Here are 8 types of people you'll find inside a Starbucks that are guaranteed to annoy the shit out of you.
8. Manager Who Refuses to Recognize the Words Small, Medium, and Large
I understand, you’re a corporate guy and thus must abide by company policies by calling the different sizes by their Starbucks Christian names of Venti, Grande, etc…. But if I ask you for a small, don’t act like I'm speaking to you in that Native American langauge we used in World War II to deliver coded messages. You’re familiar with the sizes small, medium and large, and if you’re not, then you might want to change underwear because there’s a good chance there’s a sizeable amount of shit in them due to your inability to grasp the concept of wiping your asshole after defecating.
7. Intern Who is Buying for the Entire Office
Wearing an all-white or striped button down shirt, this guy shows up with a legal pad full of hastily scribbled orders. "Yeah, I'm gonna need 24 tall skinny soy lattes with sugar free hazelnut extra hot...and 32 grande no caff cappuccinos with light whip cream, sugar free hazelnut and vanilla with white chocolate mocha. And 14 grande supremos with a triple shot, sugar free vanilla, extra white mocha, no whip, no foam and an extra drizzle. Oh, and can I get a smiley face on the bottom of all those?" And he knows if one of these orders is screwed up, it's going to cost him a chance at the a full-time gig as assistant editor where he can bring coffee to even more important people. So instead of just grabbing his bags and leaving, he inspects all 70-odd cups in his 17 flimsy cardboard holders. If you get behind this guy, you may as well give up any hopes of getting a cup of joe in your lifetime. You're better off flying to Colombia, slitting Juan Valdez's throat and stealing his coffee-harvesting burro.
6. The Writer Who Wants You to Know They’re a Writer
Being a writer is a pretty cool occupation, but unfortunately you can’t tell someone’s a writer just by looking at them. And having to tell someone you’re a writer is way less impressive. Therefore, these people go to the busiest Starbucks and pop open their iMac, making sure their screen is clearly displaying a full page of text (or clear screenplay format for those in Los Angeles). Their next step is to make sure they're facing away from where everyone goes to pick up their drinks while staring at the screen while remembering to take deep breaths which will indicate to others that deep and creative thought that normal minds are not capable of, is taking place. Who gives a shit if an asshole and his mac have spent six hours taking up a table normally reserved for four people, it’s important you know that they’re juggling a complex story about a boy in Alaska who comes of age and befriends a bear. That’s right, they’re creating that using only their minds!
5. Overly Happy Line Greeter/Order Taker
At some point, the Starbucks Corporation realized that their growing legions of employees didn't have the best people skills. Their answer was to create their own version of the Wal-Mart Greeter who also takes your order. But since they don't pay shit, you end up having some G.E.D.-havin' dumbass or an excruciatingly-lonely elderly woman force their brand of corporate chit-chat down your throat. Instead of waiting to pay for your overpriced chai in peace, you have to deal with: "Goooooood morning today! How are you? Some kinda weather we're having isn't it? I wish I was outside in the park! Wouldn't that be nice? It's sooooo sunny! And what's better for you than a nice big dose of Mr. Sun! Maybe some coffee? Ha! So, what can we get you today? Need a little pick-me-up? You do! I think we ALL could use one, yes we could! YES WE COULD! Anyway, I'll get this chai order right up for you. What's your name? Terry? That's my cousin's name! Small world. Yes. It. Is. Small world indeed....Hi! And how are you doing today?!?!"
4. Complicated Order Guy Who Needs his Coffee Right The F*&K Now.
When you order coffee, it shouldn’t sound like you’re giving the pass code to a missile defense system. If you’re lactose intolerant, on a strict diet, and can’t handle a full dose of caffeine, how about instead of ordering a “non-fat, grande, soy chai latte with a half shot of espresso and no foam" and then stand in front of the pick up window and pace like one of Michael Vick’s pitbulls watching Vick pull out the rape stand after losing a fight, you just grab a glass of god damn water and drink that. Last I checked that won’t give you exploding diarrhea or anxiety... unless you’re at the Starbucks in Tijuana.
