7 Best Paternity Results Reactions
Because when you’re not the Daddy, you just feel like going on Maury Povich and dancing.
7. The White Handkerchief Of Victory
Any time you can lead the crowd in cheers while you perform a somewhat complicated dance routine, all in celebration that you didn’t impregnate a woman, you have a good shot at making this list. But what really did it for me, was the improvisation here. He removed a handkerchief and rather elegantly waved it to the crowd, as if he owned a horse that just won the Kentucky Derby.
6. The X-Factor
I love this one for a couple reasons. First, the skanky white trash girlfriend the guy has sitting next to him who reacts like she’s just been called as the next contestant on The Price Is Right. The second and more important reason is that after the dude finds out, he gives the woman the Stone Cold Steve Austin move of making an X with his arms and slamming it down towards his crotch. Any time you can incorporate wrestling moves in to your celebration, you get on this list.
5. The Backwards Superman
First he flings his body backwards with reckless abandon, then he bursts into a sprint, which probably reaches speeds of 27-28 miles per hour. They should enter this guy in the 100 meters in the olympics and then instead of firing a gun to start, they just have Povich next to him going “You are….NOT THE FATHER!” I guarantee he at least places in the top three.
4. The M. Night Shyamalan Ending
What twists and turns in this one. Maury delivered this one perfectly. You think everything worked out fine and then…. BOOM! This is like the Sixth Sense of Paternity test reveals.
3. The Hat Throw
This ranks high because the guy pulls two separate, but equally awesome/despicable moves. When the first baby isn’t his, he throws his hat in the woman’s face. That’s exactly what you want when you find out your child is fatherless; a Kangol to the face. Then, the second prospective baby isn’t his and he attempts to hug the woman who’s baby it is while he screams in her face with joy.
2. The Oblivious Idiot
It’s not so much the reaction this guy has, although the spaghetti arm run to the back is executed perfectly. No, this one ranks this high because it never occurred to this guy that even though BOTH he and his girlfriend are white and the baby is CLEARLY African American, the child might not be his. Never underestimate the power of denial combined with stupidity.
1. The Wade Robson
We’ve seen a few guys dance upon hearing the news, but this guy’s routine is so eloquent, I feel like I’m watching a back up dancer during a Shakira performance during the half time of the Super Bowl. You don’t just happen upon dance moves like this, meaning he potentially rehearsed this reaction. Meaning, this is number fucking one.
Tags: Maury Povich, Paternity Test Reveals
February 27th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
that was fuckin awesome..especially #3!
February 27th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I’m awestruck at how amazing this list is. Well fucking done.
February 27th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
man…. how do i get to dance on this show!!!!! (oh yeah…… ummmm… i’ll pass)
February 27th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Hahaha, Beauty list. I’ve seen number one before and I was happy to see it in it’s rightful place at number 1.
February 27th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Great.
February 27th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
well done… i love number 1
February 27th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Great list!!! #1 is priceless.
February 27th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
I love #5.. simply amazing.. shes damn right its over
February 28th, 2008 at 2:07 am
Fooooooking brilliant!! That is MINT!!!!
February 28th, 2008 at 9:49 am
#5 fuck that black hoe. i hate that bitch i hope she dies fucking whale bitch
February 28th, 2008 at 10:38 am
#1 is fucking awesome
February 28th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Its not a steve austin move in #6. Its DX…get your wrestling shit straight.
February 28th, 2008 at 11:13 am
The fact still remains that these guys slept with these women. Most of these woman I would not go on national TV to declare that I had slept with! Plus the fact that all the women were sleeping around, again not a good judge of character on the guys side and something I wouldn’t want to broadcast
February 28th, 2008 at 11:22 am
This is exactly what I needed this morning.
February 28th, 2008 at 11:32 am
The TV station paid for the test, paid their appearanceand probably would have offered them some bonus if they were the fathers. That’s why they showed up. But damn if this is how average american women look like…it’s a bad country to live in.
February 28th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Dude, Stone Cold doesn’t do the ’suck it’ move; thats DX.
February 28th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
5000% sure……… maybe
February 28th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
fucking hilarious you sir are my hero. but not my father
February 28th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I love how that #5 bitch is all up in his face saying “you are the father you are the father”. Thats when reality gave her a fuckin hard slap to the face and reminded her she was a fuckin slut and didn’t know who her baby daddy was. Dumb bitch thought if she believe it hard enough then that guy would have been the father, then REALITY CHECK!
February 28th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
man, whats with the fat white bitches doing all the dark-skinned criminals?
February 28th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Wow, every vid except one has been removed by YouTube…there’s really no words to describe how much I fucking despise that site.
February 28th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
wow. amerika is seriously fooooked
February 28th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Fcking amazing list! I love the wave the white flag of victory and back up Shakira dancer. Fcking priceless
February 28th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
That may be the single greatest blogpost I have ever seen. Maury Povich is God.
February 28th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Classic Material. Pure comedy. I especially love the crotch chop on number 6
February 28th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Very funny, but very fake.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:09 am
how do i turn off this fucking retarded music.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:35 am
They play music for the non-fathers now? When did Maury become Jerry Springer?
February 29th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I caught the list on Global Grind and Im glad I did, to funny. Its a serious topic, but when the baby daddy maybes are proved to not be the father their reactions are priceless. The worst is when a woman has to bring multiple men on the show and they still cant find their donor.
February 29th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Haha, I went to school with Andrew hes a kool guy.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Classic
March 5th, 2008 at 3:57 am
XX
April 5th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I haven’t seen Maury in some time, but do they REALLY play music for the men to dance to?!?!