Pirate Attacks Macy's

Back in the 1300s, people used to take swords everywhere.  In fact, if you didn't have a sword with you, I'm pretty sure people would be like "Hey, where's your sword?"  But now, things have changed.  The AP reports:

A man who was carrying a rusted pirate-style sword through Macy's flagship store in Manhattan is facing charges of criminal possession of a weapon.

He told police he was carrying the sword because he is a member of a kickball team whose players often wear pirate-themed costumes. He maintains he was on his way to a game when he was arrested.
First of all, that's either the worst excuse I've ever heard, or that dude is in a really f&*king awesome kickball league.  Secondly, I've been in a Macy's during a memorial day sale.  I wish I had had a pirate sword.  Then maybe workers would have thought twice before spraying me with $85 perfume that smelled like my Grandfather's piss two weeks into his Atkins diet.  I mean really, I was wearing a t-shirt commemorating an AIDS walk from 8 years ago and a pair of shorts that were home to parts of the last four meals I had eaten that involved ketchup.  If I'm going to clean up my act, $85 perfume is not where I'd likely start.

Anyway, this dude got me to thinking, if they make another Pirates of the Caribbean movie, it should be this:

Captain Jack Sparrow could get lost in housewares, and they've got to find him before they exceed their 2 hours they got free with validation.