10 Items You Think Make You Cool, But Don’t
Being cool is normally subjective. But there are some things that unequivocally make you uncool. We’re not saying we’re cool, we’re just saying if you own any of these items, you’re not.
10. iPhone
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: You can access e-mails, high speed internet, and watch videos, all on your phone. Because really, normal people around you are so f*&king boring you can hardly bear actually interacting with them.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: I’ve done some research and iPhone is actually a Japanese word that means “something that’s not able to be put in a pocket and instead must be carried in your hand at all times or set on the table in front of you so that any one around you can see it.” This may sound shocking, but when someone remarks how hot it is, they’re not asking you to look up the temperature in both farenheit and celcius, or show them a clip on a 3 inch screen from “An Inconvenient Truth” in an effort to relate this heat to global warming.
9.Ironic Belt Buckles
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Now you can show up in bars and point at your belt buckle and tell people that you are a “Rodeo Champion” or a “Pac Man” or a “Truck Driver” or a “Jack Daniels.” And while they will know that you are actually none of these things, you think you’re being playful and a little bit mysterious. You also think this tactic will help you pick up women.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You’re the same person who has ironic facial hair (mustache), drinks ironic beer (PBR) and wears ironic T-shirts (Lucky Charms). You spend your entire life trying to look as shitty and poor as possible while, chances are, you have rich parents or a job for an accounting firm that pays you over $60,000. In four years you will be a Republican living in the suburbs and complaining about your 401k over wine spritzers at dinner parties.
8. Blue Tooth Headset
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: All the other losers have to use their hands when they talk on the phone. Not you! You can talk on your phone and at the same time safely give some loser the finger because they’re only driving the speed limit. It’s Tuesday, doesn’t this asshole know you have your jujitsu class at 24 hour fitness to go to?
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: I don’t give a shit if you’re talking to someone on the other end, when you’re in a Subway Sandwiches and they’re trying to take your order while you say “Listen, you give me that paperwork for the Johnson account by tomorrow or it’s your ass. No mayo. I said no Mayo! Yeah, that’s right, Johnson account on my desk! No pepperoncinis!” it’s pretty god damn confusing and asshole-ish to everyone trying to deal with you. Answer your phone when you have time to hold it in your hand. The only people that should be wearing blue tooth wireless headsets are military field generals and the people that work the day after thanksgiving sale at Old Navy.
7. Quoting Austin Powers/Borat/Old School
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Put on your earmuffs because that woman has a vageen that hangs like sleeve of wizard. Yeah, baby! Those movies are HILARIOUS, thus if you can quote them, by default you’re hilarious too!
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: We all enjoy quoting our favorite movies, but let’s put these three to bed. Not only did I have every last bit of dialogue to the Borat movie screamed in my face three months before it came out, but let’s face it, Austin Powers wasn’t funny 10 years ago. And I still have to hear people telling me that “circus folk smell vaguely of cabbage.” On top of it, everyone murders the accents. Whenever I hear some asshole in a bar trying doing his version of Borat, somehow he sounds like a tongueless Canadian with a sock in his mouth. This has to stop or I am going to skip the earmuffs and go directly to cutting my ears off.
6. PT Cruiser
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: It’s like a car from back in the thirties! It’s sleek design and throw back look allows everyone tailgating in the parking lot at the Dave Matthews concert know that you’re a free spirit who is all about having good times!
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: If you’ve ever wondered what a gay transformer would turn in to, wonder no more. Not only do they call a retarded amount of attention to themselves on the road, when you drive them you look like a soccer mom whose transporting alcohol during the prohibition era.
5. Tricked Out Bicycles
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: I honestly have no idea.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Instead of looking like some hipper, younger version of a real biker (who actually is cool), you just look like some 8th-grader who blew his allowance on sparklers for his tricycle. With its weirdly-bent handlebars and wacky forks, your “cruiser” looks like the elephant man of bikes. Plus, these things are clearly uncomfortable to ride. I love watching some tattooed douchebag try to look laid back and cool after he had to dislocate both of his shoulders just to reach the handlebars. Not to mention, you could’ve gotten a friggin’ car for what you paid for this piece of crap. Dumbass.
4. Fidel Castro Hats
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Wearing a Fidel Castro hat let’s the world know that you’re different and that you have thoughts and ideas that make you significantly more special and free thinking than those who wear traditional baseball hats.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You know why the Communist Cuba Military can get away with wearing them? Because they carry automatic weapons. You most likely carry a compilation book of Charles Bukowski poems. The tiny bill and camoflauged coloring make you look like a retarded son of a army ranger who had a pair of scissors and access to his father’s closet. I realize you want to tell the world you’re a non-comformist, but unfortunately being a non-conformist means you’re conforming to non-conformism. You might want to ponder that at that next record release party for a band no one’s heard of that you’re pretending to like.
3. Guitar Hero
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Dude, this game totally rocks! I love this song! Hell yes! Welcome to the Jungle, baby! You’re gonna diiiiiiiiiiiee!
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Despite what the commercial says, you do not suddenly turn into Slash when you’re playing this video game. You are playing a child-sized guitar that doesn’t even have strings. It has multi-colored buttons and an on/off button. And playing this video game does not mean you can play the guitar now. If I have to hear someone say “I can totally play ‘Anarchy in the UK’” but actually mean “I can totally play ‘Anarchy in the UK’ on Guitar Hero,” I am going to take a pee inside the nearest PS3.
2. Longboard Skateboards
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: You’re just a laid back dude who likes to cruise the streets and board walks but still has the credibility shared by those who ride smaller, more dangerous boards.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You’re basically one step away from being the little kid at Costco who jumps on the big grocery cart when his mother isn’t looking. Whereas if a normal skateboarder falls he injures himself, you’re traveling at speeds that allow those walking to pass you, and if you fall, you’ll most likely fall on the board and continue traveling. Hence, you’re basically riding a skateboard designed for those without any coordination or athletic ability. It’d be like playing baseball, except replacing the ball with a giant stuffed animal.
1. Funny Ringtones
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: A ring tone is a great way to give strangers and coworkers a little peek into your personal life and let them know that your grasp of pop culture is vast. You’re pretty sure that having a silly quote from Monty Python or the Transformers theme song as your ringtone will make those around you realize that you are a the guy everyone else wants to be. There is definitely more to you than meets the eye.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Having your phone play Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy” just makes you look (and sound) like an asshole. And the fact that you let it “ring” 15 times while you stand there and look around for reactions to your hilarious little joke not only reeks of desperation, but it makes everyone around you want to cram that phone up your taint. Put it on vibrate like every other normal person and keep your witticisms between you and your collection of Star Wars figurines.
Tags: 10 items you think make you cool, iphone, ringtones
May 14th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
nice! but you forgot two:
1.) crocs - for people who think they’re prepared for a british invasion by land OR by sea, but really are just wearing two shitty and uncomfortable pieces of plastic on their feet.
