I revert back into the Dude Who Loves Everyone and Wants to Achieve World Peace Before Last Call.
Also, what about the guy who enters conversations with random people in his immediate vicinity and trys to solve all their deep seated emotional problems with his Buddah like wisdom? Oh, wait, that's also me.
I have a 'professional drunk' friend who has two speeds when it comes to drinking....on and off. It actually works well, because when he feels like he needs more he typically buys for the group. That's the good part. The bad part is that the more he drinks the more he THINKS he knows even when he has never read, participated, even thought about the topic.
Me: I have a concrete contractor coming to replace my drive way tomorrow.
Drunk expert: Dude make sure that you know what kind of concrete they are using. A lot of times they will give you the cheap stuff just to make a buck.
Me: Cheap stuff? I have already covered that with the contractor.
Drunk expert: Yeah well watch them close and make sure you are getting what you pay for...
Me: ???
My roommate is the I know more about you than anyone else guy. He once sat and argued for two hours!!!! with my friend who is getting a doctorate in engineering about how Einsteins theory of relativity is wrong. He is a fucking army cook and a tool.
What about the repeater drunk. The one that keeps telling the same story over and over again. Oh and the ha ha I'm so drunk I lit my cigarette backwards drunk.
Have you ever seen the movie Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde? Sure you have.
Well I dated a woman who was like that with alcohol.
I swear it only took one drink.
She was the very best, sweetest, kindest, sexiest girlfriend I ever had until that one drink. Then she turned into Ms. Hyde and became a maniac.
Yelling, hitting, swearing, throwing things and grabbing onto every random guy in the room.
One drink.
Really.
Then she would insist on drinking until she passed out.
This would happen at least once a week. It freaked me out.
Since she refused to stop drinking I had to break up with her.
Too bad. She was fantastic when she was sober.
My favorite is/was the "Do you know how much I love you?" drunk friend (girls are this way with other girls)
"Do you know how much I love you...How much you mean to me?... You are my best friend and you are so good to be here with me when I am shitfaced drunk and I can't tell you how much that means to me (sobbing begins).. because you are so special to me. Please hold back my hair while I puke. Thank you... I love you."
How about the "Ooooh My GAWD! That is sooo funny!" girl, the variation on Number 3 "I'm going to text you in the middle of the night when you're sleeping to tell you how much my life sucks!" person, or the "I am goin g to ask for sex from all of my female friends hoping one of them might ACTUALLY say yes!!" guy
LMAO! I know that guy. It never works but the shit he says to them is hilarious! "Hey Randy, come over cuz i will fuk those titties sooo hard" & "I'm not trying to get in yur pants, i just wanna cuddle."
Don't forget Mr/Mrs. I just want to have sex/dry humper. The person who rides your leg all night like your grandma's little "kick me dog". I love the passed out bed pisser.
I'm pretty close to a 3 but not that bad. I'm the guy that will sit in the dark corner and not talk to any girls and think they aren't into me, but I don't go and text ex girlfriends. I just lament over my loneliness at home then get stoned to forget about it and be happy again.
(109 Comments)
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June 18th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Where's 'Single, desperate, and drunk after four Bacardi?
June 18th, 2009 at 07:39 am
However there is another type of drunk - the alcohol rehabilitation one - "I am always drunk and always refuse when you ask me if I want a drink"... typical alcoholic behavior.
May 23rd, 2009 at 08:21 pm
WoW!! what happened? plastic injection molding my be can help something?
April 6th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
JAY CUTLER! Finally! and Pace to protect him, can't wait
April 6th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
on a seperate, but equally annoying note. how about mr. i'm going to proofread internet comedy articles for grammatical errors. it's not a f'ing term paper, relax. although, we are all impressed by your profound knowledge of the english language. congratulate yourself on being so smart.
April 5th, 2009 at 12:47 am
You forgot the WOOOOO!!!! girls, especially at any bar that has a band or any concert with a bar in the venue every two minutes of the next two hours will be filled with ear peircing shrieks of WOOOOOO! or screams of ohmygodthisisthebestsongever!!!!!! as they sing along to every fourth word of the song and just scream throughthe rest of it. They usually travel in packs of girls just as retarded as them and bring their frat boy douche bag boyfriends along and feel the need to slam into you knocking your drink over, then hang all over you as they slobber apologies and continually ask "why are you mad?" or "are you mad at me?" They suck.
