Facebook has changed the world in so many ways that we promise we can thoroughly describe so long as you don’t actually ask us to, or in fact ask any follow up questions at all. We all know Facebook and none of us know why we have it, but there it is. And over the last few years it’s gone from just being a place where you have a pointless page about yourself to a place where you can start a pointless page about anything. Behold!
On the one hand, Stalin is a hugely important historical figure worthy of study by students of history and laymen alike. On the other hand, Facebook is the home of Farmville and poking and intrusive “likes” that share your thoughtless whims with everyone you’ve ever met. When the two meet, one of the few men whose mass murderer status of compared to Hitler’s gets a fan page. Yay Stalin!
Joseph has over 12,000 fans, meaning he’s not as awesome as Justin Bieber, but more awesome than Gandhi, who has just over 9,000 fans
Status Update: OMG, just got Lenin’s job!
Joanie Loves Chachi
355 people like Joanie Loves Chachi and that’s 354 more than is reasonable – we’re assuming Scott Baio likes it but whoever the hell Joanie was does not. If she’s still alive. Is she still alive? No one in the office was motivated to Google it.
Joanie Loves Chachi is arguably one of the worst shows ever put on television and featured the relationship between Scott Baio and a chick who was uglier than Scott Baio. Surprisingly the show was cancelled, because it sucked so bad. But now it can live on in the hearts and minds of a handful of people who should not have access to facebook.
Status Update: Chachi means penis in Korean! ROFL!
Far be it from anyone at Holy taco to argue that Columbo is not the most awesome mentally handicapped detective of all time – dude got shit done. However, he has almost 34,000 fans and the show was aired in the early 1970’s. The last time anyone saw Columbo was 7 years ago, when Peter Falk, the actor, was exactly one thousand years old and so cross eyed he could only see behind him.
Status Update: Pardon me, ma’am, but what the f*ck is the internet?
Oh, OJ Simspon, you loveable murderer you. Indeed, OJ has a handful of fan pages on Facebook because Nordberg fans just couldn’t get organized and rally behind one group. This particular page has nearly 600 fans, enthusiasts of the Naked Gun, confession books and golf course murder investigations alike, and maybe the odd Kato Kaelin supporter. Or Kato Kaelin himself.
Status Update: Anyone up for a movie tonight? Maybe a stabbing?
1071 people like diarrhea.
Status Update: BRB!
Unlike diarrhea, Legionnaire’s Disease is an unloved malady. It had 5 separate pages and among those 5 pages only one fan. His name is Josh Klugman and he has a skunk for a profile picture. He’s single and he likes silent films. If he didn’t want this published on a comedy website, he shouldn’t have been the world’s only fan of Legionnaire’s Disease.
Status Update: How’s it going, Josh Klugman?
Do you remember Supermarket Sweep? Science tell us the answer is probably no, as in the brains of normally functioning human beings, Supermarket Sweep simply won’t take hold. It’s like water on Teflon.
If game shows were food, the Price is Right would be a perfectly barbecued steak and Supermarket Sweep would be a day old bagel that a hobo had been using as a hemorrhoid cushion.
Status Update: Stop picking canned goods, dumbass!
Robert Goulet is the only celebrity in the history of film whose mustache comes close to that of Magnum PI and, in some cases, may have trumped it. Over 1,000 people agree.
Status Update: GOULET!
Sally Jesse Raphael
This group is specifically dedicated to bringing back the Sally Jesse Raphael Show. Arguably this means there’s a number of people out there looking to bring back polio, or trying to usher in their next herpes outbreak.
Nothing official is on her Wikipedia page, but it’s widely beloved her show was cancelled due to goblin discrimination. On account of Sally Jesse Raphael is so absolutely a goblin.
Status Update: Think I should buy new frames?
The Father of Lies has 43 fans, God bless ‘em. They are based out of Norway.
Status Update: Just finished watching your mother suck cocks out back.
Wikipedia infuriatingly says that Air Supply has had numerous top 10 hits and they’ve released nearly 20 albums since the mid 1970’s. But sweet Jesus, they suck. However, 64,000 others disagree, and have jumped on the Air Supply bandwagon.
Status Update: I’m all out of love. And gin.
Hey, remember last time that worm wriggled out of your ass and entertained you and the family for the evening? No? Then you’re not one of the 55 fans of pinworms.
No need for a status update here, the page gets updated with horrible jokes on its own.