The 10 Most Worthless College Majors

June 2nd, 2008 | 07:29 pm

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College is a great place to learn and have fun. But let’s not kid ourselves, some degrees are as useless as the plot in a Michael Bay film. Here’s a list of 10 degrees that may be interesting, but do jack shit for you in the real world.

10. Art History

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Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: With an art history degree you could maybe curate an art gallery or work at a museum or….yeah, that’s it. That’s all you can do. And seeing as how every art gallery and museum I’ve ever been to has exactly one dude sitting quietly at a desk reading a New Yorker and eating a food that requires chopsticks, I’m going to go ahead and assume there’s not a lot of positions open in the field. That means you’re going to have to venture out into the corporate world. And let me inform you, when you’re interviewing with Bob from the HR team at Wal-Mart who’s wearing a tie that has the twin towers smoking with writing underneath that says “We Will Never Forget,” your art history degree says to him “I’m a commie a-hole who thinks I’m better than guys with 9/11 ties.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: After your parents boot your ass from your bedroom to make room for anything that’s not your bedroom, you’ll wander towards the nearest coffee shop and get a job there, which will allow you to meet artists who will thank you for allowing them to put fliers by the cash register that inform people of their upcoming show that touts “the combination of art and flute.”

9. Philosophy

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Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: This isn’t ancient Greece: No one is going to pay you money, or allow you to sodomize their attractive son, in exchange for your knowledge of existence. Never has there been an employer who’s said “Man, we’re having all kinds of problems, I wish we had someone on our team who could reference and draw conclusions from the story of Siddhartha that would pull up our fourth quarter numbers.” I took many philosophy classes and it involved reading and smoking a shit pile of weed. You don’t need to pay 20,000 dollars a year to do that. All you need is twenty dollars and a library card.

What Job You’ll End Up With: Thanks to your extensive knowledge of philosophy, you’re now self-aware enough to know that most jobs out there will make you totally miserable. So most likely you’ll wait tables part time and hope someone starts paying you for the bi-monthly entries on your blog.

8. American Studies

american studies worthless college degrees

Why It Won't Help You Get a Job: If you're not named Achmed or Bjork or G'Day Mate this isn't a degree, it's the last 18 years of your life. If you really want to study us you don't need to go to some stupid class, you need only to sit back and watch a two-hour block of Must-See TV to understand The American. After doing my own research, it seems that this mysterious creature is a pot-bellied humanoid with a hot wife and bad credit who has a penchant for low-calorie beer, Chilis, Applebees, TGIFridays, Denny's, McDonald's, Taco Bell, Dave and Busters, Steak and Shake, Chilis (again) and Red Lobster. Oh and he can totally demolish a White Castle Crave Case in, like, 20 seconds. OK, now give me my degree.

What Job You’ll End Up With: To take your American Studies degree one step further, you will be qualified to do 40-50 years of “graduate work” cleaning tables and taking orders at a Chilis, Applebees, TGIFridays or Red Lobster. Or possibly Denny’s.

7. Music Therapy

music therapy worthless college degrees

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: I didn’t even know this was a major until I found it on the Appalachian State website. According to their actual explanation of this major: “Music therapy is the scientific application of the art of music within a therapeutic relationship to meet the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs of individuals.” Which is a big, fancy way of saying “We’ll teach you how to make a mix tape.” I guess I, too, am a qualified music therapist because my “Summer Jams ‘95” tape I made in the 10th grade totally rocked my house party. All my friends told me that kicking it off with Wreckz-N-Effects “Rump Shaker” followed by Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” totally met their physical, mental and spiritual needs to help them get wasted on my dad’s Schnapps and Drambuie.

What Job You’ll End Up With: After realizing that yoga studios and elderly homes don’t pay people just to come in and set mood music, you’re sadly going to end up putting your degree towards burning a fire to keep warm because you are homeless.

6. Communications

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Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Go into a communications class on any given day and it’ll smell like dried semen and booze. Reason being, communications is the major for anyone who wants to graduate, but doesn’t want to stop getting totally wasted on weekdays. Here’s the bad news, if an employer is going to hire someone to help decipher how human beings communicate, he’s going to hire someone with the letters “Dr.” before their name, not the person who first checks to see if a class is offered online, then when they find out it’s not, let’s out a “gaaaaay bro.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: You’ll go to several job interviews that turn out to be pyramid schemes, even though at first you won’t realize this and come home and tell your parents, who you still live with, “They said I’ll probably be making six figures in less than a year just by selling these beer cozies.”

5. Dance

dance worthless college degrees

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Despite what “Dancing with the Stars” and “High School Musical” may tell you, there aren’t a lot of dancing jobs out there—so you better be good because there aren’t any gigs for mediocre dancers. Outside of New York City or some crap in LA there is absolutely nothing you can do with a dance degree that doesn’t involve actually dancing for money. And since the Des Moines interpretive dance movement hasn’t really taken off yet, you have a better chance landing a job as an 8-Track repairman or a member of the Beatles.

