10. Florence Henderson – Polident Denture Cleaner
Just like shampoos and skin care products use hot girls to endorse their products, Polident uses a hot old woman because sex sells. Even if it’s a sexy 74-year-old. [Editor’s Note: I would still have sex with Florence Henderson.]

9. ChiChi Rodriguez – Energy Bracelet
Would-be golfers and athletes around America should rock this chintzy piece of crap in the hopes of emulating…Chi Chi Rodriguez? Either way, the jury is in: this thing makes anybody who wears it look like a complete douche.

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8. Wilford Brimley – Diabetes Commercials: Liberty Medical
Anybody who watches TBS late at night has seen this gem of a commercial, where Wilford Brimley espouses the glory of Liberty Medical and their superb Diabetes testing supplies. Why choose Wilford Brimley to endorse this product? He was in “Ewoks: The Battle for Endor” and “Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins.” Both movies that are shown late at night on TBS. Too bad they didn’t show this “Diabeetus” rap remix.

7. Howie Long – Chevy
Everybody’s least favorite football commentator since Joe Theisman, Howie Long has starred in a recent ad campaign for Chevy trucks that features him picking up random dudes off the side of the highway. It reminds us of some kind of serial killer scenario, but it still makes us wonder: why is he picking up dudes off the highway?

6. Anna Nicole Smith – TrimSpa
This magical product did the seemingly impossible by making Anna Nicole Smith hot again. It also may have played a part in killing her, as the only thing the police found in her fridge after she died was TrimSpa and Methadone. Oh well.

5. Bob Dole – Viagra
In one of the more disturbing celebrity endorsements of all-time, Bob Dole was the first to endorse Viagra. But, I’d still rather envision Bob getting it on than hearin that lame Viva Viagra campaign again.

4. George Foreman – Grill
One of the rare celebrity endorsed products that actually works, The George Foreman Grill “knocks out” fat, is convenient and makes a pretty good burger. The best part of this ad campaign, however, is the commercial that features five George Foremans debating over which version of the grill is best. George, with five of you on screen at once, you’ve succeeded where Michael Keaton failed.

3. Randy Savage – Slim Jim
Once upon a time, when you thought of super-processed meat you also thought of Randy “Macho Man” Savage. Donning a red leather cowboy hat and sunglasses with zig-zags all over them, the Macho Man un-hinged lockers and smashed bags of potato chips while teaching us all how to “SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!” To this day, I can’t eat any form of processed meat without smashing through the nearest door.

2. 50 Cent – Vitamin Water
When you’re a straight thug who’s been shot nine times, you gain a level of expertise in all things street. So it makes perfect sense that Vitamin Water would give 50 Cent his own signature flavor called Formula 50, because if there’s one thing that all true G’s know, it’s that grape is “the shit” and that “snitches are bitches.”

1. Tom Cruise – Scientology
Perhaps the biggest, and most annoying, celebrity endorsement of all time is Tom Cruise’s cocksuckery of Scientology. In the last few years, it seems that he has endlessly yapped about his “religion” in some form or another. He’s chastised Brooke Shields, sparred with Matt Lauer, been parodied on South Park, and recently rambled on about how Scientology is the only thing that can change the world. Meanwhile, Cruise has not changed much of anything (unless you count brainwashing Katie Holmes).

Tags: celebrity endorsements

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