Emma Watson Turns 18
So, I have to be honest; I’ve never seen the Harry Potter movies or read the books. But one time I was at the DMV and somebody left a HP coloring book there and I colored it to distract my mind from the stench of this lady next to me who smelled like a mix between pork fat and the morning after a college party. What I’m trying to say is that I’m somewhat familiar with Emma Watson. Daily news reports:
When Harry Potter actress Emma Watson turned 18 Tuesday, she received a birthday present fit for a wizard.
For Emma Watson, Hermione in the Harry Potter films, turning 18 grants her access to the $20 million she’s amassed making the wildly popular film series.
What do you spend 20 million dollars on when you’re 18? Is that hover board thing that Michael J. Fox rides in the second back to the future available for purchase? No? I have no idea then. If I was 18 and suddenly got 20 mill, I would immediately go to Target and purchase the following items and then not be seen for about a year.
Tags: Emma Watson, Harry Potter, Lotion
April 17th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Dude I haven’t laughed that hard for a while. I like the dedication to the punchline instead of just saying it, you went through the trouble of actually getting us to put it together. Kudos.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Don’t forget the semi-retarded bike helmet-wearing friend for those times when you just don’t want to do it yourself, a la “Charlie Bit Me.” Bonus points for wearing a sombrero.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Oh man, that combination of shit is insanely hilarious. I haven’t laughed out loud at my computer screen in a long time. Thank you.
April 17th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Hmmmmm. So she is legal now. Why do I still feel so dirty
April 17th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Yo bro, I bet she can take a nasty weina!
April 17th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
hahahahaha.
“wait….towels? what?”
“lotion. Ohhhhhhhh”
April 17th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
That is hilarious. My husband injured his knee and is laying on the couch on vicodin and I read it to him and he’s like…um- ya? I had to explain it, but then he laughed so hard.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
This is b.s.!!! The continue to check out button doesn’t work
April 17th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
8.0 oz x 99 = Hmm… this is Hannah Montana we’re talking about. You may want to watch that DVD again and recalculate the quantities.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
the part that made me laugh the most was the fact that you chose “Chippendale brown” for the towel color!
April 17th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Umm.. You forgot the recliner and a shitload of water. You’ll be needing that water..
April 17th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
I think you are forgetting how far a 6 pack of socks would go in this situation. Ehh maybe its just me wife thats always telling me not to use the “good” towels.
April 17th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
http://meeped.mirror.waffleimages.com/files/0f/0fbd8771d8e7221565d0883373e475df57126f3d.jpg
April 18th, 2008 at 1:34 am
lol. Best post in a while. But I have this to say in reference to Marty McFly’s hover board. Who would want that girly neon-pink douche ride when you could have Griff’s hover board? That Matel piece of shit? You can keep it. I have a Pitbull now.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:44 am
I like the post, but I feel like you’re missing the meat of the story here. Emma Watson just turned 18! Theoretically, that means 10 percent of my fantasy is complete! Now all I have to do is actually convince her to have sex with me, make a real life replica of Hogwarts with the 100 million dollars I make as an NFL running back, and find a magic wand so that when I’m fucking Emma in said Hogwarts replica, I can scream “TYRANUS VEMSHNOP!,” thereby transforming my penis into a six-foot Anaconda that licks on Emma’s love button as I thrust. Only 90 percent to go!
April 18th, 2008 at 6:38 am
hahaha … I think the only thing better than the Target shopping cart is that Mr.B said “TYRANUS VEMSHOP”.
April 18th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Sweet, she’s 18, now Im not a pervert. Well at least not in this one instance.
April 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Thank God she’s finally 18. At last I can watch the Harry Potter films while massaging my prostate without feeling perverted. I simply do it for the medicinal therapeutic value.
I’m going to have Popeye like forearms by the time Miley Cyrus turns 18.
I’m still waiting for that perfect almost 18 girl to come along that really works my core.
WHAT!!! Don’t you judge me.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Dude — If you’re pretending to have $20 million dollars, WHY ARE YOU BUYING A REFURBED television???????
April 18th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
“As she unbuttoned his jeans, she discovered why they all called him ‘Harry’”.
June 8th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
hi Emma! I am your biggest fan! and please tell Daniel that i love him