Why does Peter Pan fly?
You’d fly too if someone hit you in the peter with a pan.
A polar bear walks into a bar and has a seat. The bartender walks over and says “what will you have?”
The polar bear says “I’ll have a gin… and tonic.”
“Sure thing. But, uh, why the big pause?” asks the bartender.
“Oh these? I’ve had them forever.”
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
To get to the same side.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck.
How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Have you ever smelled mothballs? Yes?
How did you get their little legs open?
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines everywhere.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
A guy walks into a bar with a hamburger tied to his head. The bartender says “why do you have a burger tied to your head?”
The man replies “I tie hamburgers to my head every Wednesday!”
The bartender says “but its Tuesday”
The man replies “Tuesday?! I must look like an idiot!”
A guy walks into a fishmonger’s, steps up to the counter and asks “Are you the fishmonger?”
“Yes,” the fishmonger replies.
“Can you make fish cakes?” the man asks.
The fishmonger nods “Of course, it’s my job.”
The man smiles and pulls a fish wearing a tiny hat form is bag “Good, it’s his birthday.’