Dr. Phil Talks Some Stupid Into Britney

So, over the weekend, Dr. Phil went down to see Britney Spears, not because there's hundreds of photographers there and it's free promotion for him, but because he cares people, he cares.

"I went to see Britney at the request of her family, I talked to [her mother] Lynne, I talked to [her father] Jamie, I talked to Bryan, her brother.

Lucky for me, I was in the bed next to Britney, recovering from penis reduction surgery, and I overheard the whole thing.  Here's a portion of the transcript:

(Nurse leads Doctor Phil in to Britney's room)

DR. PHIL: BRITNEY!  YOU NEED TO STOP THIS OUT OF CONTROL BEHAVIOR AND LOVE YOURSEL....okay the nurse's gone.  Listen to me.  I just left a room at the Four Seasons filled with three naked whores, two jars of peanut butter and that little kid who played Webster, just to come here, so you're gonna make this worth my while by telling everyone I helped you and then coming on my show next week.

BRITNEY: Hold on, let me look at my calendar,...Yeah, no, sorry, that week is filled.  Says here I have to "stab myself with a pen and wander the streets eating garbage," that week.

DR. PHIL: What about the week after?

BRITNEY: Mmm, gonna be tough, looks like I have to "bang a drifter than attempt to find Nancy Reagan and rub my doody on her."  Not really sure how long that one is gonna take.