It's nice to know that we're just a Chien-Ming Wang or a Dick Trickle away from a memorable sports headline. Here are 12 headlines from mainstream newspapers and websites that could easily be found in the gutter.
12. Bartolo Colon
That must be one giant bidet.
11. Kerry Wood
Whoa, buddy. Isn’t that for her to decide?
10. Chien-Ming Wang/Alex Rodriguez
In the long and illustrious history of the New York Times, I can safely say this is the best headline they’ve ever printed.
9. Damarus Johnson
Hmmm, would a yardstick help?
8. Notah Begay
You hear that, Jake Gyllenhaal? Just relax and everything will be fine.
7. Houston Nutt
Should they hang low? Should they swing to and fro'? Should I tie them in a knot or should I tie them in a bow?
6. Randy "Big Unit" Johnson
I wonder if this "comeback" will also be "bareback."
5. Bartolo Colon (Part 2)
Considering Tuesday was White Castle Crave Case night, I’m guessing it fails.
4. Rusty Kuntz
Maybe the Pirates should hire some nicer coaches and they would be able to sign some better free agents.
3. Luther Head
Never underestimate the calming effect of a little oral sex.
2. Dick Trickle
OK, this one was too easy.
1. Dick Pole
So…many…double…entendres...
--Written by friend of HolyTaco, Paul Ulane. He is also a noted eater.
I saw a New paper that had the headline, "Measuring the Big Unit" in reference to Randy Johnson. A lot of people starred at me because I thought it was so damn funny.
Houston Nutt inspired so many great headlines, but when Arkansas had two quarterbacks named Casey Dick and Robert Johnson it was really too much. I think the all-time great was "Nutt Pulls Johnson, Inserts Dick".
Somebody named their kid Rusty Kuntz on purpose? What other names were they considering: Harry, Randy, Dusty, Lucky, and Gabby or Minnie if it's a girl?
Here's a tip for parents: if your last name is Kuntz, Dick, Johnson, Wang, etc, DON'T NAME YOUR KID AN ADJECTIVE.
'colon, smelling like a rose" is probably the best one. HAHAHAh i cant believe that you didn't find the Satan (guy that playes for the Pittsburgh penguins) "Team play doesn't fit with Satan.) anyways looking for sinners for Vegas. Can you do it?
ESPN.com had a headline about Chen Ming Wang and Randy Johnson being available to relieve in a Yankees NLDS game, it read "Wang, Johnson Available in Bullpen"
The Colon jokes would be funny if that was how his last name was actually pronounced.. there’s supposed to be an accent over the second O making the correct pronunciation cologne
I wish I had the photo from it still, but I live in Atlanta and in the Atlanta Journal They posted a headline in the sports section about Georgia Tech's new head football coach Paul Johnson. It was titled "Johnson Comes Out Swinging". Classic.
There was this on ESPN Soccernet website long ago, when Dick Avocaat was the manager of the Netherlands soccer team. He dropped Ruud Van Nistelrooy, who was at that time a top striker plying his trade with Manchester United. However, he was injured and lost form for a while which saw him dropped from the National Team.
When the National Team was under-performing and failing to score goals, journalist were quick to question Dick Avocaat's decision to drop their top striker. The manager however was firm and insistent on his decision to leave Ruud out of the team.
unintentional? as almost anyone who has worked in a newsroom will attest, one of the great games is trying to get these headlines past the sub-editors.
Some are intentional, and some aren't. My best friend wrote a headline for a neighborhood weekly in Tampa about an employee at a Boys & Girls Club being promoted to the director. She was mortified when it was published: Yuengling Gets Head Job. Even funnier (now we look back on it) was that the guy's fiancee worked at another Boys & Girls Club in a neighboring community, and their friends were faxing her that headline. Luckily, both were really good about it. Headline writers are funny bunch ... they're always looking for a play on words. And good editors have to have dirty minds, because they have to think of innuendos, even when they're unintentional.
There was a good high school one quite a few years ago from the Topeka Capital-Journal. I think it was for a basketball game between the Topeka High Trojans and the Seaman Vikings (also a Topeka school):
Not a newspaper headline, but my favorite involving Randy Johnson was on a radio commercial. It began, "The summers in Phoenix are long and hot...and so is the Big Unit."
theres gotta be a healine about about Wang vs Bush when david bush pitched for the Blue jays. and on that note, do they ever use BJ's as a short for Blue jays? that would lead to alot of good headlines. Also there gotta be more about Wang with the Yanks, as in "yank's wang beat up in 2nd" or "Torre yanks wang in 2nd"
It's called banter that came from a story and is the exact reason comments exist. If you don't like it may I suggest you take it up with the creator of the internet, Al Gore.
