8 Types Of Annoying People You’ll Find Inside Starbucks
Here are 8 types of people you’ll find inside a Starbucks that are guaranteed to annoy the shit out of you.
8. Manager Who Refuses to Recognize the Words Small, Medium, and Large
I understand, you’re a corporate guy and thus must abide by company policies by calling the different sizes by their Starbucks Christian names of Venti, Grande, etc…. But if I ask you for a small, don’t act like I’m speaking to you in that Native American langauge we used in World War II to deliver coded messages. You’re familiar with the sizes small, medium and large, and if you’re not, then you might want to change underwear because there’s a good chance there’s a sizeable amount of shit in them due to your inability to grasp the concept of wiping your asshole after defecating.
7. Intern Who is Buying for the Entire Office
Wearing an all-white or striped button down shirt, this guy shows up with a legal pad full of hastily scribbled orders. “Yeah, I’m gonna need 24 tall skinny soy lattes with sugar free hazelnut extra hot…and 32 grande no caff cappuccinos with light whip cream, sugar free hazelnut and vanilla with white chocolate mocha. And 14 grande supremos with a triple shot, sugar free vanilla, extra white mocha, no whip, no foam and an extra drizzle. Oh, and can I get a smiley face on the bottom of all those?” And he knows if one of these orders is screwed up, it’s going to cost him a chance at the a full-time gig as assistant editor where he can bring coffee to even more important people. So instead of just grabbing his bags and leaving, he inspects all 70-odd cups in his 17 flimsy cardboard holders. If you get behind this guy, you may as well give up any hopes of getting a cup of joe in your lifetime. You’re better off flying to Colombia, slitting Juan Valdez’s throat and stealing his coffee-harvesting burro.
6. The Writer Who Wants You to Know They’re a Writer
Being a writer is a pretty cool occupation, but unfortunately you can’t tell someone’s a writer just by looking at them. And having to tell someone you’re a writer is way less impressive. Therefore, these people go to the busiest Starbucks and pop open their iMac, making sure their screen is clearly displaying a full page of text (or clear screenplay format for those in Los Angeles). Their next step is to make sure they’re facing away from where everyone goes to pick up their drinks while staring at the screen while remembering to take deep breaths which will indicate to others that deep and creative thought that normal minds are not capable of, is taking place. Who gives a shit if an asshole and his mac have spent six hours taking up a table normally reserved for four people, it’s important you know that they’re juggling a complex story about a boy in Alaska who comes of age and befriends a bear. That’s right, they’re creating that using only their minds!
5. Overly Happy Line Greeter/Order Taker
At some point, the Starbucks Corporation realized that their growing legions of employees didn’t have the best people skills. Their answer was to create their own version of the Wal-Mart Greeter who also takes your order. But since they don’t pay shit, you end up having some G.E.D.-havin’ dumbass or an excruciatingly-lonely elderly woman force their brand of corporate chit-chat down your throat. Instead of waiting to pay for your overpriced chai in peace, you have to deal with: “Goooooood morning today! How are you? Some kinda weather we’re having isn’t it? I wish I was outside in the park! Wouldn’t that be nice? It’s sooooo sunny! And what’s better for you than a nice big dose of Mr. Sun! Maybe some coffee? Ha! So, what can we get you today? Need a little pick-me-up? You do! I think we ALL could use one, yes we could! YES WE COULD! Anyway, I’ll get this chai order right up for you. What’s your name? Terry? That’s my cousin’s name! Small world. Yes. It. Is. Small world indeed….Hi! And how are you doing today?!?!”
4. Complicated Order Guy Who Needs his Coffee Right The F*&K Now.
When you order coffee, it shouldn’t sound like you’re giving the pass code to a missile defense system. If you’re lactose intolerant, on a strict diet, and can’t handle a full dose of caffeine, how about instead of ordering a “non-fat, grande, soy chai latte with a half shot of espresso and no foam” and then stand in front of the pick up window and pace like one of Michael Vick’s pitbulls watching Vick pull out the rape stand after losing a fight, you just grab a glass of god damn water and drink that. Last I checked that won’t give you exploding diarrhea or anxiety… unless you’re at the Starbucks in Tijuana.
3. The Guy Who Hates Starbucks But Goes There Every Day
Armed with armchair political rants, this guy is the world’s biggest bore and the world’s biggest hypocrite combined into one big uber-shithead. He won’t shut up about how Starbucks is bad for the environment and how they’re taking over the world and how their coffee totally “doesn’t taste like the gourmet stuff downtown.” But when you bring up the fact that he’s ranting about Starbucks while he’s actually inside a Starbucks, his crappy hippie-wannabe excuses just start piling up. “Well, here’s the thing, I just didn’t have time to make it over to my usual coffee place. You know the one way over on 2nd Ave? Yeah, it’s one of the last mom and pop coffee shops in the area. I toooootally love that place. It’s so real. I was on my way over there, but the traffic was a killer, so I was totally forced to get my fix at this place. I mean, the rich get richer, right? That’s the law of the land. I totally can’t stand that I have to come here, but that’s what they do. They tie your hands, man. These big corporations. They just own you. They’re everywhere. Can you hand me one of those Splenda?”
2. Study Groups
Hey, screw the library with all it’s “room” and “group space.” It makes way more sense to go to an incredibly busy and crowded Starbucks with tables that have insufficient space to lay your books. Everyone knows you have a poli-sci midterm, mostly because they can hear every fucking thing you’re saying because you’re yelling so that you can be heard over a frappucino being made. If you could, would you hold a study group session in a Turkish prison? Because Starbucks is basically the same thing, except with less gay sex, and a little bit better coffee.
1. The Person Who Peruses the DVD Section As If They Might Purchase.
It’s really great when you’re waiting in line behind somebody only to realize that they’re not in line, but instead deciding whether or not they want to purchase the “Pursuit of Happyness” DVD. “Gee what’s this movie Pursuit of Happyness about? I didn’t hear of it last summer when it grossed over 100 million dollars. Even though I’ve come here for coffee, I should carefully peruse the back cover to find out more about it!” Also, please don’t pick up a copy of “Akeelah and the Bee” as if you were going to buy it. No one buys that movie. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not even a real movie, it was just a box cover created by a group of white Starbucks executives so that customers could hold it in their hands and pretend to read the back, giving the impression to those around them that they’re progressive thinkers who seek out and enjoy films with African American casts.
Tags: annoying people, Starbucks
May 21st, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Accurate list… I would add: WaBeMILFS (wanna-be MILFS) doing their best to squeeze the bolt-ons up so high they may actually poke someone’s eye out, and, my least favorite, babies, who have NO business drinking coffee, accompanied by said WaBeMILFS.
May 21st, 2008 at 4:40 pm
i think #4’s are the worst. i work with several douches like that. actually, reading this post makes me want to drive to the starbucks near my house and lay the smack down, kimbo style on a #4.
May 21st, 2008 at 4:56 pm
yeah, i like the wabemilfs, they make me happy.
May 21st, 2008 at 5:14 pm
My entire office is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind because they keep hearing stifled laughter coming from my desk.
The “Complicated order guy who needs his coffee right the fuck now” one made me burst out laughing because the picture was spot-on… douchebag in a suit with a wireless ear-piece.
May 21st, 2008 at 6:21 pm
the wannabe milfs are the worst. as soon as they walk in the fucking door you know it’s a fucking sugar free vanilla latte…with only, like, 4 drops of vanilla. so you put in the 4 drops and they thank you, but they call you the wrong name. they walk out the door and their not gone for two fucking seconds before they come back in and demand that you remake it because it’s too sweet and they wanted it with soy or skim milk or some shit
May 21st, 2008 at 7:01 pm
i went to starbucks once and never went back…there was the most flaming queer i have ever seen there, in the corner, on his laptop and blue tooth ear piece talking about how “nobody likes a whistle blower”. i may or may not have maid a comment about playing the ol’ meatwhistle but, i know for certain that my asshole was never clenched tighter than it was after his scolding.
btw, “the native american language we spoke during WWII” is more commonly known as navajo. i am a little bit disappointed that you don’t remember (or have not seen) Windtalkers….after seeing Conair, i made sure i didn’t miss any of Nicholas Cage’s films.
May 21st, 2008 at 9:12 pm
The worst is when you work at a non-Starbucks Cafe and the Starbucks personalities start showing up. They forget it’s not a Starbucks and start ordering some super specific Starbucks only drink. When you politely inform them that it is not Starbucks and that you can make a similar drink they suddenly stop their cell phone conversation and throw a fit, “Oh, I thought this was a Starbucks. If I can’t have my Grande Mocha Frappacino I guess I’ll have to go elsewhere.” What, you were too busy to look at the giant sign over the door you walked into? And then, to top it off they go back to their cell phone conversation huffing and puffing as they walk out the door, “Can you believe this, I was just told that I was not in a Starbucks. I can’t believe how rude these cafe’s are.”
May 21st, 2008 at 9:29 pm
It’s spelled Colombia, not Columbia…….
May 21st, 2008 at 9:42 pm
I hate the people (kinda like #4s) where they are on their blu tooth or whatever and they have their drink and cookie or something, no body is talking (i love silence in those places) and this ass hole is shouting into his ear piece with either rage or my personal least favorite they are joking and laughing at something, they are the loudest people ever, i think they are even louder because they are in silent places, and you have to listen to their annoying laughter…. ugh!
May 21st, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Uhh #3 is a little fucked up people plenty or intelligent people have GEDs im homeschooled i dont get a fucking diploma douche bag so does that mean im stupid fuck no so wipe your uptight wanna show everyone how it is grin off your face and STFU! ya know you would think if you could point out all these different kind of people you wouldnt be so god damned ignorant as to assume people with GEDs are stupid at least they can pass the fucking test walk into any GED prep course and see wtf most people actually know. Whoever the fuck wrote this needs to be beaten util they are fucking mentally retarded!
May 21st, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Hey Sean, before you comment on your experiences at Starbucks, please proof your grammar and spelling you mongoloid. Otherwise the smart people out there will hold you down and teach you the difference between “maid” and “made”…..faggot.
May 21st, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Wow, John… in one post, you’ve proven that people that get GEDs are morons. Congrats. You could try, I don’t know, using proper grammar? It’s merely a suggestion.
May 21st, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Hey John. Awesome entry. After reading your post, I need to ask; How did you even get a GED? Your obvious homeschooling prepared you for a long-lasting career at the local gas station. You are a fucking moron.
May 21st, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Obviously, this was written with a comedic air. Let’s all take a deep breath and realize that this was meant for entertainment, not to single out and ridicule those with GEDs. You making a comment crying about how tormented you are by one silly comment, has made you and other people with GEDs look stupider and pettier than you did before this post. Grow up and get that stick out of your ass before it becomes permanent.
May 21st, 2008 at 11:42 pm
jon iz dum
May 21st, 2008 at 11:44 pm
jon duzznt no the difrance beatwean 3 and 5
May 21st, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Sean was looking in the mirror in Starbucks
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:05 am
Okay guys I’m really sorry. Look, I just feel very inadequate because I never even graduated from high school and it really upsets me sometimes that I’ll probably never be able to afford Starbucks. I totally overreacted and I realize how stupid I was (and am). So please forgive me.
Just kidding, this is totally someone else making fun of him.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:28 am
I’m sorry about what I said, guys.
Are we cool?
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:42 am
“Tombot Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Sean was looking in the mirror in Starbucks”
hahahaha! i was thinking the same exact thing.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:49 am
I think Akeelah has wicked spell skills, and could kick most of you arrogant grammar queens at the bee.
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:09 am
Akeelah is a movie, NOT real life, numb-nuts.
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:13 am
turkish prison? never thought that you’d be that lame to believe in midnight express the movie. go fucking watch: http://youtube.com/watch?v=pHjLMnGkedU and try to think out of the box.
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:29 am
WOW people. Learn to fucking type properly before posting a comment. Oh and John - obviouslly homeschooling isn’t working out so well. I guess mommy and daddy don’t have high school diplomas either!! Go back to fucking public school - you will most definitely get a better education.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:07 am
Did you know that Starbucks internally classifies the shops themselves, based on size of the shop, as Venti, Grande, etc? As in, “that Starbucks has two floors, so it’s a Grande.” It’s true.
Also, Akeelah and the Bee is a pretty good movie.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:14 am
It is amazing how a simple discussion on Starbucks Coffee turns into a attack venue where people end up dropping the F bomb.
I believe this type of forum simply allows angry and unhappy people to vent. When I read some of these posts I realize the degree of misery and self-loathing that must be out there.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:25 am
The Turks make totally freakin’ awesome coffee, man. I’m willing to bet the coffee in a Turkish prison is still better than the coffee at a Star Bucks. I bet people even break in mid raping to chat dapperly about the weather when they have their coffee.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:33 am
Everybody is so fucking gay please shut the fuck up
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:39 am
Just awesome. And the handy numbering system will save me loads of eye-rolling time as I mentally castrate the SOB #4 that’s holding me up in line. On the other hand, my plans to hang out with my iMac while writing the next hit great best-seller have been put on hiatus. Thanks.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:46 am
Haha I found this page to be so hilarious! As a wedding photographer, I host a lot of my meetings in Starbucks and all of the aforementioned happen too many times. In fact, I am meeting two wedding clients today at a Starbucks yay!
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:54 am
If you’re gonna bitch about the wannabe writers at least get the name of the computer right. “…and pop open their iMac,” That would be one fucking amazing feat and i would most likely commend the individual who has the balls to take in their iMac instead of their “Macbook”. Not a fanboy or anything and i dislike these people as much as you, but if you’re going to rant and bitch, at least get the name of the apparatus correct.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:56 am
“i made sure i didn’t miss any of Nicholas Cage’s films”.
tell me you’re nine.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:00 am
#3 These are usually also the same folks over at Whole Foods.
Awesome list!
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:02 am
Funny Article…..
Horrible post’s. No one cares about proper grammer when responding to a blog article, get over it. Stop your grimacing and go back to your abortion survivor support group.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:06 am
you dont “pop open” an “imac” - an imac is a desktop computer. it stays at home, stationary.
you pop open an ibook, or a macbook, or a powerbook….
i guess if you’re going to be funny and rip on people, you should at least be accurate….?
otherwise, good work
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:07 am
oh, someone already posted that - my bad.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:07 am
# Phil Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:00 am
#3 These are usually also the same folks over at Whole Foods.
Awesome list!
And the ones who buy Hybrids and put Mac Apple stickers on the back of their cars. Same demographic. To sum it up in two words:
Consumer Whores.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:08 am
no one brings an iMac to starbucks, thats a desktop computer. figured id throw that out there amidst the GED bashing and stupid banter. i love how these comment sections turn into flame wars. especially flame wars about bad grammar. dude, its the internet and people are typing on keyboards and dont have your english degree, get over it. and yes, i did NOT capitalize anything. relax.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:09 am
yeah, 30 seconds to late for the imac joke. weak.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:10 am
Volker: Why don’t you take a seat? You ding bat.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:12 am
FYI: The picture used in #7 was actually a piece written by a magazine that shows the employee going on a coffee run, and chronicles the acts of kindness and rudeness of random people on the street. The poor girl eventually drops all the coffee b/c no one had the decency to offer their help.
I get the point, and agree with the list, but just wanted to clarify that this picture was not just randomly taken.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:12 am
Hmmm, I feel equally useless posting anything here after reading how much effort so many others wasted attacking each other, but I actually had a thought pop into my mind, hah! who would’ve guessed? My question is, what kind of person or Starbucks customer themselves takes the time to analyze the type of people frequenting a place like that and then dedicates an article to ridiculing them? Yes it was humorous and deserves credit for that much, however this page and many of it’s comments didn’t seem to further any cause other than pointing fingers at people. Whoops, looks like I just wasted my time doing the same thing, gotta go…….
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:15 am
What about those annoying “bag muchers?” These are the people who just can’t wait to enjoy their stale pastry and stand there ripping pieces off it and eating it straight out of a loud crinkly bag while waiting for their drink. I would find these people even more irritating if I wasn’t one of them from time-to-time. The whole “bag muncher” thing is a social phenomenon unique to the Starbucks set in the 21st century.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:20 am
Love the comments, almost as good as the article. Except for the winy ones that add nothing to the discussion.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:23 am
Anyone ordering a drink with steamed milk. It tastes like milk. It’s loud. It’s slow. Get a regular coffee and put milk in it, people.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:25 am
English Major Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:29 am
WOW people. Learn to fucking type properly before posting a comment. Oh and John - “”"”"”"”"obviouslly”"”"”"”"”"” homeschooling isn’t working out so well. I guess mommy and daddy don’t have high school diplomas either!! Go back to fucking public school - you will most definitely get a better education.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:26 am
I just got out of prison in Mexico for trying to get some health care and a job down there. What is Starbucks?
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:27 am
Heh. Someone pissed a lot of people off.
It’s a sure mark of a good article.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:34 am
Regarding #5 - I used to work at a starbucks, and this behaviour was not only encouraged, it was just near expected. So don’t take it out on us.
Funny article! Brings back some old memories. Because, in my starbucks, we had every single one of these people.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:43 am
Well this is fun, if you can get past the grammar (which everyone sees so fit to correct). I liked it–it amused me, especially since I used to be that writer guy. But a word of advice to everyone, jsut enjoy the joke. There’s no need to be snobby, condescending, and a dick; no one likes a dick.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:45 am
Bill Maher says the more “modifiers” a person has when they order Starbucks beverages, the bigger asshole they are. I concur.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:47 am
the attention comes from digg.com
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:48 am
Mostly….going to StarBucks….would be buying fresh brewed cup coffee. Number 4 gets my vote. Mostly…. “FlashyFag’s” killing my appetite Bluetoothing in their latest ankle grabbing fest at the top of their lungs.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:48 am
The baristas at my local Starbucks constantly say “No worries!” That’s fucking annoying.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:48 am
there really are some sad people in the world. who the hell cares whether they wrote ‘imac’ or ‘macbook’. you people obviously have too much time on your hands to complain about these things. really, get over yourselves. wow look at me, i can be so critical. and with spelling to. who honestly cares? has your life been ruined by bad grammer and spelling? get out more. remove yourself from your computer and step outside of your warhammer-postered bedroom and get a life.
bring the grief
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:49 am
hey idiot,
chai is tea.
no one but an idiot would put a shot of espresso in their chai.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:51 am
Hey Volker who gives a flying hamster dick if he called it an iMac. OH no! He used the wrong product name. The point is, the same douche bag that sits in a Starbucks trying to make sure everyone sees “look at me IM A WRITER!!!” is the same dickhole that buys into the trendy iMac, macbook iPod ipieceoffuckingshit i-put-i-on-everything-scam-to-make-it-sell-for-more-money-even-though-it’s-a-piece-of-shit
. FANBOY!
Oh and John, if you weren’t home schooled you might actually be able to deal with insults a little better. You see you learn other things in public school other than book smarts.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:59 am
I’m a programmer so I’ll start at #0…
0. Guy who sits in the corner dreaming up his blog post about how others annoy him because they have lives and he does not–nor can he proofread.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:05 am
Why did this turn into an internet-user, website-reader bash? I thought we all agreed that it was the Starbucks customers/corporate office that we hated. Let’s all take a step back and realize that we’re united in our hatred for mass consumerism. It doesn’t matter if you called it an iMac or an iBook or whether you have a GED or a diploma; the bounds of hatred should extend far behind the mundane product names. STARBUCKS is the enemy here, folks.
P.S. - I know someone’s gonna call me a hippie tree hugger or a homo crisis counselor or something else that they saw in a movie or read in a Chuck Klosterman book, but that’s okay.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:07 am
This is a classic!
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:12 am
“Wow, John… in one post”
Wow jerk, your grasp of grammatical correctness is quite poor.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:15 am
I just go into esquires or starshmucks … doesn’t matter, order a caramel machiato thingy with an extra shot (exact terms)
I use whatever term the coffee shop is using for the large one. It’s not hard to read the board and find out what they are calling them. Sometimes I order a ‘large’ to piss them off. Most places around here can make the large to venti/ampio conversions for me though.
We have lots of people with the bloody mac’s …. but they aren’t writers. they are a far worse brand of …. creature. They are those people who think they are cool because they have a mac. I cracked up laughing when i guy brought in an Asus eeepc …. like 1/4 the size of an imac. Should have seen the mac users face.
It’d be nice if an extra shot meant rum not espresso, you need it after dealing with their customers.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:18 am
“Horrible post’s. No one cares about proper grammer when responding to a blog article, ”
You’re right - and no one cares about the opinions of an illiterate moron.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:19 am
One more type: the stay-at-home mom with the double-wide stroller and 3 kids that needs to get her Starbucks between the hours of 7:45-8:45am when everyone else is in a hurry to get to work.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:23 am
My Fiancée works at Starbucks so I here about these exact people all the time. On fact she falls into the category of #5. It’s actually pretty funny to watch her when she is working and see some of the reactions of people. Most people laugh but t hen you get the grumpy people like #4 and they hate it, so she just lays it on thicker to mess with them. It’s great. Here are a few more no one mentioned.
Frist one to mention is the junior high and high school girls who dress like they are hookers or something. We call them the prost-a-tots. They are real annoying and snobby and order frappuccinos like they are going out of style.
There are also the really over weight people who order large “venti” drinks that are the fattiest on the menu and ask for extra caramel and extra whip cream.
Then you got the Church groups on Sunday afternoons. They come in and guilt trips everyone there because they didn’t go to church and they like to talk about how great they are because they did.
Oh and lets not forget the gypsies. No matter if you work at Starbucks or a restaurant you get these assholes. They are loud obnoxious and are bad tippers.
And of course the tweakers who will order waters and soon as you are not looking steal the tip jar and run.
God Starbucks is one messed up place.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:24 am
Your quite the pessimist, but I see where you are coming from. I suggest going to Tim Horton’s as to eleviate your frustration with the current Starbucks trend. Problem solve. Starbucks coffee is shit anyways.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:30 am
Grammar.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:36 am
It’s “you’re”, douchebag. And “grammar”. And “posts”. If you don’t go to college, you’re an idiot, and a failure at life. Don’t give me examples; 10 successful non-college graduates do not account for nor do they override the hundreds of thousands of other dumbasses that didn’t go to college and failed miserably at life. And honestly, who the fuck cares if Macs or PCs are better? They’re used for many different things, and though I must say Windows Vista has more flaws than Paris Hilton, both operating systems have their ups and downs.
Yeah, fuck you.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:38 am
I bet you’d blow the order takers mind if you were give them the size in fluid ounces.
Imagine:
“Yeah, I take a coffee. No, just a regular coffee. Could you put it in a 20 oz cup for me, please? And fill it up — 20 oz of coffee in that 20 oz cup, thank you very much.”
