The 10 Lamest Autographs On Ebay
If you want to buy a piece of worthless crap, go to Ebay. If you want to buy a worthless piece of crap signed by a worthless actor or musician…you still go to Ebay.
10. Michael Winslow
The problem with an autographed picture of the guy who did all the craaaazy sound effects in the Police Academy movies is that it doesn’t make a peep. This guy needs to sell autographs with some kind of speaker attached to it that makes the sound of him autographing the picture, otherwise it’s just another worthless semi-celebrity autograph. Actually, it’ll be that no matter what. Price: $19.99
9. Jerry O’Connell
O’Connell’s magical film career (Kangaroo Jack, Tomcats) has contributed to the greatness of this autograph. Another great thing about it is the fact that it’s not even an autographed picture, but just a card. For all the shit O’Connell gets, we can’t knock him too hard because his wife, Rebecca Romijn Stamos, is hotter than 100% of the population. Price: $9.99
8. Jim Belushi
This autograph is also on a sheet of paper, or a “cut” as the seller tries to put it. But this has a little essence of the Bel-OOSH thrown in. It’s in mint condition except for a ketchup stain on the left side from the hotdog Belushi was eating at the time he signed it. So in a way, this thing is double autographed. Price: $19.95
7. Sylvester Stallone
The great thing about this item is the fact that it’s merely a photocopy of an autographed picture of Stallone. But if you’re a hardcore fan of Sly, you probably own Stop or My Mom Will Shoot! on DVD. So you will buy pretty much anything. Price: $5.88
6. Drew Bledsoe
Once upon a time, New England had a quarterback who meant something. That something was never winning a championship. Price: $6.00
5. David Copperfield
With his recent legal troubles, Copperfield has to sell his autographs to people. Unfortunately for Dave, it looks like he’ll have to sell 110,000 of these babies in order to pay off the 2.2 Million dollar lawsuit that promoters brought on him after he cancelled a shitload of shows. At least he’s still got a killer hairdo. Price: $19.99
4. Robert Loggia
There’s actually a mathematic law that deals with Robert Loggia. It goes 1G (1 good movie) + 1B (1 bad movie) = 1L, which is a Loggia, or a Loggia career move. For example, Scarface + Necessary Roughness = 1 Loggia. Add up all the L’s, and you’re left with yet another cheap autograph on eBay. Price: $14.99
3. John Tesh
On his albums Sax on the Beach and Sax by the Fire, John Tesh shows his incredible skill at making shitty songs sound even shittier on his saxophone. Pair his musical career with his job as host on the eminently annoying Entertainment Tonight, and you’ve got the recipe for an autographed picture that nobody wants. Price: $14.99
2. Ken Starr
“Wow,” said the guy who is still living in 1998, “this thing is going to sell for a hella lot of money!” Later that night, he turned up his Savage Garden CD and logged on AOL 2.0 to check for any bids. Although he’s only asking for $10, adjusted for inflation and that’s like 11 1998 dollars, which is enough for a ticket to Armageddon this weekend! Price: $9.99
1. OJ Simpson/MC Hammer
Whoever said lightning doesn’t strike twice obviously wasn’t at the VMA’s in 2005. The greatest celebrity autograph on all of eBay is a pre-party pass from the 2005 Video Music Awards signed by America’s most washed up MC on one side, and one of the deadliest running backs to play the game on the other. Price: $159.99. Seriously.
Tags: autographs, ebay, lame
February 19th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
When Bledsoe first started with the Pats, I paid $80 for an autographed framed picture as an x-mas present to my dad. Now he can’t even buy a 6 pack with what it’s apparently worth. Shit.
February 19th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
In 2004 I sat next to John Tesh on a flight from NYC to LAX. We talked about the music/entertainment business and he asked if I wanted an autograph. I asked if he could get me Mary Hart’s instead. He was not happy. When I asked if they ever made the beast with two backs, he shut up completely…
February 19th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Did you know… That Sylvester Stallone’s first movie was a porno? It’s fucking true, Google it!
