Here are 8 types of people you'll find inside a Starbucks that are guaranteed to annoy the shit out of you.
8. Manager Who Refuses to Recognize the Words Small, Medium, and Large
I understand, you’re a corporate guy and thus must abide by company policies by calling the different sizes by their Starbucks Christian names of Venti, Grande, etc…. But if I ask you for a small, don’t act like I'm speaking to you in that Native American langauge we used in World War II to deliver coded messages. You’re familiar with the sizes small, medium and large, and if you’re not, then you might want to change underwear because there’s a good chance there’s a sizeable amount of shit in them due to your inability to grasp the concept of wiping your asshole after defecating.
7. Intern Who is Buying for the Entire Office
Wearing an all-white or striped button down shirt, this guy shows up with a legal pad full of hastily scribbled orders. "Yeah, I'm gonna need 24 tall skinny soy lattes with sugar free hazelnut extra hot...and 32 grande no caff cappuccinos with light whip cream, sugar free hazelnut and vanilla with white chocolate mocha. And 14 grande supremos with a triple shot, sugar free vanilla, extra white mocha, no whip, no foam and an extra drizzle. Oh, and can I get a smiley face on the bottom of all those?" And he knows if one of these orders is screwed up, it's going to cost him a chance at the a full-time gig as assistant editor where he can bring coffee to even more important people. So instead of just grabbing his bags and leaving, he inspects all 70-odd cups in his 17 flimsy cardboard holders. If you get behind this guy, you may as well give up any hopes of getting a cup of joe in your lifetime. You're better off flying to Colombia, slitting Juan Valdez's throat and stealing his coffee-harvesting burro.
6. The Writer Who Wants You to Know They’re a Writer
Being a writer is a pretty cool occupation, but unfortunately you can’t tell someone’s a writer just by looking at them. And having to tell someone you’re a writer is way less impressive. Therefore, these people go to the busiest Starbucks and pop open their iMac, making sure their screen is clearly displaying a full page of text (or clear screenplay format for those in Los Angeles). Their next step is to make sure they're facing away from where everyone goes to pick up their drinks while staring at the screen while remembering to take deep breaths which will indicate to others that deep and creative thought that normal minds are not capable of, is taking place. Who gives a shit if an asshole and his mac have spent six hours taking up a table normally reserved for four people, it’s important you know that they’re juggling a complex story about a boy in Alaska who comes of age and befriends a bear. That’s right, they’re creating that using only their minds!
5. Overly Happy Line Greeter/Order Taker
At some point, the Starbucks Corporation realized that their growing legions of employees didn't have the best people skills. Their answer was to create their own version of the Wal-Mart Greeter who also takes your order. But since they don't pay shit, you end up having some G.E.D.-havin' dumbass or an excruciatingly-lonely elderly woman force their brand of corporate chit-chat down your throat. Instead of waiting to pay for your overpriced chai in peace, you have to deal with: "Goooooood morning today! How are you? Some kinda weather we're having isn't it? I wish I was outside in the park! Wouldn't that be nice? It's sooooo sunny! And what's better for you than a nice big dose of Mr. Sun! Maybe some coffee? Ha! So, what can we get you today? Need a little pick-me-up? You do! I think we ALL could use one, yes we could! YES WE COULD! Anyway, I'll get this chai order right up for you. What's your name? Terry? That's my cousin's name! Small world. Yes. It. Is. Small world indeed....Hi! And how are you doing today?!?!"
4. Complicated Order Guy Who Needs his Coffee Right The F*&K Now.
When you order coffee, it shouldn’t sound like you’re giving the pass code to a missile defense system. If you’re lactose intolerant, on a strict diet, and can’t handle a full dose of caffeine, how about instead of ordering a “non-fat, grande, soy chai latte with a half shot of espresso and no foam" and then stand in front of the pick up window and pace like one of Michael Vick’s pitbulls watching Vick pull out the rape stand after losing a fight, you just grab a glass of god damn water and drink that. Last I checked that won’t give you exploding diarrhea or anxiety... unless you’re at the Starbucks in Tijuana.
3. The Guy Who Hates Starbucks But Goes There Every Day
Armed with armchair political rants, this guy is the world's biggest bore and the world's biggest hypocrite combined into one big uber-shithead. He won't shut up about how Starbucks is bad for the environment and how they're taking over the world and how their coffee totally "doesn't taste like the gourmet stuff downtown." But when you bring up the fact that he's ranting about Starbucks while he's actually inside a Starbucks, his crappy hippie-wannabe excuses just start piling up. "Well, here's the thing, I just didn't have time to make it over to my usual coffee place. You know the one way over on 2nd Ave? Yeah, it's one of the last mom and pop coffee shops in the area. I toooootally love that place. It's so real. I was on my way over there, but the traffic was a killer, so I was totally forced to get my fix at this place. I mean, the rich get richer, right? That's the law of the land. I totally can't stand that I have to come here, but that's what they do. They tie your hands, man. These big corporations. They just own you. They're everywhere. Can you hand me one of those Splenda?"