The Toronto Star ran a headline a few years ago when center Mamadou N'Diaye played for the Raptors that read "Nobody blocks shots quite like your Mamadou"
Not a headline, but years ago when Randy Johnson was with the Mariners, during a series in the Kingdome against the Yankees, someone put up a sign that said "It'll take more than 25 Yanks to beat our Johnson".
(56 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
April 26th, 2009 at 02:07 pm
Some of those are funny, the Wood one was a stretch.
April 26th, 2009 at 02:56 pm
from now on, when I'm unhappy, I'll just say Dick Trickle 3 times and click my heels together.
April 26th, 2009 at 03:14 pm
You should of gotten the one that said "Condom trucks tips over, spills load"
April 26th, 2009 at 04:57 pm
the title of the article was Sports headlines, unless i've never seen that one, that's not a sports headline
April 26th, 2009 at 03:14 pm
I saw a New paper that had the headline, "Measuring the Big Unit" in reference to Randy Johnson. A lot of people starred at me because I thought it was so damn funny.
April 26th, 2009 at 03:16 pm
*newspaper
April 26th, 2009 at 03:18 pm
Houston Nutt inspired so many great headlines, but when Arkansas had two quarterbacks named Casey Dick and Robert Johnson it was really too much. I think the all-time great was "Nutt Pulls Johnson, Inserts Dick".
April 26th, 2009 at 04:32 pm
Somebody named their kid Rusty Kuntz on purpose? What other names were they considering: Harry, Randy, Dusty, Lucky, and Gabby or Minnie if it's a girl?
Here's a tip for parents: if your last name is Kuntz, Dick, Johnson, Wang, etc, DON'T NAME YOUR KID AN ADJECTIVE.
April 26th, 2009 at 04:48 pm
LMFAO
April 27th, 2009 at 09:25 pm
Yeah, it couldn't have been a nickname given to him at another time, right?
I mean, these are ballplayers. There's NO WAY they would come up with something like that and then it might stick...
[/rolls eyes]
April 29th, 2009 at 04:35 am
that is the funniest crap I've read in a long time
April 27th, 2009 at 05:32 am
Here's one from Spain from a few months ago:
Milan da a Kaka permiso para negociar su salida.
Translation:
Milan gives Kaka permission to negotiate his departure.
April 27th, 2009 at 06:10 am
I doubt any were "unintentional".
April 27th, 2009 at 07:24 am
a couple months ago at goal.com:
"Old lady unable to master BATE at home"
April 27th, 2009 at 08:19 am
'colon, smelling like a rose" is probably the best one. HAHAHAh i cant believe that you didn't find the Satan (guy that playes for the Pittsburgh penguins) "Team play doesn't fit with Satan.) anyways looking for sinners for Vegas. Can you do it?
www.bestmate.ca
April 27th, 2009 at 11:34 am
paul has SARS.
April 27th, 2009 at 03:20 pm
ESPN.com had a headline about Chen Ming Wang and Randy Johnson being available to relieve in a Yankees NLDS game, it read "Wang, Johnson Available in Bullpen"
April 27th, 2009 at 04:57 pm
Unintentional??!! Suuuuurreee!! Guaranteed, the writers of these headlines had quite a smirk on their faces when writing these up.
April 27th, 2009 at 05:23 pm
"Angels' Colon absorbs another pounding" from the June 27, 2004, Orange County Register (go ahead, google it) is another classic.
April 27th, 2009 at 05:39 pm
Holy Taco Batman, that is insane!
RT
www.anonymity.es.tc
April 27th, 2009 at 06:27 pm
These are great. Writers should come up with better jobs.
Free Xbox 360 Games
April 27th, 2009 at 06:30 pm
Keegan fills Schmeichel's gap with Seaman (from Sky News)
April 27th, 2009 at 06:56 pm
The Colon jokes would be funny if that was how his last name was actually pronounced.. there’s supposed to be an accent over the second O making the correct pronunciation cologne
April 28th, 2009 at 06:33 am
Don't be Buzz Killington.
April 27th, 2009 at 08:20 pm
I wish I had the photo from it still, but I live in Atlanta and in the Atlanta Journal They posted a headline in the sports section about Georgia Tech's new head football coach Paul Johnson. It was titled "Johnson Comes Out Swinging". Classic.
April 27th, 2009 at 09:09 pm
@Steve... that's what she said!
April 28th, 2009 at 12:53 am
There was this on ESPN Soccernet website long ago, when Dick Avocaat was the manager of the Netherlands soccer team. He dropped Ruud Van Nistelrooy, who was at that time a top striker plying his trade with Manchester United. However, he was injured and lost form for a while which saw him dropped from the National Team.
