Here are 8 types of people you'll find inside a Starbucks that are guaranteed to annoy the shit out of you.
8. Manager Who Refuses to Recognize the Words Small, Medium, and Large
I understand, you’re a corporate guy and thus must abide by company policies by calling the different sizes by their Starbucks Christian names of Venti, Grande, etc…. But if I ask you for a small, don’t act like I'm speaking to you in that Native American langauge we used in World War II to deliver coded messages. You’re familiar with the sizes small, medium and large, and if you’re not, then you might want to change underwear because there’s a good chance there’s a sizeable amount of shit in them due to your inability to grasp the concept of wiping your asshole after defecating.
7. Intern Who is Buying for the Entire Office
Wearing an all-white or striped button down shirt, this guy shows up with a legal pad full of hastily scribbled orders. "Yeah, I'm gonna need 24 tall skinny soy lattes with sugar free hazelnut extra hot...and 32 grande no caff cappuccinos with light whip cream, sugar free hazelnut and vanilla with white chocolate mocha. And 14 grande supremos with a triple shot, sugar free vanilla, extra white mocha, no whip, no foam and an extra drizzle. Oh, and can I get a smiley face on the bottom of all those?" And he knows if one of these orders is screwed up, it's going to cost him a chance at the a full-time gig as assistant editor where he can bring coffee to even more important people. So instead of just grabbing his bags and leaving, he inspects all 70-odd cups in his 17 flimsy cardboard holders. If you get behind this guy, you may as well give up any hopes of getting a cup of joe in your lifetime. You're better off flying to Colombia, slitting Juan Valdez's throat and stealing his coffee-harvesting burro.
6. The Writer Who Wants You to Know They’re a Writer
Being a writer is a pretty cool occupation, but unfortunately you can’t tell someone’s a writer just by looking at them. And having to tell someone you’re a writer is way less impressive. Therefore, these people go to the busiest Starbucks and pop open their iMac, making sure their screen is clearly displaying a full page of text (or clear screenplay format for those in Los Angeles). Their next step is to make sure they're facing away from where everyone goes to pick up their drinks while staring at the screen while remembering to take deep breaths which will indicate to others that deep and creative thought that normal minds are not capable of, is taking place. Who gives a shit if an asshole and his mac have spent six hours taking up a table normally reserved for four people, it’s important you know that they’re juggling a complex story about a boy in Alaska who comes of age and befriends a bear. That’s right, they’re creating that using only their minds!
5. Overly Happy Line Greeter/Order Taker
At some point, the Starbucks Corporation realized that their growing legions of employees didn't have the best people skills. Their answer was to create their own version of the Wal-Mart Greeter who also takes your order. But since they don't pay shit, you end up having some G.E.D.-havin' dumbass or an excruciatingly-lonely elderly woman force their brand of corporate chit-chat down your throat. Instead of waiting to pay for your overpriced chai in peace, you have to deal with: "Goooooood morning today! How are you? Some kinda weather we're having isn't it? I wish I was outside in the park! Wouldn't that be nice? It's sooooo sunny! And what's better for you than a nice big dose of Mr. Sun! Maybe some coffee? Ha! So, what can we get you today? Need a little pick-me-up? You do! I think we ALL could use one, yes we could! YES WE COULD! Anyway, I'll get this chai order right up for you. What's your name? Terry? That's my cousin's name! Small world. Yes. It. Is. Small world indeed....Hi! And how are you doing today?!?!"
4. Complicated Order Guy Who Needs his Coffee Right The F*&K Now.
When you order coffee, it shouldn’t sound like you’re giving the pass code to a missile defense system. If you’re lactose intolerant, on a strict diet, and can’t handle a full dose of caffeine, how about instead of ordering a “non-fat, grande, soy chai latte with a half shot of espresso and no foam" and then stand in front of the pick up window and pace like one of Michael Vick’s pitbulls watching Vick pull out the rape stand after losing a fight, you just grab a glass of god damn water and drink that. Last I checked that won’t give you exploding diarrhea or anxiety... unless you’re at the Starbucks in Tijuana.
3. The Guy Who Hates Starbucks But Goes There Every Day
Armed with armchair political rants, this guy is the world's biggest bore and the world's biggest hypocrite combined into one big uber-shithead. He won't shut up about how Starbucks is bad for the environment and how they're taking over the world and how their coffee totally "doesn't taste like the gourmet stuff downtown." But when you bring up the fact that he's ranting about Starbucks while he's actually inside a Starbucks, his crappy hippie-wannabe excuses just start piling up. "Well, here's the thing, I just didn't have time to make it over to my usual coffee place. You know the one way over on 2nd Ave? Yeah, it's one of the last mom and pop coffee shops in the area. I toooootally love that place. It's so real. I was on my way over there, but the traffic was a killer, so I was totally forced to get my fix at this place. I mean, the rich get richer, right? That's the law of the land. I totally can't stand that I have to come here, but that's what they do. They tie your hands, man. These big corporations. They just own you. They're everywhere. Can you hand me one of those Splenda?"