What Job You’ll End Up With: After moving to New York and trying out for Hello Dolly! or Damn Yankees or any of the other seven Broadway plays that want dancers and not landing a single one because you got your dance degree from Ball State, you will find ample opportunity to show off your choreographic skills at one of the city’s many strip clubs. You’ll just need to change your name to Crystal or Bambi and you’ll be able finally live out your dream as a dancer. (Mom and Dad will be so proud!)

4. English Lit

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Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: If someone can spend a weekend with a box of Cliff’s Notes and have only a slightly less conversational knowledge of what you spent 4 years studying, you probably don’t have the most employer friendly degree. Having an English Lit degree is like being a member of the Kansas City Royals: No one cares and the best you can hope for is every once in a while someone buys you a beer because of it.

What Job You’ll End Up With: You can read and comprehend, so that gives you an advantage over 99.5% of the people that peruse Craig’s list job listings. Therefore, you’ll most likely end up landing an entry level position at a random small company, or showing up to your interview and being raped repeatedly by a group of masked men.

3. Latin

latin worthless college degrees

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Not only does no one speak this language anymore, but we already have all the Latin that exists in the world. There’s no new Latin that’s hot off the presses that needs immediate translating. I’m no business major, but majoring in a language that doesn’t exist anymore doesn’t sound so good for job security. And I’m sorry to break the news to you, but the world doesn’t need someone to translate The Bible or the inscription on the side of a Post Office or El Loco Latino’s “Latin House Party.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: Since you majored in something that doesn’t exist, you’re going to have two jobs. Your first one will be as the annoying pretentious guy who gives everyone the Latin etymology of every big word he hears at every dinner party he attends. Your second, and most lucrative job, will be as a Subway Sandwich Artist.

2. Film

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Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: No one in hollywood gives a shit that you made a short film about an alcoholic albino that discovers the meaning of life through the help of a retarded child. Unless that retarded child was played by the son of Harvey Weinstein, your film or degree will be as pointless as the last three seasons of Lost

What Job You’ll End Up With: If you’re lucky, you’ll have an uncle who can get you a job as a production assistant on CSI Miami, where your time will be spent making coffee runs and finding whores that will let David Caruso pee on them.

1. Religion

religion worthless college degrees

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Sorry God, but a major in Religion is about as worthless as St. Brice (The Patron Saint of Stomach Aches.) Even Duke University can’t put a solid sell on this degree: “A major in religion offers intellectual excitement and can be a pathway to a liberal education.” OK, you sold me. So now I get to shell out about a hundred thousand dollars so I can know what to wear to a Shinto ceremony and learn how many virgins Allah will give me if I blow myself up in an Israeli square? If it’s OK with you, I’ll keep my money and stick to my sinning-a-lot-now-and-repenting-on-my-deathbed plan.

What Job You’ll End Up With: This one is tricky. On one hand you’ll probably end up working behind the desk of a Christian Science Reading Room. But on the other, you may end up with everlasting peace and spiritual enlightenment. Let’s call it a draw.

Comments

969 Responses to "The 10 Most Worthless College Majors"

  1. Realist Says:

    Que the bitching

  2. Scott Says:

    Even though I'm a film major, I'm not in the least bit offended by #2... Because it's true! Most student films suck more than Boondock Saints. Now cue the bitching.

  3. Anorexic Ginger Says:

    I would say Social Work is the most expensive useless degree. $200,000 education so you can make $18,000 and live in the worst neighborhoods in the country. Just go to community college. And the worst are the women who then go back and get their masters in social work. $400,000 education total to make at the most $24,000 your whole life.

  4. John Says:

    I am a LICSW (licensed clinical social worker) working in Massachusetts. I went to Bridgewater State College to obtain my BSW and MSW, which in total cost me roughly $60,000. I currently make $60,000 a year working at Mass General Hospital as a LICSW. So no, the degree is not useless and you do make decent money. I hope to obtain my Ph.D and eventually become a college proffesor in social work. A friend of mine is a proffesor of social working making $100,000 a year.

  5. eris Says:

    Apparently that expensive education did not result in a sngle credible spelling class.

  6. Brandon Says:

    Actually, 60,000 for your Bachelor's degree and a masters degree is an extreamly affordable education. My BA at George Washington University Cost me 200,000.

  7. hooligan Says:

    Gaaaaay bro

    That had me cracking up!

