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12 Unintentionally Funny Sports Headlines

It’s nice to know that we’re just a Chien-Ming Wang or a Dick Trickle away from a memorable sports headline. Here are 12 headlines from mainstream newspapers and websites that could easily be found in the gutter.
 
12. Bartolo Colon
 
funny sports headlines, funny headlines, uninentional
 
That must be one giant bidet.
 
11. Kerry Wood
 
funny sports headlines, funny headlines, uninentional
 
Whoa, buddy. Isn’t that for her to decide?
 
10. Chien-Ming Wang/Alex Rodriguez
 
funny sports headlines, funny headlines, uninentional
 
In the long and illustrious history of the New York Times, I can safely say this is the best headline they’ve ever printed.
 
9. Damarus Johnson
 
funny headline, sexual, funny, sports headline
 
Hmmm, would a yardstick help?

 
8. Notah Begay
 
funny sports headlines, funny headlines, uninentional
 
You hear that, Jake Gyllenhaal? Just relax and everything will be fine.
 
7. Houston Nutt
 
funny sports headlines, funny headlines, uninentional
 
Should they hang low? Should they swing to and fro’? Should I tie them in a knot or should I tie them in a bow?
 
6. Randy "Big Unit" Johnson
 
funny sports headlines, funny headlines, uninentional
 
I wonder if this "comeback" will also be "bareback."  
 
5. Bartolo Colon (Part 2)
 
funny sports headlines, funny headlines, uninentional
 
Considering Tuesday was White Castle Crave Case night, I’m guessing it fails.
 
4. Rusty Kuntz
 
funny sports headlines, funny headlines, uninentional
 
Maybe the Pirates should hire some nicer coaches and they would be able to sign some better free agents.
 
3. Luther Head
 
funny sports headlines, funny headlines, uninentional
 
Never underestimate the calming effect of a little oral sex.
 
2. Dick Trickle
 
funny headline, sports, unintentional, dick trickle
 
OK, this one was too easy.
 
1. Dick Pole
 
funny sports headline, sports, newspaper headline, funny, dick pole, sharper, mound staff
 
So…many…double…entendres…
 
 
–Written by friend of HolyTaco, Paul Ulane. He is also a noted eater.
 
 

57 Responses to "12 Unintentionally Funny Sports Headlines"

  1. Anonymous says:

    There was a good high school one quite a few years ago from the Topeka Capital-Journal. I think it was for a basketball game between the Topeka High Trojans and the Seaman Vikings (also a Topeka school):

    TROJANS HOLD BACK SEAMAN

  2. Amanda says:

    Some are intentional, and some aren’t. My best friend wrote a headline for a neighborhood weekly in Tampa about an employee at a Boys & Girls Club being promoted to the director. She was mortified when it was published: Yuengling Gets Head Job. Even funnier (now we look back on it) was that the guy’s fiancee worked at another Boys & Girls Club in a neighboring community, and their friends were faxing her that headline. Luckily, both were really good about it. Headline writers are funny bunch … they’re always looking for a play on words. And good editors have to have dirty minds, because they have to think of innuendos, even when they’re unintentional.

  3. Anonymous says:

    my favorite:
    Seminoles to face Gators with Peters out

  4. Anonymous says:

    I wonder if Paul Ulane knows the Fridge.

    Gotta go!

  5. Deborah Day says:

    paul has SARS.

  6. Robin says:

    Holy Taco Batman, that is insane!

    RT
    http://www.anonymity.es.tc

  7. willybabes says:

    ‘colon, smelling like a rose” is probably the best one. HAHAHAh i cant believe that you didn’t find the Satan (guy that playes for the Pittsburgh penguins) “Team play doesn’t fit with Satan.) anyways looking for sinners for Vegas. Can you do it?

    http://www.bestmate.ca

  8. Pez says:

    unintentional? as almost anyone who has worked in a newsroom will attest, one of the great games is trying to get these headlines past the sub-editors.

  9. jf4242 says:

    a few years back during a Bruins/Sabres series there was an article in the Boston Globe with the headline “Buffalo’s Peca is Huge”

  10. Norman says:

    Keegan fills Schmeichel’s gap with Seaman (from Sky News)

  11. Anonymous says:

    I saw one years ago and I still have the paper. “Jordan pulls Bulls by Nugets”

  12. Anonymous says:

    @Steve… that’s what she said!

  13. Anonymous says:

    ESPN.com had a headline about Chen Ming Wang and Randy Johnson being available to relieve in a Yankees NLDS game, it read “Wang, Johnson Available in Bullpen”

  14. Anonymous says:

    a couple months ago at goal.com:
    “Old lady unable to master BATE at home”

  15. Free Xbox 360 Games says:

    These are great. Writers should come up with better jobs.

