There's nothing worse than having a perfectly good drinking session ruined by a song that either doesn't belong in a bar, has been crammed down your ears too many times, or just plain sucks.
14. ALL I WANNA DO – SHERYL CROW
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The 45-year-old wannabe cougar who, despite being totally beaten down by her dead-end job as a real estate agent, thinks she can relate to the free spiritedness this song represents. She could totally drink beer at noon on a Tuesday…if she didn’t have to be at work. And she could totally drive down Santa Monica Boulevard with some guy named Billy or Mac or Buddy…if she didn’t have to pick her kids up from soccer practice. So, instead of going all Thelma and Louise, she ends up dancing with her other cougar friends before calling it a night in time to catch Grey’s Anatomy.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: When played at a bar, it does nothing but get a bunch of middle-aged women with fupas and gunts up on the dance floor who ask the DJ to play "Margaritaville" next.
13. MR. BRIGHTSIDE – THE KILLERS
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The wanna-be hipster. That’s right, he’s not a hipster, but he is choosing to become one. That’s like being potty trained and choosing to shit your pants. Unfortunately for him, the killers lost hipster credibility when they became profitable to a record label. So, even though he’s wearing a t-shirt featuring the tour dates of a band he’s never heard of, and really really tight jeans, once he’s popped this song on, other hipsters react like a Klu Klux Klansman hearing his buddy quote a Martin Lawrence movie.
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: The sound of the lead singer bellowing “I NEEEEVVVEEERRRR” towards the end of the song is reminiscent of the sound a man makes when he inadvertently sits on his testicles. The worst part about this song being picked in a juke box is that someone is definitely trying to say something about themselves, thus the next two selections his dollar provided is going to be even more shitty emo. By the end, you’ll want to take the Pabst Blue Ribbon he’s forcing himself to drink and lodge it in your windpipe.
12. R.E.M. – IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (AND I FEEL FINE)
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The bespectacled, sweater-wearing grad schooler who wants to play a song that shows off his knowledge of political and world affairs. He almost puts on Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire” but figured REM might make him look a little hipper. But his inability to talk to the opposite sex compels him to explain every cultural reference in the lyrics. “Did you know Leonid Brezhnev served as leader of the Communist party longer than anyone except Stalin? It’s true. And Lester Bangs was an influential music writer who wrote for Rolling Stone and Creem magazines. Hey, where are you going? ”
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: Everyone who hears this song thinks they can sing along, but they always end up screwing up the words. So you get a bar full of people screaming, “That’s great it starts with an earthquake…birds…Lenny Bruce!...hurricane…LEONARD BERNSTEIN…oh wait, that comes later.”
11. DANCING QUEEN – ABBA
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: She’s a shy wallflower with lots of acne in her mid-20s who still reads Sweet Valley High books and plays with her My Little Pony dolls. This song represents her fairy tale dream where she steps onto the dance floor and wows all the guys with her graceful moves. At the end of the night she’s swept off her feet by a handsome Prince Charming who takes her away in a chariot led by 10 mighty steeds. Later that evening, she realizes she’s in a rusty 1984 Datsun and the guy next to her has a pizza stain on his Foreigner T-shirt and he’s asking her to chip in for gas money.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It’s disco.
10. SWEET HOME ALABAMA – LYNYRD SKYNYRD
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: Look to the bar, there’s probably a gentleman there who’s wearing a flannel shirt with black sleeves. Upon closer inspection, you’ll realize he’s wearing a sleeveless flannel shirt, and what you thought were sleeves are actually a dark, dense fur that’s made a home on in his shoulders and upper arms. He’ll meander up to the juke box and stare it for ten minutes looking through every album twice, because unlike the sex he has with his obese wife, he’s in no rush to finish. When he selects the song, watch closely, because as it begins to play, he’ll say the words “turn it up,” then hold his hand up and when Skynyrd says “turn it up,” he’ll drop his hand down, signifying that he correctly predicted Skynyrd would say this as well.
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: If Lynyrd Skynyrd had a Juke Box at their house, I’m pretty sure this wouldn’t be on it. This song, much like Jenna Jameson’s vagina, once was great, but years of non-stop commercialized rocking have made it unsuitable for use.
