People purchase all types of Calendars. Cats, Computers, you name it, people are buying it and putting it up on their wall. So, we decided to take it upon ourselves to create 12 Calendars no one would EVER purchase.
12. Irrelevant White Centers Wall Calendar
11. Jessica Alba's Body On Carrot Top's FaceCalendar
10. 365 Nursing Homes, A Daily Calendar
9. World's Greatest Fetus Fights
8. Alex Rodriguez Killing Puppies 2009 Calendar
7. The 2009 Ford Taurus Calendar featuring 12 Classic Taurus Models!
6. The Hottest Instruction Manual Schematic Calendar
5. The Brotherhood Of Wizard Serial Killers Official 2009 Calendar
4. Behind-The-Scenes Stills From "The Happening" 2009 Calendar
4. The New York Times Op-Ed Columnist Calendar -- 2009
3. Beloved Cartoon Characters Raping Each Other In Back Alleys -- 2009 Wall Calendar
2. Police Sketches -- A 2009 Calendar
1. Messy Piles Of Shit 2009 Wall Calendar
If you'd like to PURCHASE a 12 month wall calendar featuring twelve of these photos, click here to get it at our Holy Taco Store!
*Calendar does not include the Carrot Top-Jessica Alba calendar. For strange, strange, legal reasons.
How about pointing out the fact that calendars are relics of the past? Who buys a calendar these days? Is this the same person that is still using a pager???
Q:who buys a calendar these days
A:people trying to be unique by paradoxically telling everyone "I would so buy that, heee heee."
A:people who stick their heads up their asses to see if it will come out their mouths.
A:People who got their first plumbing lesson in sixth grade when their head got flushed 14 times.
The useless white centers calendar should easily include 2 extra months for 2010...all the white centers that played with jordan could fill their own calendar - will purdue, bill wennington, bill cartwright (i know, but c'mon, he was pretty white). eric montross, shawn bradley - how could he not be coverboy? i'd totally buy the actual calendar.
hahahah.... you so want to be like cracked.com. your lame asses copy them every day. just cut and paste their posts, why don't you? cracked will eat your sad assed man-boobs you fake fuck1ng cun7s.
You do realize you can say "fucking" and "cunt" on this site, right? You sound kind of like a fucking cunt when you spell it using numbers. Also, thanks for reading us everyday.
This list must be in the Messy Piles of Shit Calender!
The nursing home calender should just be one page with one picture; they don't even know what planet they are on.
From the looks of things that Ford Tarus calender might be a classic one day.
I would pay some fine cash for The Brotherhood Of Wizard Serial Killers Official 2009 Calendar and the Beloved Cartoon Characters Raping Each Other In Back Alleys -- 2009 Wall Calendar. I would put the latter up in my cubical and laugh at its whimsy as I silently pray for death.
where's Dwayne Schintzius and his Mullet? I guess his mullet is probably more relevant (and not white) than everyone you've shown. Kurt Rambis could also probably also make one of those widely coveted spots on the calender. Its a great marketing campaign to not show everyone who made it, so i guess i would actually purchase it to find out who made the cut.
When are you going to make a list of all the calenders that would only be bought if they were on a list of "calenders that would never be bought unless they were on holytaco.com?"
(35 Comments)
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January 5th, 2009 at 02:33 pm
seriously, i want 12 months of cartoon butsecks fun.
January 5th, 2009 at 02:31 pm
Ha ha ha I bet the calendar for The Happening is more suspenseful that the actual movie. You never know what next month will bring!
Also I would like to know if that month is printed on paper made from EVIL MURDEROUS VENGEFUL TREES!
January 5th, 2009 at 03:24 pm
I want Alex Rodriguez killing puppies! lmao
January 5th, 2009 at 03:31 pm
what a shitty attempt at humor. you suck
January 5th, 2009 at 03:44 pm
i think im on the police sketches calendar
January 5th, 2009 at 03:56 pm
It's absurd that you left Rik Smits off the white centers calendar. Rik Smits could make Mark Eaton look like Rony Seikley. Or something.
January 5th, 2009 at 04:30 pm
My cat's breath smells like catfood.
January 5th, 2009 at 04:20 pm
That was amazing!
January 5th, 2009 at 05:00 pm
ha ha i have your money.
January 5th, 2009 at 05:32 pm
That's my Taurus!!! Finally made the big time I see.
