BlackBerry Service Down: It's Pants Crapping Time

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I don't give a shit how REM feels about it, I'm scared.  Engadgetmobile.com reports:

BlackBerry addicts everywhere have reason to panic this afternoon, as their beloved network is indeed experiencing technical difficulties.  Reportedly, an e-mail sent by RIM support account manager Bryan Simpson affirmed that a "critical severity outage" and that this was an "emergency notification regarding the current BlackBerry infrastructure outage."

What the?!  BlackBerry service is out?!  Are you telling me that when I drive my car I'm going to have to stare straight ahead and pay attention to the road and traffic in front of me?!  What happens if I get an e-mail in the 13 minutes it takes me to drive from my office to my house?!  Alright, nobody panic, here's what we do:

1. Go to the store, buy as much water and canned goods as possible.
2. Board up your windows and doors.  If your kids aren't home yet, it's already too late.  There's nothing you can do.  They're gone.
3. Load up your shotgun and sit on your roof.  If anyone comes near you, just shoot.  Just f*&king shoot.