9. DON’T STOP BELIEVING – JOURNEY
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The middle aged guy who’s still in the suit he bought just to make sure he landed the Peterson account, which he did! But he knows it’s Friday now, time to order some chicken fingers and let loose! Right before he plays the song, he’ll talk to his buddies about how they should totally take a trip to Vegas together. “Fuck it, let’s just do it.” Then they’ll all check their blackberries to find that they either have a prostate exam, a kid’s play to go to, or “wife wants to go see her parents so I kind of got to keep my weekends open for whenever that will be.” Then they’ll sit in silence until one of them leaves and heads to the juke box to make this ass kicking selection.
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: This song is as played out as Steve Perry is ugly. Whenever it’s selected on a juke box, it’s like a time out is being called from having fun. If this still pumps you up to hear, you probably also get pumped up when your wife says stuff like “I rented the first season of that show “The Closer” that my sister recommended. Maybe if I’m not too tired afterwards we’ll have sex or something
8. SMOOTH – CARLOS SANTANA AND ROB THOMAS
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The mega brodawg wearing a white bandana and rings on his fingers who “cannot believe!” that his “main man” Carlos Santana got together with the lead singer of the “totally best fuckin’ band ever” Matchbox Twenty. Seriously, this has “gotta be the best jam of all time, bro.” He’s pretty sure that the only way a better song would come along is if “Jimi came back from the dead to play with, like, Mozart, bro. Totally.”
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It’s a washed-up guitarist joining forces with the world’s blandest singer to write a song that my parent’s older friend’s like (honestly). This song should only be played on the jukebox in homes for the deaf.
7. HOTEL CALIFORNIA - THE EAGLES
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The college freshman who just “discovered music” and is "getting into" the “deep and heavy lyrics.” This gateway song will lead this young man into an ill-advised Steve Miller concert, Pink Floyd posters on his dorm walls and, tragically, the purchase of a Phish album. If you see these signs in anyone attempting to use the jukebox, call the authorities immediately.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: This song has been played so much even Glenn Frey and Don Henley stab their own ears with icepicks whenever they hear it. Killing someone for playing it is legal in 13 states.
6. I WILL SURVIVE – GLORIA GAYNOR
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The 39 year old newly divorced woman whose friends have taken her to a bar where they’re all ten years older than the everyone in the bar, including the manager. After a 45 minute session where she and her friends repeatedly convince her that “any guy in this bar would fuck you. I’m telling you, Janice. You show me one other person who’s had three kids and is as hot as you!” she downs her last cosmo and makes a beeline for the juke box. She confidently plays this song, and as the beginning piano solo comes in, she turns around towards her friends as they all excitedly scream in unison, then begin singing. Behind them a group of 25 year old frat guys say “How many beers to take down the grandma?”
WHY IT NEEDS OT RETIRE: Nothing kills a buzz faster than having a group of people next to you get up and sing a song with the same passion and intensity of Russell Crowe speech from Gladiator, then suddenly sitting down once the song is over. Attempting to empower yourself by singing a 70s disco song tells the whole bar “I have low self esteem. Talk to me later when I’m drunk and there’s a good chance I’ll fuck you.”
5. MEATLOAF – PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: With his over-the-top Broadway theatrics and his over-the-belt belly fat, Meatloaf attracts the tubby, pony-tailed husky guy who thinks to himself, “Hey, if a great big fatass like Meatloaf can pull this off, then I can too. Because I am also a great big fatass.” He then proceeds to try and out Meatloaf Meatloaf by undoing his pony tail for full hair-flip effect, props one knee on a table and sings along as loud as he possibly can. When he tries to get a girl to do the “let me sleep on it” part she politely declines and he’s forced to sing both the male and female parts by himself. Moments after the song is over he goes home, very alone.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: First off, it’s eight minutes long. Secondly, it’s shitty Meatloaf singing about having sex in a car. The man is too fat to have sex in a barn. I'm pretty sure those are the only two reasons you need.