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:44 am
your a douche Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:51 am
Hey Volker who gives a flying hamster dick if he called it an iMac. OH no! He used the wrong product name. The point is, the same douche bag that sits in a Starbucks trying to make sure everyone sees “look at me IM A WRITER!!!” is the same dickhole that buys into the trendy iMac, macbook iPod ipieceoffuckingshit i-put-i-on-everything-scam-to-make-it-sell-for-more-money-even-though-it’s-a-piece-of-shit
. FANBOY!
LOL!! man. I own a Mac and a PC and Linux box. Im a fan of all.
And just to clarify, if someone told you to look for WMD’s would you look for kool-aid instead? lol.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:45 am
F*&K?
Just spell out the word “fuck” next time.
See? The world didn’t explode when I just did it..
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:48 am
All I have to say is THANK YOU. I loved your post and laughed out loud. I needed a good laugh today in a bad way and you definitely came through.
I guess this means I am a pessimist too. I can live with that
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:50 am
Oh study groups, how I hate you.
I would add “the barista who thinks he’s your friend just because he sees you every day.” I have one of these at both my home and work Starbucks. One thinks my name is “Ellen” and the other gets personally offended when I have the audacity to change my drink from day to day, because as soon as I walk in the door, he begins preparing “my” drink. When he has to make it over again, he demands an explanation. How about “I am not here to make your life easier; I am here for the drink I currently want. I don’t owe you an explanation; I only owe you four dollars. Here is my four dollars.”
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:04 am
Updated list.
9. The asshats that piss and argue in posts at the end of an article. Which, you’ll never actually SEE at a Starbucks, because they’re too busy being wankers on their computers at home.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:05 am
Oh man there are so many more people that you missed. I’ve been working at a Starbucks for 2 years now and you forgot about up-scale European customers. They know their coffee, so they aren’t ass-holes but they will make your life hell if that Espresso isn’t up to Italian Bar standards, although they know they are coming to Starbucks… WHY EVEN COME TO NORTH AMERICA THEN!?
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:07 am
You poor, poor people with diplomas. I am sure many of you even remembered what you learned to get those diplomas, which is great. As for me, I smelled a rat in all my years in public school because I knew my needs were not being met. During high school, I resorted to acing tests without studying, and refusing to do the work that I didn’t need to do to prove that I had learned and understood the course material. The vice principal more than once tried to tell me to withdraw myself from the school, but I was within my rights to refuse, so I said, nope, I’m going to keep showing up just to learn. I still didn’t do the work unless I liked it. I didn’t even get my diploma because I considered it worthless. And, it was. I’m 29 and my employers never checked on whether I have a diploma. Except one, for whom I got a G.E.D. It was good enough for them. I must be so stupid not to get that diploma. Oh, wait. Why is this all ironic? A few years ago, over a couple of days, I was run through a series of tests by a neuropsychologist, at which time I was informed I am a genius.
The public school system, early in my life, refused to let me be tested for my abilities. This way, they were paid money for my presence, and avoided having to answer for the wrong they did to me - an innocent child. Needless to say, I have little respect for our public education system, but the greatest love for learning.
To all of you who are mocking someone who has a G.E.D., or who is being homeschooled - your diplomas and your childish, ridiculing comments won’t bring you what you obviously lack.
Even though I am what they call a “genius”, I’ve never said this to anyone:
Sorry you all have to be average. Mocking others will never change you for the better.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:07 am
lol very good, you would never find me in starbucks
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:11 am
@Pajamas, get off your ellipsis-using high horse.
It’s spelled “Colombia” in many parts of the world, but the accepted Americanized form is, in fact, “Columbia.”
Also, STFU.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 am
Only 8? The whole Starbuucks experience oozes pretentiously nauseating self-importance. I tried Starbucks coffee once…..that was once too often. It was like their staff and customers, tasteless, overbearing and a waste of space.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:22 am
Who cares if people are leaving comments with misspelled words or grammatical errors? Get off your high horse and try to look for the substance (and yes, I’m aware that sometimes there isn’t any) in what people are trying to say instead of getting superficially getting caught up in how they are saying it.
No one cares that you can point out errors. It doesn’t make you look intelligent, it just makes you look like an uptight asshole with a superiority complex.
Have a good day!
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 am
What, not cool to bring an iMac to a Starbucks? I do that - no like the laptops and I need to get the work done. I also wear a super-sized adult diaper (the iPoop if you must know) because the lactose makes me no good in the pants. Dig?
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:36 am
Most annoying to me are the tourists. Like 3 middle-aged women who obviously aren’t on their way to work unlike 99% of the rest of us in line and don’t know what they want, unlike the 99% of the rest of us in line. They sit and hem and haw, chewing up precious minutes, chatting, looking over the food, scanning the menu for an overly long time. Gah!
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:38 am
Anyone who goes into a Starbucks is annoying. I walked by one once and had to kick my own ass for being a pretentious douche. ITS JUST COFFEE! Anyone who goes there is a pretentious chump or faux intellectual. Coffee doesn’t make you cool, or smart, no matter how many foreign words you throw in front of it. Lemmings….
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:39 am
I found this article searching for a good place to drop the “F-Bomb”.
Fuck.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:48 am
Actually, I think anyone that’s willing to pay starbucks prices should pull their heads out of their asses, but by far the most annoying person you might encounter in a starbuck’s is the person who spends so much time there that they feel that have the authority and knowledge to write an article about people you would encounter in starbucks that annoy you.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:49 am
Coffee fucken sucks anyway!!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:51 am
I vote for the loud motherfucking phone talkers.
especially if they’re speaking for the benefit of the cafe.
almost as bad as voc. school study groups.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:58 am
So very true about the personalities listed in the article. It was quite a good laugh to say the least.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:04 am
@ Irony
I’m also labeled a “Genius”. But unlike you, I’m not a self-absorbed shitbag who does whatever he or she pleases. Just because you are gifted doesn’t mean you should piss on societal norms. Being a “Genius” just means you had a certain score on a certain test, nothing more.
The fact that you claim to have a high IQ but had to get a GED tells most of the people with common sense that you’re a piece of garbage. Why would an employer hire you if you only do the work you find interesting? Why would somebody want you to work for them knowing that at any moment your flighty personality might lead you to stop working on your current assignment in favor of doing something you find “more interesting”. This isn’t even getting into the fact that most of the “average” people were able to graduate from High School without doing much real work at all, if any.
The fact that there are many others out there who are considered to be Geniuses who don’t make pompous posts about how they flunked out of public school but got their GED and were an “Innocent child” wronged by the public school confirms that just because you have intelligence doesn’t mean you’re a benefit to anybody.
I suggest going to play in traffic, that is if you find it interesting enough.
Douche.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:19 am
To everyone saying people need to learn to “type” better before posting a comment: how did you manage to link up your typewriters to the internet? Because last I checked one can only “type” on a typewriter. The process of using a keyboard is - wait for it - “keying”. You all fail.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:23 am
Let me tell you guys about the WORST kind of Starbucks customer: The Oompa Loompa coffee addict. Girls that somehow think they are attractive, and get homemade tans that make them look basically orange… Hence “Oompa Loompas”. They walk in on their cell phones, talking about some kind of lame ass makeover they are about to receive, and ALWAYS order a medium iced coffee with extra milk. ALWAYS. And for some reason, they can’t get off their fucking phones for one second to order a drink. And when the coffee guy asks what she wants, she acts all inconvenienced that he is interrupting her “important” conversation. Imagine what they did in the old days, when phones were like a fucking washing machine. I’ll give them a makeover. I’ll give em a face full of semen.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:34 am
You totally forgot about the chit chat non working house wifes that talk about nothing.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:35 am
Benjamin Butt-ring
“It’s spelled “Colombia” in many parts of the world, but the accepted Americanized form is, in fact, “Columbia.””
