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16 Penalties Committed By College Freshmen

College can be a confusing place for freshmen. So, in an effort to better prepare them for life on campus, we’ve acquired the help of an NFL referee to alert them when they’ve committed a penalty.


1. PENALTY: TRYING TO IMPRESS PEOPLE WITH YOUR DJ SKILLS


2. PENALTY: ASKING ANNOYING QUESTIONS THAT DELAY THE END OF CLASS


3. PENALTY: JACKING OFF WHILE YOUR ROOMMATE IS TRYING TO SLEEP


4. PENALTY: EXPECTING A BLOWJOB BECAUSE YOU THREW A PARTY IN YOUR DORM ROOM


5. PENALTY: TRYING TO IMPRESS GIRLS WITH FISTING JOKES


6. PENALTY: TAKING TWO KARATE COURSES DOES NOT MAKE YOU BRUCE LEE


7. PENALTY: DANCING LIKE THE WHITEST MAN ON THE PLANET


8. PENALTY: HIDING THE LAST BEER


9. PENALTY: JOINING THE DIVING TEAM


10. PENALTY: LYING ABOUT THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS


11. PENALTY: BRAGGING THAT YOU ARE THE LORD OF THE DANCE


12. PENALTY: STILL THINKING “RAISE THE ROOF” IS POPULAR


13. PENALTY: CONSTANTLY SHOWING EVERYONE THAT YOU COULD TOTALLY PASS A SOBRIETY TEST


14. PENALTY: SHOWING UP TO A PARTY EMPTY-HANDED


15. PENALTY: YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY A VISIBLE STENCH CLOUD BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T DONE LAUNDRY IN SIX WEEKS


16. PENALTY: STANDING AT THE DOOR AND ASKING EVERYONE FOR KEG MONEY

13 Responses to "16 Penalties Committed By College Freshmen"

  1. asdf says:

    fucking freshmen

  2. Troo says:

    The pictures are fucking perfect.

  3. Your Mom says:

    This post sucks my nuts just like the dean at my college.

  4. Dan says:

    You are just pissed because someone followed you around at school for a week so they could come up with this list.

  5. Tyler says:

    Ouch…..this hit too close to home.

    Normally, I am none of the stereotypical douches on your lists…..but this time I have committed about 2/3 of these penalties.

    1-3
    6-7
    8
    10
    13-16

    Thank the lord my real name isn’t Tyler

    ……I have shared waaaay too much.

  6. Truth says:

    Were I able, I’d also add the following penalties:

    Penalty: puking in the air conditioner of a dorm room
    Penalty: jacking off in a stall of the communal bathroom
    Penalty: Forgetting you’re fat and unattractive when you hear of a steamroom in the shower
    Penalty: Crashing someone’s party with intent to snag a drunk girl
    Penalty: Drunken crying. You’re not “sensitive” but you ARE a fucking cunt.
    Penalty: Being the “World of Warcraft” roommate that inhibits someone’s night. Asshat!

  7. Tyler says:

    Oh and I committed penalty #4 of Truth’s

    crashing party to snag drunk girl……she was asking for it though.

    Are forum posts admissable in a court of law?….I hope not.

  8. Uzi Tech says:

    “Penalty: Crashing someone’s party with intent to snag a drunk girl”

    That usually goes hand in hand with penalty 21: committing date rape because you can’t fuck a chick who isn’t unconcious

  9. torgo says:

    Heh, very nice, Uzi. Very nice.

  10. anon says:

    wow i’ve done exactly half of those … shit

  11. zack hancock says:

    penalty: pouring out beer

    I do this all the time! cause I’m a TOOL!

  12. Grad Student says:

    HA, I am in my first year of grad school and those #2 jackasses are still around. Use email.