2. Study Groups
Hey, screw the library with all it’s “room” and “group space.” It makes way more sense to go to an incredibly busy and crowded Starbucks with tables that have insufficient space to lay your books. Everyone knows you have a poli-sci midterm, mostly because they can hear every fucking thing you’re saying because you’re yelling so that you can be heard over a frappucino being made. If you could, would you hold a study group session in a Turkish prison? Because Starbucks is basically the same thing, except with less gay sex, and a little bit better coffee.
1. The Person Who Peruses the DVD Section As If They Might Purchase.
It’s really great when you’re waiting in line behind somebody only to realize that they’re not in line, but instead deciding whether or not they want to purchase the “Pursuit of Happyness” DVD. “Gee what’s this movie Pursuit of Happyness about? I didn’t hear of it last summer when it grossed over 100 million dollars. Even though I’ve come here for coffee, I should carefully peruse the back cover to find out more about it!” Also, please don't pick up a copy of “Akeelah and the Bee” as if you were going to buy it. No one buys that movie. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not even a real movie, it was just a box cover created by a group of white Starbucks executives so that customers could hold it in their hands and pretend to read the back, giving the impression to those around them that they’re progressive thinkers who seek out and enjoy films with African American casts.
oh and thump is dead on too. the teenage girls i hate the most. its disgusting they always get venti frappucinos and cookies and try to make their order sound more complicated than it is. and then they say it really fast to impress their friends.
I've been working at starbucks for years and this shit is dead on. the best are the psychos with the laptops. most of them are crazy. the bluetooth headset men are the worst.
Ah, you guys all have no fucking CLUE! I worked at starbucks for 8 weeks. Yeah, some of these are completely accurate, #4 being the most accurate, but the worst of the worst for us was the high school yuppie crowd.
16 year old girls come in in packs of 5 or 6, clenching Coldstone Ice Cream that probably costs 5 bucks a lick and then all proceed to order the sweetest, most expensive drinks they can, before swiping a procession of mommy/daddy credit cards. They're haughty, arrogant, snide little Batches that treat coffee and ice cream like crack. If they stay and sit down to drink all their coffee and eat their ice cream, by the time they're done you can't even hear people's orders over the shrill girlish laughs and high-speed, passive agressive girl-talk. Once they're done, the WILL leave all their shit on the table for the grunt employee (me) to clean up, usually taking care to spill as much coffe/ ice cream dregs as possible.
How 'bout if ALL you people stop supporting Starfucks and frequent small, privately owned coffeeshops? I know Starfucks is omnipresent and you might have to go a block out of the way, but if you persist and Starfucks stops getting so much business they might, maybe.. .just...go away....Then we could have variety in our neighborhoods, better service, coffee more to our liking, and a thriving LOCAL
economy.
I am curious; if you hate all these douchebags that frequent the place, why do you (obviously) spend so much time there? It's not like the coffee is any good.
The thing is... Starbucks is a BUSINESS and businesses don't exist and continue to exist if they suck. And nobody MAKES anybody go to Starbucks; people go because Starbucks knows their shit, not because Mom-and-Pop are going to take twice as long to whip out their variety of three WHOLE drink recipes.
I had a huge rant planned, but then when I realized how long it actually was (and that no one would actually read it), I decided to just cut to the chase.
To quote a good band "never mind what they're selling, it's what you're buying". If people didn't want Starbucks around it wouldn't be in business.
Vote with your dollar (cliche, I know). If people stop buying their products, Starbucks will go bankrupt (eventually).
and william is right. starbucks gives alot back to the communities where they grow their beans and yes even the environment. but those who go on about the 'evil starbucks corporation' wouldn't know that because they've never bothered to research any facts for the shit they're spewing. this only makes them and they're arguments imbicile.
[also i like having the choice of where my beans come from. coffees range from being floral, bittersweet, earthy, citrus and et cetera, taste depending on the region the beans origonate. there is also a large variety of teas to choose from. similar to specific wines for different meals and such i usually prefer a black cup of guatemala cofee or darjeeling tea with my paper. most small local businesses and even dunkin donuts stores don't have those options]
Hmm..let me think why i go there.
Errr because i really like the coffee?
or because i like the environment?
or because they are cleaner than most "privately owned coffeeshops"?
or because i prefer the service of a polite staff member than a grumpy one?
or because i like ppl meeting there?
or because their couches / armchairs are comfortable?
or ..or ..or
This was one of the funniest thing's I've read in a while! I'm actually going to print it out and bring it in to the Starbucks I work at for some laughs. I love the guy who wants his coffee "right f**king now"! The dumb assistant who orders 20 different drinks and wants us to put their names on all of the cups......we get one or two of those gals in a week, but we're not in a business area! We are actually told to be anoyingly friendly against our will and since we are getting paid to be pains in your butt, we will continue to do so! I actually love the mommy-and-me groups that let their little tots smash animal crackers and cherrios all over the floor and complain that it's messy in there, but yet do nothing to let us know that they have now trashed the place. After all of this, I still love working for Starbucks and we get a kick out of all of the different character's that come in....it's all in a days job. Oh, by the way, I am a bad speller and I graduated from college with honors and am on the national dean's list............go figure!