2. Study Groups
Hey, screw the library with all it’s “room” and “group space.” It makes way more sense to go to an incredibly busy and crowded Starbucks with tables that have insufficient space to lay your books. Everyone knows you have a poli-sci midterm, mostly because they can hear every fucking thing you’re saying because you’re yelling so that you can be heard over a frappucino being made. If you could, would you hold a study group session in a Turkish prison? Because Starbucks is basically the same thing, except with less gay sex, and a little bit better coffee.
1. The Person Who Peruses the DVD Section As If They Might Purchase.
It’s really great when you’re waiting in line behind somebody only to realize that they’re not in line, but instead deciding whether or not they want to purchase the “Pursuit of Happyness” DVD. “Gee what’s this movie Pursuit of Happyness about? I didn’t hear of it last summer when it grossed over 100 million dollars. Even though I’ve come here for coffee, I should carefully peruse the back cover to find out more about it!” Also, please don't pick up a copy of “Akeelah and the Bee” as if you were going to buy it. No one buys that movie. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not even a real movie, it was just a box cover created by a group of white Starbucks executives so that customers could hold it in their hands and pretend to read the back, giving the impression to those around them that they’re progressive thinkers who seek out and enjoy films with African American casts.
Funny stuff. Actually I don't get very annoyed at Starbucks. Sure I've encountered all the types mentioned, and sure it's not the best coffee in the world, and sure when you're late for work you always end up behind #7 - but it's a happy place. The baristas get to know the regulars, and they're friendly probably because they're being paid to be, but at most SB's they're hardworking and efficient, and they satisfy my daily caffeinated need. I can always appreciate hardworking, contributing members of society, especially when they have to deal with the public (never an easy thing).
As for all the off-topic rants - enjoy those too because I can relate to 'em all. Product of public school system (no permanent damage - at least not that I can tell). Ivy league educated (but wasted top notch education for awhile). Eventually got a good job (thus able to afford Starbucks, yay!). Not rich enough to be overly snobby and self-important (nor, unfortunately, able to afford the really good caffeine while semi-retired in Tuscany with cute former Starbucks barista). Enjoy blogs and opinion sharing (and a decent speller!).
Nice post! I can relate to the stories very well.
But I feel sorry for you guys in US, it seems that Starbucks is the synonym for coffee shop. I personally despise Starbucks. In Australia there are several big brands of coffee shops (SB included), they are all bad, but none is as bad as Starbucks. Small cafes normally make much better coffee, and you get better service as well.
first of all John you are a fucking moron you mother and father must be brother and sister, i agree that you should go to public school and gat a fucking education. Volker the whole point of the imac comment was to prove how annoying and fucking stupid writers who sit at starbucks and publically write are.
present barista. The phrase we have to adhere to is "just say yes", which can suck for baristas because we have to deal with all of these types and more every day. You forgot to mention the sexual abuse from the creepy older men, the older married women who come in and want the phone numbers of our male baristas, the little kids who demand caffeine from their wimpy-ass parents at 10:45 at night, the high school kids driving Beemers who throw their parents' credit cards at us like we're supposed to be impressed their non-working lazy asses are nouveau riche;and the people who think we get paid minimum wage so we can be their psychologists and tell us (and anyone in hearing range) all about their divorce, their bad parent, their bad kids... the list goes on and on. And yeah, we're paid to be nice as well as get your drink right, no matter how finicky you are, but that doesn't mean when I haul my butt out of there in the middle of the night after mopping up the mess you made and have to go to the grocery store for milk for my kids in the morning that I want to converse with your jacked up self in the dairy aisle because you think I'm your bud because I got your latte recipe right.
Liberals always claim to be tolerant, but it never ceases to amaze me how many posts like this I come across where you people do nothing but spread divisive hatred. It’s not just John McCain who’s lactose intolerant, but a whole voting block of elderly Americans who vote. Your “clever” jab at an American hero will cost you the election as you feel the back-lash from the greatest generation. Jerk.
The worst starbucks people you run into are definitely the business people ordering for the entire staff at their office.
Don't ever assume that you'll walk in and walk out with a cup of coffee within 5 minutes. I waited behind this guy for 15+ minutes because he wanted 16 cups of coffee, all with unique recipes. Why are office people lazy and picky (get your own f'ing coffee).