4. KID ROCK – BAWIDABA
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: He’s got a lifted truck that’s most likely powered by gasoline and “deez nuts.” He’s pounding bud lights sitting at the bar in a shirt that’s either sleeveless, or with sleeves short enough to show off the tattoo he got to commemorate the animal that most closely resembles the demeanor he displayed while playing middle linebacker in high school. He’s also a few beers deep and “there’s a lotta fatties and uptight bitches in this place,” so it’s vital that he take it upon himself to “fucking rock THIS SHIT brother.” He walks over to the juke box while maintaining a full body flex and enters the numbers for this song. Then he nods his head approvingly, as if to say to everyone “Don’t worry, you’re about to see what I picked and it’s gonna take your nuts and shove them inside your asshole, bro.”
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: Unlike some other songs on the list, this was never an acceptable juke box selection. The only time this is an appropriate selection is when you’re a stripper working the mid-day shift and you need a pick me up because you’re feeling gassy from the free hot dog lunch buffet your club was offering.
3. ANYTHING BY THE BEATLES - THE BEATLES
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: He or she is around 55 and although they seriously considered a cut off the Beach Boys “Pet Sounds” album, “you just can’t go wrong with the beatles.” They’re wearing Teva Sandles and a sweater from whatever college their son or daughter attended. They don’t go to the bar that often, but hey, who doesn’t love a good margarita. Maybe it’ll get them drunk enough to have sex with their significant other who has become disgusting with age! They’ll probably be sitting with several other older people who are waiting for just the right time to pull out their story about when they first heard this beatles song, which will be a lie, since the actual first time they heard it they were smoking laced weed while awkwardly looking for a place to shoot their load in the circle jerk that just “sort of happened.”
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: Before you freak the fuck out, we’re not saying the Beatles suck. The Beatles are a legendary and influential band and because of that, everybody has heard every one of their songs so many times that it feels like you’re living in North Korea and its propaganda spewing from megaphones mounted in the street.
2. PIANO MAN – BILLY JOEL
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The lonely guy wearing a suit, who just took off his sportcoat, loosened his tie and undid the top button on his shirt. After ordering a scotch and soda he asks the bartender where he was when this song came out. Instead of listening to the guy's answer, he immediately starts telling him how he came this close to signing to the Mets farm team and how his wife left him because he worked too much and that he really wanted to be a astronaut when he was a kid. Hours later, when he's finally done with his pity party and gets up to leave, he doesn't even notice that the bartender hung himself with a bar towel.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It makes everyone over 37 all weepy and sad as they sit there and reminisce about all their hope and dreams that never came true. And it makes everyone under 37 furious with murderous rage because they have to listen to this shitty song one more time.
1. AMERICAN PIE – DON MCLEAN
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The 55-year-old hippie who’s long, thinning hair and tie-dyed T-shirt scream desperation for a bye-gone era. He’ll spend the entire 8:32 of this epic ballad telling you how much better things were back in the 1960s because the youth actually fought for something. Then, because this song is so goddamn long, he’ll run out of boring stories and will start telling you his “secrets he learned in ‘Nam” that the government invented cancer and that LSD is the only true form of learning. Once it’s finally over, he’ll ask you to sign a petition to legalize hash.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It’s an eight-minute long shitty folk ballad that has long outlived it's welcome. It needs to die.
You're an idiot. Please don't write again until you learn to do it better. Nothing worse than someone who just bashes without any insight. Lets see what's on your iPod!
most of these songs are epic to begin with, but while drunk, they become funny combined with epic as you watch drunk middle aged men belt out the high pitched notes of don't stop believing.
Music that doesn't belong in a bar: Rap, techno, pop
I think that about covers it
42 comments? That's impressive shit.
But my state of impressiveness is over shadowed by my pity for all these people who are freaking out and giving themselves aneurysms over a humorous list. You all probably get laughed at behind your backs by your friends because you're terribly lame, and miss the point of most topics-of-conversation. You're probably a decent person though, I'm sure your mother thinks so at least. But look on the bright side buck-a-roos, your friends are probably douche bags anyway, and what they say is just as irrelevant as what you say.