January 5th, 2009 at 05:50 pm
I'm thinking about the "messy piles of shit" calendar for my office: ) Im just not sure how my cubicle-mates will feel : (
January 5th, 2009 at 06:08 pm
How about pointing out the fact that calendars are relics of the past? Who buys a calendar these days? Is this the same person that is still using a pager???
February 26th, 2009 at 06:06 pm
Q:who buys a calendar these days
A:people trying to be unique by paradoxically telling everyone "I would so buy that, heee heee."
A:people who stick their heads up their asses to see if it will come out their mouths.
A:People who got their first plumbing lesson in sixth grade when their head got flushed 14 times.
and the similar
January 5th, 2009 at 06:07 pm
The useless white centers calendar should easily include 2 extra months for 2010...all the white centers that played with jordan could fill their own calendar - will purdue, bill wennington, bill cartwright (i know, but c'mon, he was pretty white). eric montross, shawn bradley - how could he not be coverboy? i'd totally buy the actual calendar.
January 5th, 2009 at 08:40 pm
Oddly, I'd buy several of these...
January 5th, 2009 at 09:30 pm
I too would buy irrelevant white centers..
January 5th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
hahahah.... you so want to be like cracked.com. your lame asses copy them every day. just cut and paste their posts, why don't you? cracked will eat your sad assed man-boobs you fake fuck1ng cun7s.
January 6th, 2009 at 09:26 am
You do realize you can say "fucking" and "cunt" on this site, right? You sound kind of like a fucking cunt when you spell it using numbers. Also, thanks for reading us everyday.
January 6th, 2009 at 01:42 am
there are a few of these i would actually buy
January 6th, 2009 at 02:44 am
I think whichever puppy drew October would be safe from A-Rod, because he would just swing at it and miss.
Can I get confirmation on whether or not Uwe Blaab is one of the 12 irrelevant centers? If so, I will take one.
January 6th, 2009 at 05:47 am
you can really buy some of these IRL. (not exactly these, but similar subjects)
January 6th, 2009 at 05:52 am
Jessica Alba's body on Carrot Top's face? I'm pretty sure there's a better way you can phrase that. Like "I blue myself".
If Jessica Alba sat on Carrot Top's face, would that give her fire crotch?
January 6th, 2009 at 09:45 am
This list must be in the Messy Piles of Shit Calender!
The nursing home calender should just be one page with one picture; they don't even know what planet they are on.
From the looks of things that Ford Tarus calender might be a classic one day.
January 6th, 2009 at 11:09 am
I would pay some fine cash for The Brotherhood Of Wizard Serial Killers Official 2009 Calendar and the Beloved Cartoon Characters Raping Each Other In Back Alleys -- 2009 Wall Calendar. I would put the latter up in my cubical and laugh at its whimsy as I silently pray for death.
January 6th, 2009 at 01:42 pm
I would absolutely by the police sketches one
January 6th, 2009 at 06:25 pm
crack head is a fucking cunt. Your right, I can say it. Fucking cunt, fucking cunt, fu8k068ing cun5t. Dam4n, i9t w0nt le34t me say it 8nymore
January 6th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
where's Dwayne Schintzius and his Mullet? I guess his mullet is probably more relevant (and not white) than everyone you've shown. Kurt Rambis could also probably also make one of those widely coveted spots on the calender. Its a great marketing campaign to not show everyone who made it, so i guess i would actually purchase it to find out who made the cut.
January 7th, 2009 at 07:10 am
well I guess some people would buy those calendars because it's so unique
February 26th, 2009 at 06:31 pm
To quote Miggs in silence of teh lambs "I admire your intellect"
January 7th, 2009 at 10:46 am
i would definately want rodriguez killing puppy's and the police sketch
January 11th, 2009 at 03:53 pm
When are you going to make a list of all the calenders that would only be bought if they were on a list of "calenders that would never be bought unless they were on holytaco.com?"
January 22nd, 2009 at 05:38 am
I would actually buy some of those. Hence, this is a failed list.
February 14th, 2009 at 07:26 pm
ur queer
February 24th, 2009 at 11:23 am
I would buy the last one and give it to my ex.
February 26th, 2009 at 06:08 pm
i would rather have the plate of shit calendar than the stills from the happening one...god that film was shitter than shit
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