There's nothing worse than having a perfectly good drinking session ruined by a song that either doesn't belong in a bar, has been crammed down your ears too many times, or just plain sucks.
14. ALL I WANNA DO – SHERYL CROW
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The 45-year-old wannabe cougar who, despite being totally beaten down by her dead-end job as a real estate agent, thinks she can relate to the free spiritedness this song represents. She could totally drink beer at noon on a Tuesday…if she didn’t have to be at work. And she could totally drive down Santa Monica Boulevard with some guy named Billy or Mac or Buddy…if she didn’t have to pick her kids up from soccer practice. So, instead of going all Thelma and Louise, she ends up dancing with her other cougar friends before calling it a night in time to catch Grey’s Anatomy.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: When played at a bar, it does nothing but get a bunch of middle-aged women with fupas and gunts up on the dance floor who ask the DJ to play "Margaritaville" next.
13. MR. BRIGHTSIDE – THE KILLERS
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The wanna-be hipster. That’s right, he’s not a hipster, but he is choosing to become one. That’s like being potty trained and choosing to shit your pants. Unfortunately for him, the killers lost hipster credibility when they became profitable to a record label. So, even though he’s wearing a t-shirt featuring the tour dates of a band he’s never heard of, and really really tight jeans, once he’s popped this song on, other hipsters react like a Klu Klux Klansman hearing his buddy quote a Martin Lawrence movie.
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: The sound of the lead singer bellowing “I NEEEEVVVEEERRRR” towards the end of the song is reminiscent of the sound a man makes when he inadvertently sits on his testicles. The worst part about this song being picked in a juke box is that someone is definitely trying to say something about themselves, thus the next two selections his dollar provided is going to be even more shitty emo. By the end, you’ll want to take the Pabst Blue Ribbon he’s forcing himself to drink and lodge it in your windpipe.
12. R.E.M. – IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (AND I FEEL FINE)
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The bespectacled, sweater-wearing grad schooler who wants to play a song that shows off his knowledge of political and world affairs. He almost puts on Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire” but figured REM might make him look a little hipper. But his inability to talk to the opposite sex compels him to explain every cultural reference in the lyrics. “Did you know Leonid Brezhnev served as leader of the Communist party longer than anyone except Stalin? It’s true. And Lester Bangs was an influential music writer who wrote for Rolling Stone and Creem magazines. Hey, where are you going? ”
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: Everyone who hears this song thinks they can sing along, but they always end up screwing up the words. So you get a bar full of people screaming, “That’s great it starts with an earthquake…birds…Lenny Bruce!...hurricane…LEONARD BERNSTEIN…oh wait, that comes later.”
11. DANCING QUEEN – ABBA
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: She’s a shy wallflower with lots of acne in her mid-20s who still reads Sweet Valley High books and plays with her My Little Pony dolls. This song represents her fairy tale dream where she steps onto the dance floor and wows all the guys with her graceful moves. At the end of the night she’s swept off her feet by a handsome Prince Charming who takes her away in a chariot led by 10 mighty steeds. Later that evening, she realizes she’s in a rusty 1984 Datsun and the guy next to her has a pizza stain on his Foreigner T-shirt and he’s asking her to chip in for gas money.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It’s disco.
10. SWEET HOME ALABAMA – LYNYRD SKYNYRD
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: Look to the bar, there’s probably a gentleman there who’s wearing a flannel shirt with black sleeves. Upon closer inspection, you’ll realize he’s wearing a sleeveless flannel shirt, and what you thought were sleeves are actually a dark, dense fur that’s made a home on in his shoulders and upper arms. He’ll meander up to the juke box and stare it for ten minutes looking through every album twice, because unlike the sex he has with his obese wife, he’s in no rush to finish. When he selects the song, watch closely, because as it begins to play, he’ll say the words “turn it up,” then hold his hand up and when Skynyrd says “turn it up,” he’ll drop his hand down, signifying that he correctly predicted Skynyrd would say this as well.
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: If Lynyrd Skynyrd had a Juke Box at their house, I’m pretty sure this wouldn’t be on it. This song, much like Jenna Jameson’s vagina, once was great, but years of non-stop commercialized rocking have made it unsuitable for use.
9. DON’T STOP BELIEVING – JOURNEY
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The middle aged guy who’s still in the suit he bought just to make sure he landed the Peterson account, which he did! But he knows it’s Friday now, time to order some chicken fingers and let loose! Right before he plays the song, he’ll talk to his buddies about how they should totally take a trip to Vegas together. “Fuck it, let’s just do it.” Then they’ll all check their blackberries to find that they either have a prostate exam, a kid’s play to go to, or “wife wants to go see her parents so I kind of got to keep my weekends open for whenever that will be.” Then they’ll sit in silence until one of them leaves and heads to the juke box to make this ass kicking selection.
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: This song is as played out as Steve Perry is ugly. Whenever it’s selected on a juke box, it’s like a time out is being called from having fun. If this still pumps you up to hear, you probably also get pumped up when your wife says stuff like “I rented the first season of that show “The Closer” that my sister recommended. Maybe if I’m not too tired afterwards we’ll have sex or something
8. SMOOTH – CARLOS SANTANA AND ROB THOMAS
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The mega brodawg wearing a white bandana and rings on his fingers who “cannot believe!” that his “main man” Carlos Santana got together with the lead singer of the “totally best fuckin’ band ever” Matchbox Twenty. Seriously, this has “gotta be the best jam of all time, bro.” He’s pretty sure that the only way a better song would come along is if “Jimi came back from the dead to play with, like, Mozart, bro. Totally.”