Lol the picture pretty much made #4, that is perfect. Personally, I despise #6 the most, though, spot on. Oh, and I must confess, I'm part of #2, sorry :(
I like starbucks coffee. a red-eye costs about 2.15 there. That's pretty much exactly what it costs at the mom and pop place I frequent. And it's really, really strong.
Just goes to prove that sometimes coffee lovers get a little too hopped up on the caffeine. Try decaf and just say "no" to blog rage. I think I need another cup.
The "real" number one is the person who made this blog.Thats more annoying than anyone on this list.You are writing about starbucks. Go somewhere else,and you won't be annoyed.Or are you too "cool" for that.Douchebag
you are the douche good sir. Instead of putting up with people trying to give people a laugh why don't you go to you "mom and pop" coffee house and enjoy the engaging conversation there instead of stumbling so much =P
Having worked at a Starbucks for over a year, I can honestly agree with a lot of these and find them amusing. Fortunately, I don't work with anyone dumb enough to insist on TallGrandeVenti or even tell customers "we don't serve that, it's called a ________." But I do take issue with the implication that everyone who works at Starbucks does because they're all idiots who can't get a college degree. Almost everyone I work with is in fact in the PROCESS of getting a college degree, because, of course, people need jobs while going to college. I am fortunate enough to work with extremely intelligent people, and I can't stand that customers and the public assume we're all idiots without giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.
People need to stop being assholes to everyone in the service industry just because they can.
Totally agree with with you Jean. Every one of us who is working somewhere is so much pressed that feels he has to be ass to someone else. I work in a bank and while Bank's customers are being asses against me i feel that i have to be an ass to the boy who serves me a god damned cup of coffee. This is ridiculous and perfectly supports the theory that when God created man he used guano.
I used to PEE regularly in the pots of coffee when I worked at Starbucks in SF. I have friends who still work there now who still do. We called it Bucking the Pot. Enjoy
p smith your an idiot if you have such a problem with fast food joints that you have to make up gay names for them how bout you make your own goddamn coffe and pack a fucking lunch seriously its people like you that piss me off and we have never cut back on the amount of coffee you paranoid fuck!!!
Here's another missing from the list: java jerks who don't listen or are more concerned with pushing product than giving you what you want. When I say they don't listen, I don't mean they mishear; I mean, they heard me and they don't give a rat's ass about doing it right. (I call them java jerks, similar to soda jerks, because the word "barista" makes me want to call them "bastards".)
I was never a big coffee-out drinker but when a Drawbacks opened near where I work, I went for the convenience a few times per week. The first two weeks they kept asking me if I wanted to try a different drink, which I put up with quietly as I ordered "hot, black" every time. They stopped asking after they learned what I like.
Fast forward three months and the exact same employees who know what I drink everyday start "offering" other drinks. Plus they start pushing other drinks after I've already ordered, "suggesting" I change my order. The last straw came when Drawbacks management started cutting back on the amount of coffee they put into drinks and then lied about doing it.
Now if I order out coffee (rarely) it's McRotten's at half the price and 70% of the taste of Drawbacks, plus they never try to whore out types of coffee that I don't ask for.
i work for starbucks while i agree with most of this just know we are forced to be friendly they send mystery shoppers in to make sure everything is the way they want it to be and starbuck actually pays pretty good and goddamn people we are not assholes would it hurt to be friendly sometimes?
u all are fucking retarded, no one cares about grammar, or Macbook instead of iMac, we get wht he was talking about, or columbia instead of colombia, its supposed to be a n article for a fun read, and all u of you turn the reply post area into a fucking boxing match arena.
I go into my local Starbucks now and again for a cup of tea or an iced coffee or a hot chocolate. I rarely ever get a cup of hot coffee there because it tastes awful to me. I saw this one lady come out of the Starbucks with a cup of coffee and then proceed to dump it in the nearest garbage can because it tasted so awful even with heaps of sugar being added to it. If I want a cup of coffee, I'll either make it at home or go to Dunkin Donuts.
Having worked at Dunkin Donuts and at a small Italian Bakery, I have to say that it is not only Starbucks that has these annoying types of characters. Every place has a few and they are usually the regulars. They are picky about their coffee and they complain about everything that the store has to offer, even though you'll be sure to find them back again at least two more times for the day throughout the work week. The ones I find particulary annoying are the regulars who happen to get one server every time they come in so if they happen to come in on a day when that server isn't there or happens to be serving another customer, they will talk your ear off about how excellent that server is or they will completely ignore the server who is trying to take their order, because they are more comfortable with their "regular" server and they will wait for that server to finish taking the other customers. At first I used to get POed but then I realized that if they want to wait around instead of being served by someone else, then that's up to them. It's not my time that is being wasted. Another annoying type are the customers who come in and start telling you their life stories, usually when it close to closing time and the employees are trying to clean up and get things done for the night. These people have got to be the most narcissistic of the bunch. And last but not least, I absolutely hate it when parents come in with their young kids and proceed to have their kids order instead of ordering for the kids. I understand that they are trying to give their kids some independence, but it takes up way to much time when kids order because most of the time, they don't really know what they want and it's even more annoying when the parent doesn't interject to help the kid along. So I'm supposed to figure out what the kid wants while there is a line of people who are becoming more and more annoyed. What Fun!
I go to Starbucks for Jone's Soda or Izze, and maybe a fruit and cheese platter. For coffee, there is home, or work, which uses Folger's Industrial Floor Sweepings and curiously tastes exactly like Starbucks.
That being said, Freudian Sip (God Bless You Cal State Northridge for having four on campus!) is the best, friendliest, and cheapest.
I would also like to add to the list angry young political activists who come into Starbucks either to scream that they're ruining America, or praise them for their supposed do-gooder status. Go the heck away!
Also wannabe gangstas. Shut up, take off your bling, speak something resembling proper English, don't be loud, address no one as "your nigga", and order your coffee without screaming into one of your three cellphones while textmessaging on another. For female gangstas, please, watch out for your acrylic nails. They can and will punch through your paper cup.
Let's not forget the soccer mom that thinks a venti caramel frappuccino with extra,extra caramel and a bearclaw is an appropriate breakfast for her seven year old on the way to the game. I see hoards of these fantastic parents every saturday morning, being that our store is a quarter of a mile from a giant soccer field. Notoriously, they are always in a rush and it's clearly the barista's fault. The worst types are on the cell phone and get pissed at the poor bastard trying to take the order while they alternate between yelling at their kid(who is rearranging merchandise) and bitching to an fellow soccer mom about the woes of living in a half-a-million dollar home in suburbia. Poor you. Get of the damn phone and make your kid some oatmeal, you idiot.
I work in a small bagel cafe, and I have a working knowledge of how to make drinks....
I, too, hate it when people ask for "a coffee". Obviously, right next to me is the espresso machine. Over on the wall is the house coffee that you help yourself to. Which do you want?
And as they've been standing in line for the last five minutes, passing the bottled drinks, they ask for "whatever's on tap", like we pour it FOR you.... Sorry, no. Reach behind yourself and grab your own goddamn Pepsi.
LOL is short for "laughing out loud", which is currently what I am doing. Congrats on the 100+ posts of pessimism and well articulated short life stories. Personally I like Folgers coffee. Welcome to the interweb.
Chock Full o' Muthafuckin Nuts. I buy a can of it and make my own goddamn coffee at home. Plus it taste good. Starbucks coffee tastes like I would imagine a beverage made of turpentine and cardboard shreddings would taste.
Where can I meet a WaBeMILF? Too bad my town doesn't have a Starbucks... it's MILF heaven around here. My 15 year old son wants to meet a prost-a-tot, so I will tell him Starbucks is the place. I think we have to go to the next town over though, because they have a Starbucks there.. We just have this shitty cafe called "Shooters" (which I thought was a bar, dammit) which serves really lame coffee, but their egg and sausage sandwiches are killer. Anyway, I live in a town that oozes pretentiousness..... plenty of MILFs and Nannies running around though..... I need to get my dick out more.
The thing that's really hilarious is the jock guys from the local high school, driving around in the "Daddylac" (usually an Infiniti, or a Lexus SUV) with their hand out the driver's window, holding their Starbucks cup, and playing their "50Cent" or "Snoop Dog" at top volume, and dressed like they live in the ghetto.... I used to work in the ghetto, I told one bunch while I was a at a traffic light that I give guided tours of the ghetto, and I was willing to take them down there.... Stupid douchebags....
All stereotypes aside, I'm not a fan of the burnt taste at Starbucks. I prefer to either brew my own at home (or work - we have several types of machines, plus a french press and turkish pot with burner for those days when you really need a jolt! - The only requirement is if you use the equipment, you clean it - and you always offer everyone a cup! ) or simply go to a Krispy Kreme (spelling?) GAWD their donuts taste so good fresh and melty with a hot cup of their simple but satisfying joe! - and no, I'm not fat!
I am one who actually DOES care about the erosion of proper grammar and spelling. I do not care, however, about Starbucks; nor do I care about the pretentious people who go there. I say to each his or her own. Whatever. This article was great though! I usually work for attorneys, so #4 rings the proverbial bell, as does #7. Luckily for me, my former boss liked Subway better - but it was still a PITA.
I have only been in a Starbucks ONCE, and this was because I was hired to play music there. I might add that the pretentious coffee-fools didn't have the compassion to tip the musician. How could they? They'd spent all their money on lattes...