NO! Mr. brightside sucks. All Killers songs suck. And all the fucking stupid bands that try to sound like The Killers suck. Fuck the entire modern rock era. I bet all you stupid MGMT fans are gonna come out of the woodwork
Finally, someone who agrees that modern rock sucks ass.
I get the impression the author isn't old enough to enter a bar, let alone be allowed to stay long enough to listen to any music. Naming a few old songs to launch predictable salvos at fat people and old people having sex time and time and time and time again suggest authorship by a 19 year old. Too bad this got dugg; the boy doesn't deserve this payday.
You have a very dismal view of reality. It would have been very easy to trash these songs without attempting to trash an eclectic group of personality types. You fail.
Haaahahaha. Great message board. How lame is your website when it's mentioned on Bob and Sheri, a radio show aimed at the 30 plus woman??????????? Ooooh. That just exudes coooool.
This was pretty funny and pretty true as well-done putdowns often are. But I'll lay odds that this guy is too "cool" (whether he uses that word or not) and basically chickenshit to post a list of songs that he thinks really rock a bar. Because that would lay him open to criticism...
I disagree with #1. Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody should be there. Yeah, okay Wayne's World was an amusing movie in it's own right but it comes up WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too often in karaoke.
Those new juke boxes that you pay 50 cents more suck...here's why.
I played Janis Joplin's "Mercedes Benz", to quietly mock the group of rich kids stumbling into the bar.
Come to find out, the machine takes credit cards, too.
They used them.
Poor Janis only made it to the end of the first verse.
Sweet, twisted technology!
"So, even though he’s wearing a t-shirt featuring the tour dates of a band he’s never heard of..." "Hipsters" don't not listen to bands that put tour dates on their shirts.
"other hipsters react like a Klu Klux Klansman hearing his buddy quote a Martin Lawrence movie" Really? Martin Lawrence was the best you could think of? I can't even name a movie Martin Lawrence was in.
"thus the next two selections his dollar provided is going to be even more shitty emo." Now The Killers are emo? And this hipster is now emo as well? Get your stereotypes right dude.
It's amazing how many people like Smooth by Rob and Carlos... unbelievably stupid song, made by record execs in a ridiculous effort to reach out to the Orange County kids who shop at Hot Topic... if you like this song, then you are part of the reason why Americans are viewed as completely ignorant of anything that is GOOD
I have to say, the author of this list is pretty lousy, this wasn't funny and not any where near the stereo types that play these songs. I'm an alcoholic, and in sales, so i travel and see my fair share of bars, and your way off.
Did you really call Santana a washed up guitarist?
After Hendrix, Zappa, Stevie Ray Vaughn died
and Clapton sober we have little to look forward to.
Santanas boleros still have the power to send me tripping through other worlds and dimensions like none other. Jamming with a wide assortment of musicians and singers has added to his reputation and virtuosity.
His jazz still sucks...I will give you that.
You idiot. The people who play Don't Stop Believing by Journey are always coastie girls who will drop everything they are doing to sing along. This list just plucks random types of people. Lame list. Next time, leave out the "who plays it" because you aren't funny and your stereotypes are just plain wrong.
Hey, author of this article. You think you're a bigshot music person by writing something like this? This is YOUR opinion. How about composing your own music and making money out of it, before you start criticizing.
Being a DJ and where it is MY JOB is to entertain those women and keep them in the bar so YOU and your dumb drunk friends have someone to hit on when you come in, most of those songs that you say I "shouldn't play" get an instant reaction. Its a trickle down effect, I won't play them, girls will leave and then you can sit in the bar and high five your buddies and talk about how you get laid all the time.
add to your list,Janis Joplin,metallica,any kid rock,nickelshit,seether,hinder(they actually may be the same band)garth brooks,buckcherry or aerosmith after 1980(is that melissa rivers singing for aerosmith?)
Hey. He who is not very strong in memory should not meddle with lying.
I am from Paraguay and also now'm speaking English, tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "Thanks for helping survey web font availability! Please run these tests - test - known fonts — test your system for thousands of font names reported by.Fantasy, ancient, symbolic, and special fonts."