3. The Guy Who Hates Starbucks But Goes There Every Day
Armed with armchair political rants, this guy is the world's biggest bore and the world's biggest hypocrite combined into one big uber-shithead. He won't shut up about how Starbucks is bad for the environment and how they're taking over the world and how their coffee totally "doesn't taste like the gourmet stuff downtown." But when you bring up the fact that he's ranting about Starbucks while he's actually inside a Starbucks, his crappy hippie-wannabe excuses just start piling up. "Well, here's the thing, I just didn't have time to make it over to my usual coffee place. You know the one way over on 2nd Ave? Yeah, it's one of the last mom and pop coffee shops in the area. I toooootally love that place. It's so real. I was on my way over there, but the traffic was a killer, so I was totally forced to get my fix at this place. I mean, the rich get richer, right? That's the law of the land. I totally can't stand that I have to come here, but that's what they do. They tie your hands, man. These big corporations. They just own you. They're everywhere. Can you hand me one of those Splenda?"
2. Study Groups
Hey, screw the library with all it’s “room” and “group space.” It makes way more sense to go to an incredibly busy and crowded Starbucks with tables that have insufficient space to lay your books. Everyone knows you have a poli-sci midterm, mostly because they can hear every fucking thing you’re saying because you’re yelling so that you can be heard over a frappucino being made. If you could, would you hold a study group session in a Turkish prison? Because Starbucks is basically the same thing, except with less gay sex, and a little bit better coffee.
1. The Person Who Peruses the DVD Section As If They Might Purchase.
It’s really great when you’re waiting in line behind somebody only to realize that they’re not in line, but instead deciding whether or not they want to purchase the “Pursuit of Happyness” DVD. “Gee what’s this movie Pursuit of Happyness about? I didn’t hear of it last summer when it grossed over 100 million dollars. Even though I’ve come here for coffee, I should carefully peruse the back cover to find out more about it!” Also, please don't pick up a copy of “Akeelah and the Bee” as if you were going to buy it. No one buys that movie. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not even a real movie, it was just a box cover created by a group of white Starbucks executives so that customers could hold it in their hands and pretend to read the back, giving the impression to those around them that they’re progressive thinkers who seek out and enjoy films with African American casts.
Yes, people with GEDs are dumb, because they couldn't even finish high school. Either have the abortion, or put down the drugs during the day. Grow up queers
'Pursuit of Happiness' came out in the winter, dumbass. Around Christmas if you want to get specific. Spring release if you were talking about the DVD, which you weren't.
So you want to be a hater, well I'm right there with you, but get the facts straight or else you look like 'That knob that complains about how everyone else fucking sucks but them, only to be made the fool by some greater jerkoff's posting about the formalities behind the rant'.
Wow, what a bunch of fucking losers you all are!!! I've NEVER been in a starbucks, I saw it for the pretentious shit it is from day one. Anyone who will pay the same amount you could buy a WHOLE POUND OF COFFEE for one cup is a FUCKING MORON. PERIOD. And all you other faggots whining about who's spelling what wrong or what, god damn!! What a bunch of losers!!!
I make coffee in a PERCOLATOR, on the stove, and it's approximately EIGHT MILLION TIMES BETTER than the watery swill at whatchamacallit.
I live in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. A hip and trendy tourist town. Unfortunately, we are now so hip and trendy that we have a starbuck's . I want to burn the motherfucker down. Let me clue you all in, trendoids: Starbuck's SUCKS. Why would you come all the way to Mexico, where the local people don't even DRINK coffee, and go to a fucking Starbuck's ????? How far up your ass is your head? Do you think anyone gives a fuck how hip you are that you can pay twelve bucks for a fucking frappuchino latte grande quarenta mocha nonfat steamed whatever fucking pile of shit? AAARGH!!! I am now going to go down the street and beat the shit out of the next douchebag that comes out of the starbucks, before I go to the Mexican bar across the street and pound shots of tequila with beer chasers, LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO IN A MEXICAN BEACH RESORT.
