The Internet is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it gives talented people the power to reach an audience of billions. On the other, it gives billions of people who have no business reaching an audience (myself included) the power to unleash their sick minds on the world.
Nowhere is this more apparent than on Youtube. It’s littered with pointless attempts at self-expression. Of these videos, none are more pathetic than those created using “The Sims” video game. Perhaps you’ve come across one here or there, like this fan-made video for the country song, “I’m My Own Grandpa.” It made the Internet rounds a few years back; unfortunately, it was just the tip of the iceberg.
Below you will find 11 disturbing examples of “Sims” videos. Some of them are sad, but funny. Others are simply deranged. But all were put together by a fellow human.
Justin Bieber “One Time” Music Video
Watching a normal Justin Bieber video is enough to make you shoot yourself. Watching a homemade “Sims” tribute video is enough to make you take a lot of other people with you. It starts with you Usher, you son of a bitch. This is all your fault.
491,125 people have watched this. God I hate you, Usher.
Kenny Rogers “Coward of the County ” Music Video
At least with Justin Bieber, I can make myself feel better by assuming some stupid kid got bored and made it. But I don’t think I can swallow that explanation for someone who took the time to make a video for Kenny Rogers’, “Coward of the County.” It came out in 1979. Jesus Christ.
3,582,132 people have watched this. You’ve still got it, Kenny!
The Black Preacher
If you enjoy the low-brow, pandering humor of Tyler Perry but wish it had even worse acting and lower production values, this is the clip for you. To be honest, I think I cracked a smile at one point during this clip. I’m not sure if I think it’s funny, or if I just thought of a racist joke I can’t repeat. Either way, my white guilt makes me like this clip more than the others.
Only 12,305 guilt-ridden white people watched this.
This Sims video is pretty straight forward. If you have an abortion, you’ll get hit by a truck.
Only 2,809 women turned to “The Sims” for abortion advice.
A “Sims” video seems like the perfect way to get through to teenage girls with low self-esteems about the dangers of Anorexia. Don’t forget the Bon Jovi music. Young girls love that. Hey, maybe we can also educate girls about the danger of bulimia using the awesome power of Dungeons and Dragons? +3 Experience Points for remembering to bring mints.
59,834 overweight girls watched this.
A Sims Teen Suicide Story
It’s not that I think teen suicides can’t be made fun of. But it’s a very sensitive topic, so you better make sure it’s damn funny. Take for example, this video. The ending is hilarious. What? It’s not a joke. Holy sh*t!
4,852 teens have watched this and decided life was worth living.
AIDS Awareness (Unprotected Sex)
I’m 90% sure that whoever went through the trouble to make this video has never had sex, protected or otherwise. Even so, I’m sure it’s saved a lot of lives. (Music by Ashton Vidal…ugh)
6,024 people are now wearing rubbers after watching this.
In all seriousness, I recently had a friend die of cancer. If he were still here, I’m fairly certain he would choose to get cancer again rather than watch this video a second time. Well, that’s a stretch, but he’d at least have to think it over. This one’s for you, LD!
54,502 cancer patients have watched this and been insulted.
What better way to honor the millions of people who died in the Holocaust than by making a “Sims” tribute video. I know: ANY OTHER WAY! Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you people? While you’re at it, why don’t you make a 3D version of The Nutcracker with Nazi overtones? Oh, you did? My mistake. What a horrible planet!
Only 809 people have watched this. I blame the media.
Sims 2 Child Loss Story (SIDS)
If you happen to know a parent who has lost a child to SIDS, show them this video. I’m sure the image of a Sim crying over a crib containing her dead baby set to the soothing sounds of Celine Dion will be very cathartic. WHY WAS THIS MADE?
176,307 sad mothers have watched this and begun to heal.
Dear Mr. Jesus – By Jim Slim
Holy f**king Christ! I’m not sure what’s more disturbing: the fact that someone made a little girl sing this song, or that someone decided to make a video for it using “The Sims.” Wait, I am sure. It’s the video. I’m not sure who Jim Sim is, but there’s no doubt in my mind that he killed JonBenét Ramsey.
5,594 people no longer believe in god after watching this.