2.) mesh wife-beaters - not only can the ladies see my arms up to the shoulder, now they can see my amazing chest and stomach too! actually, champ, no one wants to see the beer belly and gratuitous amounts of hair on your upper front. keep it under wraps, preferably ones we can’t see through.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
you forgot
“saying what is cool and what isn’t”
why you think its cool:
because it makes you feel powerful over people and thinking that someone out there is going to follow your advice and do “uncool” things according to you.
why your not cool:
if you were cool you would have a leather jacket open showing your white shirt underneath a muscular build, some cool glasses and slick back hair cut and a blond busty girlfriend who doesn’t seem to understand why you only call her to have sex
May 14th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Remember “wiggers”. That’s my number 1.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Codpieces. No wait. they make you totally cool.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Yea, I remember “wiggers”, they’re called “hipsters” now. Instead of wearing clothes that are too big, they now wear clothes that are too small. See #9, Ironic Belt Buckles for an “ex-wigger” at it’s finest.
May 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Screw you!
– Sent from my iPhone
May 14th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
dont have iphone lack one feature I use most? txt messaging? most of the time im too fuckin lazy to even call my gf or friends so i just txt. I hear the iphone doesnt have txting. Thats lacking for an advice that seems so hightech everywhere else lol. But yeh good list. I laughed. U shud mention everything an emo wears, crocs and bandana’s as well. Hmm maybe pink shirts and popped collers too. Cuz those people need a slap.
May 14th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Hey VV, the iPhone does have texting, but please refrain from writing anything to anyone, this is clearly not your strong point.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Ok, so my longboard sucks ass. But my hoverboard totally rocks! My dad got it for me on a business trip to Japan back in ‘89. I swear.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
While I’m guilty of #2, I do actually know how to play the guitar. Great list though. I concur.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Sorry, #3 that is….
May 14th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
guitar hero is really fun… i myself do not go around saying i know how to play songs on a video game, but it is pretty damn impressive to see someone play a difficult song on guitar hero. Though i do think that pt cruizers are lame, and that “castro hats” are wierd looking, this list is pretty much bullshit.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
The Che Guevara t-shirts are something a lot of people do not think about, yes you show everyone you are a revolutionary that fights capitalism, but you are wearing the t-shirts with the design that sells the most and has become the emblem of capitalist t-shirt selling.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
1. Always carrying a drink around no matter where the hell you are.
Why you think you are cool: You’re such a busy person that you don’t even have time to grab a glass of water. Your container is always filled with the trendiest drink, whether it’s Starbucks, that fruit shaker powder you mix with water, some herbal tea that makes you feel all spiritual, or some hot cocoa (at 4PM on a July afternoon).
Why you aren’t really cool: You have completely bought into the FDA bullshit about having to drink 64 ounces of water each day and can’t think for yourself, plus you have to take a piss every half hour which makes you the Detrol LA poster child.
2. For the guys: having the need to sit one seat apart from your friend so others don’t think that you’re a gay couple.
Why you’re cool: Your feel secure with your masculinity and can now commence talking about banging chicks and throwing back beers with your buddy. This is only possible because of that one extra seat in between you two. Take away that little space and it goes from “two guys hanging out” to “GAY” in a heartbeat.
Why you aren’t really cool: It’s the midnight release of The Dark Knight and the theater is beyond full capacity so move the fuck over, asshole.
(Okay, that’s not really an item but it pisses me off badly)
3. Anyone who feels the need to bring their camcorder to any event, no matter how mundane it is.
Why you think you’re cool: you are capturing the precious moments of this fleeting life, and are going to carefully label and alphabetically arrange your recordings as soon as you get home.
Why you aren’t really cool: you’re too busy with zooming, panning, snapping, and cropping to actually enjoy the recital that you are at. Even though you can watch and re-watch the tapes you have at home, you never really got to enjoy it when it actually happened. And by the way, you always end up watching your impressive library of memories alone.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
This is so dumb people are who they are.. so shut the fuck up about it already… Have you guys ever played guitar hero? it is for fun.. and well very challenging. So keep your little opinions to your selves and shut the fuck up…..
May 14th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Late addition*People who are on their period viciously defending a video game…aka douchbags
see above
May 14th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Damn fine list. I only wish it were longer…. So fun to get angry at people in this world.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
dUde? you can travel way faster on a longboard than any skate board. long boards are made for bombing hills. i have gotten up to 43 mph on mine. your a douche who is angry at the world probily because you cant do anything on the list well. pussy biatch
May 15th, 2008 at 1:00 am
i think woah needs a hug
May 15th, 2008 at 1:13 am
You forgot:
11. You make lists of things you dislike and call them uncool
May 15th, 2008 at 1:21 am
#x: Making stupid useless lists like all the other blogger who are looking for attention they can’t get in real life, but are trying hard to finally become ‘cool’.
I could make this sound funny, but hey, I won’t return to this lame site anyway, so I won’t. The reason why I’m so negative is BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE like 10000000 times, and it was only fairly funny the first time.
Bet you don’t have the balls to publish this
May 15th, 2008 at 2:21 am
#y: Eric. Do us a favor Eric; when you come back to this site (as I know you will) try to say somthing funny.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:23 am
This sucks… Noone can say whats cool and whats not… I myself do things that suits me and not someone else… I dont do things that other people would like to see me doing… If people buy an iPhone just to look cool thats stupid, also for other things. But if they buy an iPhone for their needs (like me) and for developing things for it then whats the big deal?
May 15th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Okay, I am not guilty of any of the above… except the funny ringtones part! WHAT? WHY? I like them! Whaddya mean ’set it on vibrate like everyone else’? Every Tom, Dick and Harry and their uncle use ringtones. A vibrating phone sounds like a fart when it’s on tables, and I hate being startled by something pulsing in my pockets! I’m keeping my X-Files theme song, thanks. At least that’s not annoying, to me anyway.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:58 am
other than the old school reference this list is perfect…i hate those f’ing fidel castro hoots…possibly the most ridiculous things ever
May 15th, 2008 at 7:02 am
i forgot to mention taking a full photoshoot of yourself by simply extending your arm and making awful faces to post on facebook/myspace
May 15th, 2008 at 8:24 am
hey lolface, get a fucking grip. this is the internet. people can do whatever they want. it’s just for entertainment. i hope you choke on the next dick you suck.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:31 am
I fail to see the irony in the belt buckle. The stupidity…yes, but no irony there. Nice list otherwise.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:34 am
You forgot to add bloggers who can’t find real stories so they make top ten lists.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:39 am
What the hell is wrong with everyone trashing the author. Whether or not you agree with his taste the list was friggin funny. For everyone who got even the slightest bit offended you need to do a nut-check and realize this blog for what it is. Half of you are upset because you don’t have enough self esteem to laugh and say “HA HA its true. Even though I freaking rock on Guitar Hero, and go to weekly competitions this guy still makes it funny.”
May 15th, 2008 at 8:39 am
You forgot to add bloggers who can’t find real stories so they make top ten lists.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Right… umm did whoever wrothe this longboard article happen to notice how fast this guy downhilling is actually going? street surfing downhill is more hardcore than you idiots realize. fall off at 40mph and see how that feels.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Please for the advancement of society (which I am loosely assuming you are attempting to do with your cute litte list) learn how to use the word “ironic” appropriately.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:48 am
blowing off steam on the internet instead of going outside and marching to DC to PROTEST! we have millions of things to protest, we need to have ONE MEGA PROTEST
May 15th, 2008 at 9:03 am
You forgot:
Making lists of shit thats not cool.