You left out You Light up my Life and Feelings plus Jerimiah was a fucking bullfrog...wtf these are fucking skank! Many out there that give me diareaa...I puke and shit all at once when I hear them! I am 61 and hate these fucking turd benders!
You wouldn't think a song is overplayed if you liked it. With that said I can't stand bands like Nickelback and AC/DC that continuously use the same chord progressions in each song. Although there are plenty of people who buy and/or play those bands...which makes money for the band(s)...which means the "repetitive and "corporate sell-out" bands will continue to make the same exact music as long as they get played. But what makes me "wiser" than the author is that I realize that all I have just written is an opinion and not gospel truth. And atleast I am open-minded enough to accept the fact that not everyone likes to listen to the music I listen to.
Heh. A few people get really defensive at this shit. It's the internet. You can find another web page to read.
And yeah, those are some crappy songs. So bad, that the bar that I go to plays a few of those "hits" at bar close to clear out the bar, and boy does it. I will, however, defend the playing of "It's the End of The World" as the most awesome tune to play when people are drunk and trying to sing along. I find it very amusing when random words are shouted and no one can really sing it.
Same thing with Bon Jovi songs. You just have to play them when people are tanked. Hours of amusement!
everyone here must be like, 50 years old. these songs (except 4 the Killers) are so out of wack, like, does anyone under 30 even know who these performers are??? who would even consider playing this tired crap at all?
is that journey comment a joke? i've always thought they were some sort of chick/elevator-music band.
but really, this list could be waaaay longer...
'(i can't get no) satisfaction' - unlike the beatles, the stones still have some high quality music that you have NOT heard everywhere all the time, and is worth checking out
(hint: try 'exile on main st.')
'seasons in the sun' - or r u a big terry jacks fan?
the beach boys - pretty much anything.
'folsom prison' - johnny cash. putting this on again, will not bring you any closer to being an outlaw.
deal with it.
'like a rolling stone' - dylan. again, a huge body of quality work you aren't sick of yet. still, everyone plays the same 3 songs.
'whip it' - devo. beyond me why this one caught on as opposed to some of their other songs. great vid though.
'heart of gold' - neil young. i ♥ neil. but this, 'old man' and a few others can go away now.
village people - anything. which reminds me. do gay people really hate the word 'fag'? like do they care if straight people (mostly guys) use it casually? as opposed to the context where it is used disparagingly against a person.
'american woman' - guess who. bugs me enough to wonder if it was ever a good song.
'takin' care of business' - bto. if you could kick a radio station in the nuts, you would kick the radio station that plays this at 8:15 in the morning, in the nuts.
Most of those songs are worthwhile for bars. If you don't want to hear the popular songs that other people like to listen to, then get back to your mom's basement and download more underground torrents of your 'real' music. And what do you guys have against old people? If older adults like a song, it's done? Alright.
So does this make me middle aged hippie wearing a suit? I have to admit I dont play these songs around other people, maybe smooth... wow... Im sad, BTW Im not a middle aged man, Im 23 WTF is wrong with me?
Two more I can add from my bar experiences where I live. Kid Rock's Bawidaba is bad, but Cowboy is much worse. Also I think Buckcherry's Crazy Bitch should now be over and done with. EVERY FUCKING BAND,RADIO, JUKEBOX, DRUNKEN KAREOKE SINGER AND DUMBASS DRUNK HOUSEMOM SINGS THAT FUCKING SONG! PLEASE SAVE ME THE EARACHE!
It's just satire...why is everyone so pi*sed off? cracked.com said this guy ripped them off (which he is, kinda) and you don't see this kind of virulence in their comments. And the topics they lampoon are WAY more emotionally / politically charged then a simple list of music.
(326 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
June 17th, 2008 at 02:07 am
Don't Forget about Stairway to Heaven
June 17th, 2008 at 02:11 am
You're an idiot. Please don't write again until you learn to do it better. Nothing worse than someone who just bashes without any insight. Lets see what's on your iPod!
June 17th, 2008 at 02:13 am
most of these songs are epic to begin with, but while drunk, they become funny combined with epic as you watch drunk middle aged men belt out the high pitched notes of don't stop believing.
