Here are 8 types of people you'll find inside a Starbucks that are guaranteed to annoy the shit out of you.
8. Manager Who Refuses to Recognize the Words Small, Medium, and Large
I understand, you’re a corporate guy and thus must abide by company policies by calling the different sizes by their Starbucks Christian names of Venti, Grande, etc…. But if I ask you for a small, don’t act like I'm speaking to you in that Native American langauge we used in World War II to deliver coded messages. You’re familiar with the sizes small, medium and large, and if you’re not, then you might want to change underwear because there’s a good chance there’s a sizeable amount of shit in them due to your inability to grasp the concept of wiping your asshole after defecating.
7. Intern Who is Buying for the Entire Office
Wearing an all-white or striped button down shirt, this guy shows up with a legal pad full of hastily scribbled orders. "Yeah, I'm gonna need 24 tall skinny soy lattes with sugar free hazelnut extra hot...and 32 grande no caff cappuccinos with light whip cream, sugar free hazelnut and vanilla with white chocolate mocha. And 14 grande supremos with a triple shot, sugar free vanilla, extra white mocha, no whip, no foam and an extra drizzle. Oh, and can I get a smiley face on the bottom of all those?" And he knows if one of these orders is screwed up, it's going to cost him a chance at the a full-time gig as assistant editor where he can bring coffee to even more important people. So instead of just grabbing his bags and leaving, he inspects all 70-odd cups in his 17 flimsy cardboard holders. If you get behind this guy, you may as well give up any hopes of getting a cup of joe in your lifetime. You're better off flying to Colombia, slitting Juan Valdez's throat and stealing his coffee-harvesting burro.
6. The Writer Who Wants You to Know They’re a Writer
Being a writer is a pretty cool occupation, but unfortunately you can’t tell someone’s a writer just by looking at them. And having to tell someone you’re a writer is way less impressive. Therefore, these people go to the busiest Starbucks and pop open their iMac, making sure their screen is clearly displaying a full page of text (or clear screenplay format for those in Los Angeles). Their next step is to make sure they're facing away from where everyone goes to pick up their drinks while staring at the screen while remembering to take deep breaths which will indicate to others that deep and creative thought that normal minds are not capable of, is taking place. Who gives a shit if an asshole and his mac have spent six hours taking up a table normally reserved for four people, it’s important you know that they’re juggling a complex story about a boy in Alaska who comes of age and befriends a bear. That’s right, they’re creating that using only their minds!
5. Overly Happy Line Greeter/Order Taker
At some point, the Starbucks Corporation realized that their growing legions of employees didn't have the best people skills. Their answer was to create their own version of the Wal-Mart Greeter who also takes your order. But since they don't pay shit, you end up having some G.E.D.-havin' dumbass or an excruciatingly-lonely elderly woman force their brand of corporate chit-chat down your throat. Instead of waiting to pay for your overpriced chai in peace, you have to deal with: "Goooooood morning today! How are you? Some kinda weather we're having isn't it? I wish I was outside in the park! Wouldn't that be nice? It's sooooo sunny! And what's better for you than a nice big dose of Mr. Sun! Maybe some coffee? Ha! So, what can we get you today? Need a little pick-me-up? You do! I think we ALL could use one, yes we could! YES WE COULD! Anyway, I'll get this chai order right up for you. What's your name? Terry? That's my cousin's name! Small world. Yes. It. Is. Small world indeed....Hi! And how are you doing today?!?!"
4. Complicated Order Guy Who Needs his Coffee Right The F*&K Now.
When you order coffee, it shouldn’t sound like you’re giving the pass code to a missile defense system. If you’re lactose intolerant, on a strict diet, and can’t handle a full dose of caffeine, how about instead of ordering a “non-fat, grande, soy chai latte with a half shot of espresso and no foam" and then stand in front of the pick up window and pace like one of Michael Vick’s pitbulls watching Vick pull out the rape stand after losing a fight, you just grab a glass of god damn water and drink that. Last I checked that won’t give you exploding diarrhea or anxiety... unless you’re at the Starbucks in Tijuana.
3. The Guy Who Hates Starbucks But Goes There Every Day
Armed with armchair political rants, this guy is the world's biggest bore and the world's biggest hypocrite combined into one big uber-shithead. He won't shut up about how Starbucks is bad for the environment and how they're taking over the world and how their coffee totally "doesn't taste like the gourmet stuff downtown." But when you bring up the fact that he's ranting about Starbucks while he's actually inside a Starbucks, his crappy hippie-wannabe excuses just start piling up. "Well, here's the thing, I just didn't have time to make it over to my usual coffee place. You know the one way over on 2nd Ave? Yeah, it's one of the last mom and pop coffee shops in the area. I toooootally love that place. It's so real. I was on my way over there, but the traffic was a killer, so I was totally forced to get my fix at this place. I mean, the rich get richer, right? That's the law of the land. I totally can't stand that I have to come here, but that's what they do. They tie your hands, man. These big corporations. They just own you. They're everywhere. Can you hand me one of those Splenda?"