This is actually a vary inaccurate list for people students at Northern Michigan University. You don't encounter any of these people, and you definitely don't have the time, or the money to go there for 6 hours of the day to write or do homework with friends. The employees are students, they all perfectly understand English, you never get a cooperate worker frustrated that he won't make it to class on time (why the fuck go to Starbucks if you are!?).
In any case, if you go to a Starbucks to generate this kind of list, you're almost purposely picking out people that aggravate you more than they aggravate the world.
"This was obviously made for entertainment purposes, but, ” What The Fuck Man ” ?
I work at Starbucks, and to tell you all right now, there is very ” Intelligent ” people working at the StarBucks I work at.
Three of the girls that I work with are about to graduate from college to be teachers, a couple girls are getting ready to graduate from a very highly respected University here in Illinois ” Milikin ” !!!"
Uh, nice try. Northwestern is highly respected. University of Chicago is highly respected. Even University of Illinois is highly respected. Milliken is not "highly respected." It's where you go where you can't get in any place else, not even NIU or SIU.
as a Starbucks manager I really enjoyed this list! but you missed the top two:
#2 the people who refuse to get off their cell phones and get mad at you when you need to ask them a question. (I know that's already been said...but I needed to reiterate that point)
#1 the people who take the wrong drink!!! They either take the wrong drink and leave theirs sitting...causing you to not only have to remake the drink they took, but to waste the drink they did not take...OR they take the wrong drink and bitch at you for making their drink wrong. ACTUALLY....you just picked up the wrong drink...you DUMBSHIT.
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September 28th, 2008 at 01:35 am
oh and thump is dead on too. the teenage girls i hate the most. its disgusting they always get venti frappucinos and cookies and try to make their order sound more complicated than it is. and then they say it really fast to impress their friends.
September 28th, 2008 at 01:33 am
I've been working at starbucks for years and this shit is dead on. the best are the psychos with the laptops. most of them are crazy. the bluetooth headset men are the worst.
September 24th, 2008 at 04:19 am
Ah, you guys all have no fucking CLUE! I worked at starbucks for 8 weeks. Yeah, some of these are completely accurate, #4 being the most accurate, but the worst of the worst for us was the high school yuppie crowd.
16 year old girls come in in packs of 5 or 6, clenching Coldstone Ice Cream that probably costs 5 bucks a lick and then all proceed to order the sweetest, most expensive drinks they can, before swiping a procession of mommy/daddy credit cards. They're haughty, arrogant, snide little Batches that treat coffee and ice cream like crack. If they stay and sit down to drink all their coffee and eat their ice cream, by the time they're done you can't even hear people's orders over the shrill girlish laughs and high-speed, passive agressive girl-talk. Once they're done, the WILL leave all their shit on the table for the grunt employee (me) to clean up, usually taking care to spill as much coffe/ ice cream dregs as possible.
Fuck them bitches...
June 17th, 2009 at 03:15 pm
I was able to hear those little bitches just by reading you, sorry about you man
June 11th, 2009 at 07:22 am
HAHAHAHA. Nice.
September 16th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
How 'bout if ALL you people stop supporting Starfucks and frequent small, privately owned coffeeshops? I know Starfucks is omnipresent and you might have to go a block out of the way, but if you persist and Starfucks stops getting so much business they might, maybe.. .just...go away....Then we could have variety in our neighborhoods, better service, coffee more to our liking, and a thriving LOCAL
economy.
I am curious; if you hate all these douchebags that frequent the place, why do you (obviously) spend so much time there? It's not like the coffee is any good.
May 8th, 2009 at 06:17 am
The thing is... Starbucks is a BUSINESS and businesses don't exist and continue to exist if they suck. And nobody MAKES anybody go to Starbucks; people go because Starbucks knows their shit, not because Mom-and-Pop are going to take twice as long to whip out their variety of three WHOLE drink recipes.
May 5th, 2009 at 02:02 pm
I had a huge rant planned, but then when I realized how long it actually was (and that no one would actually read it), I decided to just cut to the chase.
To quote a good band "never mind what they're selling, it's what you're buying". If people didn't want Starbucks around it wouldn't be in business.
Vote with your dollar (cliche, I know). If people stop buying their products, Starbucks will go bankrupt (eventually).
April 30th, 2009 at 03:56 pm
ditto on what vedista said.
and william is right. starbucks gives alot back to the communities where they grow their beans and yes even the environment. but those who go on about the 'evil starbucks corporation' wouldn't know that because they've never bothered to research any facts for the shit they're spewing. this only makes them and they're arguments imbicile.
[also i like having the choice of where my beans come from. coffees range from being floral, bittersweet, earthy, citrus and et cetera, taste depending on the region the beans origonate. there is also a large variety of teas to choose from. similar to specific wines for different meals and such i usually prefer a black cup of guatemala cofee or darjeeling tea with my paper. most small local businesses and even dunkin donuts stores don't have those options]
March 1st, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Hmm..let me think why i go there.