March 25th, 2009 at 06:45 am
Let us not forget Mr. "That's What She Said"...it could take something as small as "I'm gonna grab another..." "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"...gets very old very quick.
March 21st, 2009 at 11:24 am
They always use the same crying girl in these websites.
March 21st, 2009 at 06:08 am
I feel bad for the guy who got molested. But after we've been through all that drunken stuff, why not just smoke marijuana?
March 4th, 2009 at 07:18 pm
"Complements"? "Quazimoto"? For the love of god, please have a native English speaker proofread your next article, you illiterate monkey.
February 18th, 2009 at 09:18 am
you left out Mr. I love you
June 11th, 2009 at 02:32 pm
omg, I hate Mr. I Love You!!
February 15th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Viva drunk texting. I am notorious for this. It's terrible and what's even sneakier is I'll drunkenly delete them, wake up the next day and see that field blank...I know then that I have done something very, very bad...ex sex text(ing) something like that...which I WOULD NEVER do sober. Can't even remember the fucking number sober. I get all "Psychic Friends Network" and remember phone numbers I long ago erased for this very reason lol.
February 12th, 2009 at 11:38 am
I can think of worse things than Mr. High Five guy. Like Mr. Get Drunk and Eat Your Leftovers guy. That dude sucks, especially when your drunk and craving that chicken finger sub you got in the fridge. You open the door to only find an open wrapper, some lettuce, and maybe a chunk of blue cheese if you're lucky. F that dude.
February 11th, 2009 at 07:32 pm
dude i'm a number nine, i don't even need an excuse i just go around high fiving random dudes. i think i make up for it by the fact that i know my limits, and i never get drunker than that.
February 11th, 2009 at 05:34 pm
I'm number 3. But the girl version...and it's more like random texting...
*cringes*
That is why I usually drop my phone in the toilet before I even start drinking.
February 11th, 2009 at 08:30 am
Argh Number 7!
Been one myself a few times and can honestly say nothing is a bigger cock block. Gently swaying trying to keep it together for the half decent girl you're chatting up... mate enters the scenario 'WHAT YOU DOIN FAGGOT! SHOTSSSSSS!'
Night quickly turns into an 8th and a wank...
February 10th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
I'm a variation on the westler. I start trying to box with tall people. After I knock them out/get my ass handed to me, I revert back into the Dude Who Loves Everyone and Wants to Achieve World Peace Before Last Call.
Also, what about the guy who enters conversations with random people in his immediate vicinity and trys to solve all their deep seated emotional problems with his Buddah like wisdom? Oh, wait, that's also me.
February 5th, 2009 at 03:50 pm
BAWLING, not BALLING.
COMPLIMENT, not COMPLEMENT.
February 7th, 2009 at 06:45 am
You are correct about the spelling, but if she needs to get laid to stop crying, then she certainly would be "balling." :~)
February 4th, 2009 at 02:16 pm
I just keep to my self try getting with one or two girls, give up as I see that it takes to much effort then I got get stoned with my friends.
February 2nd, 2009 at 07:30 am
It does suck the Bears didnt make he playoffs
January 25th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
I'm the one who loves everybody at the end of the night! A bit of a stumbling drunk who will hang on you and say "I loovveee youuuuu!"
January 25th, 2009 at 09:10 pm
MS. IM REALLY HARDCORE AT DRINKING-BUT AT THE END OF THE NIGHT IS SEEN PASTOUT/ PUKING IN THE TIOLET
January 31st, 2009 at 07:05 pm
oh.... your that guy
January 19th, 2009 at 02:04 pm
i am a #3 like nobody's business. how embarassing haha
January 18th, 2009 at 02:21 pm
It's spelled "bawling" not "balling" genius.
February 12th, 2009 at 07:39 am
You must be that girl that crys...how annoying
January 23rd, 2009 at 03:05 pm
it's spelled bitch not biatch...whore
January 30th, 2009 at 10:07 am
WELCOME TO BURN CITY POPULATION: YOU
January 18th, 2009 at 04:03 am
you forgot Mr/Mrs "I can't hold my drink"...