2. Study Groups
Hey, screw the library with all it’s “room” and “group space.” It makes way more sense to go to an incredibly busy and crowded Starbucks with tables that have insufficient space to lay your books. Everyone knows you have a poli-sci midterm, mostly because they can hear every fucking thing you’re saying because you’re yelling so that you can be heard over a frappucino being made. If you could, would you hold a study group session in a Turkish prison? Because Starbucks is basically the same thing, except with less gay sex, and a little bit better coffee.
1. The Person Who Peruses the DVD Section As If They Might Purchase.
It’s really great when you’re waiting in line behind somebody only to realize that they’re not in line, but instead deciding whether or not they want to purchase the “Pursuit of Happyness” DVD. “Gee what’s this movie Pursuit of Happyness about? I didn’t hear of it last summer when it grossed over 100 million dollars. Even though I’ve come here for coffee, I should carefully peruse the back cover to find out more about it!” Also, please don't pick up a copy of “Akeelah and the Bee” as if you were going to buy it. No one buys that movie. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not even a real movie, it was just a box cover created by a group of white Starbucks executives so that customers could hold it in their hands and pretend to read the back, giving the impression to those around them that they’re progressive thinkers who seek out and enjoy films with African American casts.
# Starbucks Guy Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Starbucks has 4 sizes… so… how do your sizes match up with theirs?
There are 4 sizes???
What's the 4th size?
"The Itsy" Which would probably be the size of a KFC bucket?
Or is it "The Blimpie" which in Starbucks terms would be a little bigger than a thimble?
WOW! You stepped on some toes with this one but I think it's great and amazingly accurate.
How do you know when you've nailed it on the head? All those you described come out to knock down your grammar and spelling. Because that's all they've got. You just called them out and all they can do is mope, head over to Starbucks and attack your grammatical skills. I think it's great! You just described half of the douche bags in Southern California and they're all on here bellyaching!
big deal that you're a self-titled "genius" - how is that helping the world? surely no decent job accepts a "GED" certification in place of a college degree...if you were really smart, then you would have put yourself through college and would have done something that would have really benefited the society instead of flipping burgers at mickey d's
wow, your writing style is so douchy, I'll bet anything you wrote this in a Starbucks...and haven't you ever heard of Turkish coffee? ignorance at its best...
Thanks for missing my point entirely, yet picking at what I said so you can flame away. My little story was directed at those who judge others over stupid things, and specifically it was directed at their THINKING. Notice, I never really called those people stupid names, other than saying, you poor, poor people with diplomas. I say that because they were missing or ignoring something very important in order to simply be ugly. I decided, what the hell, some people feel they are better than John with his G.E.D., so I will go ahead and take the wind out of their sails. Not that many would listen, but, I don't care. There is really no need for what they said, or your pathetic need to call me names. What got a rise out of you? That I was defending someone else? Or that I bothered to say a confident thing for which you felt a need to try and tear me down? When I read the anger in what you said, I simply smiled. You mistake me, which is easy, and you assume I have run away with my little gift, thinking I am so great. Nope. Being bold does not mean I am never modest, and I happen to enjoy what I learn far more when I question what I know, rather than assuming I know something so that I can cease learning about it. This means I question and revise my own reasoning, which isn't comfortable if I am so wrapped up in my own ego. Which is why you cannot upset me or cause me to judge you in return. Before assuming someone is a stupid piece of garbage, I assume they had a bad day, or that they misinterpret me. In your case, it is flat-out misunderstanding and assumption, and being moody, which leads you to insult me for whatever you think you stand to gain. You also made the mistake of assuming I am not of the mentality to realize that "genius" does not mean "better." Aside from it being a score, I think the brilliance we call genius can occur in people quite often who do not score as geniuses on our drastically imperfect tests. Elitism is always a false notion of superiority. As for what you said about me needing to respect societal norms, and how those with "common sense" would think I am a piece of garbage - societal norms can easily become harmful when too many people are simply followers, and the idea of "normal" can be found as often as one finds "perfection". There are norms within norms, and everything changes over time - who are you to tell me to conform? I cannot be concerned with your opinion as such. Common sense is useful, but it is normally a shortcut to avoid having to reason through every little thing in life. This leads to a clash between "normal" and "different", and people who cannot leave common sense end up judging others. Which is a waste of time. Some people have to find ways other than the shortcuts. I am happy to do so. On what front can you actually assail my character when you do not know me?
Shit I wish I was homeschooled. I followed wisegeorges advice and looked up a test online. Man, I would fail that thing if I had to take it now. Amazing how much public education sucks ass. Well, what's done is done, time to take it upon myself to get smarter.
pside...
short coffees are 8 oz, talls are 12 oz, grandes are 16 oz, and venti are 20 oz. short and tall are the original sizes. they added a large, grande in italian, shortly after, then venti, italian for 20 (oz).
its just company culture. maybe if you took a moment to enjoy your morning, and interact positively with ANYONE in our company, rather than acting out like a small child, you may have been told the story.
OK,
This was obviously made for entertainment purposes, but, " What The Fuck Man " ?
I work at Starbucks, and to tell you all right now, there is very " Intelligent " people working at the StarBucks I work at.
Three of the girls that I work with are about to graduate from college to be teachers, a couple girls are getting ready to graduate from a very highly respected University here in Illinois " Milikin " !!!
So, before you go and talk shit about something you know nothing about, you better watch who you insult. A lot of people take offense when you criticize Starbucks employees.