HA HA HA HA HA. You're a genius. Love this. I just got a new job 2 months ago. My co-worker comes in EVERY SINGLE DAY with a venti hazelnut latte. Normally, I would rant on someone like that for bowing to the Starbucks God(ess), but she's a really sweet person who is EXTREMELY healthy and doesn't seem to have any other vices. How can I pick on her!
Wow. I got lost reading all those comments after "Joe," posted something.
I enjoyed reading the article and found that it was so true! The comments are pretty nasty though and have way too much un-needed information.
Actually in University there are alot of dickheads who would complain that the teacher made a mistake on the chalkboard while writing a word. Well, get over it, because you're wasting precious time whining and complaining. P.s. Americans spell words without "u" in them like "color" is the American way of spelling THAT word and "colour" would be the British way that Canadians would also follow in writing. Next time you pick out a word that other people put "u" in and you think your way is right...please consider the facts before speaking.
i can type in both ways...like i knoe this is the typin that annoys ppl. =P but i can also type properly if i feel like it. not going to murder me now r u?
Attacking a person because you think they need an education is just silly. You all need to calm down and think about what you're saying because contradicting yourselves is a great way to prove you have a University degree while condescending on others at the same time.
LOL! Although you might not apply everything to our German starbucks it's very accurate :D Thanks for this entertaining text :D You should become a writer... ;)
I am quite certain that the relevance of each comment is directly proportional as to how far down the page it is.
After the first few comments... none are even on topic anymore. It sounds like a high school fight in here with the worst and most lame bashes being thrown at each other.
Somehow this changed to a war about IQs and political affiliations? How about talking about Starbucks and its common customers, you know, the topic of the article?
I absolutely love this article as it is quite true. I have many a time stood in line behind the I-Need-35-Lattes-For-Coworkers-Intern-Guy lol... and also I agree with Bill Maher's comments that the more "modifiers" there are, the more of an asshole you are.
May 21st, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Uhh #3 is a little fucked up people plenty or intelligent people have GEDs im homeschooled i dont get a fucking diploma douche bag so does that mean im stupid fuck no so wipe your uptight wanna show everyone how it is grin off your face and STFU! ya know you would think if you could point out all these different kind of people you wouldnt be so god damned ignorant as to assume people with GEDs are stupid at least they can pass the fucking test walk into any GED prep course and see wtf most people actually know. Whoever the fuck wrote this needs to be beaten util they are fucking mentally retarded!
BY THE LOOKS OF YOUR GRAMMER AND SPELLING DUDE, I'M CONVINCED THAT YOU SHOULD JUST PUT A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD....SOON!!!
I love how all these people are so pissed off. I bet everyone here who's pissed at this list falls into one of these categories!!!! Get a fucking sense of humor!!
Personally, I think a good one to add would be the "Starbucks Employee who has decided that Starbucks is the be-all-end-all of their existence." A real live quote from a fellow Stabucks employee: "Ohh my god the Iced Caramel Macchiato is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO beautiful!!" Then she went on to talk about the book of the month that Starbucks is pushing, saying that "Oh my god it's SOOOOOOOOO sad, I cried during EVERY chapter!!" Then she made some comment about how people who work at Starbucks are some kind of special breed and blah blah blah blah.
I'm not advocating violence towards women but.....ummmm....yeah, I wanted to smash her in the face with a milk carafe.
Hahaha! I love #8 'cause it's true. I went in there one day and said "Medium" and the girl turned around and said" You mean a Grande?"..
Why dont they just accept the fact that every other restaurant uses the 'Small, Medium, Large' system...
I used to work at starbucks and the wannabe milf's should be put on the list. One thing to note about them is that they always try to get their drink for free by acting flirty or playing up the fact that they have such a troubled life, having to drag around their kids, because they "had to" bring them into the store, right? And usually the wannabe milfs were actually milfs indeed
christine, chances are that you're the bitch in the situation you describe. i absent-mindedly let the word "tall" fall gently from my lips at a hipper-than-thou "real" coffee shop last year, and both the baristas looking at me both lit'rally *rolled their eyes*. snots!
at the risk of sounding like the gal who hates starbucks who accidentally orders a "tall", i only go to starbucks when i'm traveling and don't know my way around. sadly, the snots i mentioned made it clear that their coffee shop with its emphasis on foam art (jesus) is not really a good alternative.
imho, overly-friendly starbucks baristas beat snot-ass foam artists any damn day of the week.
Holy crap, #1 gave me a good chuckle. I hate going in and asking for a "small" of something and they look at me like I've lost my goddamn mind and ask, "Do you mean a tall?" I don't fucking care what you call it!? Give me a SMALL, in other words, the "not big one". Idiot.
Yeah, I have my G.E.D because of study abroad issues, but that John guy absolutely had me rolling with his idiocy. Have fun at some generic gas station in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere... Ha ha!