Are you just trying to be my opinionated life coach? Honestly, you are sticking to what you think despite not even knowing the person you are talking to. Knowing a person is sort of necessary before you can really criticize them. Which is why I did not claim to know so much about you. It is unfortunate you cannot give me that same respect, but it does not bother me because it's more fun to not insult you back. Unless being called an overly-opinionated life coach is going too far. You did set aside time just to insult me, yet you wouldn't read what I said because your time is so precious. When you let me know that, you also called me smug.
If you do not like being smug yourself, do not trouble yourself with occasions when you think you find it in others. Try being less smug yourself first and don't let your whole consciousness of other human beings be stuck in categories and generalities.
OR, if you are not truly a smug person yourself, then you did the exact same thing I did - you chose to step out and speak in a way you don't find so desirable. I don't know all the people I do by flaunting my qualities. That would alienate them. I only feel the need to take people down a few notches when they are victimizing someone who doesn't deserve it.
Wow! This was awesome...The list was alright, very accurate but the commentary was lukewarm. I just get a cup of coffe when I go and refuse to use their marketing terms because every coffe shop has their own marketing bandwagon to jump and one could waste their time on earth trying to learn it all!
Anyway, the amount of gay, GED, Mac, grammer, and inteligence bashing was very entertaining! I had to foreward this over to my coworker in the next cubicle cause I was laughing out loud so much he had to get a piece of the action. Keep wasting electricity complaining about how lame everyone else is and I will keep lowering my productivity wasting the day reading some gober in Boise's opinions on worthless topics.
:) The funniest part of this is the angry replies from people who are obviously that prick in line who us normal people dread having to serve!! Lord, to the author if you read this, are you seeing like I am that the spell-checkers here are the ones who can't wait to correct the barista on proper name usage for Starbucks drinks and procedures? LOL! And everyone in line behind them is saying in their minds, "Shut the hell up and order your stupid artificially flavored coffee-colored milk drink already!" And the writer thing is kind of mean, but true AND hee-larious! Look at Candycats having a hair ball!
I'm not sure about the Starbucks archtypes, as I have only been to a Starbucks once. 12 years ago. And it sucked.
However, it's not "just coffee." It's espresso. Granted, an espresso at Starbucks is only one rung up from the "cappuccino" you can get out of a machine at the gas station, but it's still an entirely different beast than coffee. Coffee's good, but espresso is heaven.
I'm sure someone's mentioned it, but what of the groups of Christians who have to go in on weeknights or weekends and hold Bible studies at all the outside tables where the smokers wanna sit? Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. I'da grouped them in with the group of people studying, but we all know that they're not studying shit. They're there to p-r-o-s-e-l-e-t-y-z-e baby!
Every last one of you are ignorant except the ones that are not ignorant. Sean and all of the Sean apologists secretly crave man twizzlers. That is like, so obvious.
Great list. I have another one: the asshole who must have Starbucks several times a day but is surprised when there is a line of people waiting to order and irritated that not everyone spends $20 a day on Starbucks and don't walk in the door know EXACTLY what they want.
Great list, amazing comments section. I'm so, so happy I took the 20 minutes to read the comments, hahaha.
@ Irony:
Clearly you are the biggest douchebag mentioned anywhere within this list. For one, I'm trying to imagine any true genius that would think defending GED's online would make two shits worth a difference in this world, other than giving people material to flame him for. Second, if you're actually so intelligent, um, why is it you feel it necessary to defend yourself in the comment section for a comedy article? Talk about one of the biggest wastes of time possible. The only reason I'm posting this now is because I know it's going to piss you off further, which I find extremely entertaining.
Anyways mate, I suggest you take your (claimed) abnormally high IQ along with your (evident) abnormally low social skills elsewhere, because really, you aren't doing anyone any good by being a douche online.
