My Monkey Picked My Tea
If you’re in to tea, and you’re in to monkeys, then I have some exciting news for you. There’s a brand of tea on the market that’s picked solely by monkeys.
Loaded with antioxidants, monkey picked tea ($25) is, as the name implies, picked by specially trained monkeys in a remote Chinese village.
Okay, two problems I have with this.
- Every single time I see a monkey, it’s either picking its asshole, throwing its shit, or masturbating. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t want a monkey handling stuff that’s going to be in my mouth.
- If I’m going to take the time to specially train a bunch of monkeys to do something, it’s not going to be for picking tea. It’ll be for only two reasons: 1) creating an army of them to do stuff like attacking small countries or pointing out physical imperfections in female celebrities and writing about it, or 2)to wear a tuxedo and be my butler when I have small social dinner gatherings with friends. Otherwise, it’s not worth training them.
January 17th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
not to ruin a good joke, but “monkey picked”, is a term in the tea world referring to the highest quality tea available.
January 17th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
is that what they are calling child labor in china now, “monkey picked”?
January 17th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Monkey King is the finest tea in all of China. Legend tells it to be picked by monkeys. You can tell if its real Monkey King because of the “screen” looking pattern on the leaves. It is cured on bamboo fiber hand woven screens. It is washed and cured and a GREAT tea from an ancient place.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Monkey’s are a can’t-lose formula for funny, Downer. So back off! Taco, keep the funny comin’.