Tony Soprano Gets Punchy With Fan

The guy who plays Tony Soprano had a little bit of an altercation with an overzealous fan at JFK airport yesterday. Here's how I imagine it went down: 

Fan: Hey Tony! It's Tony Soprano! Hey! Check it out! I love your show! I watch it all the time, man. I like it when you "wack" those guys. Man, that show is awesome! So what happened at the end? Did you "wack" some guy or did you get wacked? My TV just stopped showin' stuff and it went all black. I didn't even see it, man. Hey, I like that hat. Where'd you get that hat? Can I see it?

Guy Who Played Tony Soprano: OK, just stand here and look straight ahead. Don't listen to this guy. Just stand still and think about your beard. Sticks and stones can...awww screw it. I'm going to smash his face in.

Fan: Hey what are you doing! Are you "wacking" me? Hey, check it out! I'm getting "wacked" by Tony Soprano! Yes!

Guy Who Played Tony Soprano: Just shut up. Please shut up. My name is James Gandolfini. I'm a classically trained actor. Tony Soprano was just a character I played on one show. I was also in that movie Lonely Hearts. Did you see that one?

Fan: No. I've never heard of it.

Guy Who Played Tony Soprano: Never heard of it? OK, well I was also in Club Soda. You must've seen Club Soda. I was great in that.

Fan: Let's see...Club Soda? It was a movie?

Guy Who Played Tony Soprano: Yeah, it came out in 2006. Louis Gossett Jr. was in it.

Fan: The black guy in Jaws III? I love that guy! But no, I never seen Club Soda.

Guy Who Played Tony Soprano: Well I'm sure you saw Surviving Christmas. That was all over the theaters.

Fan: You needed to have classical training to land a role in Surviving Christmas? 'Cause I saw that in the theater and demanded my money back. I mean, I'm an idiot, but even I knew that was a piece of crap.

Guy Who Played Tony Soprano: You know what, you're right. I'm sorry. I guess I'll stop grabbing your collar now, get my luggage and head on home. I have a reading for Jingle All The Way 2 tomorrow.