Pope Reveals New List Of Sins

March 9th, 2008 | 11:04 pm

Sometimes when you do bad stuff, it makes the Baby Jesus cry.  For instance, when you masturbate, it makes him cry, but you happy.  But if you instead impregnate a woman, it makes you cry, but the Baby Jesus happy.  See, it's very confusing.  That's why we have the Pope and the Vatican, to tell us what's okay and not okay.  Cnn.com reports:

A Vatican official has listed drugs, pollution and genetic manipulations as well as social and economic injustices as new areas of sinful behavior.

When asked to list the new areas of sinful behavior, Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti denounced "certain violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments, genetic manipulations."

He left a couple things out.  Because I'm a journalist first and foremost, I was able to obtain the actual memo from the Pope, which outlines a few other things he considers sins.

Comments

17 Responses to "Pope Reveals New List Of Sins"

  1. Kristina Says:

    I was flying out of Vegas on Sunday, and I had not gone "poo" the entire trip. On the airplane I farted, and my husband just about died. I just laughed. I did not realize at the time it was a sin. Now I must seek forgiveness

  2. Dliteful Says:

    Hey, anytime a woman farts its hilarious, I will absolve you of your sins my child, especially if you sit on my lap! ;)

  3. Buddy Ice Says:

    I noticed that sodomizing pre-pubesent boys wasn't on that list. Thank sweet, pink, baby Jesus; now I don't have to hide the fact that I'm a member of MANBLA.

  4. Says:

    @ buddy ice: its NAMBLA dumbass

  5. Says:

    fuck the pope and fuck the catholics

  6. Buddy Ice Says:

    What's more fucked up, the fact that I'm not sure of the correct spelling of that sick group, or the fact that you're so gung-ho about defending its proper spelling?

  7. Showtime Says:

    I'm proud to be a member of the National Association of Marlon Brando Look Alikes...

  8. God Says:

    I am not real..

  9. roflcopter Says:

    haha..god said he wasn't real. lmao

  10. turd burglar Says:

    the lord has spoken!

  11. KeeblerKahn Says:

    What a surprise, being a former Nazi still isn't a sin.

  12. Lauren C Says:

    Double Parking should be a sin

  13. motodoc Says:

    if sins are so bad why are they commited over and over, especially by politicians, bible thumpers, lawenforcement, and in general everybody that keeps telling us , thats a sin, you'll go to hell for that, my answer to that is, i'll see you there

  14. man candy Says:

    chill

  15. Dantes Says:

    You need help. Seriously.

  16. Anonymous Says:

    being an imbecile-puppet sheep, following old men with boy fetishes while praying makes you and a hole.

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