Maybe you could follow my example, as I'm heading off to use MY abnormally high IQ coupled with my excellent martial arts training to fight crime and make this world a better place. Quit being a fucking stain on society.
Oh, and don't forget to check out my new movie this summer. PEACE.
I think I'm another type of people inside Starbucks everyday.
I'm always drawing so people can see my art, begin a conversation and sometimes I got a deal... regiaart.com
Well by the way that this person wrote out the different drinks the intern has to order, we can tell that this person is definitely NOT a regular at Starbucks. That is not the order the drinks are called.
Anyone who is calling people with GED's stupid or retarded need to look at what good their own high school diploma did for them. For me it did absolutely nothing other just being there. At the end it's the guy who makes the most money that takes the cake, not the guy with the prettiest degree or piece of paper. If you are taking school for learning then you might as well be a drop out since that means your probably not making much money and living off the welfare system.
That being said I do with I was homeschooled. It would have accelerated my life as I could have skipped many years of wasted Middle School/High School time. For those of you who think you were actually doing something in High School then haha you a) have simply replaced your memories with some scenes from a teen movie or b) Were doing something wrong during High School. End of Story.
Hahah, that list kicks ass. So true. Number #7 is universal and applies to everywhere I go. No matter where it is, I always get stuck behind the person ordering for an entire office.
Some people want to cause others misery, and I prefer to call them out for it wherever they are if they are really asking for it. Unexpected places are even better, especially when people expect everyone to act in a certain way according to their surroundings, as though norms are reality. If they were insulting someone who uses paper instead of plastic, I would still say something. We all know people aren't so openly critical when face to face. I find these things interesting. Notice, if I were pissed off, I would probably be trying to insult you. No one else cared enough to pretend to be Batman and mock me.
Well,I've never been to a SB myself,but I heated a grande mug of MAXWELL HOUSE (good to the last drop) in the microwave as I was reading all the hilarious posts.
Whose the genious???
omg ya so liek i wuz gunna sae taht da raelly anoing ppl in dere are liek does daeng hiskewl skppers.....ya dey r liek seo anoing mahn wif dere "omg i liek wunt a tull frapp"
Don't hassle baristas over sizes! Starbucks actually has 4 sizes (short, tall, grande, and venti) which can't be translated to small, medium, and large. When your "corporate" barista "refuses to recognize" the "American" terms small, medium and large; it's not because of their shit smeared underwear... It's because they don't want to remake a drink for a douche who's too lazy (or anti consumerist... yawn) to order off the menu. Oh and Robert, baristas are capable of doing simple conversions in their head and like it when you order by the ounce (a precise order is a good order).
OHHH , i am so glad that they didn't have me! as a top 10 annoying people. I'm the person who is always indecisive in his ordering and holds up the line. lol
"It’d be nice if an extra shot meant rum not espresso, you need it after dealing with their customers."
Ahhhhh I do LOVE my rum. It's the perfect drink. Shoot it straight, put it in your coffee, in your Coke, and in almost anything else you want to drink. I think that if it wasn't for the rum, I'd have killed off everyone around me a long time ago.
Thanks for all the comments, I've never laughed so hard in my life. Kudos to Kevin and thanks for the term "prost-a tots"-now I know what to call those sad little girls. As a current partner, I'd like to add the following: Customers who have no boundaries(e.g. creepy older dude who slipped a twenty into one of my barely legal partner's pocket on her birthday and shows off the tattoo on his chest, please stop and no we're not interested in your toe ring either) and please don't ask us when there is going to be a pictoral on the girls of Starbucks or bring up the local independent drive through espresso stands with baristas in bikinis or lingerie, we don't care and I can't imagine how these poor women avoid burns in delicate areas.Please keep those fantasies private. I'm stepping off the soapbox now. Thanks!