Errr because i really like the coffee?
or because i like the environment?
or because they are cleaner than most "privately owned coffeeshops"?
or because i prefer the service of a polite staff member than a grumpy one?
or because i like ppl meeting there?
or because their couches / armchairs are comfortable?
or ..or ..or
December 19th, 2008 at 01:27 pm
Honestly, I'd bet that per capita Starbucks actually does more to promote causes than mom-and-pop stores.
September 14th, 2008 at 09:33 pm
Starbuck's has great oatmeal raisin cookies. That's all I order there. Who cares about flavored hot muddy water.
September 13th, 2008 at 05:15 pm
This was one of the funniest thing's I've read in a while! I'm actually going to print it out and bring it in to the Starbucks I work at for some laughs. I love the guy who wants his coffee "right f**king now"! The dumb assistant who orders 20 different drinks and wants us to put their names on all of the cups......we get one or two of those gals in a week, but we're not in a business area! We are actually told to be anoyingly friendly against our will and since we are getting paid to be pains in your butt, we will continue to do so! I actually love the mommy-and-me groups that let their little tots smash animal crackers and cherrios all over the floor and complain that it's messy in there, but yet do nothing to let us know that they have now trashed the place. After all of this, I still love working for Starbucks and we get a kick out of all of the different character's that come in....it's all in a days job. Oh, by the way, I am a bad speller and I graduated from college with honors and am on the national dean's list............go figure!
August 27th, 2008 at 04:53 am
Lol the picture pretty much made #4, that is perfect. Personally, I despise #6 the most, though, spot on. Oh, and I must confess, I'm part of #2, sorry :(
August 27th, 2008 at 04:00 am
i'm so cool. yea lets go ! WHOOO OHHHOOH YEA!! UUUH coffee yea coffee
August 23rd, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I like starbucks coffee. a red-eye costs about 2.15 there. That's pretty much exactly what it costs at the mom and pop place I frequent. And it's really, really strong.
Shrug.
August 21st, 2008 at 02:59 pm
A Bluetooth earpiece is the tipping point for a bitch-slap in any and all such situations.
August 15th, 2008 at 09:50 pm
Just goes to prove that sometimes coffee lovers get a little too hopped up on the caffeine. Try decaf and just say "no" to blog rage. I think I need another cup.
August 12th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Wow Jeret, calm down dude. Too much caffeine. So do you work at Starbucks or just a major fan boi.
August 12th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
The "real" number one is the person who made this blog.Thats more annoying than anyone on this list.You are writing about starbucks. Go somewhere else,and you won't be annoyed.Or are you too "cool" for that.Douchebag
March 4th, 2009 at 08:29 am
you are the douche good sir. Instead of putting up with people trying to give people a laugh why don't you go to you "mom and pop" coffee house and enjoy the engaging conversation there instead of stumbling so much =P
August 11th, 2008 at 01:39 pm
Foo got it right!
August 7th, 2008 at 01:56 am
Having worked at a Starbucks for over a year, I can honestly agree with a lot of these and find them amusing. Fortunately, I don't work with anyone dumb enough to insist on TallGrandeVenti or even tell customers "we don't serve that, it's called a ________." But I do take issue with the implication that everyone who works at Starbucks does because they're all idiots who can't get a college degree. Almost everyone I work with is in fact in the PROCESS of getting a college degree, because, of course, people need jobs while going to college. I am fortunate enough to work with extremely intelligent people, and I can't stand that customers and the public assume we're all idiots without giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.
People need to stop being assholes to everyone in the service industry just because they can.
March 1st, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Totally agree with with you Jean. Every one of us who is working somewhere is so much pressed that feels he has to be ass to someone else. I work in a bank and while Bank's customers are being asses against me i feel that i have to be an ass to the boy who serves me a god damned cup of coffee. This is ridiculous and perfectly supports the theory that when God created man he used guano.
August 4th, 2008 at 07:40 am
Hi webmaster!
August 3rd, 2008 at 06:18 am
I would add
9. The guy sitting there, judging us all. A complete asshole.
August 3rd, 2008 at 02:47 am
I used to PEE regularly in the pots of coffee when I worked at Starbucks in SF. I have friends who still work there now who still do. We called it Bucking the Pot. Enjoy
August 1st, 2008 at 06:48 am
i can't believe i read all the comments and it is 4:02 am.
conclusion: i can't wait to have some coffee. and by that, i mean real coffee, not corporate-milf-ged-intern-columbian-prayer-water.
July 31st, 2008 at 11:53 pm
p smith your an idiot if you have such a problem with fast food joints that you have to make up gay names for them how bout you make your own goddamn coffe and pack a fucking lunch seriously its people like you that piss me off and we have never cut back on the amount of coffee you paranoid fuck!!!