Music that doesn't belong in a bar: Rap, techno, pop
I think that about covers it
June 17th, 2008 at 02:22 am
42 comments? That's impressive shit.
But my state of impressiveness is over shadowed by my pity for all these people who are freaking out and giving themselves aneurysms over a humorous list. You all probably get laughed at behind your backs by your friends because you're terribly lame, and miss the point of most topics-of-conversation. You're probably a decent person though, I'm sure your mother thinks so at least. But look on the bright side buck-a-roos, your friends are probably douche bags anyway, and what they say is just as irrelevant as what you say.
June 17th, 2008 at 02:35 am
NO! Mr. brightside sucks. All Killers songs suck. And all the fucking stupid bands that try to sound like The Killers suck. Fuck the entire modern rock era. I bet all you stupid MGMT fans are gonna come out of the woodwork
Finally, someone who agrees that modern rock sucks ass.
June 17th, 2008 at 02:40 am
I get the impression the author isn't old enough to enter a bar, let alone be allowed to stay long enough to listen to any music. Naming a few old songs to launch predictable salvos at fat people and old people having sex time and time and time and time again suggest authorship by a 19 year old. Too bad this got dugg; the boy doesn't deserve this payday.
June 17th, 2008 at 02:40 am
You have a very dismal view of reality. It would have been very easy to trash these songs without attempting to trash an eclectic group of personality types. You fail.
June 17th, 2008 at 02:54 am
Umm... no. You are, for the most part, a complete idiot.
June 17th, 2008 at 02:55 am
So much wasted talent.
Why don't you write something
that inspires rather than destroys?
Never mind...I know why.
Destiny.
June 17th, 2008 at 03:31 am
Haaahahaha. Great message board. How lame is your website when it's mentioned on Bob and Sheri, a radio show aimed at the 30 plus woman??????????? Ooooh. That just exudes coooool.
Mwahaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
June 17th, 2008 at 03:46 am
What can I say that other people have not addressed?Um....piss off you no talent punk ass bitch of a wannabe "writer".I use that term loosely.
June 17th, 2008 at 03:53 am
This was pretty funny and pretty true as well-done putdowns often are. But I'll lay odds that this guy is too "cool" (whether he uses that word or not) and basically chickenshit to post a list of songs that he thinks really rock a bar. Because that would lay him open to criticism...
June 17th, 2008 at 03:58 am
I disagree with #1. Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody should be there. Yeah, okay Wayne's World was an amusing movie in it's own right but it comes up WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too often in karaoke.
For my tastes, anyways.
June 17th, 2008 at 04:00 am
Those new juke boxes that you pay 50 cents more suck...here's why.
I played Janis Joplin's "Mercedes Benz", to quietly mock the group of rich kids stumbling into the bar.
Come to find out, the machine takes credit cards, too.
They used them.
Poor Janis only made it to the end of the first verse.
Sweet, twisted technology!
June 17th, 2008 at 04:02 am
So this article was written by some early 20's something with a lot of sand in his vagina and knows everything?
Am I right?
June 17th, 2008 at 04:22 am
First of all this song is actually good.
"So, even though he’s wearing a t-shirt featuring the tour dates of a band he’s never heard of..." "Hipsters" don't not listen to bands that put tour dates on their shirts.
"other hipsters react like a Klu Klux Klansman hearing his buddy quote a Martin Lawrence movie" Really? Martin Lawrence was the best you could think of? I can't even name a movie Martin Lawrence was in.
"thus the next two selections his dollar provided is going to be even more shitty emo." Now The Killers are emo? And this hipster is now emo as well? Get your stereotypes right dude.
June 17th, 2008 at 04:31 am
It's amazing how many people like Smooth by Rob and Carlos... unbelievably stupid song, made by record execs in a ridiculous effort to reach out to the Orange County kids who shop at Hot Topic... if you like this song, then you are part of the reason why Americans are viewed as completely ignorant of anything that is GOOD
June 17th, 2008 at 04:35 am
I have to say, the author of this list is pretty lousy, this wasn't funny and not any where near the stereo types that play these songs. I'm an alcoholic, and in sales, so i travel and see my fair share of bars, and your way off.