Hun, I think you need to try the decaf. So, some people are cheerful, some like to hang out there to work or study or drink coffee, some just want their coffee - does it really matter? I doubt they're overly bothered by you, and I really doubt they're doing anything just to bother you. They're just doing their thing.
My ex boyfriend was such a prick, i come from a small town which does not have a STBX, and when i would go up to visit him, he would make a big frickin deal about taking me to one...like i'm supposed to be knocked out by that....then we get there and he had to lug in all these phony references to this "barista" and that "barista", cuz of course they were all part of his dickweed inner posse or something.
Go to Walmart and buy the SamsChoice wannabe STBX stuff...i would say it's probaby the same stuff, just a different bag, but it's actually better than starbucks.
People spend on average about 2,000 bucks a year when they make regular daily visits to starbucks....amazing.
(393 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
May 22nd, 2008 at 03:59 pm
Yes, people with GEDs are dumb, because they couldn't even finish high school. Either have the abortion, or put down the drugs during the day. Grow up queers
May 22nd, 2008 at 04:05 pm
'Pursuit of Happiness' came out in the winter, dumbass. Around Christmas if you want to get specific. Spring release if you were talking about the DVD, which you weren't.
So you want to be a hater, well I'm right there with you, but get the facts straight or else you look like 'That knob that complains about how everyone else fucking sucks but them, only to be made the fool by some greater jerkoff's posting about the formalities behind the rant'.
May 22nd, 2008 at 04:38 pm
He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good.
May 22nd, 2008 at 07:38 pm
It seems to me that the best solution would be to go to a different coffee shop, although I'll admit a certain fondness for my Iced tea lemonade
May 22nd, 2008 at 07:41 pm
Wow, what a bunch of fucking losers you all are!!! I've NEVER been in a starbucks, I saw it for the pretentious shit it is from day one. Anyone who will pay the same amount you could buy a WHOLE POUND OF COFFEE for one cup is a FUCKING MORON. PERIOD. And all you other faggots whining about who's spelling what wrong or what, god damn!! What a bunch of losers!!!
I make coffee in a PERCOLATOR, on the stove, and it's approximately EIGHT MILLION TIMES BETTER than the watery swill at whatchamacallit.
I live in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. A hip and trendy tourist town. Unfortunately, we are now so hip and trendy that we have a starbuck's . I want to burn the motherfucker down. Let me clue you all in, trendoids: Starbuck's SUCKS. Why would you come all the way to Mexico, where the local people don't even DRINK coffee, and go to a fucking Starbuck's ????? How far up your ass is your head? Do you think anyone gives a fuck how hip you are that you can pay twelve bucks for a fucking frappuchino latte grande quarenta mocha nonfat steamed whatever fucking pile of shit? AAARGH!!! I am now going to go down the street and beat the shit out of the next douchebag that comes out of the starbucks, before I go to the Mexican bar across the street and pound shots of tequila with beer chasers, LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO IN A MEXICAN BEACH RESORT.
May 22nd, 2008 at 07:59 pm
@ Ward
Are you just trying to be my opinionated life coach? Honestly, you are sticking to what you think despite not even knowing the person you are talking to. Knowing a person is sort of necessary before you can really criticize them. Which is why I did not claim to know so much about you. It is unfortunate you cannot give me that same respect, but it does not bother me because it's more fun to not insult you back. Unless being called an overly-opinionated life coach is going too far. You did set aside time just to insult me, yet you wouldn't read what I said because your time is so precious. When you let me know that, you also called me smug.
If you do not like being smug yourself, do not trouble yourself with occasions when you think you find it in others. Try being less smug yourself first and don't let your whole consciousness of other human beings be stuck in categories and generalities.
OR, if you are not truly a smug person yourself, then you did the exact same thing I did - you chose to step out and speak in a way you don't find so desirable. I don't know all the people I do by flaunting my qualities. That would alienate them. I only feel the need to take people down a few notches when they are victimizing someone who doesn't deserve it.