Why you think you’re cool:
It makes you sound like an authority on things that are not cool, so surely you must know about things that are cool!
Why you’re not cool:
The second anyone gives you’re “uncool list” much thought, it becomes apparent how much of a douche-bag you are. You confuse “whose” with “who’s”, steal ideas from other sites (Maddox beat you with the Fidel Castro hat thing only about by a whole 6 months), and it’s obvious you have never actually tried longboarding (while going down a hill, speeds can approach 30mph). Furthermore, you probably suck at guitar hero and are just jealous. Try to remember it’s just a game, and no-one actually believes they ARE Slash.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:03 am
I definitely think Crocs should have been in place of longboard skateboards. Longboards aren’t really a trend and do take skill to be good at it without busting your ass on rocks or potholes or whatever in the road. They’ve been around for a long time and are actually fun to ride and simulate surfing in a way. And I don’t know who you’ve seen going slower than walking speed (maybe the one time you tried it?) but I go as fast as I can on mine with my dog and can keep up with cars… so yeah… Crocs are way more idiotic than skateboards. But I’d like to see someone try and skate in Crocs… that’d be funny.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:05 am
You are a moron. Longboard skateboards travel at much faster speeds than regular shortboards. Many people have even died from falling. You sound likes a bitter nerd that just wants a reason to feel funny.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:07 am
i don’t think people who wear crocs think they are cool. i just think they have zero fashion sense. this also goes for any guy who wears denim shorts. no exceptions.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:09 am
How about blogging about stuff you don’t like that annoys you because of your personal preferences. It seems that it will make you superior to others, and yet it’s not cool either. dumbshit.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Don’t hate because you cant afford an iPhone. Just because you still have a free Nokia from the 90’s doesn’t mean they are uncool.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I would also like to contribute a #11 to this list:
Taking advantage of built-in obsolescence by submitting a “things that make you uncool” list to an aggregator of pop culture news
May 15th, 2008 at 9:14 am
number 11. Posting a blog about how things you notice everyday and maybe even take part in aren’t cool and are stupid. Keep up the good work shitstick.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Tricked out bikes? Those are often built buy people who cut up junked bikes and weld their own mutant ones. Is there something uncool about grinding wheels and TIG welders?
Try:
http://www.chicagofreakbike.org/
May 15th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Actually, longboards are capable of much more velocity than regular skateboards, and can cause quite some nasty spills.
Skateboarding and longboarding are two way different styles of riding. Longboarding preferred for long cruises and rolling hills, skateboarding for park and street riding.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Has this guy ever tried to ride a longboard, its not as easy as it looks and they are way faster then regular skateboards. This list just sounds like some guy hating on everyone.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Wait a second…. You’re saying you don’t like Star Wars Figures? You, good sir, are a douchebag.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:24 am
crocs should’ve replaced #2
May 15th, 2008 at 9:24 am
This is like a crappier version of Cracked Magazine.
That “10k for MDA” shirt is classic, though.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:25 am
longboarding is awesome!
hop on one and try before coming to conclusions…
alot of boarders now go 100+km/hr
May 15th, 2008 at 9:26 am
have you included making top ten lists as an appropriate item for your top ten list?
May 15th, 2008 at 9:33 am
I love you.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:37 am
I find it rather funny…
A rather smart way to flush out all the “uncool” people, list things they own, say they are uncool,because we ALL know one persons view is shared by the entire world, then gather the “uncool” peoples names,emails and websites by allowing them to post their angry responses, while the rest of us point and laugh… brilliant plan.. hehehehhe all in good fun loosen up
May 15th, 2008 at 9:39 am
I turned around in a bar one night to the sound of a blood curdling scream of a small infant being beaten. But in fact it was some rather fierce biker type fellow letting his mobile phone ring and ring so everyone in the bar could hear his amusing ringtone. I think he, was enjoying it.
Some people are just great.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Totally agree with this list, especially long boarders, it just pisses me off when I see one on campus. Learn to skateboard dammit!
Anyways I don’t have any of these on the list yet, but I’m thinking of getting the iphone when 3g comes out. Not because I think it’ll make me cool, but so I won’t get lost =/ when I’m out on the road but maybe I should hold off. We’ll see.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:46 am
How about an article entitled ‘10 things that aren’t perceived as cool but actually are’?
May 15th, 2008 at 9:50 am
This is hilarious. Almost all the people who have issues with this, have no ability to use proper spelling and grammar… this speaks heavily as to the type of person who gets their panties in a knot over this.
Groove on, you crazy wankers.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:53 am
The only reason the iphone guy is uncool: He’s talking into the earpiece!
Otherwise it’s far and above the best phone I’ve owned.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Cell phones propelled the average person’s ability to be an asshole in public to heights never imagined. The Blue Tooth ™ provides the additional benefit of looking like a total idiot at the same time, including everyone from the mall-shopping Emo to the six-figure executive walking from high-rise office to the gym.
By the way, anyone who wears a Blue Tooth without being on a call needs to be killed. Wearing one of those things while talking to someone in front of you is the same as saying: “I’m listening you, sure, but someone more important might call at any moment. You got that, loser?”
May 15th, 2008 at 9:57 am
well i know where NOT to come to read online.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:57 am
My addendum would be to people who spend a hour on their hair to make it look as messy as possible. Its like taking an hour shower to spray piss scented cologne.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:59 am
The more you get offended by this list, the more of a douchebag you are.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:00 am
How about those pseudo-cool asshats who drag out their cellphones in movies and check their email or whatever every five minutes. They get to flash everyone in their row, and every row behind them, with the light of their phone screen, distracting everybody so they can find out if their retarded friends sent them a text message in the last 5 minutes. “Look, I can check my email in the theatre! I mean, like, ohmigod, I’m sew koool!”
And for cool-but-not-cool, nothing beats Trucknutz or BumperNuts, those plastic bull testicles that guys hang from the bumper hitch of their pickups.
Why you think you’re cool: You think people who see them will associate those huge blue plastic testicles on your truck bumper with your own massive, manly pair.
Why you’re not cool: First, bright blue bull testicles hanging off your truck bumper might be funny, but only the first time you see them. After that, they start to get mildly offensive, and finally they just seem pathetic and annoying. Plus, probably nobody who sees them is going to think you’re equally well endowed, or if they do, they’re going to find the idea more than a little repulsive. The few exceptions will be those creepy, desperate bar-hanging scags of one gender or the other, in which case, you’ll deserve each other.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:06 am
This is list is whack!
You forgot the most important one.
People who write BLOGS are not COOL as much as they THINK they are.
Why you think you’re cool: Because you feel like you have a voice, that people will actually listen to you. That you are somebody, somebody with power and influence. You want to share your stories. That you are WEB 2.0
Why you’re not cool: BECAUSE YOU ARE A NOBODY! You sit at a computer for inspiration and you’ve lost touch with the importance of life, LIVING.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:10 am
The Longboard one is gold. There should be something in there about hair gel and silk shirts.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:11 am
What’s wrong with Bukowski you illiterate fuck?