July 29th, 2008 at 02:35 pm
Here's another missing from the list: java jerks who don't listen or are more concerned with pushing product than giving you what you want. When I say they don't listen, I don't mean they mishear; I mean, they heard me and they don't give a rat's ass about doing it right. (I call them java jerks, similar to soda jerks, because the word "barista" makes me want to call them "bastards".)
I was never a big coffee-out drinker but when a Drawbacks opened near where I work, I went for the convenience a few times per week. The first two weeks they kept asking me if I wanted to try a different drink, which I put up with quietly as I ordered "hot, black" every time. They stopped asking after they learned what I like.
Fast forward three months and the exact same employees who know what I drink everyday start "offering" other drinks. Plus they start pushing other drinks after I've already ordered, "suggesting" I change my order. The last straw came when Drawbacks management started cutting back on the amount of coffee they put into drinks and then lied about doing it.
Now if I order out coffee (rarely) it's McRotten's at half the price and 70% of the taste of Drawbacks, plus they never try to whore out types of coffee that I don't ask for.
July 29th, 2008 at 01:05 am
i work for starbucks while i agree with most of this just know we are forced to be friendly they send mystery shoppers in to make sure everything is the way they want it to be and starbuck actually pays pretty good and goddamn people we are not assholes would it hurt to be friendly sometimes?
July 28th, 2008 at 07:58 pm
u all are fucking retarded, no one cares about grammar, or Macbook instead of iMac, we get wht he was talking about, or columbia instead of colombia, its supposed to be a n article for a fun read, and all u of you turn the reply post area into a fucking boxing match arena.
July 28th, 2008 at 03:09 pm
I go into my local Starbucks now and again for a cup of tea or an iced coffee or a hot chocolate. I rarely ever get a cup of hot coffee there because it tastes awful to me. I saw this one lady come out of the Starbucks with a cup of coffee and then proceed to dump it in the nearest garbage can because it tasted so awful even with heaps of sugar being added to it. If I want a cup of coffee, I'll either make it at home or go to Dunkin Donuts.
Having worked at Dunkin Donuts and at a small Italian Bakery, I have to say that it is not only Starbucks that has these annoying types of characters. Every place has a few and they are usually the regulars. They are picky about their coffee and they complain about everything that the store has to offer, even though you'll be sure to find them back again at least two more times for the day throughout the work week. The ones I find particulary annoying are the regulars who happen to get one server every time they come in so if they happen to come in on a day when that server isn't there or happens to be serving another customer, they will talk your ear off about how excellent that server is or they will completely ignore the server who is trying to take their order, because they are more comfortable with their "regular" server and they will wait for that server to finish taking the other customers. At first I used to get POed but then I realized that if they want to wait around instead of being served by someone else, then that's up to them. It's not my time that is being wasted. Another annoying type are the customers who come in and start telling you their life stories, usually when it close to closing time and the employees are trying to clean up and get things done for the night. These people have got to be the most narcissistic of the bunch. And last but not least, I absolutely hate it when parents come in with their young kids and proceed to have their kids order instead of ordering for the kids. I understand that they are trying to give their kids some independence, but it takes up way to much time when kids order because most of the time, they don't really know what they want and it's even more annoying when the parent doesn't interject to help the kid along. So I'm supposed to figure out what the kid wants while there is a line of people who are becoming more and more annoyed. What Fun!
July 28th, 2008 at 12:31 am
I go to Starbucks for Jone's Soda or Izze, and maybe a fruit and cheese platter. For coffee, there is home, or work, which uses Folger's Industrial Floor Sweepings and curiously tastes exactly like Starbucks.
That being said, Freudian Sip (God Bless You Cal State Northridge for having four on campus!) is the best, friendliest, and cheapest.
I would also like to add to the list angry young political activists who come into Starbucks either to scream that they're ruining America, or praise them for their supposed do-gooder status. Go the heck away!
Also wannabe gangstas. Shut up, take off your bling, speak something resembling proper English, don't be loud, address no one as "your nigga", and order your coffee without screaming into one of your three cellphones while textmessaging on another. For female gangstas, please, watch out for your acrylic nails. They can and will punch through your paper cup.
July 27th, 2008 at 07:09 pm
Let's not forget the soccer mom that thinks a venti caramel frappuccino with extra,extra caramel and a bearclaw is an appropriate breakfast for her seven year old on the way to the game. I see hoards of these fantastic parents every saturday morning, being that our store is a quarter of a mile from a giant soccer field. Notoriously, they are always in a rush and it's clearly the barista's fault. The worst types are on the cell phone and get pissed at the poor bastard trying to take the order while they alternate between yelling at their kid(who is rearranging merchandise) and bitching to an fellow soccer mom about the woes of living in a half-a-million dollar home in suburbia. Poor you. Get of the damn phone and make your kid some oatmeal, you idiot.
July 21st, 2008 at 05:55 am
I work in a small bagel cafe, and I have a working knowledge of how to make drinks....
