Paris Hilton Wants To Buy Cheetah
I’m starting to really enjoy the combination of being really super rich with being really super stupid. It’s like right up there with the mixing of peanut butter and jelly, or hands and boobs. Popsugar reports:
Paris Hilton had her eye on some major purchases while she was in South Africa with Benji.
She inquired about the price of a cheetah at the animal park, saying, “If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?”
Okay, upon first glance that might have seemed like a stupid question. But what if she was planning on training the cheetah and then teaming up with it to fight crime? Then that question kind of makes sense. For instance, what if her and the Cheetah are in the middle of an undercover drug bust, thousands of pounds of smack on the table and a bunch of gangsters trying to sell it off. And Paris and the Cheetah are disguised as two brothers from croatia who want in on the west Baltimore drug trade. Then suddenly paris’ goatee falls off right when she’s about to make the deal and the gangster dudes grab her before she can say the sentence “This Baltimore weather is not like home in Croatia” which will bring the back up that’s waiting a few blocks away. At that point, she needs a cheetah who she can keep, not one that’s going to run away. Holy shit, what the hell am I talking about?
Tags: Cheetah, Paris Hilton, West Baltimore drug trade
April 8th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
She should get a pet monkey so she could spank him.
April 8th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
For the love of God, or whatever deity you choose to worship, PLEASE let someone sell this worthless piece of trash a cheetah. If we’re luck it will maul her to death and we can be done with her.
April 8th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I don’t know which of you is more high, Paris for wanting to buy a cheetah or you for that rambling crime fighting nonsense. LMAO
April 8th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I wish I was high. I think I was attempting to do some sort of meld of a “turner and hooch” reference and “The Wire” reference and then I realized “why the fuck am I doing a turner and hooch and the wire reference when i’m writing a post about paris hilton?” One of those days I guess.
April 8th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
i agree with keebler…let her have the cheetah and maybe it will kill her and none of us will have to read about her dumb ass ever again. except the obituary.
April 8th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
That was fucking hilarious!!! HAHAHAA!! I was picturing it and all. Good post man, you continually crack me up
April 9th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Let her have a cheetah, but make sure it’s starved for a few days and she’s wearing exactly what she’s wearing in that pictures: lots of revealed skin. The starved cheetah will see that and instantly think “OH SHIT, FREE STEAK!” and the bloodbath will ensue. Chuck a few bottles of A1 in there for comedic effect.
The only complaints we would get would be from PETA for giving the cheetah such an unsanitary meal.
April 13th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
excellent post!