I've run into every type of douchebag on that list at starbucks, it's all true. I used to be the asshole who would get the million coffees for the office, but i certainly wouldnt give a fuck if some of them were screwed up. I'd also like to add to the list the annoying cell-phone cougar that never shuts up for 1 damn second, while running her mouth in the most shrill voice that would make anyone's colon clench. All while juggling a little rat dog in her purse. 50 dollars for anyone who trips this bitch on the way out!
O_o
I'm amazed I actually read all this...
I would write a long diatribe about how almost every single one of you needs to get a life, but that would make me a hypocrite since I'm sitting here at 1:30am writing comments on a site I just stumbled upon.
Someone may have mentioned this before, but the posts are starting to run together in my mind, but has anyone considered the possibility that the author of this article just wrote it to get a reaction out of all of you?
Another type of person that should be added to this list shows up in any and all coffee shops. Free Sample whores. The man/woman that takes up a spot in the line just to get to the front so they can "sample" the little bits of cake or whatever is on display, and then try to do it again so they can get more free food.
Another one just dawned on me as well. This applies to most establishments where any good/service is provided. The people who think they can haggle with you. Working for a book store in the cafe, I constantly dealt with people who would attempt to convince me that $5 was too much for a cookie the size of a baby. When I explained the set prices to them, they would get all huffy at me and either leave or call me a communist.
Anyway that's my 2 cents... oh and all you people that do things like
Grammar Grammar:
GRAMMAR!
Keep up the good work, anything to make the total page length longer works for me. :D
This is a side issue, but I have a real problem with the bluetools, guys (and sometimes gals) that have the bluetooth earpiece constantly attached to their douchey head.
This of couse is perfectly acceptable if you are black as it just doesnt look as bad, just like the black man wearing jorts.
When I order drinks at Starbucks, I never use their stupid size names. Yes, I am very aware of their size names, but I'm not going to use them because I protest renaming common size names to make their products sound more important. It is just a marketing scam!
I'm the guy that always says "I would like the largest of XYZ..." at Starbucks. F.*.C.K. you Starbucks!
I used to work for a Starbucks in one of the major cities in the east coast. I remember there was this lady, who's probably in her mid to late 40s, she always dressed in her 'work-out' outfit: gym short, sport top, and running shoes. She would come in every morning at the exact same time and order the same exact drink. My coworkers and I would actually had her 'special' drink ready so as she came in the store, the drink would be ready for her. But hold on, that's not the ridiculous part. This is her drink and I'm not telling a lie. Her drink is a Grande, 1/2 pack of Sweet-N-Low, 1/2 pack of Equal, 1 1/2 pump of hazelnut syrup, skim milk at 160 degree, lite foam latte. I'm not kidding you. After being in the barista station for a while, I stopped making her drink and had another coworker took over as I moved on to the cashier station. These people are nuts!
I resent the last kind-of-person you put on this site because i have watched "Akeelah and the Bee" and really enjoyed it. The movies is about a poor girl who through hard work made it to the spelling be nationals. This was interesting to me because I had won my school spelling bee. Too bad i didn't make it to nationals. :)
I work at a starbucks and I hate the customer who stands in line for 10 minutes and then says to her three ditzy girlfriends " oh what was it we wanted?" Then she has to pull her wallet out of her backpack while the line gets bigger. I love the people who say "yes" when you ask tall, med or large. People who grunt and point at something instead of asking are always fun, and lastly the people who bitch about the high prices...just go to a fucking gas station for your coffee then.
as a Starbucks manager I really enjoyed this list! but you missed the top two:
#2 the people who refuse to get off their cell phones and get mad at you when you need to ask them a question. (I know that's already been said...but I needed to reiterate that point)
#1 the people who take the wrong drink!!! They either take the wrong drink and leave theirs sitting...causing you to not only have to remake the drink they took, but to waste the drink they did not take...OR they take the wrong drink and bitch at you for making their drink wrong. ACTUALLY....you just picked up the wrong drink...you DUMBSHIT.
I worked at Sbux for the last 6 months as a second job. I would also like to point out that you probably shouldn't treat your barista like crap. Most have or are working toward college degrees. Personally, I have two undergraduate degrees and will be starting medical school in a few months.
So, I guess you never know when your life might be in your (former) barista's hands!!
"This was obviously made for entertainment purposes, but, ” What The Fuck Man ” ?
I work at Starbucks, and to tell you all right now, there is very ” Intelligent ” people working at the StarBucks I work at.
Three of the girls that I work with are about to graduate from college to be teachers, a couple girls are getting ready to graduate from a very highly respected University here in Illinois ” Milikin ” !!!"
Uh, nice try. Northwestern is highly respected. University of Chicago is highly respected. Even University of Illinois is highly respected. Milliken is not "highly respected." It's where you go where you can't get in any place else, not even NIU or SIU.