I, too, hate it when people ask for "a coffee". Obviously, right next to me is the espresso machine. Over on the wall is the house coffee that you help yourself to. Which do you want?
And as they've been standing in line for the last five minutes, passing the bottled drinks, they ask for "whatever's on tap", like we pour it FOR you.... Sorry, no. Reach behind yourself and grab your own goddamn Pepsi.
July 19th, 2008 at 04:39 am
LOL is short for "laughing out loud", which is currently what I am doing. Congrats on the 100+ posts of pessimism and well articulated short life stories. Personally I like Folgers coffee. Welcome to the interweb.
July 17th, 2008 at 04:40 pm
Penis.
July 17th, 2008 at 04:42 am
$50 says Sean is a troll.
I don't even drink coffee. I just read this 'cause I was bored.
July 17th, 2008 at 01:46 am
Chock Full o' Muthafuckin Nuts. I buy a can of it and make my own goddamn coffee at home. Plus it taste good. Starbucks coffee tastes like I would imagine a beverage made of turpentine and cardboard shreddings would taste.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Where can I meet a WaBeMILF? Too bad my town doesn't have a Starbucks... it's MILF heaven around here. My 15 year old son wants to meet a prost-a-tot, so I will tell him Starbucks is the place. I think we have to go to the next town over though, because they have a Starbucks there.. We just have this shitty cafe called "Shooters" (which I thought was a bar, dammit) which serves really lame coffee, but their egg and sausage sandwiches are killer. Anyway, I live in a town that oozes pretentiousness..... plenty of MILFs and Nannies running around though..... I need to get my dick out more.
The thing that's really hilarious is the jock guys from the local high school, driving around in the "Daddylac" (usually an Infiniti, or a Lexus SUV) with their hand out the driver's window, holding their Starbucks cup, and playing their "50Cent" or "Snoop Dog" at top volume, and dressed like they live in the ghetto.... I used to work in the ghetto, I told one bunch while I was a at a traffic light that I give guided tours of the ghetto, and I was willing to take them down there.... Stupid douchebags....
July 16th, 2008 at 01:55 am
All stereotypes aside, I'm not a fan of the burnt taste at Starbucks. I prefer to either brew my own at home (or work - we have several types of machines, plus a french press and turkish pot with burner for those days when you really need a jolt! - The only requirement is if you use the equipment, you clean it - and you always offer everyone a cup! ) or simply go to a Krispy Kreme (spelling?) GAWD their donuts taste so good fresh and melty with a hot cup of their simple but satisfying joe! - and no, I'm not fat!
July 15th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I am one who actually DOES care about the erosion of proper grammar and spelling. I do not care, however, about Starbucks; nor do I care about the pretentious people who go there. I say to each his or her own. Whatever. This article was great though! I usually work for attorneys, so #4 rings the proverbial bell, as does #7. Luckily for me, my former boss liked Subway better - but it was still a PITA.
I have only been in a Starbucks ONCE, and this was because I was hired to play music there. I might add that the pretentious coffee-fools didn't have the compassion to tip the musician. How could they? They'd spent all their money on lattes...
I feel bitter as a rancid coffee bean. lol
July 15th, 2008 at 09:11 pm
This is actually a vary inaccurate list for people students at Northern Michigan University. You don't encounter any of these people, and you definitely don't have the time, or the money to go there for 6 hours of the day to write or do homework with friends. The employees are students, they all perfectly understand English, you never get a cooperate worker frustrated that he won't make it to class on time (why the fuck go to Starbucks if you are!?).
In any case, if you go to a Starbucks to generate this kind of list, you're almost purposely picking out people that aggravate you more than they aggravate the world.
July 12th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
"This was obviously made for entertainment purposes, but, ” What The Fuck Man ” ?
I work at Starbucks, and to tell you all right now, there is very ” Intelligent ” people working at the StarBucks I work at.
Three of the girls that I work with are about to graduate from college to be teachers, a couple girls are getting ready to graduate from a very highly respected University here in Illinois ” Milikin ” !!!"
Uh, nice try. Northwestern is highly respected. University of Chicago is highly respected. Even University of Illinois is highly respected. Milliken is not "highly respected." It's where you go where you can't get in any place else, not even NIU or SIU.
July 12th, 2008 at 02:25 am
...
::rolls::
XD
!
July 11th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
All photoshopped!
July 10th, 2008 at 04:48 pm
lolz that was hilarious... #1...
July 10th, 2008 at 07:12 am
as a Starbucks manager I really enjoyed this list! but you missed the top two:
#2 the people who refuse to get off their cell phones and get mad at you when you need to ask them a question. (I know that's already been said...but I needed to reiterate that point)
#1 the people who take the wrong drink!!! They either take the wrong drink and leave theirs sitting...causing you to not only have to remake the drink they took, but to waste the drink they did not take...OR they take the wrong drink and bitch at you for making their drink wrong. ACTUALLY....you just picked up the wrong drink...you DUMBSHIT.