May 18th, 2008 | 05:30
Every time I walk my dog, we walk past this big patch of thick ivy near my house and he takes a shit in the ivy.  But then one day the person who owned the ivy patch came outside and was like "I don't want your dog shitting in my ivy." So now I don't let him shit there, but he's basically refused to shit on walks unless it's in this dude's ivy. Not only that but even when I take him to soft grassy spots and beg him to shit, he looks at the grass, smells it, and then like, snorts in disgust as if to say "Please. I would NEVER shit here." Life is all about what you've grown accustomed to. Just ask Scarlett Johannson. Celebitchy reports:
Scarlett Johansson was left at home in New York after a film studio refused to pay for the star’s bloated demands to attend the Cannes Film Festival to launch Woody Allen's latest movie.
There was a problem over [the] hotel.
I'm pretty sure if Scarlett Johannson asked me to do anything, I'd first turn around and tuck the erection I had under my belt, then turn back around and say yes. What could she have possibly asked for in regards to a hotel room that was so "bloated?"  I'm thinking it was something like this:
I'm totally feeling her with the midgets playing one on one, the huge rice krispy treat, the alcoholic monkey, the hot dog toaster, and both the Israeli and Palestinian flags, but Bob Wickman plays on the Braves now, not the Indians. I doubt he'd be down to stand outside all day in that jersey.
![](mailto:?subject=Scarlett Johansson Wants Special Treatment&body=<p><a href="http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/scarjo.jpg" title="scarjo.jpg"><img src="http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/scarjo.jpg" alt="scarjo.jpg" /></a></p>
<p>Every time I walk my dog, we walk past this big patch of thick ivy near my house and he takes a shit in the ivy.  But then one day the person who owned the ivy patch came outside and was like "I don't want your dog shitting in my ivy." So now I don't let him shit there, but he's basically refused to shit on walks unless it's in this dude's ivy. Not only that but even when I take him to soft grassy spots and beg him to shit, he looks at the grass, smells it, and then like, snorts in disgust as if to say "Please. I would NEVER shit here." Life is all about what you've grown accustomed to. Just ask <a href="http://www.chickipedia.com/Scarlett_Johannson" target="_blank">Scarlett Johannson</a>. <a href="http://www.celebitchy.com/11735/scarlett_johansson_misses_out_on_cannes_due_to_outlandish_demands/" target="_blank">Celebitchy</a> reports:</p>
<blockquote><p>Scarlett Johansson was left at home in New York after a film studio refused to pay for the star’s bloated demands to attend the Cannes Film Festival to launch Woody Allen's<span class="iAs" style="border-bottom: 0.075em solid darkgreen ! important; font-weight: normal ! important; font-size: 100% ! important; text-decoration: underline ! important; padding-bottom: 1px ! important; color: darkgreen ! important; background-color: transparent ! important"></span> latest movie.</p></blockquote>
<blockquote><p>There was a problem over [the] hotel.</p></blockquote>
<p>I'm pretty sure if Scarlett Johannson asked me to do anything, I'd first turn around and tuck the erection I had under my belt, then turn back around and say yes. What could she have possibly asked for in regards to a hotel room that was so "bloated?"  I'm thinking it was something like this:</p>
<p><a href="http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/scarjosroom.jpg" title="scarjosroom.jpg"><img src="http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/scarjosroom.jpg" alt="scarjosroom.jpg" /></a></p>
<p>I'm totally feeling her with the midgets playing one on one, the huge rice krispy treat, the alcoholic monkey, the hot dog toaster, and both the Israeli and Palestinian flags, but Bob Wickman plays on the Braves now, not the Indians. I doubt he'd be down to stand outside all day in that jersey.</p>
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(9)
June fnd, 2008 at 12:01 am
Anybody else notice that Scarlett's got a chin like that host dude on The Tonight Show?
May fth, 2008 at 01:40 am
The beer-drinking monkey's tits are way hotter than Scarlett's. She'd probably be into anal too.
May fth, 2008 at 07:55 pm
You forgot the most important thing... an blindfolded elephant with a watermelon glued to its asshole and its ears covered in Icy-Hot.
May fth, 2008 at 02:16 am
She wanted 'frozen' hot dogs and a 'midget toaster', get your fact straight.
May fth, 2008 at 10:51 pm
i don't remember her breasts being that large last time i fingered myself
May fth, 2008 at 10:18 pm
With a rakcklike that, id give her anything she wants
www.bannedinhollywood.com
May fth, 2008 at 08:39 pm
I agree with Mr. Balls. Just because she has a pair of knockers that I could suck on for eternity, doesn't mean she gets the undivided attention of Bob Wickman. Although.. If I was in his position I guess I could peep through the window and... well.. go from there.
May fth, 2008 at 07:38 pm
I'd like to give Scarlett some 'special treatment'. "No babe, trust me, it's good for your skin."
My sexual fantasies aside, I don't blame her. That monkey and I shared a suite at Caesars Palace last time we hit Vegas, and let me tell ya, that dude is an animal. Trust me on this, you want to keep the Jäger away from this lil'dude.
May fth, 2008 at 07:31 pm
Prissy bitches like this think they can get their way at everything in life. Fuck Scarlett Johansson, I woundn't give a rats ass if she fell off the face of the planet.
Although I personally don't think the midget one-on-one thing was too much to ask.
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