This is actually a vary inaccurate list for people students at Northern Michigan University. You don't encounter any of these people, and you definitely don't have the time, or the money to go there for 6 hours of the day to write or do homework with friends. The employees are students, they all perfectly understand English, you never get a cooperate worker frustrated that he won't make it to class on time (why the fuck go to Starbucks if you are!?).
In any case, if you go to a Starbucks to generate this kind of list, you're almost purposely picking out people that aggravate you more than they aggravate the world.
I am one who actually DOES care about the erosion of proper grammar and spelling. I do not care, however, about Starbucks; nor do I care about the pretentious people who go there. I say to each his or her own. Whatever. This article was great though! I usually work for attorneys, so #4 rings the proverbial bell, as does #7. Luckily for me, my former boss liked Subway better - but it was still a PITA.
I have only been in a Starbucks ONCE, and this was because I was hired to play music there. I might add that the pretentious coffee-fools didn't have the compassion to tip the musician. How could they? They'd spent all their money on lattes...
(393 Comments)
Twitter
Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Totally awesome list. Might I add, #9? TOURISTS.
June 3rd, 2008 at 06:04 pm
Leeeeeroyyyyy Jeeenkiiiiiiiinnnssss!
June 4th, 2008 at 05:46 am
Funny stuff. Actually I don't get very annoyed at Starbucks. Sure I've encountered all the types mentioned, and sure it's not the best coffee in the world, and sure when you're late for work you always end up behind #7 - but it's a happy place. The baristas get to know the regulars, and they're friendly probably because they're being paid to be, but at most SB's they're hardworking and efficient, and they satisfy my daily caffeinated need. I can always appreciate hardworking, contributing members of society, especially when they have to deal with the public (never an easy thing).
As for all the off-topic rants - enjoy those too because I can relate to 'em all. Product of public school system (no permanent damage - at least not that I can tell). Ivy league educated (but wasted top notch education for awhile). Eventually got a good job (thus able to afford Starbucks, yay!). Not rich enough to be overly snobby and self-important (nor, unfortunately, able to afford the really good caffeine while semi-retired in Tuscany with cute former Starbucks barista). Enjoy blogs and opinion sharing (and a decent speller!).
But...very fortunate to be happy. Peace all.
June 4th, 2008 at 03:18 pm
Go to youtube and search for mikefrombrooklyn and starbucks...oh man...the best rant yet!
June 5th, 2008 at 12:01 am
Nice post! I can relate to the stories very well.
But I feel sorry for you guys in US, it seems that Starbucks is the synonym for coffee shop. I personally despise Starbucks. In Australia there are several big brands of coffee shops (SB included), they are all bad, but none is as bad as Starbucks. Small cafes normally make much better coffee, and you get better service as well.
June 5th, 2008 at 02:42 am
first of all John you are a fucking moron you mother and father must be brother and sister, i agree that you should go to public school and gat a fucking education. Volker the whole point of the imac comment was to prove how annoying and fucking stupid writers who sit at starbucks and publically write are.
June 5th, 2008 at 03:43 pm
u guys have no life
June 5th, 2008 at 06:58 pm
present barista. The phrase we have to adhere to is "just say yes", which can suck for baristas because we have to deal with all of these types and more every day. You forgot to mention the sexual abuse from the creepy older men, the older married women who come in and want the phone numbers of our male baristas, the little kids who demand caffeine from their wimpy-ass parents at 10:45 at night, the high school kids driving Beemers who throw their parents' credit cards at us like we're supposed to be impressed their non-working lazy asses are nouveau riche;and the people who think we get paid minimum wage so we can be their psychologists and tell us (and anyone in hearing range) all about their divorce, their bad parent, their bad kids... the list goes on and on. And yeah, we're paid to be nice as well as get your drink right, no matter how finicky you are, but that doesn't mean when I haul my butt out of there in the middle of the night after mopping up the mess you made and have to go to the grocery store for milk for my kids in the morning that I want to converse with your jacked up self in the dairy aisle because you think I'm your bud because I got your latte recipe right.
June 6th, 2008 at 05:43 pm
Liberals always claim to be tolerant, but it never ceases to amaze me how many posts like this I come across where you people do nothing but spread divisive hatred. It’s not just John McCain who’s lactose intolerant, but a whole voting block of elderly Americans who vote. Your “clever” jab at an American hero will cost you the election as you feel the back-lash from the greatest generation. Jerk.
June 6th, 2008 at 09:33 pm
The worst starbucks people you run into are definitely the business people ordering for the entire staff at their office.
Don't ever assume that you'll walk in and walk out with a cup of coffee within 5 minutes. I waited behind this guy for 15+ minutes because he wanted 16 cups of coffee, all with unique recipes. Why are office people lazy and picky (get your own f'ing coffee).