No idiot - it’s Colombia… he wasn’t referring to damn “British Columbia”. You must be a MBA.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:41 am
As a former Starbucks barista let me just say this list is right on the money!
AND EVERYTHING EVERYONE HAS LEFT AS A COMMENT IS FUNNY AS HELL TOO!
Seriously, there were days I wanted to bang my head against the grinder because I had to be around such big idiots. What did these people do before there was Starbucks?
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:43 am
motherfucking asshole shit everyone better agree with me and never make fun of my spelling or grammer faggot nigger fuck dumb ass people that can’t graduate high school and jews and wops and I hate coffee and small animals
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:45 am
MILFS are fun.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:54 am
From a former Starbucks partner…some of the biggest pains in the ass are the people who yammer on the cellie the entire time as they wait on line (no, no one here wants to know about your plastic surgery or how you’re sleeping with the gardener) then have the gaul to shush the cashier when they reach the front. “Hold on a sec…(back to phone) yeah, and blather blather blather…” Asking me to hold would automatically make me serve every other customer in the line before the perp.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Somehow I think it’s possible to get decent coffee without the cost and pretensions of Starbucks. Indonesian-grown beans are a big part of Starbucks’ blend, and taste similar (the French found their SE Asian colonies to be great for coffee). Then there are those things called thermoses that keep it warm for a time after leaving the house.
Maybe the best thing about Starbucks is how they’ve become successful by not selling only coffee, but the opportunity to unashamedly present as a douche among douches.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:07 pm
How about those annoying Christian prayer groups. Pray at home or in church. I don’t want to see that shit while sipping my latte….
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:16 pm
“P.S. - I know someone’s gonna call me a hippie tree hugger or a homo crisis counselor or something else that they saw in a movie or read in a Chuck Klosterman book, but that’s okay.”
Article: Worth a chuckle
All these comments: Much funnier
Teto’s Comment: Funniest thing I have read all day
If you know Klosterman you’re a genius in my book, GED or not.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Ah man, that picture of the peppy starbucks employee is me! Haha, I had to take some promo shots for this starbucks cd I was on and the photographer chose the worst possible picture in the freaking world. I’m not that annoying. I promise. That pose was a joke. Saaad
But to add: uh the suburban L.A. moms who thanks to their hefty amount of free time to do nothing but go to the gym and well, starbucks, look way hotter then their obviously insecure 12 year old daughter then tells her she can’t have a pastry because they have too many calories. Not ok. I’ve seen moms with their 3 year olds tell them that they cant have something because of caloric content. I dont think the media is as responsible for eating disorders so much as THESE moms are.
Then there’s the customers who order something not actually knowing what they order–then in the middle of a rush ask us to re-make it because in THEIR minds its not right when really it is-they just dont know.
Also–the people who say “expresso”. Es… press.. o…
THere are also a large amount of people who just.. shouldnt be at starbucks in the first place. There are people who are on their way to work-have 10 minutes to get there barely and who think to themselves that they cam come into a store with the line out the freaking door and make it on time. then when they realize theyre gonna be late they complain to the employees like we forced them in here for their morning fix. NO. No we did not. Please do not yell at me because you are gonna be late to work. Its your fault for NEEDING to come in here with an obvious amount of time-consuming obstacles.
— then there’s people who really really are diet conscious ( in their heads) and then order something absolutely disgusting–like any sugar free drinks which in turn are TERRIBLE for you. –or a totally atkins drink like a Venti ( thats 20 oz) latte made with heavy whipping cream. 20 oz of heavy whipping cream? disgusting. have fun with your strokes and heart attacks–and your slim waist.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:23 pm
WTF?? I wanna set me up my own coffee shop…called..”ALIEN-NATION”
THIS ISAmerica….coffee here is coffee…I will have better prices,&a space ship to launch off the crazy fuckers,far,far away!
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Geez, you commenters are idiots…
I never graduated High School and yet I am a genius, more so than the other self-proclaimed geniuses in the comments, and have two Master’s degrees and a Doctorate to prove it. Not to mention the nod from the Illuminati and Xenu himself!
Neither of my diplomas is an MBA, which is essentially a pedigree certificate FOR morons.
I dont speel well, but that never stopped me from working for Oxford Dictionary for 106 years, did it?
Starfucks sucks and Tim’s rules
if you are lucky enough to live in France or Italy coffee is like breathing fresh clean air, whereas in North America or the UK coffee is like breathing at the top of a Chinese power station smoke stack… on a good coffee day…
as for the 8 + more types of annoying people… fucked if I ever found one that wasn’t… especially consumers.
consumption makes flaming assholes of us all!
get over it because you’re one too, but love ya anyway! I mean, what choice do I have…
fuck it, I’m joining a Thai monastery! fuck you all!
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
how about the guy who leans on the bar where u pick up your drinks when his drink is like three back in line. Im always having to reach around these people for my drink because theyre too important to stand back like all the rest of us.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Hey Mike,
I order my Chai with an extra shot, oh and the Jews did 9/11.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Homeschoolers regularly do better on all standardized tests than the poor saps drowning in the cesspool of public education. All the people in public schools (and I was one of them) ever learn is practical bullshit; they never learn how to be a free man.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:15 pm
People who make fun of those who got their GEDs are secretly jealous, because those of us who went in and took the 6 hour battery of tests got to get the fuck out of high school before the other kids. It’s pretty much like figuring out a cheat code to skipping to the end of your senior year, which was awesome, personally.
Especially when you get that piece of paper in the mail that says “congratulations! you tested higher than 98% of all high school graduates on their comparative testing! And it only took you 6 hours! Go get some ice cream, you sassy thing.”
Also, this list was excellent and true on all points.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I like turtles!
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
How did this post turn into a battle for scholarly merit? Go to college and get a real degree. If you can’t afford college, save for it. Then, go and get a real degree. If you are too stupid to get into college, read some books, then keep applying until you’ve been accepted. Then, go and get a real degree.
Starbucks is terrible! Too expensive and not worth it. Customers are noticing and to prove this, just check out their stock price! ouch
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:25 pm
How about the thirty-something guy who hits on the baristas that he thinks are hitting on him but are really just making polite chit-ch… oh wait, that’s me.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Ninja Turtles > turtles
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:44 pm
too funny - sitting in a starbucks reading this - as the very characters go by - and i’m on a pc laptop, not a mac whatever - so i’m not the pretend writer wannabe - however, might be the dude just killing time enjoying a coffee - oh….ok…. kinda boring.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Oh man, don’t get me started on SB. I pull up there, w/ my boys right, and we’re all flashing twenties and guns and shit. And I yell out, “give me about 30 fucking grande caps or i’ll pop a cap in you, right.”
And the whitey manager tell us we have to leave, ‘coz this is a family establishment and moms bring their babies in and shit. Just as I’m about to get up in his face and shit, a little white girl comes walking around the counter. She looks up at me and says “are you my daddy?”
Man, we wuz outta there like diarrhea.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD USE THE COMPLETE ACRONYM UNTIL NOW!!!!!
This is the funniest shit ever…just made my few days on earth!!!!!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Oh man, don’t get me started. How about the lady who is fishing around in her change purse cuz she just knows she has two pennies. I feel like tossing the cashier a loonie and screaming “here’s a buck, now step out of the way!”
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Coming from a Starbucks baristas, I feel like you missed the most important type of annoying person.
The drink checker.
This person is someone who orders their drink, and though there is a line of people that have been waiting longer, will stand right next to the hand off bar, and after every drink is called out, they will go to grab it and yell “IS THIS MINE!!!!!!!!!?????????” Undoubtedly they have a very complicated drink, and after you hand it out they will go through every part of their drink and make sure it’s right.