January 17th, 2009 at 05:55 pm
Very true... Great list
January 17th, 2009 at 01:31 am
i am mr wreastleerrr
February 12th, 2009 at 07:40 am
your mr. want to fondle other men...fag
January 16th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Alcohol is a wonderful thing?
January 16th, 2009 at 10:12 am
I have a 'professional drunk' friend who has two speeds when it comes to drinking....on and off. It actually works well, because when he feels like he needs more he typically buys for the group. That's the good part. The bad part is that the more he drinks the more he THINKS he knows even when he has never read, participated, even thought about the topic.
Me: I have a concrete contractor coming to replace my drive way tomorrow.
Drunk expert: Dude make sure that you know what kind of concrete they are using. A lot of times they will give you the cheap stuff just to make a buck.
Me: Cheap stuff? I have already covered that with the contractor.
Drunk expert: Yeah well watch them close and make sure you are getting what you pay for...
Me: ???
April 5th, 2009 at 12:32 am
My roommate is the I know more about you than anyone else guy. He once sat and argued for two hours!!!! with my friend who is getting a doctorate in engineering about how Einsteins theory of relativity is wrong. He is a fucking army cook and a tool.
January 16th, 2009 at 03:03 am
My high five drunk also constantly is saying he's sorry about some shit I couldn't care less about, hate that guy.
January 15th, 2009 at 10:12 am
What about the repeater drunk. The one that keeps telling the same story over and over again. Oh and the ha ha I'm so drunk I lit my cigarette backwards drunk.
January 15th, 2009 at 09:07 am
Have you ever seen the movie Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde? Sure you have.
Well I dated a woman who was like that with alcohol.
I swear it only took one drink.
She was the very best, sweetest, kindest, sexiest girlfriend I ever had until that one drink. Then she turned into Ms. Hyde and became a maniac.
Yelling, hitting, swearing, throwing things and grabbing onto every random guy in the room.
One drink.
Really.
Then she would insist on drinking until she passed out.
This would happen at least once a week. It freaked me out.
Since she refused to stop drinking I had to break up with her.
Too bad. She was fantastic when she was sober.
January 13th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
You forgot the "hand shakers", those assholes drive me nuts, matter of fact they all drive me nuts, booze is a plague.
January 13th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Screw drunks.
January 12th, 2009 at 06:24 pm
IT'S FUCKING SPELLED COMPLIMENT!!!
February 12th, 2009 at 07:45 am
chill douche
January 11th, 2009 at 05:49 pm
My favorite is/was the "Do you know how much I love you?" drunk friend (girls are this way with other girls)
"Do you know how much I love you...How much you mean to me?... You are my best friend and you are so good to be here with me when I am shitfaced drunk and I can't tell you how much that means to me (sobbing begins).. because you are so special to me. Please hold back my hair while I puke. Thank you... I love you."
January 11th, 2009 at 04:40 pm
How about the "Ooooh My GAWD! That is sooo funny!" girl, the variation on Number 3 "I'm going to text you in the middle of the night when you're sleeping to tell you how much my life sucks!" person, or the "I am goin g to ask for sex from all of my female friends hoping one of them might ACTUALLY say yes!!" guy
January 27th, 2009 at 09:24 pm
LMAO! I know that guy. It never works but the shit he says to them is hilarious! "Hey Randy, come over cuz i will fuk those titties sooo hard" & "I'm not trying to get in yur pants, i just wanna cuddle."
January 10th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Don't forget Mr/Mrs. I just want to have sex/dry humper. The person who rides your leg all night like your grandma's little "kick me dog". I love the passed out bed pisser.
January 10th, 2009 at 10:24 am
What about Mrs. Thinks Guys Looking at Her Constitutes Sexual Assault and then Tells Everyone She Knows About It?
Or maybe there's just the one at my school.
January 9th, 2009 at 07:39 pm
I'm pretty close to a 3 but not that bad. I'm the guy that will sit in the dark corner and not talk to any girls and think they aren't into me, but I don't go and text ex girlfriends. I just lament over my loneliness at home then get stoned to forget about it and be happy again.