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20 Surprising Things About The Duggars

We’ve discussed the Duggars quite a few times on this site. We kind of had to. We were doing our best to ignore them, but they did what they do best, and grabbed the public’s attention once again. And they did it the only way they know how — by having more kids. Well, not “kids” plural, but “kid” singular. They did it once more, just when you thought Papa Duggar was all out of juice, and there was no more room at Mama Duggar’s inn. They are a family of biblical proportions. We’re in no position to really judge their decision to have twenty kids, but we are in a position to voice our uninformed opinions in joke format.

  1. Michelle Duggar wears baby-catching underwear.
  2. Jim Bob Duggar’s sweat contains small amounts of sperm.
  3. The lining of Michelle’s uterus is being examined by researchers at DuPont. They’re attempting to replicate its cell structure to develop a replacement for teflon.
  4. Several of the older Duggars are old enough to have actually fathered/mothered some of the younger Duggars
  5. Theyr’e not even Catholic.
  6. Michelle Duggar believes her uterus is an actual being that communicates and has feelings.
  7. Michelle Duggar’s uterus growls like a hungry stomach whenever it’s empty.
  8. Michelle and Jim Bob needed to have their twentieth child to officially form their own city, within the city they currently live. That city is called “Duggarville” and it’s really boring to live there.
  9. The Duggars have formed a LLC so they can write off the childrens’ allowances on their taxes.
  10. Jim Bob Duggar has never “cleaned himself up” with a sock, a tissue, or anything other than Michelle.
  11. It takes one entire cow to feed the Duggar family for a week.
  12. There used to be more Duggars, but during the harsh winter of 2009, the stronger Duggar children ate one of the weaker ones.
  13. The twentieth child will form the head of the Duggar Voltron.
  14. The value of a Duggar child is less than that of a regular child, because there are so many.
  15. For a Duggar child, catching the Mr. and Mrs. Duggar in the act is a rite of passage, rite of passage that happens almost every week.
  16. Michelle gave birth to her, eighteenth, nineteenth and twentieth child in her sleep.
  17. Michelle’s Obstetrician calls his mansion “The House That Antiquated Religious Attitudes Towards Birth-Control” built.
  18. If all the Duggar children held hands and formed a human chain, they could block their dad from getting at their mom in a really intense game of “Red Rover”.
  19. Each Duggar child has subsequently less-defined features. The thirtieth one will be an amorphous blob.
  20. The Duggar children often confuse themselves for one another and sometimes spend hours wandering the around the front yard like lemmings.

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