    Free Xbox 360 Games

  16. Anonymous says:

    Once saw a headline from a junior college newspaper that said “Ladies struggle with Beavers” as the oposing teams mascot was the Beaver.

  17. Anonymous says:

    From the Sun Sentinal “Titans Brown Eyeing Dolphins”

  18. Anonymous says:

    There was this on ESPN Soccernet website long ago, when Dick Avocaat was the manager of the Netherlands soccer team. He dropped Ruud Van Nistelrooy, who was at that time a top striker plying his trade with Manchester United. However, he was injured and lost form for a while which saw him dropped from the National Team.

    When the National Team was under-performing and failing to score goals, journalist were quick to question Dick Avocaat’s decision to drop their top striker. The manager however was firm and insistent on his decision to leave Ruud out of the team.

    Next day’s headline? “Dick stands firm on Ruud”.

  19. Matt says:

    This is my favorite from when John David Booty was playing for USC and they lost to Oregon State:

    “Beavers Squeeze Trojans, Booty Gives It Away”

    There were many good headlines about that game, and USC/OSU in general.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Not a newspaper headline, but my favorite involving Randy Johnson was on a radio commercial. It began, “The summers in Phoenix are long and hot…and so is the Big Unit.”

  21. Anonymous says:

    For the Amherst College women’s field hockey headline, I once saw “Amherst Masters Bates” when they beat Bates college

  22. Anonymous says:

    “Angels’ Colon absorbs another pounding” from the June 27, 2004, Orange County Register (go ahead, google it) is another classic.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Don’t be Buzz Killington.

  24. Anonymous says:

    Unintentional??!! Suuuuurreee!! Guaranteed, the writers of these headlines had quite a smirk on their faces when writing these up.

  25. The Beard says:

    I wish I had the photo from it still, but I live in Atlanta and in the Atlanta Journal They posted a headline in the sports section about Georgia Tech’s new head football coach Paul Johnson. It was titled “Johnson Comes Out Swinging”. Classic.

  26. Mondo says:

    The Colon jokes would be funny if that was how his last name was actually pronounced.. there’s supposed to be an accent over the second O making the correct pronunciation cologne

  27. Anonymous says:

    The Toronto Star ran a headline a few years ago when center Mamadou N’Diaye played for the Raptors that read “Nobody blocks shots quite like your Mamadou”

  28. Anonymous says:

    someone put up a sign that said “It’ll take more than 25 Yanks to beat our Johnson”.
    Computer Science Dissertation

  29. Anonymous says:

    like it may I suggest you take it up with the creator of the internet, Al Gore.
    Dissertation

  30. Anonymous says:

    If you don’t like it may I suggest you take it up with the creator of the internet, Al Gore.Randy Johnson. A lot of people starred at me because I thought it was so damn funny.
    Term Paper Writing

  31. Barry Eagan says:

    WOW! I almost fell up laughing. I also crapped my fabric tablecloth.

  32. Jen says:

    My favorite one EVER was from the Daily Mississippian, which is the student newspaper at Ole Miss. It was after the Ole Miss-South Carolina football game in 1999 or 2000: “Rebels Beat Cocks.”

  33. A Rod says:

    From the world of soccer, nothing beats “Keegan fills Schmeichel’s gap with Seaman”.

  34. Andy says:

    You should of gotten the one that said “Condom trucks tips over, spills load”

  35. Who knows? says:

    the title of the article was Sports headlines, unless i’ve never seen that one, that’s not a sports headline

  36. Anonymous says:

    I saw a New paper that had the headline, “Measuring the Big Unit” in reference to Randy Johnson. A lot of people starred at me because I thought it was so damn funny.

  37. Anonymous says:

    *newspaper

  38. Anonymous says:

    I doubt any were “unintentional”.

  39. Anonymous says:

    Nascar.com once had a headline “Newman Beats Johnson for Bud Pole”

  40. Krotz in France says:

    My favorite is any headline that has had Slovak Miroslav Satan in it, such as “Sabres upset Devils thanks to Satan”.

    [and yes, it is not pronounced the same as 'Satan', but these are funny to read, not to say....]

  41. AussieBob says:

    that is the funniest crap I’ve read in a long time

  42. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, it couldn’t have been a nickname given to him at another time, right?

    I mean, these are ballplayers. There’s NO WAY they would come up with something like that and then it might stick…

    [/rolls eyes]

  43. Douchey McDoucherton says:

    LMFAO

  44. RoboPanda says:

    Somebody named their kid Rusty Kuntz on purpose? What other names were they considering: Harry, Randy, Dusty, Lucky, and Gabby or Minnie if it’s a girl?

