No More Dog Sex For Guy Who Likes Dog Sex

It's early on a Monday, so let's get right into this one. According to Orlando's Sun Sentinel:

A Palm Beach Gardens man and his mother, a middle school science teacher, are permanently barred from owning or possessing animals, a judge ruled Thursday after watching a short film of the man having sex in his bedroom with a German shepherd.

Judge Frank Castor also ordered that the county be given custody of the woman's pets — two German shepherds and two cats — and ruled that she and her son, 18, jointly pay the county $1,848 in boarding costs and other fees.

The woman urged the judge not to take away her dogs, and said not allowing her to have future pets "is punishing the mother for the sins of a son."

She told the judge, "I have not done anything wrong or have hurt these animals in any way. I was mortified to find this was going on."

The county intends to put the animals up for adoption.

Boning dogs is one thing, but do you really have to film it? Only bad things can happen to a tape of you getting it on with a dog. But on the upside, I bet adopting these dogs would make for great conversation starters whenever you had people over to your house. This is how I imagine that conversation going:

Party Guest: Thanks for inviting me over. Hey, I didn't know you had dogs. They're so cute!

Host: Yeah, I just got them last week. I adopted them from the shelter.

Party Guest: Aww, that's adorable. What are their names?

Host: That one is called "Sparky" and that one quivering behind the couch is named "I Got Raped."

Party Guest: Those are...interesting...names...

Host: Yeah, well, I call that one Sparky because he's always full of energy. And I call that other one "I Got Raped" because he got raped by a teenager who recorded it. Do you want to see the short film of the rape?

Party Guest: I have to leave.