May 15th, 2008 at 10:13 am
The iphone screen goes black when place near your ear. that photo is FIXED!! har har
May 15th, 2008 at 10:16 am
You know, playing this doesn’t make you cool like a real guitarist.
Guys?
Didn’t you hear me?
Stop having fun!
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rock_band.png
May 15th, 2008 at 10:21 am
How DARE you make fun of Guitar Hero! Guitar Hero is awesome! Come talk to me when you can shred through Evenflow on level 10 without ever touching the big red button when you’re supposed to touch the big blue button! I heard Guitar Hero 3 is going to have Enter Sandman! I wanna see all these losers talk their crap then!
May 15th, 2008 at 10:24 am
THANK YOU BLOG POST, YOU’RE ICONOCLASM IS AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL. VOTE RON PAUL 2012.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Wow, “Gay Transformer” comment on #6 is comedic genius. Well done.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:31 am
To all those people complain about this list, isnt complaining about the list being made just as bad as making the list itself
its the internet, if you dont like the article stop reading it. Your WORSE then the author who your trying to make look bad.
not so hard is it
May 15th, 2008 at 10:31 am
To all those people complain about this list, isnt complaining about the list being made just as bad as making the list itself
its the internet, if you dont like the article stop reading it. Your WORSE then the author who your trying to make look bad.
not so hard is it
May 15th, 2008 at 10:33 am
I’m loving on all the white people that are reacting to defensively here in the comments. I bet they are the same that take stuffwhitepeoplelike the wrong way. This list is spot on. I honestly don’t think anyone wearing a Fidel Castro hat thinks they are cool though…
May 15th, 2008 at 10:37 am
that’s what she said
May 15th, 2008 at 10:40 am
What about black framed eye glasses?
May 15th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Good thing I have a blackberry and not a stupid iphone.
-Sent from my AT&T Blackberry
May 15th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I think some people here missed the point. The point is that it’s really annoying when people TRY HARD to be cool. It’s uncomfortable, and occasionally makes me embarrassed for them. I would rather that people just be themselves and do what’s natural.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Everyone that comments with anger and hate is NOT COOL.
Well…except for me of course. Im guilty of 1-10.
(except for guitar hero, it’s possibly the dumbest shit Ive ever seen)
(and everything else)
May 15th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Great article - made me laugh my ass off and on a slow, miserable day at work in an office that’s just what I needed!
May 15th, 2008 at 10:47 am
damned, I like the 6. PT Cruiser
and own a longboard.
I’m a dick.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:48 am
The more you get offended by this list, the more of a douchebag you are.
May 15th, 2008 at 10:49 am
I have an issue w/ the Fidel Castro Hat…
I wear one b/c I commute on a bike everywhere and the small/flexible beak means that the hat can fit easily in a backpack. I can then throw it on at my destination.
Nothing sucks more then helmet hair
May 15th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I think I’ll start giving out bluetooth headsets to crazy homeless people who I see talking to themselves. That way nobody will know for sure…..
May 15th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Isn’t it kinda personal thing what one likes and what one dislikes…
May 15th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Long boarding is so unatheltic: http://youtube.com/watch?v=57sM8oUxaRY&feature=related
Luckily having your own Blog makes you the coolest person ever!
May 15th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Long boarding is so unatheltic: http://youtube.com/watch?v=57sM8oUxaRY&feature=related
Luckily having your own Blog makes you cool as hell
May 15th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Level 10? Are you serious? Do you realize there are only 4 level ranging from Easy to Expert?
Way to go though.
-Kyo
May 15th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Contempster dot com is one awesome site that does this kinda stuff all the time. Good list though.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Longboards are at least as dangerous as shortboards. Of course a longboard on flat ground is nothing, but neither is a shortboard, and thats where the majority of shortboarding takes place.
Longboarding hills and mountains is definatly intense:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfK1tqL9JMY
These guys face death.
I used to ride stacked parking garages at 30 mph, and my friend from the BVI used to hang with groups that rode the mountains at 40+mph.
The swiss kids are pretty daring too.
Its well enough to poke fun at them for other reasons, but its definatly not for pansies.
Gravey (post may 15) is right, people should protest in DC. Things in washington are not ok, and it is the duty of a democracy for its citizens to let their feelings known to the government. (/rpspam)
May 15th, 2008 at 11:04 am
I don’t own any of the above items but from the way the author sounds, he seems to be very very “bitter”. Only pokes fun at the owners of said items but doesn’t really explain why any of the above items are “not cool”.
Maybe your parents should have given you a few more hugs as a kid as opposed to sticking all those things up your ass.
Your attempt at being funny: EPIC FAILURE.
Better luck next time.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Do these hats actually have the words “Fidel Castro” hat written on them? If not, then they are just a hat. If they are sporting 50’s era army fatigues then maybe they are going for a look. Lets talk about the asses that still where trucker hats and aviator shades while there inside getting their Boba Tea. Or the people who where their sunglasses on the back on the back of their heads.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I have something else that belongs on this list:
Web pages written by “journalists” who think they are the sole arbiters of what is cool.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:23 am
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cfK1tqL9JMY
Seriously, anyone can longboard. They go so slow that, like, they couldn’t even hurt themselves if they tried. Just look at those douches!
May 15th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Bukowski thanks you for the publicity, douchebag.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:38 am
To read so deeply into the reason somebody would where a hat or play a game ,you need to get a life. Although i do agree with the ringtone one.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:40 am
I agree that people who wear their Bluetooth ear pieces everywhere are total douchebags, but I have one that I wear when I drive. It is safer to use a headset while driving IF you have to talk on the phone, and I have an intense hatred for wires, so I figured Bluetooth was the way to go. Just for the record as well, I make sure to turn off the little blue light on it so as to not draw attention to myself.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:41 am
“Round em up, put em in a field, and bomb the bastards”
May 15th, 2008 at 11:44 am
I think it’s great that in the photo of the iPhone, the iPhone is upside down. Bwahahaha!
May 15th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Great list, you read my mind.
1. With the movies you can add any quote by Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler.
2. Include neck scarves on fat people.
3. NASCAR bumper stickers.
4. People who take the time to read a list then bitch about said list.
5. IRC moderators that actually kick. I mean PUH-LEASE.
6. Anyone that disagrees with me.
7. RutoMail.com for more amusing pictures and crap.
8. Anyone currently using “Bra” or “Bro” in a sentence.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:51 am
What makes you think that Cuba has Nuclear weapons? Idiot.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:51 am
hahaha I think its funny people are reading this list and posting angry comments because they got offended. For example read meomy’s post May 14th, 2008 at 11:01 pm or Eric’s post May 15th, 2008 at 1:21 am . I play guitar hero, i long board, i skateboard, and I want an iPhone. I still find the list hilarious.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:56 am
wahhhhhh, i’m so angry with everything i need to make fun of it to make myself feel better!
i like tearing down activities other people enjoy because i don’t like anything interesting myself!
wow, cracked, SUPER original.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Great list, I agree with everything but longboards. Pretty much every single thing you said in that statement in completely false. Longboards actually go much faster then skateboards due to the diameter and texture of their wheels, hence the need for them to be so long so you can keep control.