    Here’s a tip for parents: if your last name is Kuntz, Dick, Johnson, Wang, etc, DON’T NAME YOUR KID AN ADJECTIVE.

  45. INGY says:

    NONE OF YOURS ARE AS FUNNY AS THE ORIGINAL ONES IN THIS ARTICLE…WRITE YOUR OWN ARTICLE IF YOUR SO UNGRATEFUL FOR THIS ONE PEOPLE

  46. Anonymous says:

    It’s called banter that came from a story and is the exact reason comments exist. If you don’t like it may I suggest you take it up with the creator of the internet, Al Gore.

  47. Anonymous says:

    Not a headline, but years ago when Randy Johnson was with the Mariners, during a series in the Kingdome against the Yankees, someone put up a sign that said “It’ll take more than 25 Yanks to beat our Johnson”.

  48. scott says:

    from now on, when I’m unhappy, I’ll just say Dick Trickle 3 times and click my heels together.

  49. Anonymous says:

    Houston Nutt inspired so many great headlines, but when Arkansas had two quarterbacks named Casey Dick and Robert Johnson it was really too much. I think the all-time great was “Nutt Pulls Johnson, Inserts Dick”.

  50. Anonymous says:

    Here’s one from Spain from a few months ago:

    Milan da a Kaka permiso para negociar su salida.

    Translation:
    Milan gives Kaka permission to negotiate his departure.

  51. Anonymous says:

    hahahahahahhaah rusty kuntz.

  52. Anonymous says:

    theres gotta be a healine about about Wang vs Bush when david bush pitched for the Blue jays. and on that note, do they ever use BJ’s as a short for Blue jays? that would lead to alot of good headlines. Also there gotta be more about Wang with the Yanks, as in “yank’s wang beat up in 2nd” or “Torre yanks wang in 2nd”

  53. Steve says:

    Some of those are funny, the Wood one was a stretch.

  54. Anonymous says:

    back a few yrs ago,the headline in a NY paper had to do with a hockey goalie coming back from a lengthy injury
    “Rangers to test Peeters for rust”

  55. Anonymous says:

    buahahahah

  56. Anonymous says:

    A lot of people starred at me because I thought it was so damn funny.
    Law Dissertation

  57. Anonymous says:

    the Raptors that read “Nobody blocks shots quite like your Mamadou”
    Education Dissertation

11 Unintentionally Funny Sports Headlines

It’s nice to know that we’re just a Chien-Ming Wang or a Dick Trickle away from a memorable sports headline. Here are 12 headlines from mainstream newspapers and websites that could easily be found in the gutter.

funny headlines
11. Bartolo Colon
That must be one giant bidet.

funny headlines
10. Kerry Wood
Whoa, buddy. Isn’t that for her to decide?

funny headlines
9. Chien-Ming Wang
In the long and illustrious history of the New York Times, I can safely say this is the best headline they’ve ever printed.

It’s nice to know that we’re just a Chien-Ming Wang or a Dick Trickle away from a memorable sports headline. Here are 12 headlines from mainstream newspapers and websites that could easily be found in the gutter.

funny headlines
11. Bartolo Colon
That must be one giant bidet.

funny headlines
10. Kerry Wood
Whoa, buddy. Isn’t that for her to decide?

funny headlines
9. Chien-Ming Wang
In the long and illustrious history of the New York Times, I can safely say this is the best headline they’ve ever printed.funny headlines
8. Notah Begay
You hear that, Jake Gyllenhaal? Just relax and everything will be fine.

funny headlines
7. Houston Nutt
Should they hang low? Should they swing to and fro’? Should I tie them in a knot or should I tie them in a bow?

funny headlines
6. Randy “Big Unit” Johnson
I wonder if this “comeback” will also be “bareback.”

funny headlines
5. Bartolo Colon (Part 2)
Considering Tuesday was White Castle Crave Case night, I’m guessing it fails.

funny headlines
4. Rusty Kuntz
Maybe the Pirates should hire some nicer coaches and they would be able to sign some better free agents.

funny headlines
3. Luther Head
Never underestimate the calming effect of a little oral sex.

funny headlines
2. Dick Trickle
OK, this one was too easy.

funny headlines
1. Dick Pole
So many double entendres…

2 Responses to "11 Unintentionally Funny Sports Headlines"

  1. Anonymous says:

    There was a good high school one quite a few years ago from the Topeka Capital-Journal. I think it was for a basketball game between the Topeka High Trojans and the Seaman Vikings (also a Topeka school):

    TROJANS HOLD BACK SEAMAN

  2. Amanda says:

    Some are intentional, and some aren’t. My best friend wrote a headline for a neighborhood weekly in Tampa about an employee at a Boys & Girls Club being promoted to the director. She was mortified when it was published: Yuengling Gets Head Job. Even funnier (now we look back on it) was that the guy’s fiancee worked at another Boys & Girls Club in a neighboring community, and their friends were faxing her that headline. Luckily, both were really good about it. Headline writers are funny bunch … they’re always looking for a play on words. And good editors have to have dirty minds, because they have to think of innuendos, even when they’re unintentional.