June 9th, 2008 at 02:25 am
wow... Sir you need to caaaalm dowwwwwn...
June 9th, 2008 at 04:32 am
HA HA HA HA HA. You're a genius. Love this. I just got a new job 2 months ago. My co-worker comes in EVERY SINGLE DAY with a venti hazelnut latte. Normally, I would rant on someone like that for bowing to the Starbucks God(ess), but she's a really sweet person who is EXTREMELY healthy and doesn't seem to have any other vices. How can I pick on her!
June 10th, 2008 at 01:32 am
Wow. I got lost reading all those comments after "Joe," posted something.
I enjoyed reading the article and found that it was so true! The comments are pretty nasty though and have way too much un-needed information.
Actually in University there are alot of dickheads who would complain that the teacher made a mistake on the chalkboard while writing a word. Well, get over it, because you're wasting precious time whining and complaining. P.s. Americans spell words without "u" in them like "color" is the American way of spelling THAT word and "colour" would be the British way that Canadians would also follow in writing. Next time you pick out a word that other people put "u" in and you think your way is right...please consider the facts before speaking.
i can type in both ways...like i knoe this is the typin that annoys ppl. =P but i can also type properly if i feel like it. not going to murder me now r u?
Attacking a person because you think they need an education is just silly. You all need to calm down and think about what you're saying because contradicting yourselves is a great way to prove you have a University degree while condescending on others at the same time.
June 11th, 2008 at 03:03 am
LOL! Although you might not apply everything to our German starbucks it's very accurate :D Thanks for this entertaining text :D You should become a writer... ;)
June 14th, 2008 at 01:11 am
uh I got a #9, rich kids with rich mom going to starbucks for an after school snack
June 18th, 2008 at 03:39 am
I love it! Couldn't be more right on. I'm number 3 – the guy who hates Starbucks but goes there everyday. Check out me in "Jackhole goes to Starbucks" : http://www.mindtoss.com/2005/12/08/jackhole-goes-to-starbucks/
June 18th, 2008 at 03:46 pm
- people who can't make up their fucking mind and
- children
June 21st, 2008 at 04:52 pm
Starbucks in a Nazi Camp. At my store they pretty much hire blonde blue eye girls who happen to all be Christians and thats all they talk about.
June 24th, 2008 at 03:11 am
I am quite certain that the relevance of each comment is directly proportional as to how far down the page it is.
After the first few comments... none are even on topic anymore. It sounds like a high school fight in here with the worst and most lame bashes being thrown at each other.
Somehow this changed to a war about IQs and political affiliations? How about talking about Starbucks and its common customers, you know, the topic of the article?
I absolutely love this article as it is quite true. I have many a time stood in line behind the I-Need-35-Lattes-For-Coworkers-Intern-Guy lol... and also I agree with Bill Maher's comments that the more "modifiers" there are, the more of an asshole you are.
June 24th, 2008 at 04:12 pm
John Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Uhh #3 is a little fucked up people plenty or intelligent people have GEDs im homeschooled i dont get a fucking diploma douche bag so does that mean im stupid fuck no so wipe your uptight wanna show everyone how it is grin off your face and STFU! ya know you would think if you could point out all these different kind of people you wouldnt be so god damned ignorant as to assume people with GEDs are stupid at least they can pass the fucking test walk into any GED prep course and see wtf most people actually know. Whoever the fuck wrote this needs to be beaten util they are fucking mentally retarded!
BY THE LOOKS OF YOUR GRAMMER AND SPELLING DUDE, I'M CONVINCED THAT YOU SHOULD JUST PUT A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD....SOON!!!
January 15th, 2009 at 05:41 pm
Maybe you should check your grammAr and spelling before you comment on someone else's, douchebag.
June 25th, 2008 at 04:43 am
the language you are looking for in the first one is Navajo
June 29th, 2008 at 04:51 pm
I love how all these people are so pissed off. I bet everyone here who's pissed at this list falls into one of these categories!!!! Get a fucking sense of humor!!
Personally, I think a good one to add would be the "Starbucks Employee who has decided that Starbucks is the be-all-end-all of their existence." A real live quote from a fellow Stabucks employee: "Ohh my god the Iced Caramel Macchiato is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO beautiful!!" Then she went on to talk about the book of the month that Starbucks is pushing, saying that "Oh my god it's SOOOOOOOOO sad, I cried during EVERY chapter!!" Then she made some comment about how people who work at Starbucks are some kind of special breed and blah blah blah blah.
I'm not advocating violence towards women but.....ummmm....yeah, I wanted to smash her in the face with a milk carafe.
June 29th, 2008 at 05:49 pm
these posts gave me a bad case of gas...