Good try with that research though, you really gained a lot of information by looking at a picture of a guy longboarding and making some shit up. Quality writing.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I few have mentioned it… Longboards are easily as dangerous if not more dangerous than their shorter counterpart. The whole idea that if you fell you might just land on the board, and keep going with no problem, is potentially the dumbest thing I have heard in a while. This person has obviously never rode a longboard. That said, I think that if you ride a longboard just because you think that it makes you cool…that you easily fit in this category. These are usually people you see carrying their board however, or who have it posed in their room after using it one time.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
haha i find it funny that the author is so bitter all of these things. i love it when he says longboarders are so uncoordinated and require no athletic ability. when you can do half the shit these guys do and go 40mph+ downhill on a skateboard then you can talk shit or else just keep it in your ass and shut your mouth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1pFyDGuVzk
May 15th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
First, I need an explanation to the Japanese meaning of IPhone. I know Japanese and I couldn’t understand how you could translate IPhone into Japanese.
Secondly, with all these things that you rated uncool, does that made you a cool person?
Cool and uncool is a very personal comment. Just as some people marry fat ass people and thinks that they are beautiful or attractive… I just think they are disgusting.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
11. People who sit at home and write blogs about other people.
Why you think you are cool: You can voice your opinion to the world! Everyone can know the things that you like and dislike and the size of your dog’s shit this morning. Hooray!
Why you are not cool: Every self-important douche bag on earth has a blog. They are fucking free. Nobody wants to read your lame attempts at being funny. Top ten list blogs are almost as funny as taking a picture and writing FAIL on it. Wow, real fucking genius. My seven year old niece is more creative than this shit.
StumbleUpon: THUMBS DOWN
May 15th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
haha!!!!! dude so fuckin true man. well put and very clever.
Long boards(wrong boards) are for blatant homos who try to act cool but have never even thought of learning how to ollie or god forbid ding up a shin trying to learn a kick flip.
i phoners are boners… i cant tell you how many times ive heard someone say ” call me on my i phone” … this is spewing with gold. well done good sir
May 15th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
please someone love me
May 15th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I longboard and have skateboarded, and most of the time, longboards are more dangerous. IF you think we just cruise you’re retarded, we go WAY faster than the average skateboarder and try to do tech sliding and see how well it goes, see how laid back it is, trust me, you WILL fail and you moron if you fall you don’t fall on your board, dickhead.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
“2. Include neck scarves on fat people.”
Are there other kind of scarves?
- Ankle Scarves?
- Wrist Scarves?
Is there something else we should know about like foot hats or elbow socks?
May 15th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I don’t care what anyone says, I’m still fucking cool cause i have an iPhone and YOU don’t!!
May 15th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Kind of funny, kind of not but whatever. I wanted to do a little soapbox work about longboards. Downhill longboarding often requires speeds in excess of 50 mph. Let’s see your kickflipping comrades take a fall at those speeds and not hobble off whimpering for their mommas.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Haha.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
All of you posting your longboard videos actually drove the point home for me. I actually saw some queer wearing a helmet on one of these things. It also was the most boring 10 minutes of my life, thanks.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Thank God someone said Crocs. Those are the ugliest shoes I have ever witnessed ( and I grew up with jellie shoes!).
May 15th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Nothing but haters..
May 15th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
a good alternitave to a longboard is a fatty liquor store cruiser with some fatty 65mms that you can ollie up curbs with and still go much faster than a sandal wearing hippie listening to phish soul cruising down the sidewalk on their wank plank. i have never ever in the 12 years of skate ratizm witnessed anyone on a longboard bombing a hill or for that matter doing anything the slightest bit gnarley. Ya cant powerslide on a longboard so how the fuck are you going to bomb a hill like a man??? ” i used to skate is a famous longboard quote”… unless your over 50 or you have a period once a month, stay the fuck off a longboard!!!! marks!!!!
May 15th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
what about popped collars? My personal number one.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Funniest site I’ve seen today.
Second best part was reading the comments from people who actually felt slighted by your list! It seems that iPhones, longboards, and guitar hero are very touchy subjects — or do the comments reflect something about their users?
May 15th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
what a ghey list - what a ghey site. what a stupid list by closet pedophiles. to the idiot who thinks crocs are bad footwear, to dissing the iphone, to dissing long boards - fuck yourself. and no, i don’t think i am cool.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
maybe You cant slide a longboard but that’s probably because you suck.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I Love The Fact There Was An Advert At The Side Saying
“Win An iPhone”
May 15th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
some of these points are to true! I could think of several others that could be added to the list also. good post.
—-
Toby
http://twilkins.net
May 15th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
All these haters agreed or listed what they hated but gave no alternative or had the balls to say what they thought was cool… Except for the skater who types like he is texting on his mobile (With his Bam Margera background)… All you losers can whisper in each others ear while you circle jerk about how less cool other people are without putting your neck out there. You should all stop butt patting and kissing up to some asinine blogger whose name isn’t onthe article
May 15th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I’m a big fat dick.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
People who constantly have to judge others in order to feel like they fit in are not cool. You, sir, are not cool. I bet you actually are jealous of these people in real life.
Who cares whats cool or not, let people do what they want. I saw a comment telling loler to chill out, and that on the internet you can do whatever you want, well, let people in real life do whatever they want. Let them wear their fidel castro hats, and funny belts. Let it be.
And that is why YOU are not cool.
btw, longboarding rocks
May 15th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
longboards rock brotha. i gave you some amount of credit up until that point.
i’ve got some nasty gashes from carving some hills.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I can’t believe you put the iPhone on there! Arghh, to you. But I agree with everything else, so you still rule. I suppose I agree to what you say about the iPhone, but it comes in handy for business people. Being a publicist, I can catch up on the Wall Street Journal, NY Times, Economists, and porn (j/k), while waiting in long lines, accountants & law offices.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I noticed for #9 you went with the annoying belt buckles rather than the much more annoying and much more prevalent ironic t-shirts. Does that have anything to do with the fact that your website happens to advertise those t-shirts? Maybe you should practice what you preach ( #7) and give the “uncool” Deez Teez the boot.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I would have to put those gay ass affliction shirts on this list. I hope those guys crash their crotch rockets and mess up their frosted tips.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Longboarding is awesome. you can go anywhere and do anything a shortboard does, plus there is way more style involved in longboarding. And if you really think there is no way to get hurt on a longboard, point one down the steepest hill you can find and When you do fall, you better hope you land on the board and keep rolling because if not your going to be sliding across the ground on your skin.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Why you think you’re cool: You’re 16 and posting comments to a blog post
Why you aren’t cool: …you’re 16 and posting comments to a blog post
May 15th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I enjoy how everyone can’t laugh at it and are offended. “Dude i play guitar hero it is very hard and challenging and i dont see why u are talking bad about it” or “I’m indie and a do/wear/have all these things, this is a stupid list. It’s very uncool.”