  3. Anonymous says:

    my favorite:
    Seminoles to face Gators with Peters out

  4. Anonymous says:

    I wonder if Paul Ulane knows the Fridge.

    Gotta go!

  5. Deborah Day says:

    paul has SARS.

  6. Robin says:

    Holy Taco Batman, that is insane!

    RT
    http://www.anonymity.es.tc

  7. willybabes says:

    ‘colon, smelling like a rose” is probably the best one. HAHAHAh i cant believe that you didn’t find the Satan (guy that playes for the Pittsburgh penguins) “Team play doesn’t fit with Satan.) anyways looking for sinners for Vegas. Can you do it?

    http://www.bestmate.ca

  8. Pez says:

    unintentional? as almost anyone who has worked in a newsroom will attest, one of the great games is trying to get these headlines past the sub-editors.

  9. jf4242 says:

    a few years back during a Bruins/Sabres series there was an article in the Boston Globe with the headline “Buffalo’s Peca is Huge”

  10. Norman says:

    Keegan fills Schmeichel’s gap with Seaman (from Sky News)

  11. Anonymous says:

    I saw one years ago and I still have the paper. “Jordan pulls Bulls by Nugets”

  12. Anonymous says:

    @Steve… that’s what she said!

  13. Anonymous says:

    ESPN.com had a headline about Chen Ming Wang and Randy Johnson being available to relieve in a Yankees NLDS game, it read “Wang, Johnson Available in Bullpen”

  14. Anonymous says:

    a couple months ago at goal.com:
    “Old lady unable to master BATE at home”

  15. Free Xbox 360 Games says:

    These are great. Writers should come up with better jobs.

    Free Xbox 360 Games

  16. Anonymous says:

    Once saw a headline from a junior college newspaper that said “Ladies struggle with Beavers” as the oposing teams mascot was the Beaver.

  17. Anonymous says:

    From the Sun Sentinal “Titans Brown Eyeing Dolphins”

  18. Anonymous says:

    There was this on ESPN Soccernet website long ago, when Dick Avocaat was the manager of the Netherlands soccer team. He dropped Ruud Van Nistelrooy, who was at that time a top striker plying his trade with Manchester United. However, he was injured and lost form for a while which saw him dropped from the National Team.

    When the National Team was under-performing and failing to score goals, journalist were quick to question Dick Avocaat’s decision to drop their top striker. The manager however was firm and insistent on his decision to leave Ruud out of the team.

    Next day’s headline? “Dick stands firm on Ruud”.

  19. Matt says:

    This is my favorite from when John David Booty was playing for USC and they lost to Oregon State:

    “Beavers Squeeze Trojans, Booty Gives It Away”

    There were many good headlines about that game, and USC/OSU in general.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Not a newspaper headline, but my favorite involving Randy Johnson was on a radio commercial. It began, “The summers in Phoenix are long and hot…and so is the Big Unit.”

  21. Anonymous says:

    For the Amherst College women’s field hockey headline, I once saw “Amherst Masters Bates” when they beat Bates college

  22. Anonymous says:

    “Angels’ Colon absorbs another pounding” from the June 27, 2004, Orange County Register (go ahead, google it) is another classic.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Don’t be Buzz Killington.

  24. Anonymous says:

    Unintentional??!! Suuuuurreee!! Guaranteed, the writers of these headlines had quite a smirk on their faces when writing these up.

  25. The Beard says:

    I wish I had the photo from it still, but I live in Atlanta and in the Atlanta Journal They posted a headline in the sports section about Georgia Tech’s new head football coach Paul Johnson. It was titled “Johnson Comes Out Swinging”. Classic.