May 22nd, 2008 at 08:08 pm
Wow! This was awesome...The list was alright, very accurate but the commentary was lukewarm. I just get a cup of coffe when I go and refuse to use their marketing terms because every coffe shop has their own marketing bandwagon to jump and one could waste their time on earth trying to learn it all!
Anyway, the amount of gay, GED, Mac, grammer, and inteligence bashing was very entertaining! I had to foreward this over to my coworker in the next cubicle cause I was laughing out loud so much he had to get a piece of the action. Keep wasting electricity complaining about how lame everyone else is and I will keep lowering my productivity wasting the day reading some gober in Boise's opinions on worthless topics.
May 22nd, 2008 at 08:49 pm
Holy Shit - I can't believe I actually just wasted 20 minutes of my life reading all this worthless crap!!!!!
Macs rule........
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:23 pm
:) The funniest part of this is the angry replies from people who are obviously that prick in line who us normal people dread having to serve!! Lord, to the author if you read this, are you seeing like I am that the spell-checkers here are the ones who can't wait to correct the barista on proper name usage for Starbucks drinks and procedures? LOL! And everyone in line behind them is saying in their minds, "Shut the hell up and order your stupid artificially flavored coffee-colored milk drink already!" And the writer thing is kind of mean, but true AND hee-larious! Look at Candycats having a hair ball!
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:10 pm
coffee iz badz
can i haz cheezeburger?
lolz
Bwahahahahhaha...I'm sooooooo funny.....did you get it I said...coffee iz badz! coffee iz badz...it was a reference to...
oh never mind. lighten up people, why so much anger is beyond me...its just a blog.
Go outside and play.
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:36 am
I'm not sure about the Starbucks archtypes, as I have only been to a Starbucks once. 12 years ago. And it sucked.
However, it's not "just coffee." It's espresso. Granted, an espresso at Starbucks is only one rung up from the "cappuccino" you can get out of a machine at the gas station, but it's still an entirely different beast than coffee. Coffee's good, but espresso is heaven.
May 23rd, 2008 at 01:21 am
jajaja starbucks apesta! es muy malo su cafe!
May 23rd, 2008 at 01:22 am
"...fucking frappuchino latte grande quarenta mocha nonfat steamed whatever fucking pile of shit? ..."
post-Reagan existential angst there, son?
May 23rd, 2008 at 01:51 am
Chai may be tea. But CHIA is a pet. :)
May 23rd, 2008 at 03:28 am
HAHAHAH.
i fukken hate sbux.
screwed me over after i wasted 2 years of my life working for this corporation.
May 23rd, 2008 at 05:43 am
lol, humans...are crazy.
Good stuff!
May 23rd, 2008 at 08:02 am
I hate everything. Except beer.
May 23rd, 2008 at 09:01 am
I'm sure someone's mentioned it, but what of the groups of Christians who have to go in on weeknights or weekends and hold Bible studies at all the outside tables where the smokers wanna sit? Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. I'da grouped them in with the group of people studying, but we all know that they're not studying shit. They're there to p-r-o-s-e-l-e-t-y-z-e baby!
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:57 am
Okay, people. Just one thing: MAKE YOUR OWN GODDAMN COFFEE. If Americans weren't so lazy, the world would be a better place.
May 23rd, 2008 at 01:11 pm
Every last one of you are ignorant except the ones that are not ignorant. Sean and all of the Sean apologists secretly crave man twizzlers. That is like, so obvious.
May 23rd, 2008 at 01:34 pm
Ha! Brilliant piece! I'm a fan!!!
May 23rd, 2008 at 02:21 pm
The list is grand and the posts are great entertainment! Thanks everyone for making my day.
May 23rd, 2008 at 02:37 pm
Great list. I have another one: the asshole who must have Starbucks several times a day but is surprised when there is a line of people waiting to order and irritated that not everyone spends $20 a day on Starbucks and don't walk in the door know EXACTLY what they want.
