Top 8 Celebs to Die in ‘08
Because predicting when regular people are going to die isn’t fun.
8. Michael Vick
He’s in jail. I know what happens in jail, I’ve seen Oz and watched that Adam Sandler movie, and I was horrified by both. He’s got a target on his back, and prisoners are just like middle linebackers except sometimes after they tackle you, they forcefully rape you.
Likely Cause Of Death: I’m guessing it will be a shanking. Just to show you how dangerous jail is, look at these everyday items you use at home, and see how the same items serve a different purpose in jail.
7. Joe Francis
The founder of Girls Gone Wild who made millions off drunk girls showing their boobs, making every frat guy in the country say “fuck dude, why didn’t we think of that?”
Likely Cause Of Death: Karma, bitch. God was nice enough to make alcohol so girls would show their boobs, then Joe Francis had to take God’s gift and make a fortune from it. That makes God angry. I haven’t read the bible, but I hear that’s bad. To show you just how much people hate him, here’s his approval rating in comparison to some others:
6. Random 80s Sitcom Supporting Character
Every year there’s a death of some actor we sort of remember, but not really. Then someone says “you know it’s the guy from ___ who always said ___.” Then you’re like “Oh yeah!” Then you never think about that person again.
Here are your choices.
5. Artie Lange
Sidekick to Howard Stern, Artie Lange’s popularity has grown enormously, but so has his big fat ass. Artie gained almost 100 pounds in one year, which, to put in perspective, is like waking up one morning to find Nicole Richie surgically attached to your back, carrying a 25 pound barbell.
Likely Cause Of Death: Either a heroin overdose or a meatball parmesan overdose. Either way, let’s take a look at what doctors will find in Artie’s stomach!
4. Lindsay Lohan
If your estranged father calls into the Howard Stern show on a regular basis in an attempt to reconcile with you, chances are you are going to be one incredibly fucked up kid.
Likely Cause Of Death: This is a self-esteem issue. While normally I’d say hot chicks with low self-esteem allow normal dudes a chance to bang them, in this case, it’s a train to deathville, which is not in Missouri, even though it seems like it would be. With each shitty movie, her self-esteem falls further, allowing more and more random and potentially dangerous dudes to do her. See the chart below:
3. Don Imus
He’s back on the air and also apparently half-way through some sort of mummification process. If you think a man that looks like that is going to live another full year, then you’re either crazy, or Abe Vigoda.
Likely Cause Of Death: Look at the man. Seriously, take a look at these two pictures and tell me which one is Imus.
2. Amy Winehouse
Alright, she does a lot of drugs and drinks a lot of alcohol. But so do many celebrities. But many celebrities don’t get caught wandering the streets in the wee hours of the morning looking like they were attacked by penises that shot cocaine out of their urethra.
Likely Cause Of Death: Believe it or not, I say a heart attack due to her diet. Let’s take a look at Amy’s food pyramid:
1. Britney Spears
Not only is she on this list, she’s the reason why I made this list. I’ve seen bigger messes before, but they were coming out of an elephant’s asshole at the zoo.
Likely Cause Of Death: I wasn’t sure here, so I made a pie graph to show the different options.
January 2nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
The graphs really bring it all alive for me.
January 2nd, 2008 at 5:11 pm
WHOA this is totally going to help me win on this game. You pick the clebs that you think will get the most coverage and you pull them into your ” team” then whoever gets the most media coverage gets the most points. With this list ill go straight to the top
January 2nd, 2008 at 5:47 pm
So just for fun I googled that starvsstar site its http://www.starvsstar.com and dude it seems like friggan phantasyfootball 4 celebrities and im friggan joining it and picking courtney love she is bound to mess up soon HAHAHAHAHAHA
January 2nd, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Actually, if you look at the latest Gallup poll, Pile of Shit has a higher approval rating than George Bush in Michigan, New Mexico and Virginia. In Iowa, the difference falls within the margin of error.
January 2nd, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Personally, I think that all of these assholes who leave spam comments on Holy Taco should die, as well.
ESPECIALLY the ones who leave two comments in the same article, one of which is pretending to be a random dude.
Hey Taco Boy, can you make your next list “Top 10 Spam Commenters To Die in January, 2008?”
January 2nd, 2008 at 8:39 pm
this is hilarious. Celebrities are lame!
January 2nd, 2008 at 11:38 pm
BABA BOOIE BABA BOOIE
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:24 am
hehe… funny stuff
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:30 am
lol where do you come up with this stuff.. The Lohan graph made me laugh loud enough to wake up my wife in the next room. lolz..
Good work.
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:43 am
Comedy, good work!!
The only problem is you have to do it every year.
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:49 am
dude, Mother Teresa is dead.
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:24 am
Yeah, but Mother Teresa has hella good karma!
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:34 am
Nice work
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:35 am
[...] This is a pretty good list with pictures and charts. Likely Cause Of Death: Karma, bitch. God was nice enough to make alcohol so girls would show their boobs, then Joe Francis had to take God’s gift and make a fortune from it. That makes God angry. I haven’t read the bible, but I hear that’s bad. To show you just how much people hate him, here’s his approval rating in comparison to some others: [...]
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:45 am
[...] …not sure of the morality of this… [...]
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:57 am
This is an awesome list. Great job!
I think Artie form the Howard Stern show is going to surprise us all this year…He has been getting wicked depressed about these chicks turning him down even when he is offering them $50,000 for sex! Eventually he is going to kill himself with heroin or he is going to turn completely around…I hope he turns around cause since he gained all this weight and became depressed, he just isn’t the same!