It may not be everyone's dream job, but it pays ok, and they provide all employees with full medical benefits. Thats what I call a " Good Steady Job ". So, before your so quick to judge other people, take a look in the mirror.
So, to the person who wrote this, and all those who criticize Starbucks workers, can you say, " Do You Want Fries With That " ? Or, " Paper or Plastic " !!! ( By the way, just in case you were interested, " I have my G.E.D " !!! )
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# coffee master Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
pside…
short coffees are 8 oz, talls are 12 oz, grandes are 16 oz, and venti are 20 oz. short and tall are the original sizes. they added a large, grande in italian, shortly after, then venti, italian for 20 (oz).
its just company culture. maybe if you took a moment to enjoy your morning, and interact positively with ANYONE in our company, rather than acting out like a small child, you may have been told the story.
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Coffee Master,
I have to say one thing, you don't say much but when you do it's to the point and I salute for it. Please forgive me of my absolutely childish ways. I do hope that you took my earlier rhetoric as pure humor as that is all it was meant as.
I was told there was a story to ordering coffee but no one as of yet had told me the story. All my life I was under the assumption that ordering coffee would not involve a story. I thought one might actually go into a shop that pedaled those particular wares and be able to have a cup filled with a particular liquid without having to know Italian translations or for that matter Spanish, being that the two languages are so very similar.
I do so love the very place that you defend ardently. So hear me out please I beg of you.
Let me see if I have this completely understood:
A small is actually the name for the small, imagine that?
Now you say the Tall is not the medium but one might call it the regular maybe?
And the Grande is well bigger than the Tall?
But my question is, is the Grande taller than the Tall?
And what about this Venti, I assume is it fatter than the Grande and Taller than the Tall?
I guess you are right Coffee Master I mean if they did in fact add the other two sizes later, they couldn't just call them SHORT, TALL TALLER and TALLEST
Hmm, well I thank you for straightening that out. But just so you will know, other restaurants have come up with an uncanny method to avoid confusion by just using the following:
*SMALL, MEDIUM, LARGE, EXTRA LARGE
Hey it might catch on and some day all restaurants may use this simplified form.
Thank you so much for straitening that out. I thank you as I am sure many people in these threads do also.
And I will take your advise and enjoy my morning more and that part where I said "We drink it so we don’t kill our co-workers", I was just kidding. We drink it for the enjoyment and look forward to the fine "...company culture" that is Starbucks.
Great list. Wanna meet a ton of ass-headed buttwipes? Go to any Starbucks. Chock full of limp-writed blue-tooth-wearing white fagwipes. Who studies in a crowded loud tiny place? Why do these fagwipes think the store wants their dirty filthy bodies tying up tables when the fagwipe doesn't have a penny to his name? Hey fagbag! Get out of the store! Go molest your granny.
I'll confess to, on occasion, being a "Number 3," primarily because I have mild disdain for the frapp-slurping, "expresso"-pronouncing hoi-polloi. That, and their insipid, over-priced espresso-based beverages. I mean, one 2-oz(?) shot standard for a 12-oz beverage? Seems a little stingy...
How many internerds does it take to change a lightbulb?
# 1 to actually change the light bulb and to post a blog that the light bulb has been changed;
# 14 to post similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently;
# 7 to call the original blogger a douchebag for changing it in the first place;
# 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
# 53 to flame the spelling/grammar critics
# 1 to correct the spelling and grammar in the spelling/grammar flames
# 6 to argue whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
# 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
# 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
# 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and to post the corrected URL's
# 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list
# 143 to ask "what's Usenet?"
I went into an Auntie's Anne's cafe and I asked them for a frappachino. They had frozen coffee drinks and apparently they weren't called frappachino's. The person making it actually asked me "how do you make that?" and proceeded to attempt making a drink that definately wasn't the frozen coffee drink that they sold. After realizing they were completely off track, I corrected myself and told them what I "meant" to order. I knew the next time to say it right as not to confuse anyone.
As another former Barista I have to agree with PJoe - the most annoying customers were the ass clowns who would walk into the store in mid cell phone conversation, get up to the register and mouth their order to me. They couldn't bother to interupt their cell conversation, couldn't even cover up the mouth piece and speak normally...they had to f'ing mouth their order. Of course my response was always, "YOU WANT A TALL NON FAT DOUBLE SHOT MOCHA?" Then suddenly they felt compelled to apologize to both me and the person they were speaking to.
One group that you neglected to include on this list, which I think most any SB employee would agree with is the "I used to work for Starbucks, I know how this drink is supposed to be made, you better make it right, I'm watching you make my drink just to make sure" ex-barista. Unfortunately this is a category I am slightly ashamed to admit that I fit into, however, I DO know how the drink is supposed to be made and not only did I work as a barista, I trained 99% of the new hires that came through my store while I was there so I know all the short cuts and mistakes...and I'm watching you! And the worst part...I know I'm annoying...but I can't help it - don't f' up my drink!
I really hat it when you are in line... say 4th in line... and the person in the front asks for "a coffee". As if they had never heard of starbucks. So, it takes several minutes to go through the possible variations.
And then the next person in line asks for "a coffee". Ugh. More time explaining sizes, et cetera.
Finally, the person in front of you asks for, yes, a coffee.