May 23rd, 2008 at 03:22 pm
Great list, amazing comments section. I'm so, so happy I took the 20 minutes to read the comments, hahaha.
@ Irony:
Clearly you are the biggest douchebag mentioned anywhere within this list. For one, I'm trying to imagine any true genius that would think defending GED's online would make two shits worth a difference in this world, other than giving people material to flame him for. Second, if you're actually so intelligent, um, why is it you feel it necessary to defend yourself in the comment section for a comedy article? Talk about one of the biggest wastes of time possible. The only reason I'm posting this now is because I know it's going to piss you off further, which I find extremely entertaining.
Anyways mate, I suggest you take your (claimed) abnormally high IQ along with your (evident) abnormally low social skills elsewhere, because really, you aren't doing anyone any good by being a douche online.
Maybe you could follow my example, as I'm heading off to use MY abnormally high IQ coupled with my excellent martial arts training to fight crime and make this world a better place. Quit being a fucking stain on society.
Oh, and don't forget to check out my new movie this summer. PEACE.
May 23rd, 2008 at 04:04 pm
People, people, please calm down. Get outside and have some fun :)
May 23rd, 2008 at 04:22 pm
Most of the overtly happy people at starbucks aren't GED graduates, they're in college or college graduates.
May 23rd, 2008 at 04:47 pm
I think I'm another type of people inside Starbucks everyday.
I'm always drawing so people can see my art, begin a conversation and sometimes I got a deal... regiaart.com
May 23rd, 2008 at 04:59 pm
Well by the way that this person wrote out the different drinks the intern has to order, we can tell that this person is definitely NOT a regular at Starbucks. That is not the order the drinks are called.
May 23rd, 2008 at 05:15 pm
Peace Coffee.
May 23rd, 2008 at 06:33 pm
You missed the customer who orders the wet cappuccino... isn't that a latte???
May 23rd, 2008 at 06:44 pm
Anyone who is calling people with GED's stupid or retarded need to look at what good their own high school diploma did for them. For me it did absolutely nothing other just being there. At the end it's the guy who makes the most money that takes the cake, not the guy with the prettiest degree or piece of paper. If you are taking school for learning then you might as well be a drop out since that means your probably not making much money and living off the welfare system.
That being said I do with I was homeschooled. It would have accelerated my life as I could have skipped many years of wasted Middle School/High School time. For those of you who think you were actually doing something in High School then haha you a) have simply replaced your memories with some scenes from a teen movie or b) Were doing something wrong during High School. End of Story.
May 23rd, 2008 at 09:08 pm
Hahah, that list kicks ass. So true. Number #7 is universal and applies to everywhere I go. No matter where it is, I always get stuck behind the person ordering for an entire office.
May 23rd, 2008 at 09:13 pm
Wow!What a bunch of bickering douche bags!(well,most of the people who commented anyway).
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:00 pm
#1. Idiots who go to Starbucks and pay that much for coffee.
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:07 pm
@ Batman
Some people want to cause others misery, and I prefer to call them out for it wherever they are if they are really asking for it. Unexpected places are even better, especially when people expect everyone to act in a certain way according to their surroundings, as though norms are reality. If they were insulting someone who uses paper instead of plastic, I would still say something. We all know people aren't so openly critical when face to face. I find these things interesting. Notice, if I were pissed off, I would probably be trying to insult you. No one else cared enough to pretend to be Batman and mock me.
"Fight war, not wars. Destroy power, not people."
- Crass
May 24th, 2008 at 12:10 am
I think, Regia, that you might be lumped into the #6 category to make the list shorter ;)
May 24th, 2008 at 12:12 am
What is the world coming to when people bitch at someone for posting a humorous article?
Don't you people have better things to do?
May 24th, 2008 at 01:33 am
Well,I've never been to a SB myself,but I heated a grande mug of MAXWELL HOUSE (good to the last drop) in the microwave as I was reading all the hilarious posts.
Whose the genious???