June 29th, 2008 at 08:20 pm
Hahaha! I love #8 'cause it's true. I went in there one day and said "Medium" and the girl turned around and said" You mean a Grande?"..
Why dont they just accept the fact that every other restaurant uses the 'Small, Medium, Large' system...
I'm starting to sound like #3. Hahaha.
June 30th, 2008 at 05:50 pm
I used to work at starbucks and the wannabe milf's should be put on the list. One thing to note about them is that they always try to get their drink for free by acting flirty or playing up the fact that they have such a troubled life, having to drag around their kids, because they "had to" bring them into the store, right? And usually the wannabe milfs were actually milfs indeed
July 1st, 2008 at 04:11 am
Now I want a hot chocolate --- and it's the middle of the night --- and the baby is sleeping ---...**SIGH**
www.momstop.blogspot.com
July 1st, 2008 at 06:16 pm
christine, chances are that you're the bitch in the situation you describe. i absent-mindedly let the word "tall" fall gently from my lips at a hipper-than-thou "real" coffee shop last year, and both the baristas looking at me both lit'rally *rolled their eyes*. snots!
at the risk of sounding like the gal who hates starbucks who accidentally orders a "tall", i only go to starbucks when i'm traveling and don't know my way around. sadly, the snots i mentioned made it clear that their coffee shop with its emphasis on foam art (jesus) is not really a good alternative.
imho, overly-friendly starbucks baristas beat snot-ass foam artists any damn day of the week.
July 2nd, 2008 at 01:24 pm
i thought this was about annoying/odd people you'd find at starbucks. then it turned into a "fuck" fest.
geeze folks, lay off the caffeine.
July 2nd, 2008 at 04:14 pm
What a bunch of losers! Doesn't anyone out there under 35 have a life?
July 2nd, 2008 at 06:12 pm
Holy crap, #1 gave me a good chuckle. I hate going in and asking for a "small" of something and they look at me like I've lost my goddamn mind and ask, "Do you mean a tall?" I don't fucking care what you call it!? Give me a SMALL, in other words, the "not big one". Idiot.
Yeah, I have my G.E.D because of study abroad issues, but that John guy absolutely had me rolling with his idiocy. Have fun at some generic gas station in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere... Ha ha!
July 3rd, 2008 at 03:03 am
Okay... I think it is settled: John is an ignorant douche. Kind of a stereo-typical Starbuck's customer.
July 6th, 2008 at 01:03 am
I've run into every type of douchebag on that list at starbucks, it's all true. I used to be the asshole who would get the million coffees for the office, but i certainly wouldnt give a fuck if some of them were screwed up. I'd also like to add to the list the annoying cell-phone cougar that never shuts up for 1 damn second, while running her mouth in the most shrill voice that would make anyone's colon clench. All while juggling a little rat dog in her purse. 50 dollars for anyone who trips this bitch on the way out!
July 6th, 2008 at 04:32 am
O_o
I'm amazed I actually read all this...
I would write a long diatribe about how almost every single one of you needs to get a life, but that would make me a hypocrite since I'm sitting here at 1:30am writing comments on a site I just stumbled upon.
Someone may have mentioned this before, but the posts are starting to run together in my mind, but has anyone considered the possibility that the author of this article just wrote it to get a reaction out of all of you?
Another type of person that should be added to this list shows up in any and all coffee shops. Free Sample whores. The man/woman that takes up a spot in the line just to get to the front so they can "sample" the little bits of cake or whatever is on display, and then try to do it again so they can get more free food.
Another one just dawned on me as well. This applies to most establishments where any good/service is provided. The people who think they can haggle with you. Working for a book store in the cafe, I constantly dealt with people who would attempt to convince me that $5 was too much for a cookie the size of a baby. When I explained the set prices to them, they would get all huffy at me and either leave or call me a communist.
Anyway that's my 2 cents... oh and all you people that do things like
Grammar Grammar:
GRAMMAR!
Keep up the good work, anything to make the total page length longer works for me. :D
July 6th, 2008 at 08:22 pm
Idea
Starbucks beans at Costco,
a Mr. Coffee, avoid all of this shit (this is also a Haiku)
Was behind The Intern once, left, never came back.
July 6th, 2008 at 08:33 pm
This is a side issue, but I have a real problem with the bluetools, guys (and sometimes gals) that have the bluetooth earpiece constantly attached to their douchey head.
This of couse is perfectly acceptable if you are black as it just doesnt look as bad, just like the black man wearing jorts.
July 7th, 2008 at 04:23 am
Best line I heard was on TV where someone replied to the news that 600 stores were closing...
"Yeah I think 36 of them are on my block"
July 7th, 2008 at 04:27 am
When I order drinks at Starbucks, I never use their stupid size names. Yes, I am very aware of their size names, but I'm not going to use them because I protest renaming common size names to make their products sound more important. It is just a marketing scam!
