There's so many layers to this story that intrigue me. Like, if you are the kind of person that not only wants to have sex with a table, but do it in public, you wouldn't think you'd have the wherewithal to use the umbrella hole as a vagina replacement. That takes some critical thinking that you wouldn't expect an outdoor tablefucker to have.
In my old neighborhood this guy would've just been laughed at by everyone, like the kid who used to walk around all summer with a hockey helmet on. He would've stopped doing it because he would've been pelted with various objects by kids on his street every time he stepped outside. But as to the deviance of his actions, you gotta do something far more sick to shock me. Everybody has some kind of perversion that they either won't admit to or simply don't see as perverted. Some degree of perversion is the norm and most of the people who claim not to have one just haven't fully explored their own sexuality for various reasons.
It's perfectly natural human behavior. Those kids should be minding their own business and focused on recess. There is almost no excuse for spying on the neighborhood around the playground and any child leering at this man's relationship with his patio furniture should be stripped of their playtime privilege. And please Channel 11, if you say there is video of a gentleman fucking a table, give us something (and play more Richard Grieco stuff for the late late movie, I don't know why that guy isn't a bigger star.)
I have so many questions. Imagine being this guys kids.
how could you go back to school knowing that everyone there knows your dad has felony charges for fucking the family picnic table? more importantly what kind of lube do you use for table fuckin'? is it just asstro glide or do you use furniture polish? when he goes to a banquet hall does he get all sexed up and imagine a huge table fuckin' orgy? what inspires someone to fuck a table?
was he just hanging out eating a ruben and noticed how sexy the table was?
How many people in america do you think will try to fuck a table after checking out this story? If the internet has taught me nothing else, I have learned that man kind is a bunch of sick ass wierdos with horrable sexual prefrences. just think, 2 girls and one cup would have never been made if someone wasn't willing to spend money on seeing it. I will be the first to admit booze makes me want to fuck stuff I wouldn't normally fuck, but that is normally limited to ugly girls. I have never wanted to fuck my desk. I will not run out of jokes about table fucking for atleast a week.
RIPLEY'S WON'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!!! THIS GUY OBVIOUSLY HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES!!! WHY WOULD YOU FUCK A TABLE, I MEAN I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE LEVEL SOME PEOPLE WOULD GO TOO!! HE HAVE A WIFE, AND YOU MEAN TO TELL ME HE WOULD RATHER FUCK A TABLE THEN HER!!!, LETS GET REAL, THIS GUY NEED HELP, AND THE SOONER THE BETTER! AND THE SAD PART ABOUT THIS WHOLE STORY IS A CHILD COULD HAVE WITNESED THIS SICK ACT! THE COPS NEED TO PUT PERVERT IN A PSYCHO WARD, NOT FOR BEING NASTY AS HELL, BUT FOR BEING ONE OF THE BIGGEST IDIOTS I HAVE READ ABOUT IN A LONG TIME, I SAY THE WIFE NEEDS TO PUT MAKE HIM SLEEP WITH THE TABLE EVERY NIGHT, BUT THEN AGAIN, HE WOULD ENJOY THAT.
Christ, what kind of entry level, bottom of the totem pole reporter do you have to be to get assigned to this story? "Craig, are you ready for your first big story?" "Oh man, I had a feeling this was coming! I won't let you down boss!" "Whatever Carl. Anyway, there's this local guy that kinda looks like a younger version of the BTK killer. He got caught cornholing a patio table. We need you to go to his house so they can slam the door in your face. Oh, and can you take your car? Karen took the company vehicle to go cover the Bingo tournament."
KC...."thankfully they're homeschooled"!? So your kids will grow up to be very intelligent doctors or rocket scientists and probably cure cancer or something like that. However, they will have no social skills whatsoever and will probably end up fucking tables in the backyard...go figure.
I have thought of many jokes that I could use, but won't. I have kids...& thankfully they're homeschooled. I would hate to think of this happening anywhere near my own kids. And he has his own? He's married? It's not like the wifey wasn't available at least part of the time...geesh! If a guy is so hard up, I'm sure there are plenty of other things he could find...like inflatables at least.