June 17th, 2008 at 04:52 am
Did you really call Santana a washed up guitarist?
After Hendrix, Zappa, Stevie Ray Vaughn died
and Clapton sober we have little to look forward to.
Santanas boleros still have the power to send me tripping through other worlds and dimensions like none other. Jamming with a wide assortment of musicians and singers has added to his reputation and virtuosity.
His jazz still sucks...I will give you that.
June 17th, 2008 at 04:55 am
Hahahahaha... sounds like a drunken karaoke play list to me!
June 17th, 2008 at 05:11 am
You idiot. The people who play Don't Stop Believing by Journey are always coastie girls who will drop everything they are doing to sing along. This list just plucks random types of people. Lame list. Next time, leave out the "who plays it" because you aren't funny and your stereotypes are just plain wrong.
June 17th, 2008 at 05:15 am
Hey, author of this article. You think you're a bigshot music person by writing something like this? This is YOUR opinion. How about composing your own music and making money out of it, before you start criticizing.
February 27th, 2009 at 01:36 am
how could they forget Macarena?! I mean that is the gayest, stupidest song ever written.
February 8th, 2009 at 01:26 pm
Being a DJ and where it is MY JOB is to entertain those women and keep them in the bar so YOU and your dumb drunk friends have someone to hit on when you come in, most of those songs that you say I "shouldn't play" get an instant reaction. Its a trickle down effect, I won't play them, girls will leave and then you can sit in the bar and high five your buddies and talk about how you get laid all the time.
Just shut up...
July 20th, 2009 at 01:23 pm
add to your list,Janis Joplin,metallica,any kid rock,nickelshit,seether,hinder(they actually may be the same band)garth brooks,buckcherry or aerosmith after 1980(is that melissa rivers singing for aerosmith?)
May 12th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Hey. He who is not very strong in memory should not meddle with lying.
I am from Paraguay and also now'm speaking English, tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "Thanks for helping survey web font availability! Please run these tests - test - known fonts — test your system for thousands of font names reported by.Fantasy, ancient, symbolic, and special fonts."
THX :), Raja.
March 4th, 2009 at 08:17 pm
Interessante Informationen.
April 28th, 2009 at 02:09 pm
Now Kimbo, come back inside and eat your raisin bran.
:)
December 31st, 2008 at 08:17 pm
You left out You Light up my Life and Feelings plus Jerimiah was a fucking bullfrog...wtf these are fucking skank! Many out there that give me diareaa...I puke and shit all at once when I hear them! I am 61 and hate these fucking turd benders!
January 2nd, 2009 at 07:54 pm
"Too fat to have sex in a barn", hahahaha!
Though I do like one or two of the songs, I do agree they have been overplayed like crazy, and should never be played in a bar.
Add to the list: Anything by Gretchen Wilson, for the same reasons as Gloria Gaynor
January 20th, 2009 at 06:47 pm
awwww, but don't stop believing is everyones favorite karaoke song. XD
January 15th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
You wouldn't think a song is overplayed if you liked it. With that said I can't stand bands like Nickelback and AC/DC that continuously use the same chord progressions in each song. Although there are plenty of people who buy and/or play those bands...which makes money for the band(s)...which means the "repetitive and "corporate sell-out" bands will continue to make the same exact music as long as they get played. But what makes me "wiser" than the author is that I realize that all I have just written is an opinion and not gospel truth. And atleast I am open-minded enough to accept the fact that not everyone likes to listen to the music I listen to.
February 13th, 2009 at 03:36 pm
Heh. A few people get really defensive at this shit. It's the internet. You can find another web page to read.
And yeah, those are some crappy songs. So bad, that the bar that I go to plays a few of those "hits" at bar close to clear out the bar, and boy does it. I will, however, defend the playing of "It's the End of The World" as the most awesome tune to play when people are drunk and trying to sing along. I find it very amusing when random words are shouted and no one can really sing it.
Same thing with Bon Jovi songs. You just have to play them when people are tanked. Hours of amusement!
March 23rd, 2009 at 02:53 am
forgot tiny dancer, homez.