    My brother got a minor in latin and he makes me want to kill him

  8. Pratik Says:

    You forgot the dark horse in this set of degrees... the MRS degree. This is when attractive chicks go to college with the sole intention of finding a smart guy majoring in a lucrative field and marrying him. She lures him in saying that she is undecided at the moment and wants to "get to know you better." If a college chick says this without any alcohol in her, run for the hills.

    She only does this because she realizes that she's too much of a dumbass to make it on her own and has too much dignity to blowjob her way to the top (but just enough dignity to ride some dude's coattails), so she finds the nearest soon-to-be-successful guy out there and leeches onto him for all it's worth. A few kids and car payments later, here comes a divorce (cue the mentally distressed and emotionally abused card) and she is instantly loaded with half of the poor guy's estate.

    Add a vanity license plate that says "WAS HIS" for added effect and cruelty.

  9. holycow Says:

    hey!! first you trash my school, now my major. i have 4 words for you guys, "zero-byte-size reply"

  10. Maverick Says:

    Best BO (build-order) ever:
    Double Major in Japanese and Psychology
    Minor in Film.

    That way you can trick people into giving you free beer in tokyo and get it on camera.

  11. elliot Says:

    the whole university game is a nasty little scheme designed to defraud the uninitiated. work bunnies! set goals and achieve on your own, your degree only contributes to the death of a tree. .... "read ths text, write about it... read this text, write about it... read this text...." you're tell me you can't do that on your own? seriously?.. some of the most successful people i know are high school dropouts and "I'm not even from west virginia."

  12. Conor Says:

    Queue... the bitching.

  13. Phil Says:

    What about IDS (interdisciplinary studies)? This one might as well be chalked up to "I can bullshit about a whole lot of things" degree.

  14. Billy Jean Says:

    #9. Philosophy, always gets me. I have a few friends that dropped out of the business college to persue this degree. I'd rather pay for my kid to go to bartending school

  15. Tickaz Says:

    I studied 2 years of a 3 years Physics degree before realising it was useless and shit. I now work in "management" at a fast food restaurant

  16. onynmous Says:

    Check out #6. Physics makes on average more than anything on this list by far =)

    http://www.payscale.com/best-colleges/degrees.asp

  17. J Says:

    Um, hello? Women's studies? That shit should be number one.

  18. Lexi Says:

    @ 1, Realist.

    It's "cue" the bitching. I know, because I was an English Lit major--with a concentration in drama, so it was EXTRA useless ;-)

    The writer did forget to mention that, much like art history can only lead to museum jobs, English degrees can only lead to teaching. Teaching or nothing. /cry

  19. K Says:

    You left of "Human Development/Family Studies," a popular major at Auburn University. I have yet to understand what you do with that degree.

  20. blake williams Says:

    Music Business.

    It was the Dude's degree. It was also my roomate's in college. I believe he works at a car dealership now.

  21. Homer Says:

    The Iliad or The Odyssey are in greek...

  22. mase Says:

    The number one most worthless degree is definitely "LIBERAL ARTS" hands down; total waste of time/money.

  23. Andrew D. Tran Says:

    you completely ig'nant sons of bitches, philosophy is what many pre-law undergrads pursue... but I'm a civil engineering major so what do I care >_>

  24. Jim Says:

    What, no mention of my financially worthless degree - history. After graduation I worked four years in an electroplating factory, then went to a technical school and got a job as a software engineer.

  25. tomato1324 Says:

    eh im a communications major, it actually doesnt have much to do with just people communicating. ever turn on the news, a sports broadcast, the radio, open a newspaper or magazine, and not to mention the thousands of ads you see everywhere these days? yea, the majority of the people of involved in all that were probably comm majors.

  26. harry siphilis Says:

    oir end up writing ultra lame top ten lists.

  27. harry siphilis Says:

    nothing could be worse than ending up writing ultra lame top ten lists.

  28. Kegan Says:

    hey, don't forget a theatre degree. Who wouldn't want to major in playing pretend for four years?

  29. the Snark Says:

    Hey! I'm working on my major for Theatre Design!
    And according to everyone I've talked to, including my uncle who is an actor, being a Techie is a great career.

  30. Agree to disagree Says:

    I don't agree with you on the communication's degree (too many CEO's, corporate sales professionals, and lawyers that make a s**t load have a communications degree , but everything else sounds about right.

  31. A.B. Says:

    It's actually a communication major. The plural is incorrect. At least I learned something during my time in the program. You should have taken notes =)

    You're correct about the booze, women and procrastination though. Wrong about how it pans out. A com major is for people who know how the system works, have made the right connections and are there to maximize the experience. Academia and the real world have almost nothing in common. It's like honors programs. There are two types of students. The "smart" ones that spend all of their time studying, wasting hours of their lives reading every page and memorizing every fact and then the "intelligent" ones who drink/smoke/party more than just about any other group on campus and still take home the scholarships, top grades etc. - the difference is the second group has the system figured out. They know how it works, and make it work for them.