February 19th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I gotta get on this ebay thing. Who knew you could sell such useless shit? And I have lots of pseudo-celebrity autographs at home, I coulda been a millionaire years ago!
February 20th, 2008 at 1:22 am
Yasou. can I have your autograph?
February 20th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
FYI you should probably read the whole auction. The Sly Stallone is a PRE PRINTED AUTOGRAPH…….WHICH MEANS ITS A COPY OF THE AUTOGRAPHED PHOTO.
Thus why its so cheap.
God damn you people need to understand things better before you post shit that will hit a national circut.
February 20th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Dude, John Tesh wrote the theme song for NBA on NBC. Nothing about that is lame!
February 20th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Dear Annoyed,
Maybe you should get some counseling about your temper. I don’t think anyone should ever react that way to a SLIGHT misunderstanding over an autographed picture of Sylvester Stallone. Why do you even know that’s a mistake and care enough to correct it? Someone’s a little insecure if they feel the need to error-check stupid internet posts about useless autographs. The fact that you’re “ANNOYED” over this should be a sign you need to calm the fuck down. I’m not sure if you really even get the point of the post over your need to make yourself feel smarter than everyone else by correcting them. Having a conversation with you must suck. How many times a day do you start a sentence “Well, actually…”? Besides, the guy says it’s a copy of the real thing. Maybe not as clear as saying “Pre-printed” but essentially the same value (none).
I don’t know if you’re defending Rambo or what. I can picture you as you were reading this in your mom’s basement or maybe at your computer programming job, scowling at the nonsense on the screen before you. “That’s ridiculous!” you think to yourself, perhaps scoffing while sitting at your computer desk. So flustered by the completely erroneous writings you must adjust your glasses before typing intensely the truth, to explain why such an item would sell for so little. Like God proclaiming the 10 commandments to Moses, you’re amendments and advice for people to “understand things better” permeate man to the very essence of his soul with your overwhelming wisdom. Righteously the day is yours, the battle won. You have conquered “The 10 Lamest Autographs on Ebay” and made it your bitch, as all 17 people who will read it will know from now until eternity. And so will Stallone, or at least that pre-printed Stallone autograph you’ve got sitting on your desk selling for $5.88 on ebay will, anyway. Oh yes, let the mountains echo in victory, let the heavens shine with justice…
February 20th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
I’m pretty sure the Stallone thing is spelled out, it says it’s merely a photocopy… Are you the seller of the autograph, ANNOYED?
February 20th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Annoyed is an annoying dumbass.
February 20th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Don’t fuck with Robert Loggia!!!
February 20th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Here here Dbird! You made me laugh. As for Annoyed, I’m sure he’ll get real pissed off when he reads that - after his yearly trip to Senor Sedentary’s XXL Shop at the local mall.
February 20th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Uhm….
Bledsoe has a SuperBowl ring with the Patriots ….
February 21st, 2008 at 8:29 am
I think Annoyed is just a fan of Rocky. stallone is one badass dude. Anyone see the new Rambo?
February 21st, 2008 at 8:31 pm
don’t be shittynto our our landmark baby son…We love sly….nice write-ing the words….ME VERY PROUD. WHENDO WE GET SOME 8*10S BEAUTIFU SON??????????????SPELL CKECK IS A GOOD THIMG.
Love you…call your mother.peace
Lanie
February 22nd, 2008 at 1:58 am
read it again annoyed you twat the author clearly says it is a copy
February 23rd, 2008 at 8:54 pm
i think that ‘annoyed’ is really frank stalone.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
DBird: Quite frankly the funniest reply post I have ever read.
Skippy30: “Uhm..” saying Bledsoe has a Super Bowl ring with the Pats is like saying Eric Gagne has a World Series Ring with the Red Sox. Technically true but who gives a Fuck?