“Is this decaf?”
“Two pumps?”
“Soy?”
“No Whip?”
etc
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Shit -my latte is now cold and the free wifi I was stealing has just buzzed out - gotta move on - thanks for the laughs and entertainment
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:08 pm
AMEN HILARY!!!!!
I hate those types, and my store, almost completely made up of regular customers, who KNOW that we know their drinks inside and out, and YET everyday still do the “8 pump white mocha”, “1/2 caf” or my favorite … “Decaf right, De-caf? Ok, just making sure? I didn’t hear you say decaf, is it decaf?” “Yes, Anna, it’s decaf…”
So yeah, awesome!
So here’s one for all the Baristas! You are loved!!!! Hugs to all!!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:35 pm
While I agree with all of 3-8, I think they’re stupid to complain about the last two. Seriously? You’re complaining about people studying? has the author actually ever been to a university library? You know.. you kind of have to be quiet. And if you DO manage to get a private group room, they’re usually cramped. Excuse me for trying to have a good time while getting some work done. Get your coffee, and GTFO like you seem to want to. And As for people who browse the DVD shelves.. I never buy things from those shelves.. I go to have coffee, but why the hell do you think they put them there? This guy is worse than most of the assholes he’s writing about. He probably wrote this on his Macbook Pro in a starbucks.
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I hate all people equally!
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:45 pm
What, what, in the butt.
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Great article!
Number 7’s drive me nuts….
And I love playing with the #4’s…
Have a great day!
Mr. Twenty Twenty
http://www.exhostage.com
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
i disagree with #1 b/c i get fucking bored waiting in line for sbux so i gotta entertain myself somehow!!
that being said, this list is hilarious, they should feature it on DFT News of the Weird: http://digitalfuntown.squarespace.com/dft-blog/2008/5/16/dft-news-episode-4.html
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:00 pm
My first Starbucks experience: (The honest truth)
Me: I’ll have a coffee
Order Taker: What kind?
Me: The kind with coffee in it
Order Taker:What size
Me: Medium
Order Taker: So a Grande then?
Me: No, nothing Grande Senorita, just medium, But go ahead make it a large then.
Order Taker: So a Venti then?
Me: Yeah… wait… No… a large or a Grande as you said.
Order Taker: A Grande is a medium.
Me: How can a Grande be a medium when I thought Grande was Spanish for Large?
Me: As in Nachos El Grande
Me: I am not Spanish but I am almost sure that doesn’t mean Nachos El Medium
Order Taker: No Venti is a large
Me: Well whats a small?
Order Taker: A small is a Tall.
Me: Lady, did you just hear yourself. That was almost incoherent.
Me: To some of us drinking coffee is not a physiological experiment.
Me: We drink it so we don’t kill our co-workers.
Order Taker: So that’s a Venti Americano’ no whip
Me: Woah… Wait… Huh… I never said any of those words.
Order Taker: Well could you start over and repeat your order again please?
Me: Lady if I don’t get a cup a coffee in the next five seconds I am going to Venti my morning anger all over your ass!
-
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Starbucks has 4 sizes… so… how do your sizes match up with theirs?
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Whether young or old, homeschooled John, back a page and a half of comments or more, is right about one thing. Find a GED test online or in a book and suddenly you will realize how much you don’t know, despite years and years of studying at a University. Be nice, it doesn’t have to hurt someone to be funny.
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Mike - A dirty Chai is the best!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
What is a MILFS?
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:41 pm
hahhah ewe fale at grammer
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:55 pm
# Starbucks Guy Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Starbucks has 4 sizes… so… how do your sizes match up with theirs?
There are 4 sizes???
What’s the 4th size?
“The Itsy” Which would probably be the size of a KFC bucket?
Or is it “The Blimpie” which in Starbucks terms would be a little bigger than a thimble?
-
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
WOW! You stepped on some toes with this one but I think it’s great and amazingly accurate.
How do you know when you’ve nailed it on the head? All those you described come out to knock down your grammar and spelling. Because that’s all they’ve got. You just called them out and all they can do is mope, head over to Starbucks and attack your grammatical skills. I think it’s great! You just described half of the douche bags in Southern California and they’re all on here bellyaching!
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
# sbux lover Says:
Mike - A dirty Chai is the best!!
Hey “Sbux”
I don’t think its nice to talk about Asian people like that.
-
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:31 pm
@irony
big deal that you’re a self-titled “genius” - how is that helping the world? surely no decent job accepts a “GED” certification in place of a college degree…if you were really smart, then you would have put yourself through college and would have done something that would have really benefited the society instead of flipping burgers at mickey d’s
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:36 pm
wow, your writing style is so douchy, I’ll bet anything you wrote this in a Starbucks…and haven’t you ever heard of Turkish coffee? ignorance at its best…
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:54 pm
@ Ward
Thanks for missing my point entirely, yet picking at what I said so you can flame away. My little story was directed at those who judge others over stupid things, and specifically it was directed at their THINKING. Notice, I never really called those people stupid names, other than saying, you poor, poor people with diplomas. I say that because they were missing or ignoring something very important in order to simply be ugly. I decided, what the hell, some people feel they are better than John with his G.E.D., so I will go ahead and take the wind out of their sails. Not that many would listen, but, I don’t care. There is really no need for what they said, or your pathetic need to call me names. What got a rise out of you? That I was defending someone else? Or that I bothered to say a confident thing for which you felt a need to try and tear me down? When I read the anger in what you said, I simply smiled. You mistake me, which is easy, and you assume I have run away with my little gift, thinking I am so great. Nope. Being bold does not mean I am never modest, and I happen to enjoy what I learn far more when I question what I know, rather than assuming I know something so that I can cease learning about it. This means I question and revise my own reasoning, which isn’t comfortable if I am so wrapped up in my own ego. Which is why you cannot upset me or cause me to judge you in return. Before assuming someone is a stupid piece of garbage, I assume they had a bad day, or that they misinterpret me. In your case, it is flat-out misunderstanding and assumption, and being moody, which leads you to insult me for whatever you think you stand to gain. You also made the mistake of assuming I am not of the mentality to realize that “genius” does not mean “better.” Aside from it being a score, I think the brilliance we call genius can occur in people quite often who do not score as geniuses on our drastically imperfect tests. Elitism is always a false notion of superiority. As for what you said about me needing to respect societal norms, and how those with “common sense” would think I am a piece of garbage - societal norms can easily become harmful when too many people are simply followers, and the idea of “normal” can be found as often as one finds “perfection”. There are norms within norms, and everything changes over time - who are you to tell me to conform? I cannot be concerned with your opinion as such. Common sense is useful, but it is normally a shortcut to avoid having to reason through every little thing in life. This leads to a clash between “normal” and “different”, and people who cannot leave common sense end up judging others. Which is a waste of time. Some people have to find ways other than the shortcuts. I am happy to do so. On what front can you actually assail my character when you do not know me?
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Shit I wish I was homeschooled. I followed wisegeorges advice and looked up a test online. Man, I would fail that thing if I had to take it now. Amazing how much public education sucks ass. Well, what’s done is done, time to take it upon myself to get smarter.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
pside…
short coffees are 8 oz, talls are 12 oz, grandes are 16 oz, and venti are 20 oz. short and tall are the original sizes. they added a large, grande in italian, shortly after, then venti, italian for 20 (oz).
its just company culture. maybe if you took a moment to enjoy your morning, and interact positively with ANYONE in our company, rather than acting out like a small child, you may have been told the story.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:31 pm
i’m sure the use of “imac” was meant to be funny….intentional. as if to say “iphone, macbook, whatever the fuck you think makes you cool”
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:34 pm
if you actually go to starbucks you suck in the first place, so what is this all about?