May 24th, 2008 at 01:40 am
Sean, just come out of the closet and get it over with already. And oh yeah, buy a dictionary while you are at it.
May 24th, 2008 at 04:29 am
You forgot one...
Tech Hipster that sits judging everyone else in order to classify and subjegate.
May 24th, 2008 at 08:12 am
omg ya so liek i wuz gunna sae taht da raelly anoing ppl in dere are liek does daeng hiskewl skppers.....ya dey r liek seo anoing mahn wif dere "omg i liek wunt a tull frapp"
I git daiuhria whan i suhmell teh cuffi.
May 24th, 2008 at 04:42 pm
"They’re there to p-r-o-s-e-l-e-t-y-z-e baby!"
Oh, way to go, dear.
If only you'd spelt it correctly...
It's proselytIze. So learn to spell before you spell out something, right?
May 24th, 2008 at 05:16 pm
Robin (4 post up)
I am not sure what is funnier... this post.... or the fact that you admit drinking that jock-strap filtered tasting Maxwell house.
The fact that you had to microwave it means even YOU can't get a cup of it down before it gets cold.
Bravo!
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May 24th, 2008 at 05:18 pm
Don't hassle baristas over sizes! Starbucks actually has 4 sizes (short, tall, grande, and venti) which can't be translated to small, medium, and large. When your "corporate" barista "refuses to recognize" the "American" terms small, medium and large; it's not because of their shit smeared underwear... It's because they don't want to remake a drink for a douche who's too lazy (or anti consumerist... yawn) to order off the menu. Oh and Robert, baristas are capable of doing simple conversions in their head and like it when you order by the ounce (a precise order is a good order).
May 24th, 2008 at 09:21 pm
i bet a starbucks employee could write a funnier article than this crap
May 25th, 2008 at 08:02 am
OHHH , i am so glad that they didn't have me! as a top 10 annoying people. I'm the person who is always indecisive in his ordering and holds up the line. lol
May 25th, 2008 at 02:38 pm
"It’d be nice if an extra shot meant rum not espresso, you need it after dealing with their customers."
Ahhhhh I do LOVE my rum. It's the perfect drink. Shoot it straight, put it in your coffee, in your Coke, and in almost anything else you want to drink. I think that if it wasn't for the rum, I'd have killed off everyone around me a long time ago.
May 25th, 2008 at 06:48 pm
Hey,
Thanks for all the comments, I've never laughed so hard in my life. Kudos to Kevin and thanks for the term "prost-a tots"-now I know what to call those sad little girls. As a current partner, I'd like to add the following: Customers who have no boundaries(e.g. creepy older dude who slipped a twenty into one of my barely legal partner's pocket on her birthday and shows off the tattoo on his chest, please stop and no we're not interested in your toe ring either) and please don't ask us when there is going to be a pictoral on the girls of Starbucks or bring up the local independent drive through espresso stands with baristas in bikinis or lingerie, we don't care and I can't imagine how these poor women avoid burns in delicate areas.Please keep those fantasies private. I'm stepping off the soapbox now. Thanks!
May 25th, 2008 at 08:44 pm
Hun, I think you need to try the decaf. So, some people are cheerful, some like to hang out there to work or study or drink coffee, some just want their coffee - does it really matter? I doubt they're overly bothered by you, and I really doubt they're doing anything just to bother you. They're just doing their thing.
May 26th, 2008 at 12:40 am
My ex boyfriend was such a prick, i come from a small town which does not have a STBX, and when i would go up to visit him, he would make a big frickin deal about taking me to one...like i'm supposed to be knocked out by that....then we get there and he had to lug in all these phony references to this "barista" and that "barista", cuz of course they were all part of his dickweed inner posse or something.
Go to Walmart and buy the SamsChoice wannabe STBX stuff...i would say it's probaby the same stuff, just a different bag, but it's actually better than starbucks.
People spend on average about 2,000 bucks a year when they make regular daily visits to starbucks....amazing.
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