When the National Team was under-performing and failing to score goals, journalist were quick to question Dick Avocaat's decision to drop their top striker. The manager however was firm and insistent on his decision to leave Ruud out of the team.
Next day's headline? "Dick stands firm on Ruud".
April 28th, 2009 at 06:09 am
I saw one years ago and I still have the paper. "Jordan pulls Bulls by Nugets"
April 28th, 2009 at 07:22 am
unintentional? as almost anyone who has worked in a newsroom will attest, one of the great games is trying to get these headlines past the sub-editors.
April 28th, 2009 at 08:26 am
For the Amherst College women's field hockey headline, I once saw "Amherst Masters Bates" when they beat Bates college
April 28th, 2009 at 08:31 am
my favorite:
Seminoles to face Gators with Peters out
April 28th, 2009 at 08:42 am
a few years back during a Bruins/Sabres series there was an article in the Boston Globe with the headline "Buffalo's Peca is Huge"
April 28th, 2009 at 08:52 am
Once saw a headline from a junior college newspaper that said "Ladies struggle with Beavers" as the oposing teams mascot was the Beaver.
April 28th, 2009 at 08:57 am
From the Sun Sentinal "Titans Brown Eyeing Dolphins"
April 28th, 2009 at 09:05 am
I wonder if Paul Ulane knows the Fridge.
Gotta go!
April 28th, 2009 at 09:38 am
Some are intentional, and some aren't. My best friend wrote a headline for a neighborhood weekly in Tampa about an employee at a Boys & Girls Club being promoted to the director. She was mortified when it was published: Yuengling Gets Head Job. Even funnier (now we look back on it) was that the guy's fiancee worked at another Boys & Girls Club in a neighboring community, and their friends were faxing her that headline. Luckily, both were really good about it. Headline writers are funny bunch ... they're always looking for a play on words. And good editors have to have dirty minds, because they have to think of innuendos, even when they're unintentional.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:22 am
There was a good high school one quite a few years ago from the Topeka Capital-Journal. I think it was for a basketball game between the Topeka High Trojans and the Seaman Vikings (also a Topeka school):
TROJANS HOLD BACK SEAMAN
April 28th, 2009 at 10:33 am
This is my favorite from when John David Booty was playing for USC and they lost to Oregon State:
"Beavers Squeeze Trojans, Booty Gives It Away"
There were many good headlines about that game, and USC/OSU in general.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Not a newspaper headline, but my favorite involving Randy Johnson was on a radio commercial. It began, "The summers in Phoenix are long and hot...and so is the Big Unit."
April 28th, 2009 at 11:52 am
theres gotta be a healine about about Wang vs Bush when david bush pitched for the Blue jays. and on that note, do they ever use BJ's as a short for Blue jays? that would lead to alot of good headlines. Also there gotta be more about Wang with the Yanks, as in "yank's wang beat up in 2nd" or "Torre yanks wang in 2nd"
April 28th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
My favorite is any headline that has had Slovak Miroslav Satan in it, such as "Sabres upset Devils thanks to Satan".
[and yes, it is not pronounced the same as 'Satan', but these are funny to read, not to say....]
April 28th, 2009 at 02:38 pm
NONE OF YOURS ARE AS FUNNY AS THE ORIGINAL ONES IN THIS ARTICLE...WRITE YOUR OWN ARTICLE IF YOUR SO UNGRATEFUL FOR THIS ONE PEOPLE
April 29th, 2009 at 09:20 am
It's called banter that came from a story and is the exact reason comments exist. If you don't like it may I suggest you take it up with the creator of the internet, Al Gore.
May 1st, 2009 at 01:48 pm
buahahahah
April 28th, 2009 at 06:08 pm
Nascar.com once had a headline "Newman Beats Johnson for Bud Pole"
April 28th, 2009 at 08:46 pm
The Toronto Star ran a headline a few years ago when center Mamadou N'Diaye played for the Raptors that read "Nobody blocks shots quite like your Mamadou"
May 1st, 2009 at 01:47 pm
back a few yrs ago,the headline in a NY paper had to do with a hockey goalie coming back from a lengthy injury
"Rangers to test Peeters for rust"
May 2nd, 2009 at 01:29 am
Not a headline, but years ago when Randy Johnson was with the Mariners, during a series in the Kingdome against the Yankees, someone put up a sign that said "It'll take more than 25 Yanks to beat our Johnson".
May 14th, 2009 at 01:24 pm
hahahahahahhaah rusty kuntz.
June 3rd, 2009 at 01:50 am
A lot of people starred at me because I thought it was so damn funny.
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