February 17th, 2009 at 08:52 pm
Anything by pink floyd and all those hipster "indie" bands that sound all the same
February 19th, 2009 at 02:17 am
Another case of Trisomy - 21.
May 14th, 2009 at 02:29 pm
everyone here must be like, 50 years old. these songs (except 4 the Killers) are so out of wack, like, does anyone under 30 even know who these performers are??? who would even consider playing this tired crap at all?
May 27th, 2009 at 10:58 am
~
is that journey comment a joke? i've always thought they were some sort of chick/elevator-music band.
but really, this list could be waaaay longer...
'(i can't get no) satisfaction' - unlike the beatles, the stones still have some high quality music that you have NOT heard everywhere all the time, and is worth checking out
(hint: try 'exile on main st.')
'seasons in the sun' - or r u a big terry jacks fan?
the beach boys - pretty much anything.
'folsom prison' - johnny cash. putting this on again, will not bring you any closer to being an outlaw.
deal with it.
'like a rolling stone' - dylan. again, a huge body of quality work you aren't sick of yet. still, everyone plays the same 3 songs.
'whip it' - devo. beyond me why this one caught on as opposed to some of their other songs. great vid though.
'heart of gold' - neil young. i ♥ neil. but this, 'old man' and a few others can go away now.
village people - anything. which reminds me. do gay people really hate the word 'fag'? like do they care if straight people (mostly guys) use it casually? as opposed to the context where it is used disparagingly against a person.
'american woman' - guess who. bugs me enough to wonder if it was ever a good song.
'takin' care of business' - bto. if you could kick a radio station in the nuts, you would kick the radio station that plays this at 8:15 in the morning, in the nuts.
May 30th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Most of those songs are worthwhile for bars. If you don't want to hear the popular songs that other people like to listen to, then get back to your mom's basement and download more underground torrents of your 'real' music. And what do you guys have against old people? If older adults like a song, it's done? Alright.
July 19th, 2009 at 06:30 pm
Any man caught publicly A: calling people faggots and/or B: Publicly defending Sheryl Crowe is a closet case
July 19th, 2009 at 06:31 pm
Any man who A: Calls people faggots and/or B: Likes Sheryl Crow is a closet case
July 18th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
you must have just sat in a bar for 45 minutes and wrote down what played, didn't you?
asshat.
July 19th, 2009 at 01:13 am
So does this make me middle aged hippie wearing a suit? I have to admit I dont play these songs around other people, maybe smooth... wow... Im sad, BTW Im not a middle aged man, Im 23 WTF is wrong with me?
July 15th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Two more I can add from my bar experiences where I live. Kid Rock's Bawidaba is bad, but Cowboy is much worse. Also I think Buckcherry's Crazy Bitch should now be over and done with. EVERY FUCKING BAND,RADIO, JUKEBOX, DRUNKEN KAREOKE SINGER AND DUMBASS DRUNK HOUSEMOM SINGS THAT FUCKING SONG! PLEASE SAVE ME THE EARACHE!
July 14th, 2009 at 09:06 pm
I thought it was pretty fucking funny
June 17th, 2008 at 05:56 am
OMG ROFL THAT WAS SO AWESUM!!111
...or maybe you could just try letting people enjoy their favorite songs without thinking that anyone cares that you don't like them.
June 17th, 2008 at 06:22 am
It's just satire...why is everyone so pi*sed off? cracked.com said this guy ripped them off (which he is, kinda) and you don't see this kind of virulence in their comments. And the topics they lampoon are WAY more emotionally / politically charged then a simple list of music.
June 17th, 2008 at 07:12 am
Valuable advice for you and other people who write articles in the English language: http://how-to-spell-its.com
Learn it! Live it! Use it!
June 17th, 2008 at 08:00 am
Get fucked.
Santana is a "washed up guitarist"?
Carlos Santana is, was and , as far as I'm concerned, always will be the best guitarist around.
I couldn't care less about Rob Thomas but Santana is the reason that song got any airtime.
June 17th, 2008 at 08:21 am
Isn't cracked.com a bastardized version of Mad? (If someone could edit this for spelling and punctuation I would greatly appreciate it)
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