Is it not possible to pay attention and to adapt? Have you never heard of STRONG, or LARGE/VENTI (whatever)?
I feel bad for the barista who has to explain every 2 minutes how COFFEE F$#KING WORKS!!!
And this adds hours to my week... really, it does!
i hate those ppl who go into starbucks and does things
oh since #1 is just OBSESSIVE and COMPLUSIVELY over-critical
or just bad writing/unimaginative or product of procrastination
i think #1 should be those pathetic starbucks regulars who write and rant about how much they hate other starbucks regulars
i hope starbucks finds a way to start selling worth soon
so you guys can get some
in a nice large glass :)
holy"shit taco" entertaining a reply on an article of such insult to the HUMAN CAMPAIGN" actually diminished (let alone my own moral marit) us all as a whole
thaanx!
wuud you do write this admist soome kind of "incredibly busy/crowded" establishment?
lol i kid.. kinda.
I also hate the assholes who are ordering their beverage while chatting away mindlessly on the cell phone and rush out the door after they pick it up, only to rush back in fustration cause they claimed the drink wasn't made the way they wanted it. OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T GET IT THE WAY YOU WANTED; YOU WERE CHATTING YOUR ASS OFF ON THE PHONE, SO YOU ORDERED SOME CRAP FROM OUT YOUR ASS AND DIDN'T KNOW WTF YOU WERE ORDERING FROM THE BARISTA IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Wow, about what Anonymous said.... You f### with their sandwiches??? What kind of... You deserve some serious jail time. I don't care what kind of people they are to you, to retaliate like that is so disgusting and senseless. I hope you get fired from every job you have until you learn that.
I'm not bothering to read that entire post, don't have the time or the desire, but I did get through the first few lines and if you not understanding how your post came off as smug and arrogant probably explains why you couldn't get through High School.
Having an IQ of 180 does you almost no good if you can't interact with other people to get something accomplished.
If that many people are having that much trouble ordering a SIMPLE COFFEE?
YOU OPTIONS IS FOR THEM TO ADAPT?!?!?!?!
I have a suggestion for you:
Close your Powerbook please and order another coffee and take that bluetooth ear-piece out so you can hear your order, because that's where you are right now isn't it, come on admit it!
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# John Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I really hat it when you are in line… say 4th in line… and the person in the front asks for “a coffee”. As if they had never heard of starbucks. So, it takes several minutes to go through the possible variations.
And then the next person in line asks for “a coffee”. Ugh. More time explaining sizes, et cetera.
Finally, the person in front of you asks for, yes, a coffee.
Is it not possible to pay attention and to adapt? Have you never heard of STRONG, or LARGE/VENTI (whatever)?
I feel bad for the barista who has to explain every 2 minutes how COFFEE F$#KING WORKS!!!
And this adds hours to my week… really, it does!
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This article reminded me of the reason why I avoid this place, or if there's no place else around, I walk in and walk out. The other annoying thing about ordering coffee from Starbucks aside from othercustomers:
Me: Can I have a large coffee with milk?
Starbucks: The milk is over there. You have to put your own milk in it.
Me: You mean to tell me I can have tutti-fruitti syrup, caramel, steamed soy milk, whipped cream or whatever put in there that takes 20 minutes to make but you won't take 2 seconds to pour regular milk in it? And you want a tip?
The comments MAKE this whole thing. There needs to be a follow-up article: 8 kinds of annoying people who comment on articles on the Interweb:
1. Grammar Geek - cannot enjoy the ideas or topics, but looks for errors instead. Probably a premature ejaculator or frigid.
2. Posting Pugilist - likes to e-fight with other commentors. Thinks he/she can "win" in a arguement on the internet.
3. Continuity Counter - looks for inconsistencies and factual errors in an article that probably took about 10 minutes to write and the writer didn't get paid for. Misses the point entirely.
I love how people just regularly repost in comments "funny" things they've come across before, like the post immediately above mine or the idiot up a bit with the dialogue about grande/venti/etc. Lame.
"How did this post turn into a battle for scholarly merit? Go to college and get a real degree. If you can’t afford college, save for it. Then, go and get a real degree. If you are too stupid to get into college, read some books, then keep applying until you’ve been accepted. Then, go and get a real degree."
A real degree of what? Branding. Marketing. Leming. That's about it. If all you're worried about is a job and money, then you have your reward. If you want to be human, read and don't worry about all the nonsense that passes for academics these days.
just needed to type that out. i can't stand how people - like the writer example in the list here - act like the table they've claimed at their local cafe is their own, personal office.
paying three dollars for a coffee is not proper rent for a table, bathroom and free wi-fi for the next, five hours. and these bastards probably don't tip any more than the pay-and-go customers.
the worst is when they act annoyed by anyone making noise near them. it's a coffee shop, for christ's sake - a place where people do converse a bit. if you are so important and/or successful, then get your own office.
After working at Starbucks for a few years here's some more to add to the list:
1) Crazy religious guy that has to tell you about kooky conspiracy theories.
2) Church youth groups, they all order talls, never tip, but have to have their prayer sessions and sing Jesus music for a couple hours
3) Ghetto Latte orders. The guy who orders a couple of shots of espresso in an over sized cup then ravages the free milk on the countertop then comes back and asks you to make his drink hotter by steaming it for him.
Wow, 90% of you suck ass. Who cares about any of the shit that you fucking losers are ranting about? Does it have any effect on your lives? Get a life, or a job, or a diploma. Get off of your computer for an hour a day, go outside and actually have a real conversation. You talk about all the assholes in Starbucks, well you're one of 'em too. "That asshole that sits in a Starbucks and watches other assholes from a judgmental perspective while thinking that he's actually better than any of them". Pricks, all of you. It pisses me off to see that this has become the normal way of expressing one's self. What happened to not judging people before knowing them? Innocent before proven guilty hasn't been the standard for a long time, but I guess that's the new American way.
I'm not going to lie. SB coffee sux but unfortunately Dunkin Doughnuts is not on every corner to give me what I need. So I must continue on listening to all the BS that comes with SB.
HERE'S A CUP OF SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! GOOD DAY...
I love to hypocracy of a the a-hole (Devon Duckworth) who has the nerve to make fun of people who comment on blogs and tries to make it look like they have no life as he clearly spends every waking hour commenting in blogs how people have no lives. Look in the mirror deuce bag!
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
May 21st, 2008 at 09:41 pm
hahhah ewe fale at grammer
May 21st, 2008 at 09:55 pm
# Starbucks Guy Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Starbucks has 4 sizes… so… how do your sizes match up with theirs?
There are 4 sizes???
What's the 4th size?
"The Itsy" Which would probably be the size of a KFC bucket?
Or is it "The Blimpie" which in Starbucks terms would be a little bigger than a thimble?
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May 21st, 2008 at 10:01 pm
WOW! You stepped on some toes with this one but I think it's great and amazingly accurate.
How do you know when you've nailed it on the head? All those you described come out to knock down your grammar and spelling. Because that's all they've got. You just called them out and all they can do is mope, head over to Starbucks and attack your grammatical skills. I think it's great! You just described half of the douche bags in Southern California and they're all on here bellyaching!
May 21st, 2008 at 10:04 pm
# sbux lover Says:
Mike - A dirty Chai is the best!!
Hey "Sbux"
I don't think its nice to talk about Asian people like that.
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May 21st, 2008 at 10:31 pm
@irony
big deal that you're a self-titled "genius" - how is that helping the world? surely no decent job accepts a "GED" certification in place of a college degree...if you were really smart, then you would have put yourself through college and would have done something that would have really benefited the society instead of flipping burgers at mickey d's
May 21st, 2008 at 10:36 pm
wow, your writing style is so douchy, I'll bet anything you wrote this in a Starbucks...and haven't you ever heard of Turkish coffee? ignorance at its best...
May 21st, 2008 at 10:54 pm
@ Ward
Thanks for missing my point entirely, yet picking at what I said so you can flame away. My little story was directed at those who judge others over stupid things, and specifically it was directed at their THINKING. Notice, I never really called those people stupid names, other than saying, you poor, poor people with diplomas. I say that because they were missing or ignoring something very important in order to simply be ugly. I decided, what the hell, some people feel they are better than John with his G.E.D., so I will go ahead and take the wind out of their sails. Not that many would listen, but, I don't care. There is really no need for what they said, or your pathetic need to call me names. What got a rise out of you? That I was defending someone else? Or that I bothered to say a confident thing for which you felt a need to try and tear me down? When I read the anger in what you said, I simply smiled. You mistake me, which is easy, and you assume I have run away with my little gift, thinking I am so great. Nope. Being bold does not mean I am never modest, and I happen to enjoy what I learn far more when I question what I know, rather than assuming I know something so that I can cease learning about it. This means I question and revise my own reasoning, which isn't comfortable if I am so wrapped up in my own ego. Which is why you cannot upset me or cause me to judge you in return. Before assuming someone is a stupid piece of garbage, I assume they had a bad day, or that they misinterpret me. In your case, it is flat-out misunderstanding and assumption, and being moody, which leads you to insult me for whatever you think you stand to gain. You also made the mistake of assuming I am not of the mentality to realize that "genius" does not mean "better." Aside from it being a score, I think the brilliance we call genius can occur in people quite often who do not score as geniuses on our drastically imperfect tests. Elitism is always a false notion of superiority. As for what you said about me needing to respect societal norms, and how those with "common sense" would think I am a piece of garbage - societal norms can easily become harmful when too many people are simply followers, and the idea of "normal" can be found as often as one finds "perfection". There are norms within norms, and everything changes over time - who are you to tell me to conform? I cannot be concerned with your opinion as such. Common sense is useful, but it is normally a shortcut to avoid having to reason through every little thing in life. This leads to a clash between "normal" and "different", and people who cannot leave common sense end up judging others. Which is a waste of time. Some people have to find ways other than the shortcuts. I am happy to do so. On what front can you actually assail my character when you do not know me?
May 21st, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Shit I wish I was homeschooled. I followed wisegeorges advice and looked up a test online. Man, I would fail that thing if I had to take it now. Amazing how much public education sucks ass. Well, what's done is done, time to take it upon myself to get smarter.
May 21st, 2008 at 11:21 pm
pside...
short coffees are 8 oz, talls are 12 oz, grandes are 16 oz, and venti are 20 oz. short and tall are the original sizes. they added a large, grande in italian, shortly after, then venti, italian for 20 (oz).
its just company culture. maybe if you took a moment to enjoy your morning, and interact positively with ANYONE in our company, rather than acting out like a small child, you may have been told the story.
May 21st, 2008 at 11:31 pm
i'm sure the use of "imac" was meant to be funny....intentional. as if to say "iphone, macbook, whatever the fuck you think makes you cool"
May 21st, 2008 at 11:34 pm
if you actually go to starbucks you suck in the first place, so what is this all about?
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:01 am
OK,
This was obviously made for entertainment purposes, but, " What The Fuck Man " ?
I work at Starbucks, and to tell you all right now, there is very " Intelligent " people working at the StarBucks I work at.
Three of the girls that I work with are about to graduate from college to be teachers, a couple girls are getting ready to graduate from a very highly respected University here in Illinois " Milikin " !!!
So, before you go and talk shit about something you know nothing about, you better watch who you insult. A lot of people take offense when you criticize Starbucks employees.
It may not be everyone's dream job, but it pays ok, and they provide all employees with full medical benefits. Thats what I call a " Good Steady Job ". So, before your so quick to judge other people, take a look in the mirror.
So, to the person who wrote this, and all those who criticize Starbucks workers, can you say, " Do You Want Fries With That " ? Or, " Paper or Plastic " !!! ( By the way, just in case you were interested, " I have my G.E.D " !!! )
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:15 am
I just have to say about the whole G.E.D. thing up there....I know plenty of highschool graduates who work in McD's. Lawl.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:20 am
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# coffee master Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
pside…
short coffees are 8 oz, talls are 12 oz, grandes are 16 oz, and venti are 20 oz. short and tall are the original sizes. they added a large, grande in italian, shortly after, then venti, italian for 20 (oz).
its just company culture. maybe if you took a moment to enjoy your morning, and interact positively with ANYONE in our company, rather than acting out like a small child, you may have been told the story.
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Coffee Master,
I have to say one thing, you don't say much but when you do it's to the point and I salute for it. Please forgive me of my absolutely childish ways. I do hope that you took my earlier rhetoric as pure humor as that is all it was meant as.
I was told there was a story to ordering coffee but no one as of yet had told me the story. All my life I was under the assumption that ordering coffee would not involve a story. I thought one might actually go into a shop that pedaled those particular wares and be able to have a cup filled with a particular liquid without having to know Italian translations or for that matter Spanish, being that the two languages are so very similar.
I do so love the very place that you defend ardently. So hear me out please I beg of you.
Let me see if I have this completely understood:
A small is actually the name for the small, imagine that?
Now you say the Tall is not the medium but one might call it the regular maybe?
And the Grande is well bigger than the Tall?
But my question is, is the Grande taller than the Tall?
And what about this Venti, I assume is it fatter than the Grande and Taller than the Tall?
I guess you are right Coffee Master I mean if they did in fact add the other two sizes later, they couldn't just call them SHORT, TALL TALLER and TALLEST
Hmm, well I thank you for straightening that out. But just so you will know, other restaurants have come up with an uncanny method to avoid confusion by just using the following:
*SMALL, MEDIUM, LARGE, EXTRA LARGE
Hey it might catch on and some day all restaurants may use this simplified form.
Thank you so much for straitening that out. I thank you as I am sure many people in these threads do also.
And I will take your advise and enjoy my morning more and that part where I said "We drink it so we don’t kill our co-workers", I was just kidding. We drink it for the enjoyment and look forward to the fine "...company culture" that is Starbucks.
-
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:26 am
Great list. Wanna meet a ton of ass-headed buttwipes? Go to any Starbucks. Chock full of limp-writed blue-tooth-wearing white fagwipes. Who studies in a crowded loud tiny place? Why do these fagwipes think the store wants their dirty filthy bodies tying up tables when the fagwipe doesn't have a penny to his name? Hey fagbag! Get out of the store! Go molest your granny.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:27 am
1 Type Of Annoying People You'll Find Writing Blog Posts:
1. People who steal photographs to illustrate blog posts without giving correct (or any) attribution.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:32 am
What's Starbucks?
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:40 am
I'll confess to, on occasion, being a "Number 3," primarily because I have mild disdain for the frapp-slurping, "expresso"-pronouncing hoi-polloi. That, and their insipid, over-priced espresso-based beverages. I mean, one 2-oz(?) shot standard for a 12-oz beverage? Seems a little stingy...
Ok, so I kinda proved my own point...
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:40 am
I am all of those people.
May 22nd, 2008 at 01:04 am
I'm no. 3. So is the person who wrote this.
May 22nd, 2008 at 01:26 am
8 MEGGA DEUCHBAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 01:54 am
How many internerds does it take to change a lightbulb?
# 1 to actually change the light bulb and to post a blog that the light bulb has been changed;
# 14 to post similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently;
# 7 to call the original blogger a douchebag for changing it in the first place;
# 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
# 53 to flame the spelling/grammar critics
# 1 to correct the spelling and grammar in the spelling/grammar flames
# 6 to argue whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
# 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
# 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
# 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and to post the corrected URL's
# 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list
# 143 to ask "what's Usenet?"
May 22nd, 2008 at 02:15 am
I hate it when people do #8.
I went into an Auntie's Anne's cafe and I asked them for a frappachino. They had frozen coffee drinks and apparently they weren't called frappachino's. The person making it actually asked me "how do you make that?" and proceeded to attempt making a drink that definately wasn't the frozen coffee drink that they sold. After realizing they were completely off track, I corrected myself and told them what I "meant" to order. I knew the next time to say it right as not to confuse anyone.
May 22nd, 2008 at 02:17 am
As another former Barista I have to agree with PJoe - the most annoying customers were the ass clowns who would walk into the store in mid cell phone conversation, get up to the register and mouth their order to me. They couldn't bother to interupt their cell conversation, couldn't even cover up the mouth piece and speak normally...they had to f'ing mouth their order. Of course my response was always, "YOU WANT A TALL NON FAT DOUBLE SHOT MOCHA?" Then suddenly they felt compelled to apologize to both me and the person they were speaking to.
One group that you neglected to include on this list, which I think most any SB employee would agree with is the "I used to work for Starbucks, I know how this drink is supposed to be made, you better make it right, I'm watching you make my drink just to make sure" ex-barista. Unfortunately this is a category I am slightly ashamed to admit that I fit into, however, I DO know how the drink is supposed to be made and not only did I work as a barista, I trained 99% of the new hires that came through my store while I was there so I know all the short cuts and mistakes...and I'm watching you! And the worst part...I know I'm annoying...but I can't help it - don't f' up my drink!
May 22nd, 2008 at 02:32 am
I make sandwiches #4's
I fuck with their sandwich sometimes for being gigantic douches, and they still come back without realizing it.
lawl.
May 22nd, 2008 at 03:50 am
I'm Gay, but only in Starbucks.
May 22nd, 2008 at 04:14 am
I really hat it when you are in line... say 4th in line... and the person in the front asks for "a coffee". As if they had never heard of starbucks. So, it takes several minutes to go through the possible variations.
And then the next person in line asks for "a coffee". Ugh. More time explaining sizes, et cetera.
Finally, the person in front of you asks for, yes, a coffee.
Is it not possible to pay attention and to adapt? Have you never heard of STRONG, or LARGE/VENTI (whatever)?
I feel bad for the barista who has to explain every 2 minutes how COFFEE F$#KING WORKS!!!
And this adds hours to my week... really, it does!
May 22nd, 2008 at 04:34 am
OMGZ!!!1 LIKE I JST RELIZED DAT VENTI IZ 20 IN FRITTALION!!1 I IZ SO SMRT!
-kthxbye
May 22nd, 2008 at 06:04 am
i hate those ppl who go into starbucks and does things
oh since #1 is just OBSESSIVE and COMPLUSIVELY over-critical
or just bad writing/unimaginative or product of procrastination
i think #1 should be those pathetic starbucks regulars who write and rant about how much they hate other starbucks regulars
i hope starbucks finds a way to start selling worth soon
so you guys can get some
in a nice large glass :)
holy"shit taco" entertaining a reply on an article of such insult to the HUMAN CAMPAIGN" actually diminished (let alone my own moral marit) us all as a whole
thaanx!
wuud you do write this admist soome kind of "incredibly busy/crowded" establishment?
lol i kid.. kinda.
May 22nd, 2008 at 07:45 am
I'm so glad I never went into a Starbucks. Sounds WAY overcomplicated, expensive, and irritating. I'll stick with my cheap grounds and coffee-maker.
May 22nd, 2008 at 07:46 am
I also hate the assholes who are ordering their beverage while chatting away mindlessly on the cell phone and rush out the door after they pick it up, only to rush back in fustration cause they claimed the drink wasn't made the way they wanted it. OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T GET IT THE WAY YOU WANTED; YOU WERE CHATTING YOUR ASS OFF ON THE PHONE, SO YOU ORDERED SOME CRAP FROM OUT YOUR ASS AND DIDN'T KNOW WTF YOU WERE ORDERING FROM THE BARISTA IN THE FIRST PLACE.
May 22nd, 2008 at 07:59 am
Wow, about what Anonymous said.... You f### with their sandwiches??? What kind of... You deserve some serious jail time. I don't care what kind of people they are to you, to retaliate like that is so disgusting and senseless. I hope you get fired from every job you have until you learn that.
May 22nd, 2008 at 09:11 am
How about anyone who even goes there? Seriously, it's fucking coffee. Make it at home!
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:27 am
@ Irony
I'm not bothering to read that entire post, don't have the time or the desire, but I did get through the first few lines and if you not understanding how your post came off as smug and arrogant probably explains why you couldn't get through High School.
Having an IQ of 180 does you almost no good if you can't interact with other people to get something accomplished.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:07 am
"hey idiot,
chai is tea.
no one but an idiot would put a shot of espresso in their chai."
TONS of people put a shot of espresso in their chai. It's called a dirty chai.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:15 am
The Writer Who Wants You to Know They’re a Writer, You said iMac, I would like to see someone fit a iMac on a table. More like a Macbook.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:49 am
I just decapitated #4 and I'm stalking the ugly zionist holding the door for #7.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Starbucks is American crap!
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
i'm a #3
May 22nd, 2008 at 01:47 pm
I just use the drive through.
May 22nd, 2008 at 01:58 pm
In answer to your post below...
If that many people are having that much trouble ordering a SIMPLE COFFEE?
YOU OPTIONS IS FOR THEM TO ADAPT?!?!?!?!
I have a suggestion for you:
Close your Powerbook please and order another coffee and take that bluetooth ear-piece out so you can hear your order, because that's where you are right now isn't it, come on admit it!
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# John Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I really hat it when you are in line… say 4th in line… and the person in the front asks for “a coffee”. As if they had never heard of starbucks. So, it takes several minutes to go through the possible variations.
And then the next person in line asks for “a coffee”. Ugh. More time explaining sizes, et cetera.
Finally, the person in front of you asks for, yes, a coffee.
Is it not possible to pay attention and to adapt? Have you never heard of STRONG, or LARGE/VENTI (whatever)?
I feel bad for the barista who has to explain every 2 minutes how COFFEE F$#KING WORKS!!!
And this adds hours to my week… really, it does!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May 22nd, 2008 at 02:03 pm
This article reminded me of the reason why I avoid this place, or if there's no place else around, I walk in and walk out. The other annoying thing about ordering coffee from Starbucks aside from othercustomers:
Me: Can I have a large coffee with milk?
Starbucks: The milk is over there. You have to put your own milk in it.
Me: You mean to tell me I can have tutti-fruitti syrup, caramel, steamed soy milk, whipped cream or whatever put in there that takes 20 minutes to make but you won't take 2 seconds to pour regular milk in it? And you want a tip?
The comments MAKE this whole thing. There needs to be a follow-up article: 8 kinds of annoying people who comment on articles on the Interweb:
1. Grammar Geek - cannot enjoy the ideas or topics, but looks for errors instead. Probably a premature ejaculator or frigid.
2. Posting Pugilist - likes to e-fight with other commentors. Thinks he/she can "win" in a arguement on the internet.
3. Continuity Counter - looks for inconsistencies and factual errors in an article that probably took about 10 minutes to write and the writer didn't get paid for. Misses the point entirely.
Feel free to add your own...
May 22nd, 2008 at 02:21 pm
I love how people just regularly repost in comments "funny" things they've come across before, like the post immediately above mine or the idiot up a bit with the dialogue about grande/venti/etc. Lame.
"How did this post turn into a battle for scholarly merit? Go to college and get a real degree. If you can’t afford college, save for it. Then, go and get a real degree. If you are too stupid to get into college, read some books, then keep applying until you’ve been accepted. Then, go and get a real degree."
A real degree of what? Branding. Marketing. Leming. That's about it. If all you're worried about is a job and money, then you have your reward. If you want to be human, read and don't worry about all the nonsense that passes for academics these days.
May 22nd, 2008 at 02:50 pm
COFFEE SHOPS ARE NOT YOUR PERSONAL OFFICES!!!!!!!
just needed to type that out. i can't stand how people - like the writer example in the list here - act like the table they've claimed at their local cafe is their own, personal office.
paying three dollars for a coffee is not proper rent for a table, bathroom and free wi-fi for the next, five hours. and these bastards probably don't tip any more than the pay-and-go customers.
the worst is when they act annoyed by anyone making noise near them. it's a coffee shop, for christ's sake - a place where people do converse a bit. if you are so important and/or successful, then get your own office.
May 22nd, 2008 at 03:08 pm
It should be legal to shoot a Starbucks employee if he/she insists on acting as if they don't understand the concept of small medium and large.
May 22nd, 2008 at 03:15 pm
After working at Starbucks for a few years here's some more to add to the list:
1) Crazy religious guy that has to tell you about kooky conspiracy theories.
2) Church youth groups, they all order talls, never tip, but have to have their prayer sessions and sing Jesus music for a couple hours
3) Ghetto Latte orders. The guy who orders a couple of shots of espresso in an over sized cup then ravages the free milk on the countertop then comes back and asks you to make his drink hotter by steaming it for him.
May 22nd, 2008 at 03:24 pm
And another thing; they're not "baristas" they are counter help.
Commenter John: Go fuck yourself you dickless asshole!
May 22nd, 2008 at 03:31 pm
Wow, 90% of you suck ass. Who cares about any of the shit that you fucking losers are ranting about? Does it have any effect on your lives? Get a life, or a job, or a diploma. Get off of your computer for an hour a day, go outside and actually have a real conversation. You talk about all the assholes in Starbucks, well you're one of 'em too. "That asshole that sits in a Starbucks and watches other assholes from a judgmental perspective while thinking that he's actually better than any of them". Pricks, all of you. It pisses me off to see that this has become the normal way of expressing one's self. What happened to not judging people before knowing them? Innocent before proven guilty hasn't been the standard for a long time, but I guess that's the new American way.
May 22nd, 2008 at 03:34 pm
I'm not going to lie. SB coffee sux but unfortunately Dunkin Doughnuts is not on every corner to give me what I need. So I must continue on listening to all the BS that comes with SB.
HERE'S A CUP OF SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! GOOD DAY...
May 22nd, 2008 at 03:53 pm
I love to hypocracy of a the a-hole (Devon Duckworth) who has the nerve to make fun of people who comment on blogs and tries to make it look like they have no life as he clearly spends every waking hour commenting in blogs how people have no lives. Look in the mirror deuce bag!
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