I think castration, or even emasculation, at this point is well-warranted. I am sick of hearing about sick morons who get nothing but a slap on the wrist & then a few therapy sessions to prove that they are mentally sound. When is punishment actually going to be punishment again?
UNBEFUCKINLIEVABLE!!! This has to be bullshit. I mean I've fucked my fist six ways from sunday... even fucked a blown up rubber glove in a rehab bathroom once... but a TABLE in front of an elementary school! What the mother-fuck!!
HA @ 1:00. Seriously, like they would talk to a reporter. I don't need the door-slam footage to believe that. Methinks Channel 11 smells blood in the water. Just sweep the leg, Johnny. Like having your full name in the first 5 words of a table-sex0r1ng news-report, and having your mugshot menacingly zooming towards the viewer's face wasn't bad enough. Poor bastard. But hey, there's the other half of the coin: it wasn't as if he was a child molester, or caught doing beastiality. Damn though, that's just out there like care bears. >_>
you know what its not saying much for a stupid sick mother fucker that cant find a woman thats willing to give it up to him. and i myself know plenty of lose pussy women who give it up on a daily basis. there is no excuse for this sick person to be doing this unless he was wanting a child to see him and that means that a child was next on his list. the parents around him need to cut his fucking rusty dirty nuts out and feed them to the dogs while he watches them chow down on them. this bitch ass motherfucker needs to come to texas or louisanna and see what its like to fuck around in these neck of the woods. he would get ass fucked by an ass pirate. better hope you never are in texas or gator town bitch.....your asshole will be blown the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(20 Comments)
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April 30th, 2009 at 01:48 am
wow, so many people getting offended. i thought it was funny, lol
April 1st, 2008 at 06:00 pm
I love how they go into detail on just HOW he did it, this way other tablefuckers around the world can imitate
February 28th, 2009 at 08:23 am
In my old neighborhood this guy would've just been laughed at by everyone, like the kid who used to walk around all summer with a hockey helmet on. He would've stopped doing it because he would've been pelted with various objects by kids on his street every time he stepped outside. But as to the deviance of his actions, you gotta do something far more sick to shock me. Everybody has some kind of perversion that they either won't admit to or simply don't see as perverted. Some degree of perversion is the norm and most of the people who claim not to have one just haven't fully explored their own sexuality for various reasons.
March 30th, 2008 at 09:05 pm
It's perfectly natural human behavior. Those kids should be minding their own business and focused on recess. There is almost no excuse for spying on the neighborhood around the playground and any child leering at this man's relationship with his patio furniture should be stripped of their playtime privilege. And please Channel 11, if you say there is video of a gentleman fucking a table, give us something (and play more Richard Grieco stuff for the late late movie, I don't know why that guy isn't a bigger star.)
March 30th, 2008 at 05:44 pm
I have so many questions. Imagine being this guys kids.
how could you go back to school knowing that everyone there knows your dad has felony charges for fucking the family picnic table? more importantly what kind of lube do you use for table fuckin'? is it just asstro glide or do you use furniture polish? when he goes to a banquet hall does he get all sexed up and imagine a huge table fuckin' orgy? what inspires someone to fuck a table?
was he just hanging out eating a ruben and noticed how sexy the table was?
How many people in america do you think will try to fuck a table after checking out this story? If the internet has taught me nothing else, I have learned that man kind is a bunch of sick ass wierdos with horrable sexual prefrences. just think, 2 girls and one cup would have never been made if someone wasn't willing to spend money on seeing it. I will be the first to admit booze makes me want to fuck stuff I wouldn't normally fuck, but that is normally limited to ugly girls. I have never wanted to fuck my desk. I will not run out of jokes about table fucking for atleast a week.