Minus the longboarder thing, the rest seem compliant with how rather annoying and played up these objects are.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I agree with most of what you have to say but I think its funny that you think someone traveling walking speed can is going faster than someone on a long board. You obviously have never seen someone actually use one. The whole point is going really really fast and yes you do get hurt badly.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
wow, you are an insanely bitter human being.
and ur shit about long boards is so retardedly inaccurate its clear uve never used one before. theyre faster than regular skateboards, thats the whole point of them existing. damn dude, get a life. you are full of hate
May 15th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
This page suck.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Wow.. After reading your list and comments following I was left wondering “Does this author now realize he is exactly the douche he in trying to cut down in this list?”.
10) iPhones have changed the cellular industry whether or not you want to admit it. Look at 99% of the new phones coming out from other manufacturers that are totally biting on Apple’s style. (I’m a blackberry guy myself)
9) You should probably just avoid looking at others guys crotches while in bars
7 thru 4) You’re not necessarily wrong on these.. but you weren’t actually funny either
3) Guitar Hero is a fun game.. now read that last word again. That’s all it is. Nobody is here making fun of you because you play WoW.
2) You obviously don’t skate at all - long or short board. You really need to stop talking about stuff you clearly know nothing about.
1) There is something to be said about everyone in the world not having the same generic manufacturer created ring tones. This also serves as a great meter of how cool or not someone is determined on which ring they are using.. Just about any song will immediately make you a douch though.
I got here from clicking thru dig.. I will now return by closing this tab only to immediately bury your link as hopefully to save one person 10 minutes today from reading yet another stupid shitty blog with no original content. Please find another job (outside of web development). Way to fail.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
hahaha! this list rules. why do you have to defend yourselves? “Crocs ARE cool!” lol! who the hell cares?? if you like something then go do it instead of talking about how cool it REALLY is. thanks everyone for making me laugh so hard!
May 15th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Aww… sounds like the indoor kids have come down with a case of cryabetes.
I’ll go call the waahmbulance.
Number 1 should be pseudo-blogs and people who copyright phrases like “holy taco”.
/wah
May 15th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
looks like this piece hit a nerve in some people. relax, it’s all in good fun. ppl are so sensitive these days. just take the bluetooth out of your ear at subway and for the love of god, please don’t take calls on your blackberry in the shitter.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
It’s comedy, jerks. Lighten up.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Holy Taco fails at humor and creativity. The whole “cynical is overused by dozens of “comedy” websites and most of them do it better than this. Double Viking, Cracked, Omglists, Maddox, this shitty website, they’re all just pure uninspired knockoffs of eachother. You guys fucking link to MAXIM? Jesus christ.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
oi oi oi!!!! what the hel are you all arguing about its only a list its ONLY text its ONLY made up i mean i wanted an iphone and i play guitar hero but it doesnt mean im ‘uncool’ its just the person who wrote the blogs opinion okay? it means nothing absolutely NOTHING and you people who all dont like this page are full of hate too cuz ur going blahblahblah ur full of hate while HATING the blogger stupid much? just leave it cuz it means NOTHING and blogger person you shouldve known better to put a top 10 list of ‘uncool’ stuff cuz a lot of people still like that stuff and it offends them okay?
May 15th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
What’s Cool: Enjoying what you you enjoy with little to no regard for the jives and jabs of others, whether that be childish videogames, impractical ringtones or spending your life’s savings on an iPaperweight.
What’s Not Cool: unfunny list blogs, crapping up my Digg with their unfunny clone-ish failure. I remember when Digg was good, damn it.
And like everyone’s already said, Longboarding is RIDICULOUSLY fast, and requires an incredible amount of skill, balance and coordination.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
You have obviously never used a longboard. or maybe you have only seen people use one on flat areas, but in MD we have hills which can put us at speeds of up to 30mph…so that really renders your argument moot.
other than that, i agree
May 15th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
shhhhhhhhhhhhh stop arguing NOW
May 15th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
lol @ people getting genuinely upset over this list.
This is a funny article. If you read this and get mad that some guy on the Internet called you “uncool” for doing some of this stuff, you are both a tool, and probably still in high school.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I would add tatoos and baggy-saggy-below the knee shorts. Did anyone notice that the longboarder was riding his unit backwards?
May 15th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
you forgot soul patches, tribal tattoos and insane clown posse merchandise (they normally come in one package)
May 15th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Im pretty sure Iphone is the modern “real” god
May 15th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I could tear skateboarders a new asshole on my longboard. everything else is cool.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
for anyone, especially the blogger, who thinks longboarding is easy…
i’d let you ride my board down a nice big hill and then laugh my ass off when you get speed wobbles and eat shit after about 20 feet. once you peel your skin off the pavement and pick all the gravel out of your hands and knees, THEN come tell me longboarding isn’t dangerous. downhill guys consistently top 50mph (unofficial record verified by GPS is 78mph), and in the course of a casual cruise most longboarders will reach 20mph. a shortboard, by design, will have trouble even going that fast. the two are made for different things. i respect shortboarders too, because i certainly couldn’t get on one and do the tricks they do. give longboarding the respect it’s due too. there’s quite a bit of skill involved. sounds like the blogger described a poser, and i’d make fun of them too.
the rest of the list, save for iPhones and guitar hero, is pretty funny. iPhones are pretty functional, but flaunting it just cause you have one is gay. and guitar hero is just a game. i suck at it, but it’s still fun, especially when drunk!
May 15th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Fuck you. “Fidel” hats are sick.
Especially when Gucci makes one.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
It’s hard to agree with you on a few points, namely longboards and iphones, but, please, go look up the definition of ironic and irony in the dictionary. Those belt buckles are not ironic. Beards are not ironic. Shirts are only sometimes ironic, and lucky charms isn’t.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Gotta agree on Bluetooth headsets. I bought a bluetooth Jammer just because I hate the way people use the damn things. Use it in you car I am all for it but, in the mall at the store walking down the street put it away.
It is great to see someone talking on their headset as there walking down the aisle then you hear hello, can you hear me? Some look at their phones others do the oh well must have dropped the call. The distance isn’t far but far enough to keep that crap from working near me.
Like the list even though I like and own some of the stuff on there but not because I think it makes me cool.
I’m cool because “I wear my sunglasses at night”!
May 15th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
longboards are for pussies
they’re impractical and boring
get a real skate and like ollie or something
May 15th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I think some of you guys need to chill out. So a blogger said that something you do is uncool. Who cares? It was meant to be humorous. I have no doubt that each of you, along with myself, and the author do things that are “uncool.” Who cares? Stop ripping the guy. It was a funny article and (believe it or not) incredibly accurate.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
in no particular order:
1. Nalgenes
2. Dudes wearing sunglasses at bars
3. Girls wearing black tights (Greenwich Village girls)
4. Yoga mats
5. 3k or 5k organized runs
6. buying a latte and sitting at Starbucks for hours with you iBook
7. Starbucks
8. Corona
9. Oval stickers on the back of your car (WTF)
10. Burritos
May 15th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
obviously, all of these items are now totally cool…again.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
You know, only douche bags (is that one word, two or hyphenated? whatever, you’re one however it’s spelled.) go around telling people what’s cool and what’s not. Find something interesting or relavant to write about.