  26. Mondo says:

    The Colon jokes would be funny if that was how his last name was actually pronounced.. there’s supposed to be an accent over the second O making the correct pronunciation cologne

  27. Anonymous says:

    The Toronto Star ran a headline a few years ago when center Mamadou N’Diaye played for the Raptors that read “Nobody blocks shots quite like your Mamadou”

  28. Anonymous says:

    someone put up a sign that said “It’ll take more than 25 Yanks to beat our Johnson”.
    Computer Science Dissertation

  29. Anonymous says:

    like it may I suggest you take it up with the creator of the internet, Al Gore.
    Dissertation

  30. Anonymous says:

    If you don’t like it may I suggest you take it up with the creator of the internet, Al Gore.Randy Johnson. A lot of people starred at me because I thought it was so damn funny.
    Term Paper Writing

  31. Barry Eagan says:

    WOW! I almost fell up laughing. I also crapped my fabric tablecloth.

  32. Jen says:

    My favorite one EVER was from the Daily Mississippian, which is the student newspaper at Ole Miss. It was after the Ole Miss-South Carolina football game in 1999 or 2000: “Rebels Beat Cocks.”

  33. A Rod says:

    From the world of soccer, nothing beats “Keegan fills Schmeichel’s gap with Seaman”.

  34. Andy says:

    You should of gotten the one that said “Condom trucks tips over, spills load”

  35. Who knows? says:

    the title of the article was Sports headlines, unless i’ve never seen that one, that’s not a sports headline

  36. Anonymous says:

    I saw a New paper that had the headline, “Measuring the Big Unit” in reference to Randy Johnson. A lot of people starred at me because I thought it was so damn funny.

  37. Anonymous says:

    *newspaper

  38. Anonymous says:

    I doubt any were “unintentional”.

  39. Anonymous says:

    Nascar.com once had a headline “Newman Beats Johnson for Bud Pole”

  40. Krotz in France says:

    My favorite is any headline that has had Slovak Miroslav Satan in it, such as “Sabres upset Devils thanks to Satan”.

    [and yes, it is not pronounced the same as 'Satan', but these are funny to read, not to say....]

  41. AussieBob says:

    that is the funniest crap I’ve read in a long time

  42. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, it couldn’t have been a nickname given to him at another time, right?

    I mean, these are ballplayers. There’s NO WAY they would come up with something like that and then it might stick…

    [/rolls eyes]

  43. Douchey McDoucherton says:

    LMFAO

  44. RoboPanda says:

    Somebody named their kid Rusty Kuntz on purpose? What other names were they considering: Harry, Randy, Dusty, Lucky, and Gabby or Minnie if it’s a girl?

    Here’s a tip for parents: if your last name is Kuntz, Dick, Johnson, Wang, etc, DON’T NAME YOUR KID AN ADJECTIVE.

  45. INGY says:

    NONE OF YOURS ARE AS FUNNY AS THE ORIGINAL ONES IN THIS ARTICLE…WRITE YOUR OWN ARTICLE IF YOUR SO UNGRATEFUL FOR THIS ONE PEOPLE

  46. Anonymous says:

    It’s called banter that came from a story and is the exact reason comments exist. If you don’t like it may I suggest you take it up with the creator of the internet, Al Gore.

  47. Anonymous says:

    Not a headline, but years ago when Randy Johnson was with the Mariners, during a series in the Kingdome against the Yankees, someone put up a sign that said “It’ll take more than 25 Yanks to beat our Johnson”.

  48. scott says:

    from now on, when I’m unhappy, I’ll just say Dick Trickle 3 times and click my heels together.

  49. Anonymous says:

    Houston Nutt inspired so many great headlines, but when Arkansas had two quarterbacks named Casey Dick and Robert Johnson it was really too much. I think the all-time great was “Nutt Pulls Johnson, Inserts Dick”.

  50. Anonymous says:

    Here’s one from Spain from a few months ago:

    Milan da a Kaka permiso para negociar su salida.

    Translation:
    Milan gives Kaka permission to negotiate his departure.

  51. Anonymous says:

    hahahahahahhaah rusty kuntz.

  52. Anonymous says:

    theres gotta be a healine about about Wang vs Bush when david bush pitched for the Blue jays. and on that note, do they ever use BJ’s as a short for Blue jays? that would lead to alot of good headlines. Also there gotta be more about Wang with the Yanks, as in “yank’s wang beat up in 2nd” or “Torre yanks wang in 2nd”

  53. Steve says:

    Some of those are funny, the Wood one was a stretch.

  54. Anonymous says:

    back a few yrs ago,the headline in a NY paper had to do with a hockey goalie coming back from a lengthy injury
    “Rangers to test Peeters for rust”

  55. Anonymous says:

    buahahahah

  56. Anonymous says:

    A lot of people starred at me because I thought it was so damn funny.
    Law Dissertation

  57. Anonymous says:

    the Raptors that read “Nobody blocks shots quite like your Mamadou”
    Education Dissertation