March 30th, 2008 at 05:06 pm
RIPLEY'S WON'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!!! THIS GUY OBVIOUSLY HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES!!! WHY WOULD YOU FUCK A TABLE, I MEAN I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE LEVEL SOME PEOPLE WOULD GO TOO!! HE HAVE A WIFE, AND YOU MEAN TO TELL ME HE WOULD RATHER FUCK A TABLE THEN HER!!!, LETS GET REAL, THIS GUY NEED HELP, AND THE SOONER THE BETTER! AND THE SAD PART ABOUT THIS WHOLE STORY IS A CHILD COULD HAVE WITNESED THIS SICK ACT! THE COPS NEED TO PUT PERVERT IN A PSYCHO WARD, NOT FOR BEING NASTY AS HELL, BUT FOR BEING ONE OF THE BIGGEST IDIOTS I HAVE READ ABOUT IN A LONG TIME, I SAY THE WIFE NEEDS TO PUT MAKE HIM SLEEP WITH THE TABLE EVERY NIGHT, BUT THEN AGAIN, HE WOULD ENJOY THAT.
March 30th, 2008 at 03:08 pm
I hear he's getting charged w/more felony charges. They found out the tabble was a minor
March 30th, 2008 at 02:49 pm
Christ, what kind of entry level, bottom of the totem pole reporter do you have to be to get assigned to this story? "Craig, are you ready for your first big story?" "Oh man, I had a feeling this was coming! I won't let you down boss!" "Whatever Carl. Anyway, there's this local guy that kinda looks like a younger version of the BTK killer. He got caught cornholing a patio table. We need you to go to his house so they can slam the door in your face. Oh, and can you take your car? Karen took the company vehicle to go cover the Bingo tournament."
March 30th, 2008 at 02:08 pm
KC...."thankfully they're homeschooled"!? So your kids will grow up to be very intelligent doctors or rocket scientists and probably cure cancer or something like that. However, they will have no social skills whatsoever and will probably end up fucking tables in the backyard...go figure.
March 30th, 2008 at 03:40 am
i wonder if he pui hairs around the hole ?
March 30th, 2008 at 03:38 am
that table must have a nice ass !
March 30th, 2008 at 02:40 am
i wsa hoping the officer would say at the end '"just when you think youve seen it all, you catch a man fucking a table."
March 30th, 2008 at 02:37 am
I have thought of many jokes that I could use, but won't. I have kids...& thankfully they're homeschooled. I would hate to think of this happening anywhere near my own kids. And he has his own? He's married? It's not like the wifey wasn't available at least part of the time...geesh! If a guy is so hard up, I'm sure there are plenty of other things he could find...like inflatables at least.
I think castration, or even emasculation, at this point is well-warranted. I am sick of hearing about sick morons who get nothing but a slap on the wrist & then a few therapy sessions to prove that they are mentally sound. When is punishment actually going to be punishment again?
March 30th, 2008 at 12:53 am
Maybe the table had it coming.
March 29th, 2008 at 09:25 pm
UNBEFUCKINLIEVABLE!!! This has to be bullshit. I mean I've fucked my fist six ways from sunday... even fucked a blown up rubber glove in a rehab bathroom once... but a TABLE in front of an elementary school! What the mother-fuck!!
March 29th, 2008 at 04:10 pm
HA @ 1:00. Seriously, like they would talk to a reporter. I don't need the door-slam footage to believe that. Methinks Channel 11 smells blood in the water. Just sweep the leg, Johnny. Like having your full name in the first 5 words of a table-sex0r1ng news-report, and having your mugshot menacingly zooming towards the viewer's face wasn't bad enough. Poor bastard. But hey, there's the other half of the coin: it wasn't as if he was a child molester, or caught doing beastiality. Damn though, that's just out there like care bears. >_>
March 29th, 2008 at 03:21 pm
Watch out for splinters. They're a bitch.
March 29th, 2008 at 02:27 am
you know what its not saying much for a stupid sick mother fucker that cant find a woman thats willing to give it up to him. and i myself know plenty of lose pussy women who give it up on a daily basis. there is no excuse for this sick person to be doing this unless he was wanting a child to see him and that means that a child was next on his list. the parents around him need to cut his fucking rusty dirty nuts out and feed them to the dogs while he watches them chow down on them. this bitch ass motherfucker needs to come to texas or louisanna and see what its like to fuck around in these neck of the woods. he would get ass fucked by an ass pirate. better hope you never are in texas or gator town bitch.....your asshole will be blown the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 29th, 2008 at 01:06 am
That fucking sicko
March 29th, 2008 at 12:55 am
Down with the tablefucker!!!