And f**k you, iPhones, belt buckles, PT Cruisers and funny ringtones ROCK! Bluetooth headsets are the future, deal with it, wah freekin wah, people use something I don’t approve of to communicate. What the hell ever.
Obviously your girlfriend thinks you’re funny guy, and I bet your mom loved the little skits you put on when you were a kid, but it’s adult time now, grow up.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Worst fucking article ever. Guitar hero is a motherfucking video game, why not hate on every game that comes with a peripheral while you’re at it?
May 15th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I love my iPhone.
Yet, I laughed at your list.
When I travel, Google Maps via the iPhone has saved my ass many times.
I shit you not, i took a call the other day in the grocery store while waiting in line, and low and behold this guy in front of me had one too. He felt the urge to pull his out and place a call as to say, “I’m just as cool as you too.”
Fuckin weirdos, it’s a great phone, but its not an extension of your penis.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
screw you. you probably cant even step on one without bustin your oversized ass on the street
May 15th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
umm writers a fucking retard. longboards can go up to 80mph.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
FORGOT TO INCLUDE FIXED TRACK BIKES…….GOOD IDEA, a BIKE THAT CAN’T STOP
May 15th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
haha the only reason you put guitar hero on the list is because you suck at it LOL
May 15th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Everything is true except for the iphone part!
May 15th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
People that wear black to be different. Too bad they look just like everyone else wearing black to be different. Come up with your own unique style, then I’ll be impressed.
Bands that wear only black…there is a genre of music where you, and the entire audience, are required to wear black. Child please.
Spending more money on car accessories than their cheap car originally cost…it’s still a cheap car. Impress me by pimping out an expensive vehicle.
People that get tattoos that “have to be” displayed. I laugh at the tank-tops and muscle shirts worn 24/7…even in winter. Must be a burden.
Bumper stickers…especially eco ones. Get a bicycle and shut up.
Backpacks in Seattle. “But they are practical”…stfu.
Ditto on the plastic shoes…you paid how much for plastic shoes?
Advertising anything for free…do they pay you to wear their logo? Dumbass.
Tribal piercing. “Look at me, I have big holes in my head!” I just want to be the person selling the holes to these dumbasses.
T-shirts with stupid sayings on them…at least take the wal-mart sticker off first.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Oh man look at me skewering pop culture! Yeah! Who do they think they are, riding bicycles and long boards! Now I’m going to drop some totally relevant comment about going to Starbucks, or a martial arts class, or something else all those other people do!
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You’re really not that witty, clever or funny. Also, your grammar and spelling leaves something to be desired. Oh, and I almost forgot that all of your humor is a shitty rehash of other more popular articles and ideas that have already been had by dozens of other people on the Internet. Think about that. You’re not even cooler than other people on the Internet. At least you hate yuppies…
May 15th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
And also:
Why I’m not cool: I didn’t read the comments and it turns out several other people already bashed you with your own format. Doesn’t change the fact that you’re a worthless cretin. Keep fighting the good fight!
May 15th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
You are a tool if you think people on foot travel faster than those on longboards. Maybe you should stop being such an internet warrior and actually get some sun, hop on a longboard (or skateboard [either way you will most likely fail on both]) and see what’s out of writing boring predicted demeaning blog posts on a crappy blog that’s only saving grace is Break.com linking them. (I know that Holy Taco is their “project”)
May 15th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
By the way,
Next time you make a list, try not to specify “ITEMS” in the title and have one of those “ITEMS” (you are using the tangible form of it btw) be a person quoting a movie.
Should have just left that out since I think it’s been covered many times in the past by tons of other websites. Dork.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Whaaaa! Whaaaaa! These people have a website and are stating opinions on it! Whaaaa!
May 15th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
eric: the #1 you think your cool but your not..
posting a comment about a stupid blog that threatens the blog poster to publish your comment….
“Bet you don’t have the balls to publish this”
May 15th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
My iPhone TOTALLY makes me cool. I’m reading this page from it right now and talking about it on my bluetooth headset while people around me wonder how to be as cool as me.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Is Muscular Dystrophy ironic? I guess if you thought that you would be strong and healthy, but instead you find your muscles wasting away and difficulty in tasks that many people take for granted. LOL!
May 15th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I can’t tell you how many of my friends have said that they are great musicians after playing Guitar Hero. I can’t tell you because none of them have ever said that.
I agree with some of the list, but seriously, does the author get pissed off when people have fun or something?
May 15th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
11. Having a blog and hating on everything
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: You have edgy, witty comments on small niches of society, much like Seinfeld did back in the day on his TV show, and now you’re on the front page of Digg.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You spend your time on the Internet, prepping your blog about people different from you. There are many telling things about this statement: first of all, you live on the Internet, you’re as highly appreciated as a /b/tard. Second, you’re writing about people who don’t read about your blog and suggestions, and don’t care to, not only making your statements nil, so realistically you’re writing to a non-related and useless audience. This also making your blog a cock-stroking contest. And a tell-tale sign of penis-envy for these individuals whom have been written about, for the sole fact that they are doing something with their lives unlike this blog’s self important author.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Congratulations on getting your stale list of uncool things linked on Fark. Enjoy the thousands of hits you get today. Tomorrow, you’ll be back down to 4 visitors/day.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I’m with CodPiece on this one. If you weld the bike yourself: cool. If you pay someone $1000: not so cool.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
one problem that automatically invalidates this list -
PBR is good. maybe not “good” in terms of having 200 pounds of hops in each six-pack and an alcohol content of 10%, but good in terms of me being able to drive fifteen minutes into the next state and buy a 30-pack for $12.
hell a 30-pack costs $19 where I am now and it’s still my light beer of choice.
pabst blue ribbon, it’s the beer that keeps on giving
when i’m drinking it I am winning, when it’s in my belly I feel nice
pabst blue ribbon, it’s the beer that keeps on giving
for such a modest price you get a beer that you’ll taste twice
heinekin, heinekin, fuck that shit
pabst blue ribbon is the beer that’s it
heinekin, heinekin, fuck that shit
pabst blue ribbon is the beer that’s it
May 15th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Man I take almost one hour to make a comment, how many people in this site, this thing is like some from that books whosay to the people things that they already know, but for the fact it´s written they say: Oh this will help in my life…
I have to say, wath a fuck is that, use a gamepad in the belt, this is a thing that we here in Brazil never will do.
I´m going, see ya.
May 15th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
I don’t think anyone actually believe they’re cool when they’re playing a charlie brown instrument plugged into a TV do they? None of my Guitar Hero playing friends do. But… and I’m guessing this is something that you’re not going to be able to wrap your mind around dear author of this blog post, but we play it to have fun, not to be cool, you dig?
May 15th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I hate GRILZ…or however you spell it. So freaking not cool. It looks ridiculous and you can’t understand a word the wearer is saying. I Stood behind a GRILZjerk at Wendy’s and after the employee asked four times what he wanted to order the kid had to take it out to be understood. He got much laughter from those of us behind him. Don’t get me started on the low riding pants that show the underwear and to keep them up one has to walk all pigeon-toed or with one hand on the waistband. Pseudocool!