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:01 pm
OK,
This was obviously made for entertainment purposes, but, ” What The Fuck Man ” ?
I work at Starbucks, and to tell you all right now, there is very ” Intelligent ” people working at the StarBucks I work at.
Three of the girls that I work with are about to graduate from college to be teachers, a couple girls are getting ready to graduate from a very highly respected University here in Illinois ” Milikin ” !!!
So, before you go and talk shit about something you know nothing about, you better watch who you insult. A lot of people take offense when you criticize Starbucks employees.
It may not be everyone’s dream job, but it pays ok, and they provide all employees with full medical benefits. Thats what I call a ” Good Steady Job “. So, before your so quick to judge other people, take a look in the mirror.
So, to the person who wrote this, and all those who criticize Starbucks workers, can you say, ” Do You Want Fries With That ” ? Or, ” Paper or Plastic ” !!! ( By the way, just in case you were interested, ” I have my G.E.D ” !!! )
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:15 pm
I just have to say about the whole G.E.D. thing up there….I know plenty of highschool graduates who work in McD’s. Lawl.
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:20 pm
———————————————–
# coffee master Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
pside…
short coffees are 8 oz, talls are 12 oz, grandes are 16 oz, and venti are 20 oz. short and tall are the original sizes. they added a large, grande in italian, shortly after, then venti, italian for 20 (oz).
its just company culture. maybe if you took a moment to enjoy your morning, and interact positively with ANYONE in our company, rather than acting out like a small child, you may have been told the story.
———————————————–
Coffee Master,
I have to say one thing, you don’t say much but when you do it’s to the point and I salute for it. Please forgive me of my absolutely childish ways. I do hope that you took my earlier rhetoric as pure humor as that is all it was meant as.
I was told there was a story to ordering coffee but no one as of yet had told me the story. All my life I was under the assumption that ordering coffee would not involve a story. I thought one might actually go into a shop that pedaled those particular wares and be able to have a cup filled with a particular liquid without having to know Italian translations or for that matter Spanish, being that the two languages are so very similar.
I do so love the very place that you defend ardently. So hear me out please I beg of you.
Let me see if I have this completely understood:
A small is actually the name for the small, imagine that?
Now you say the Tall is not the medium but one might call it the regular maybe?
And the Grande is well bigger than the Tall?
But my question is, is the Grande taller than the Tall?
And what about this Venti, I assume is it fatter than the Grande and Taller than the Tall?
I guess you are right Coffee Master I mean if they did in fact add the other two sizes later, they couldn’t just call them SHORT, TALL TALLER and TALLEST
Hmm, well I thank you for straightening that out. But just so you will know, other restaurants have come up with an uncanny method to avoid confusion by just using the following:
*SMALL, MEDIUM, LARGE, EXTRA LARGE
Hey it might catch on and some day all restaurants may use this simplified form.
Thank you so much for straitening that out. I thank you as I am sure many people in these threads do also.
And I will take your advise and enjoy my morning more and that part where I said “We drink it so we don’t kill our co-workers”, I was just kidding. We drink it for the enjoyment and look forward to the fine “…company culture” that is Starbucks.
-
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Great list. Wanna meet a ton of ass-headed buttwipes? Go to any Starbucks. Chock full of limp-writed blue-tooth-wearing white fagwipes. Who studies in a crowded loud tiny place? Why do these fagwipes think the store wants their dirty filthy bodies tying up tables when the fagwipe doesn’t have a penny to his name? Hey fagbag! Get out of the store! Go molest your granny.
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:27 pm
1 Type Of Annoying People You’ll Find Writing Blog Posts:
1. People who steal photographs to illustrate blog posts without giving correct (or any) attribution.
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:32 pm
What’s Starbucks?
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I’ll confess to, on occasion, being a “Number 3,” primarily because I have mild disdain for the frapp-slurping, “expresso”-pronouncing hoi-polloi. That, and their insipid, over-priced espresso-based beverages. I mean, one 2-oz(?) shot standard for a 12-oz beverage? Seems a little stingy…
Ok, so I kinda proved my own point…
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I am all of those people.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:04 pm
I’m no. 3. So is the person who wrote this.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:26 pm
8 MEGGA DEUCHBAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:54 pm
How many internerds does it take to change a lightbulb?
# 1 to actually change the light bulb and to post a blog that the light bulb has been changed;
# 14 to post similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently;
# 7 to call the original blogger a douchebag for changing it in the first place;
# 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
# 53 to flame the spelling/grammar critics
# 1 to correct the spelling and grammar in the spelling/grammar flames
# 6 to argue whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb”
# 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
# 27 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs
# 14 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and to post the corrected URL’s
# 3 to post about links they found from the URL’s that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list
# 143 to ask “what’s Usenet?”
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:15 pm
I hate it when people do #8.
I went into an Auntie’s Anne’s cafe and I asked them for a frappachino. They had frozen coffee drinks and apparently they weren’t called frappachino’s. The person making it actually asked me “how do you make that?” and proceeded to attempt making a drink that definately wasn’t the frozen coffee drink that they sold. After realizing they were completely off track, I corrected myself and told them what I “meant” to order. I knew the next time to say it right as not to confuse anyone.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:17 pm
As another former Barista I have to agree with PJoe - the most annoying customers were the ass clowns who would walk into the store in mid cell phone conversation, get up to the register and mouth their order to me. They couldn’t bother to interupt their cell conversation, couldn’t even cover up the mouth piece and speak normally…they had to f’ing mouth their order. Of course my response was always, “YOU WANT A TALL NON FAT DOUBLE SHOT MOCHA?” Then suddenly they felt compelled to apologize to both me and the person they were speaking to.
One group that you neglected to include on this list, which I think most any SB employee would agree with is the “I used to work for Starbucks, I know how this drink is supposed to be made, you better make it right, I’m watching you make my drink just to make sure” ex-barista. Unfortunately this is a category I am slightly ashamed to admit that I fit into, however, I DO know how the drink is supposed to be made and not only did I work as a barista, I trained 99% of the new hires that came through my store while I was there so I know all the short cuts and mistakes…and I’m watching you! And the worst part…I know I’m annoying…but I can’t help it - don’t f’ up my drink!
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:32 pm
I make sandwiches #4’s
I fuck with their sandwich sometimes for being gigantic douches, and they still come back without realizing it.
lawl.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I’m Gay, but only in Starbucks.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I really hat it when you are in line… say 4th in line… and the person in the front asks for “a coffee”. As if they had never heard of starbucks. So, it takes several minutes to go through the possible variations.
And then the next person in line asks for “a coffee”. Ugh. More time explaining sizes, et cetera.
Finally, the person in front of you asks for, yes, a coffee.
Is it not possible to pay attention and to adapt? Have you never heard of STRONG, or LARGE/VENTI (whatever)?
I feel bad for the barista who has to explain every 2 minutes how COFFEE F$#KING WORKS!!!
And this adds hours to my week… really, it does!
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:34 pm
OMGZ!!!1 LIKE I JST RELIZED DAT VENTI IZ 20 IN FRITTALION!!1 I IZ SO SMRT!
-kthxbye
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:04 am
i hate those ppl who go into starbucks and does things
oh since #1 is just OBSESSIVE and COMPLUSIVELY over-critical
or just bad writing/unimaginative or product of procrastination
i think #1 should be those pathetic starbucks regulars who write and rant about how much they hate other starbucks regulars
i hope starbucks finds a way to start selling worth soon
so you guys can get some
in a nice large glass
holy”shit taco” entertaining a reply on an article of such insult to the HUMAN CAMPAIGN” actually diminished (let alone my own moral marit) us all as a whole
thaanx!
wuud you do write this admist soome kind of “incredibly busy/crowded” establishment?
lol i kid.. kinda.
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:45 am
I’m so glad I never went into a Starbucks. Sounds WAY overcomplicated, expensive, and irritating. I’ll stick with my cheap grounds and coffee-maker.
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:46 am
I also hate the assholes who are ordering their beverage while chatting away mindlessly on the cell phone and rush out the door after they pick it up, only to rush back in fustration cause they claimed the drink wasn’t made the way they wanted it. OF COURSE YOU DIDN’T GET IT THE WAY YOU WANTED; YOU WERE CHATTING YOUR ASS OFF ON THE PHONE, SO YOU ORDERED SOME CRAP FROM OUT YOUR ASS AND DIDN’T KNOW WTF YOU WERE ORDERING FROM THE BARISTA IN THE FIRST PLACE.
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:59 am
Wow, about what Anonymous said…. You f### with their sandwiches??? What kind of… You deserve some serious jail time. I don’t care what kind of people they are to you, to retaliate like that is so disgusting and senseless. I hope you get fired from every job you have until you learn that.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:11 am
How about anyone who even goes there? Seriously, it’s fucking coffee. Make it at home!
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:27 am
@ Irony
I’m not bothering to read that entire post, don’t have the time or the desire, but I did get through the first few lines and if you not understanding how your post came off as smug and arrogant probably explains why you couldn’t get through High School.
Having an IQ of 180 does you almost no good if you can’t interact with other people to get something accomplished.
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:07 am
“hey idiot,
chai is tea.
no one but an idiot would put a shot of espresso in their chai.”
TONS of people put a shot of espresso in their chai. It’s called a dirty chai.
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:15 am
The Writer Who Wants You to Know They’re a Writer, You said iMac, I would like to see someone fit a iMac on a table. More like a Macbook.
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:49 am
I just decapitated #4 and I’m stalking the ugly zionist holding the door for #7.
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:19 am
Starbucks is American crap!
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:59 am
i’m a #3
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:47 am
I just use the drive through.
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:58 am
In answer to your post below…
If that many people are having that much trouble ordering a SIMPLE COFFEE?
YOU OPTIONS IS FOR THEM TO ADAPT?!?!?!?!
I have a suggestion for you:
Close your Powerbook please and order another coffee and take that bluetooth ear-piece out so you can hear your order, because that’s where you are right now isn’t it, come on admit it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
# John Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I really hat it when you are in line… say 4th in line… and the person in the front asks for “a coffee”. As if they had never heard of starbucks. So, it takes several minutes to go through the possible variations.
And then the next person in line asks for “a coffee”. Ugh. More time explaining sizes, et cetera.
Finally, the person in front of you asks for, yes, a coffee.
Is it not possible to pay attention and to adapt? Have you never heard of STRONG, or LARGE/VENTI (whatever)?
I feel bad for the barista who has to explain every 2 minutes how COFFEE F$#KING WORKS!!!
And this adds hours to my week… really, it does!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:03 am
This article reminded me of the reason why I avoid this place, or if there’s no place else around, I walk in and walk out. The other annoying thing about ordering coffee from Starbucks aside from othercustomers:
Me: Can I have a large coffee with milk?
Starbucks: The milk is over there. You have to put your own milk in it.
Me: You mean to tell me I can have tutti-fruitti syrup, caramel, steamed soy milk, whipped cream or whatever put in there that takes 20 minutes to make but you won’t take 2 seconds to pour regular milk in it? And you want a tip?
The comments MAKE this whole thing. There needs to be a follow-up article: 8 kinds of annoying people who comment on articles on the Interweb:
1. Grammar Geek - cannot enjoy the ideas or topics, but looks for errors instead. Probably a premature ejaculator or frigid.
2. Posting Pugilist - likes to e-fight with other commentors. Thinks he/she can “win” in a arguement on the internet.
3. Continuity Counter - looks for inconsistencies and factual errors in an article that probably took about 10 minutes to write and the writer didn’t get paid for. Misses the point entirely.
Feel free to add your own…
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:21 am
I love how people just regularly repost in comments “funny” things they’ve come across before, like the post immediately above mine or the idiot up a bit with the dialogue about grande/venti/etc. Lame.
“How did this post turn into a battle for scholarly merit? Go to college and get a real degree. If you can’t afford college, save for it. Then, go and get a real degree. If you are too stupid to get into college, read some books, then keep applying until you’ve been accepted. Then, go and get a real degree.”
A real degree of what? Branding. Marketing. Leming. That’s about it. If all you’re worried about is a job and money, then you have your reward. If you want to be human, read and don’t worry about all the nonsense that passes for academics these days.
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:50 am
COFFEE SHOPS ARE NOT YOUR PERSONAL OFFICES!!!!!!!
just needed to type that out. i can’t stand how people - like the writer example in the list here - act like the table they’ve claimed at their local cafe is their own, personal office.
paying three dollars for a coffee is not proper rent for a table, bathroom and free wi-fi for the next, five hours. and these bastards probably don’t tip any more than the pay-and-go customers.
the worst is when they act annoyed by anyone making noise near them. it’s a coffee shop, for christ’s sake - a place where people do converse a bit. if you are so important and/or successful, then get your own office.
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:08 am
It should be legal to shoot a Starbucks employee if he/she insists on acting as if they don’t understand the concept of small medium and large.
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:15 am
After working at Starbucks for a few years here’s some more to add to the list:
1) Crazy religious guy that has to tell you about kooky conspiracy theories.
2) Church youth groups, they all order talls, never tip, but have to have their prayer sessions and sing Jesus music for a couple hours
3) Ghetto Latte orders. The guy who orders a couple of shots of espresso in an over sized cup then ravages the free milk on the countertop then comes back and asks you to make his drink hotter by steaming it for him.
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:24 am
And another thing; they’re not “baristas” they are counter help.
Commenter John: Go fuck yourself you dickless asshole!
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:31 am
Wow, 90% of you suck ass. Who cares about any of the shit that you fucking losers are ranting about? Does it have any effect on your lives? Get a life, or a job, or a diploma. Get off of your computer for an hour a day, go outside and actually have a real conversation. You talk about all the assholes in Starbucks, well you’re one of ‘em too. “That asshole that sits in a Starbucks and watches other assholes from a judgmental perspective while thinking that he’s actually better than any of them”. Pricks, all of you. It pisses me off to see that this has become the normal way of expressing one’s self. What happened to not judging people before knowing them? Innocent before proven guilty hasn’t been the standard for a long time, but I guess that’s the new American way.
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:34 am
I’m not going to lie. SB coffee sux but unfortunately Dunkin Doughnuts is not on every corner to give me what I need. So I must continue on listening to all the BS that comes with SB.
HERE’S A CUP OF SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! GOOD DAY…
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:53 am
I love to hypocracy of a the a-hole (Devon Duckworth) who has the nerve to make fun of people who comment on blogs and tries to make it look like they have no life as he clearly spends every waking hour commenting in blogs how people have no lives. Look in the mirror deuce bag!
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:59 am
Yes, people with GEDs are dumb, because they couldn’t even finish high school. Either have the abortion, or put down the drugs during the day. Grow up queers
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:05 am
‘Pursuit of Happiness’ came out in the winter, dumbass. Around Christmas if you want to get specific. Spring release if you were talking about the DVD, which you weren’t.
So you want to be a hater, well I’m right there with you, but get the facts straight or else you look like ‘That knob that complains about how everyone else fucking sucks but them, only to be made the fool by some greater jerkoff’s posting about the formalities behind the rant’.
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:38 am
He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good.
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:38 pm
It seems to me that the best solution would be to go to a different coffee shop, although I’ll admit a certain fondness for my Iced tea lemonade