So, a couple weeks ago Shania Twain found out her husband was cheating on her and they split up. Now, Shania’s ex was a music producer named Mutt Lange, and if I interpret rap lyrics correctly, there’s many many attractive young women who either have asses that won’t quit, or asses that will go for days and then after you’re satisfied by said ass, then and only then will it quit. So it must have been shocking when Shania Twain found out that he cheated with the a woman who looks like the sixth picture down from the starting picture of Shania if she was in a Faces Of Meth ad. People.com reports:
Lange’s relationship with Marie-Anne Thiébaud, 37, a longtime secretary and house manager at Twain and Lange’s estate in Switzerland, was behind the break up say several sources familiar with the situation.
Variety is the spice of life, but if I’m getting tired of eating a Snickers every day for a year, I don’t switch to Brach’s hard candy. In fact, if he’s going from Shania to this chick, I think we can probably assume he’s also making these changes.
I’m no soccer expert, but I’m pretty sure the “nut shot, nut shot, off-the-face” play isn’t going to score you many goals. Having been in a few of these sporting situations in the past, I would like to offer this young man a little advice: Stay down. Getting up will only make them kick you in the very sensitive parts over and over again. Learn to play an instrument (a real one like drums or a guitar, not a woodwind or brass) and focus on your studies. In short, just chalk these school years up to “experience.”
Later on when you have a decent paying job, a nice car and a girlfriend, you will…turn into some investment banker asshole who spends his entire life treating everyone like shit as a way of overcompensating for years of humiliation. Hmmm. Nevermind. My new advice, I guess, is: Never try anything ever. (And then blog about it.)
That’s right people, finally there will be a place on the internet where people can argue with one another about completely useless shit. If you look up above, you’ll see our heading now reads “News, Babes, Videos, FORUMS, Lists.” So, go ahead and click on that and say whatever the hell you want. If your posts or rants are good, we might actually give some of you the chance to make a post here on Holy Taco’s coveted front page. I know, very exciting. You’d probably rather have a t-shirt but the children in India can only make them so fast, so we have to ration them out.
[Photo from Jenkins LeWhisker. I'm pretty sure that's his real name.]
I used to watch Lost quite a bit, but I also used to go to strip clubs quite a bit. The reason I stopped doing both was because I don’t like getting really excited and then finding out there’s not going to be a climax unless I close my eyes and make one up in my head. In both cases that’s creepy. On the show, Sawyer (pictured above) plays the tough, mysterious, cool guy who broods and gives people nicknames that even Chris Berman would find annoying. But apparently in Istanbul, (where this picture was taken by a reader), being tough is a necessary attribute when selling ice cream bars.
Anyway, it got me to thinking, what other products from foreign countries have actors from Lost as their spokesmen?
While every month is National Breast Awareness month, May is National Breast Cancer Awareness month, so it’s good to see Jessica Simpson give her teetons a nice, thorough inspection. You can’t be too young to check your heaving set of tight globes, slowly, maybe while biting your lower lip…and casually caressing a thigh…for a horrible disease that has taken far too many far, far too soon. We should applaud Jessica for taking her health so seriously. Now let’s hope she does it again. (And a little slower this time.)
You think just because someone’s elected, they get to be president? No sir, before anybody moves into the White House, they have to pass an entrance exam.
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