R. Kelly Will Not Be Trapped In Cl...Jail.

R. Kelly, pictured here after he apparently had his left leg amputated (I took this photo off people.com, if you can tell me where his other leg is, please do), has been found not guilty on all charges of child pornography stemming from a sex tape he was accused of making, with his 13 year old god daughter. R. Kelly released a statement today saying "On a scale of of how good being found not guilty of that feels, it's probably right underneath 'having sex with your 13 year old god daughter." I kid, he didn't make that statement, he just thought it in his head. Usmagazine.com reports:

The defense maintained the 27-minute tape - which the jurors were shown - is an elaborate fake. (Defense attorney's argued that the man on the tape didn't have a large mole on his back, as kelly does.)

An elaborate fake where the only difference was a mole on his back? What attention to detail. I wish someone had hired the director of this video to do Pearl Harbor. It probably would have been more historically accurate, and the sex scene between Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler in that airplane hangar would have been awesome.

I'm sure he won't get off scot-free though. He'll probably have to end up doing some charity work for teenage girls or something. Don't be surprised if you end up seeing him put out a DVD like this one: