The worst part about taking a dump is having to look at a pile of lifeless brown mass just sitting there with no personality. Well, my friend, your days of dull and dreary dung are over! Some scientist weirdos have created the Gold Pill. It’s made of 24-karat gold leaf and it’s initial purpose is to give you “increased self-worth.” Sounds like a load of shit, right? Well that’s the kicker! One alleged side effect of this $425 pill is that it will MAKE YOUR SHIT SPARKLE! You read that right. Through the magic of science, your crap will shine brighter than Li’l Jon’s grill. That little withered freak from Lord of the Rings will refer to YOUR asshole as his precious. Your grandfather will sit around and complain that back in his day he had to “take shits that didn’t do nothin’!” Then he’ll say something stupid and the whole family will laugh. Ahh, it feels good to be alive. Thank you, scientist weirdos!

Tags: gold pill, sparkle shits

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 at 1:27 pm and is filed under Gear, News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.