    Then again - what do I know. I went to the infamous ASU, was a Com student and spent half my time in Dance classes. Maybe my time spent with the #3 Commercial Real Estate Brokerage firm in the nation and working in the Merger and Acquisitions Industry was a fluke =)

  32. Rob Says:

    You can add Bachelor of Arts in political science to the list. Its like philosophy for morons.

  33. Jeff Says:

    As a civil servant I can tell you that all of those degrees will land you a job... after you give up all hope of happiness.

  34. business Says:

    Wow. Seems like a lot of people I know who attend college do it for the false sense of security. There are plenty of unemployed lawyers and PhDs out there. There's more to success than a mere degree.

  35. Tara Says:

    You can do more than teach with an English degree. I turned mine into a Marketing career path, with plenty of contract writing work on the side. The Latin course I took didn't hurt either, since it helped me to learn the etymology of many common words we use today. And the other people I work with in Marketing? Most of them have Communications degrees. In an age where you need a degree in almost anything to get a decent job, it's a shame to see such ignorance. But what do I know? I actually bothered to take the time to respond to such a lame post.

  36. Mike Says:

    Fuck You! You no talent hack! If you think Boondock Saints is a shit movie, then I'll see you in Subway. I hope your kids get down syndrome Scott.

    Dictated but not read

  37. kevin m Says:

    A little known secret about a great college major: Geography. Its lucrative with GIS technologies and many governments and businesses use Geographers, even though they may not call them that in the title. And, there are not enough of us, which, for me at least, has equated to a type of expertise garnering higher salaries.

  38. Seraphic Wannabe Says:

    Physics is turning out to be a pretty lame degree, too. Engineering would have been half the work and twice the money. It's really just philosophy with math that some people might pay you for after a decade or so.

  39. Soli Says:

    No Political Science on the list? If that's not a useless degree, well... Wanna hire me? :P

  40. Tom Woolf Says:

    Post-UVM called it... My dual major of Economics (as close as my school got to "business" or "accounting") and Political Science prepared me well for the world.

    My options after graduation were:
    - Grad school for Economics - was tired after 16 years of school, and didn't want to drag that on for another 4-8 years;
    - Grad school for Political Science - ditto (besides, both fall into the "you better have that DR title, or you're just a better educated lump);
    - Broker - basically, being given a phone book and told to make cold calls to rich folks, trying to convince these people who have spent 20 years in the business world that a greenhorn can teach *them* how to invest;
    - Teacher - C'mon - I just spent 16 years in school... I don't want to spend the next 40 there, too;
    - Business or Law school - 90% of my fellow Econ/Poli-sci grads went there

    Me - I'm a geek, so I program all day. My degree? Stored in a box somewhere. It did come in handy once, though... I worked for a conglomerate that required you have a degree to rise through the ranks. That degree could be in ANYTHING. A woman who worked with State Taxes got a promotion when she was within reach of her degree, but was threatened with a demotion if she did not finish. Her major? History.

  41. Jim White Says:

    Can't believe Black History wouldn't have been near the top of the list.

  42. Adolf Says:

    That is not a Major, that is a 1/2 credit short course

  43. kevin Says:

    WHAT!!!!

    cue the bitching is right dude!!
    boondock staints rocks

  44. The Robot Devil Says:

    How about Minority or Women's Studies?

    Spend 4 years of yur life learniing why everything everything bad that ever happened to non-whites and women is your fault.

  45. Religion Says:

    Shane Battier majored in religion at Duke. Seems to be doing pretty well...

  46. Project Swole - Weightlifting and Nutrition Says:

    Packaging Science.

    Why would anyone want to take a class to learn how to make packages?

    I mean I guess this has some applications in the real world, but the packaging science majors definitely got busted on at my college. Most of them were kind of embarrassed when asked what their major was.

  47. JohnnyBGood Says:

    how about leisure studies.. wtf????? studying the fine art of leisure

  48. Robert Meaney Says:

    Im an engineer, and I realized at my graduation ceremony that even though all the guys in my degree were single and hag a bad case of alcoholism, no matter our GPA we make 55k+ plus a year. The worst part is, I partied with the communications and other majors just as much and saw all the people that worked so hard in their degrees like Art History, and my 2.5 GPA landed me a 60k a year job. Beat your kids if they want to do something like that. I was going to be Political Science, but my dad threatened to cut me off forever. Best decision I ever made going to engineering. See you guys at the reunion. Bitching?

  49. KC Says:

    I have a degree in Accounting and yes, you can get a job with it. However, unless your dream job is staring at a computer all-day around menopausal women who graduated from online universities with the same degree as you, then don't pursue it.

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