May 15th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
dumbass - longboards are for riding on hills since that’s not fun to do on a short board
I could go on, but if you just understood then there’d be no need for words
May 15th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Sounds like someone is pissed because they don’t have a life or friends.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Anybody who reads this blog entry, or especially this comment, is not cool.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Personally, I myself adore these Fidel Castro hats.
Oh wait, what’s that? I’m Fidel Castro?
Exactly.
Unless your sure you’re Fidel Castro, don’t wear Fidel Castro hats.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Woo! Someone just turned 30 and is feeling cranky. No wonder he didn’t put his name on the article.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
yeah, why dont you tell us whats cool you fucking hipster douchebag?
May 15th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
o_0 I thought this list was very funny.
What is cool or uncool is relative though, and people getting so angry about someone else’s opinion is ridiculous.
Apparently a bunch of 5 year olds got a hold of mommy and daddy’s laptop and are mad that someone called them uncool.
Get over it.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
11. Leaving Mean/Lame/Stupid/Unfunny Replys to a Blog
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: All the other internet people will see what a witty and “cool” person I really am. After all, only my opinion matters, nobody else is smarter than me. Anything and everything posted on the internet must have proper grammer and spelling at all times or I have the right to decare it WRONG!
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: Its just a list made for entertainment, Who cares? If you don’t like it try to do better yourself and see what replys you get. If I don’t care for something on the internet I just click the X in the corner and it will go away.
TADAH! Problems solved!
May 15th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Jesus, that sucked.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
What about not bothering to read the all of the of the responses and re write pretty much what someone else has already said because as you were reading through them you started to come across the same things being said so you skipped to the end to write this post?
May 15th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
this site is the biggest rip off of cracked.com I have ever seen. for shame, young man!
May 15th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Wow, it’s a bad maddox impersonator.
And you clearly don’t know shit about longboarding.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
longboards are way more intense than “normal” skateboards. i don’t even have to ollie– i just roll over shit! but really, i’m just glad that i don’t have to change out of my flip-flops.
and Long Boarder, you’re right. longboards go waaaayyyyyy faster. i was doing like 35 mph and slammed so hard i nearly ungayed myself.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
One time I saw this guy riding a tricked out bike and wearing crocs, but he wasnt paying attention because he was trying to sync his bluetooth to his Iphone, so he could download the miss new booty ringtone and he ran over this guy on a longboard wearing a cuban revolutionary hat. well that guy got pissed and beat him over the head with his cast iron Retro General lee beltbuckle, then screamed, Very nice not so much, and jumped in his PT crusier and drove off to the guitar hero tourney at the mall. the end:)
Im guilty of the bluetooth thing but thats because I drive a lot of long distance and i get bored and call people, which is usually the only time i talk on the phone, and rather than be an asshole driving with a phone jammed in his ear, i drive hands free.
Also guilty of Crocs…uglier than homemade sin…but unbeleivably comfortable. I road tested them at 6 flags…8 hours of walking, standing in line and generally sweating…my feet were the only thing on me that didnt hurt. Dont knock the crocs!
And guitar hero is just fun. Just a mindless game to play and relieve some stress without having to overthink anything.
And I love the retro stuff…mainly Old rock tshirts. Im old..just trying to recapture my youth with 80s metal bands.
As far as uncool…the Che guevara shirts worn by all the white kids who probably have no idea who he is or what he stood for; the toby keith hats, people who jump on the obama bandwagon blindly just because everyone else is…
Great list!
May 15th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
I think military (Fidel Castro) caps do have a reasonable purpose actually. I travel a lot (Amazon, Andes mountains, Patagonia, Sahara, Borneo, etc.) and I wear one. I mostly wear it to keep the sun off my head and also because I don’t really want the longer bill like a normal baseball cap.
So my point is this. If you’re not in the military and/or you don’t travel to places where it makes sense, then yeah, it’s stupid. But even then, to each, his own.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
After skimming the responses I have only noticed one comment on the misuse of “ironic.” If so many people wear those hats there must be something to it. I’m sure long boards can go much faster than people walk, and unless the author can skateboard then they have no reason to comment. PT Cruisers do suck. Guitar Hero is a fun game. I don’t have a blue tooth, but anyone who owns a car with a manual transmission would agree it would be useful while driving.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
This describes half of the people at my college. Thank God for lists like this - we need to laugh at these trends that come and go. It’s all cyclical. For anyone whose feelings are hurt, learn to laugh at yourself, cause we already are and will continue to…
May 15th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
KILL ME NOW
May 15th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
#11: 22″ rims/spinners
Why you think you’re cool: Yo Boyeeeeee! This shiate is dope fresh! you be blingin’ and all da pimps will be hatin’ when you come down the street in this sweet ride!!!
Why you’re not cool: You’ve put them on a 2001 Ford Taurus. So you’ve got rims on that lower the car’s performance, Don’t handle worth shiate, and cost more than you pay rent an any three months. Welcome to Douchebagville, Mayor: YOU! Good thing you got those spinners, Every Mayor needs a Helicopter!
May 15th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
great need to review b4 stepping cool
May 15th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
good article
Here’s my question, why the hell does anyone need a cell phone while driving? DRIVE! For emergencies, yes, but we didn’t need them 30 years ago, why do you need them now? Everytime YOU are on the cell phone you endanger OUR lives you self centered prick.
I and many others, get to be the guy behind you, watching you yack, yack yack, weave in and out of the lane, hit the brakes, lane swerve, brakes again, more brakes, brake brake brake..etc while excitedly talking to whomever who has the misfortune to be on the other end. And all I can think is “douchebag” not “oo he’s cool, he has a cell phone, he must be important, maybe he’s a millionaire!”
And the long boards, come on kids, in the 70’s we had skateboards that were long enough to put two feet on them with an inch to spare , and that’s it, these large skateboards I’m thinking. “Now there’s a kid that’s retarded”, it’s like riding a tricycle with training wheels.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
The list was funny. No need to throw a bitch fit because something you own or do was on it.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I totally agree on the Fidel hats, and would add the Che shirts. The items send the message that you think murdering thousands of dissidents is totally cool, but managing a star bucks makes you worse then Hitler.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Seriously, it was a fun little article. I think y’all are taking it way too seriously and too personally. You know what I think is uncool? When people get bent out of shape about articles like this. Don’t you have better things to do?
May 15th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I would add non-functional pickup trucks. Pickups are for hauling stuff. They aren’t built for speed, or passenger comfort, or looks. They are for people who regularly need to haul things that a passenger car can’t handle.
Yet lots of trucker jackasses, especially where I live (So Cal) act like they’re driving Maserattis. They get fancy paint jobs, lower them to the ground, or jack them up about 3 feet. They add plastic spoilers, air scoops, bumper nuts, clever vanity plates, and completely close off the cargo area(!) Then they drive them like sports cars. They weave in and out, super-hemi straining to its limit, so they can sit one car-length closer to the next red light. I’d love to see what they’d do if they were actually forced to put a half-ton of bricks in that shiny cargo bed. Cry like a baby, I’d bet.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:42 pm