I'm the guy that always says "I would like the largest of XYZ..." at Starbucks. F.*.C.K. you Starbucks!
July 7th, 2008 at 05:07 am
The key to happiness:
- avoid unpleasant people; its corollary:
- avoid unpleasant places.
Sounds like you might want to give Starbucks a wide berth.
July 8th, 2008 at 01:25 pm
I used to work for a Starbucks in one of the major cities in the east coast. I remember there was this lady, who's probably in her mid to late 40s, she always dressed in her 'work-out' outfit: gym short, sport top, and running shoes. She would come in every morning at the exact same time and order the same exact drink. My coworkers and I would actually had her 'special' drink ready so as she came in the store, the drink would be ready for her. But hold on, that's not the ridiculous part. This is her drink and I'm not telling a lie. Her drink is a Grande, 1/2 pack of Sweet-N-Low, 1/2 pack of Equal, 1 1/2 pump of hazelnut syrup, skim milk at 160 degree, lite foam latte. I'm not kidding you. After being in the barista station for a while, I stopped making her drink and had another coworker took over as I moved on to the cashier station. These people are nuts!
July 8th, 2008 at 08:35 pm
I resent the last kind-of-person you put on this site because i have watched "Akeelah and the Bee" and really enjoyed it. The movies is about a poor girl who through hard work made it to the spelling be nationals. This was interesting to me because I had won my school spelling bee. Too bad i didn't make it to nationals. :)
July 9th, 2008 at 06:42 pm
I work at a starbucks and I hate the customer who stands in line for 10 minutes and then says to her three ditzy girlfriends " oh what was it we wanted?" Then she has to pull her wallet out of her backpack while the line gets bigger. I love the people who say "yes" when you ask tall, med or large. People who grunt and point at something instead of asking are always fun, and lastly the people who bitch about the high prices...just go to a fucking gas station for your coffee then.
July 10th, 2008 at 07:12 am
as a Starbucks manager I really enjoyed this list! but you missed the top two:
#2 the people who refuse to get off their cell phones and get mad at you when you need to ask them a question. (I know that's already been said...but I needed to reiterate that point)
#1 the people who take the wrong drink!!! They either take the wrong drink and leave theirs sitting...causing you to not only have to remake the drink they took, but to waste the drink they did not take...OR they take the wrong drink and bitch at you for making their drink wrong. ACTUALLY....you just picked up the wrong drink...you DUMBSHIT.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Haha, I also agree with these two! The worst!
I worked at Sbux for the last 6 months as a second job. I would also like to point out that you probably shouldn't treat your barista like crap. Most have or are working toward college degrees. Personally, I have two undergraduate degrees and will be starting medical school in a few months.
So, I guess you never know when your life might be in your (former) barista's hands!!
July 10th, 2008 at 04:48 pm
lolz that was hilarious... #1...
July 11th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
All photoshopped!
July 12th, 2008 at 02:25 am
...
::rolls::
XD
!
July 12th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
"This was obviously made for entertainment purposes, but, ” What The Fuck Man ” ?
I work at Starbucks, and to tell you all right now, there is very ” Intelligent ” people working at the StarBucks I work at.
Three of the girls that I work with are about to graduate from college to be teachers, a couple girls are getting ready to graduate from a very highly respected University here in Illinois ” Milikin ” !!!"
Uh, nice try. Northwestern is highly respected. University of Chicago is highly respected. Even University of Illinois is highly respected. Milliken is not "highly respected." It's where you go where you can't get in any place else, not even NIU or SIU.
July 15th, 2008 at 09:11 pm
This is actually a vary inaccurate list for people students at Northern Michigan University. You don't encounter any of these people, and you definitely don't have the time, or the money to go there for 6 hours of the day to write or do homework with friends. The employees are students, they all perfectly understand English, you never get a cooperate worker frustrated that he won't make it to class on time (why the fuck go to Starbucks if you are!?).
In any case, if you go to a Starbucks to generate this kind of list, you're almost purposely picking out people that aggravate you more than they aggravate the world.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I am one who actually DOES care about the erosion of proper grammar and spelling. I do not care, however, about Starbucks; nor do I care about the pretentious people who go there. I say to each his or her own. Whatever. This article was great though! I usually work for attorneys, so #4 rings the proverbial bell, as does #7. Luckily for me, my former boss liked Subway better - but it was still a PITA.
I have only been in a Starbucks ONCE, and this was because I was hired to play music there. I might add that the pretentious coffee-fools didn't have the compassion to tip the musician. How could they? They'd spent all their money on lattes...
I feel bitter as a rancid coffee bean. lol
Post new comment