Also, i know alot of people hate Britney now, but i hope she does Playboy or some other top of the lone nudes…cause back in the day i had a huge crush on her and i would hate for her to die before i get to see a good beaver shot on her…I know her vag can’t be as ugly as it was in those pics….maybe the leather from Paris’s car dried out her vag lips and thats why it was so ugly!!!! I can dream can’t I!!! =)
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:58 am
Top 8 Celebrities to die in 2008
Top 8 Celebrities to die in 2008
I like Amy Winehouse’s diet
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:07 am
leave brittney ALOOONE!!!
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:48 am
Britney spears comments, and Lindsey Lohan are so funny. I feel sorry for Lindsay though, even though we all know she sleeps with guys cause she loves it, I think she gets picked on too much, I posted this article on my blog, with extra comments,www.opentopix.com/topic/off-beat/top-8-celebrities-to-die-in-2008
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:54 am
Hilarious read. Although this isn’t really the most auspicious way to start 2008.
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Who cares, as long as these has-beens just die already.
Preferably very painfully, involving lots and lots of heavy machinery with sharp blades.
January 3rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I’m on board with all these hacks dying. Throw in that irritating naked Asian Patriots fan for a sound niner.
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
You Rock and So Do You!
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:31 pm
This post rocked! Love it… so true. You should check out Don Imus’ “Choad File” on the ChoadNetwork. It’s almost as disgusting as the man himself. Keep up the good work!
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:39 pm
[...] Shout-outs to Megs, here’s a funny list of the top 8 most likely celeb deaths of 2008. [...]
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
lmao love the charts, esp. li-lo’s crying out loud you just cant go anywhere on the web without running into her hahaha by mid-year she’d be top on my pathetic list:
http://www.makefive.com/categories/entertainment/celebrity/the-most-pathetic-celebrities-of-2007
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:22 pm
i suggest you mind your own biz and and keep vibe more positive, it’s not really funny. you are a sad person. sooner or later you’ll see what kind of a fool you are. mr T would say, I pitty the fool!
January 4th, 2008 at 10:49 am
i think britney is already halfway there
she’s in the hospita now
how ’bout that!
January 4th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
If Britney dies after Dec. 2nd she will be 27 and join Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin in the 27 Club
January 4th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
She doesn’t deserve a spot on Dec. 2nd
January 5th, 2008 at 12:39 am
These are funny until you get to Britney. I think now that she completely lost custody of her kids,she’ll either get pregnant by another guy,any guy, just to have another kid or she’ll accidentally overdose or kill herself by April 13th of this year.
As for Lohan sleeping with so many guys,yeah and she does it not based on looks or money. Why not share what you have,she’s got good Kharma!
January 5th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I claim my free bang with Lindsay Lohan,please.
January 5th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I said to my wife today that I had a feeling Britney Spears would be dead by the end of the year. I don’t wish it by any means, but I think it will happen.
January 5th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Awesome list! I’m actually in a facebook group called Britney Spears Will Be Dead By 2008…we were off…but after everything that’s happened in the last few days, I’m curious as to just how off we were.
January 6th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I think she will date a stalker…..who will attack her….because thats what they do in arkansas/hollywood…..because she spit her nacho cheese on the thong of her stalker/bf during oral sex while driving her car down the 5 from LA to San Diego during a rainstorm and gets hit by lighting………..bites the stalkers/bf pee pee off…causing a major accident………………then lindsey lohan and paris hilton……shoots the biatch….for ruining their reputation………story at 11:00
January 7th, 2008 at 2:59 am
[...] read more | digg story [...]
January 7th, 2008 at 9:32 am
[...] Lange likely to die in 2008 According to website holytaco.com Artie Lange is one of 8 celebrities predicted to die in 2008. As a matter of fact, Artie Lange is [...]
January 7th, 2008 at 9:35 am
To read more about Artie Lange, go to http://www.artielangeisdead.com.
January 7th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
i love the list its all hilarious you couldnt have picked a better no 1
January 7th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Good call, although personally I’m feeling a bill cosby for the 2 spot but, fair enough… I suppose.
January 8th, 2008 at 9:53 am
I already miss Artie Lange, I believe he will die with a hooker in one hand and a chicken parm in the other with a marlboro in his mouth. With a shot of Jack sitting on the table and lines perfectly laid out. Oh how George Takei will miss his grizzly bear.
January 10th, 2008 at 4:56 am
Haha.. great list! Nicely done with the graphs!
January 15th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Really good graphs
February 7th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
artie
cool site !!!
February 13th, 2008 at 11:57 am
First person I thought of when I saw this headline was Artie… sure enough, he’s on the list.
Here’s to hoping he turns himself around.
February 18th, 2008 at 3:54 am
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March 1st, 2008 at 2:39 am
buy kitchen appliances
buy kitchen appliances
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:55 pm
buy video games online
buy video games online
March 5th, 2008 at 11:36 am
I love bitney from head to toe and would savor every moment with the opportunity to kiss each part,She is still sexy even though she sucks as a mother
March 15th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Penthouse
Penthouse
March 15th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Diet Hollywood Secret
‘%KEYWORD%’ and more about weight loss
April 10th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Feng Shui
Feng Shui
April 13th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Dietas Para Adelgazar
El Secreto Sobre Dietas Para Adelgazar
May 20th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
GTA4 Cheats
Cheats (Dial the codes into Niko’s mobile) - 1, Health And Weapons - GTA-555-0100 \
June 4th, 2008 at 8:05 am
[...] explanations of the at-risk celebs and how they will go in the year to come. Complete with charts!!http://www.holytaco.com/2008/01/02/top-8-celebs-to-die-in-08/"Idol" Corruption? Chris Puts Blake at Risk - BrightcoveApr 30, 2007 … Chris Puts Blake at [...]