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It’s a washed-up guitarist joining forces with the world’s blandest singer to write a song that my parent’s older friend’s like (honestly). This song should only be played on the jukebox in homes for the deaf.
7. HOTEL CALIFORNIA - THE EAGLES
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The college freshman who just “discovered music” and is "getting into" the “deep and heavy lyrics.” This gateway song will lead this young man into an ill-advised Steve Miller concert, Pink Floyd posters on his dorm walls and, tragically, the purchase of a Phish album. If you see these signs in anyone attempting to use the jukebox, call the authorities immediately.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: This song has been played so much even Glenn Frey and Don Henley stab their own ears with icepicks whenever they hear it. Killing someone for playing it is legal in 13 states.
6. I WILL SURVIVE – GLORIA GAYNOR
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The 39 year old newly divorced woman whose friends have taken her to a bar where they’re all ten years older than the everyone in the bar, including the manager. After a 45 minute session where she and her friends repeatedly convince her that “any guy in this bar would fuck you. I’m telling you, Janice. You show me one other person who’s had three kids and is as hot as you!” she downs her last cosmo and makes a beeline for the juke box. She confidently plays this song, and as the beginning piano solo comes in, she turns around towards her friends as they all excitedly scream in unison, then begin singing. Behind them a group of 25 year old frat guys say “How many beers to take down the grandma?”
WHY IT NEEDS OT RETIRE: Nothing kills a buzz faster than having a group of people next to you get up and sing a song with the same passion and intensity of Russell Crowe speech from Gladiator, then suddenly sitting down once the song is over. Attempting to empower yourself by singing a 70s disco song tells the whole bar “I have low self esteem. Talk to me later when I’m drunk and there’s a good chance I’ll fuck you.”
5. MEATLOAF – PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: With his over-the-top Broadway theatrics and his over-the-belt belly fat, Meatloaf attracts the tubby, pony-tailed husky guy who thinks to himself, “Hey, if a great big fatass like Meatloaf can pull this off, then I can too. Because I am also a great big fatass.” He then proceeds to try and out Meatloaf Meatloaf by undoing his pony tail for full hair-flip effect, props one knee on a table and sings along as loud as he possibly can. When he tries to get a girl to do the “let me sleep on it” part she politely declines and he’s forced to sing both the male and female parts by himself. Moments after the song is over he goes home, very alone.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: First off, it’s eight minutes long. Secondly, it’s shitty Meatloaf singing about having sex in a car. The man is too fat to have sex in a barn. I'm pretty sure those are the only two reasons you need.
4. KID ROCK – BAWIDABA
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: He’s got a lifted truck that’s most likely powered by gasoline and “deez nuts.” He’s pounding bud lights sitting at the bar in a shirt that’s either sleeveless, or with sleeves short enough to show off the tattoo he got to commemorate the animal that most closely resembles the demeanor he displayed while playing middle linebacker in high school. He’s also a few beers deep and “there’s a lotta fatties and uptight bitches in this place,” so it’s vital that he take it upon himself to “fucking rock THIS SHIT brother.” He walks over to the juke box while maintaining a full body flex and enters the numbers for this song. Then he nods his head approvingly, as if to say to everyone “Don’t worry, you’re about to see what I picked and it’s gonna take your nuts and shove them inside your asshole, bro.”
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: Unlike some other songs on the list, this was never an acceptable juke box selection. The only time this is an appropriate selection is when you’re a stripper working the mid-day shift and you need a pick me up because you’re feeling gassy from the free hot dog lunch buffet your club was offering.
3. ANYTHING BY THE BEATLES - THE BEATLES
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: He or she is around 55 and although they seriously considered a cut off the Beach Boys “Pet Sounds” album, “you just can’t go wrong with the beatles.” They’re wearing Teva Sandles and a sweater from whatever college their son or daughter attended. They don’t go to the bar that often, but hey, who doesn’t love a good margarita. Maybe it’ll get them drunk enough to have sex with their significant other who has become disgusting with age! They’ll probably be sitting with several other older people who are waiting for just the right time to pull out their story about when they first heard this beatles song, which will be a lie, since the actual first time they heard it they were smoking laced weed while awkwardly looking for a place to shoot their load in the circle jerk that just “sort of happened.”
WHY IT NEEDS TO RETIRE: Before you freak the fuck out, we’re not saying the Beatles suck. The Beatles are a legendary and influential band and because of that, everybody has heard every one of their songs so many times that it feels like you’re living in North Korea and its propaganda spewing from megaphones mounted in the street.
2. PIANO MAN – BILLY JOEL
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The lonely guy wearing a suit, who just took off his sportcoat, loosened his tie and undid the top button on his shirt. After ordering a scotch and soda he asks the bartender where he was when this song came out. Instead of listening to the guy's answer, he immediately starts telling him how he came this close to signing to the Mets farm team and how his wife left him because he worked too much and that he really wanted to be a astronaut when he was a kid. Hours later, when he's finally done with his pity party and gets up to leave, he doesn't even notice that the bartender hung himself with a bar towel.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It makes everyone over 37 all weepy and sad as they sit there and reminisce about all their hope and dreams that never came true. And it makes everyone under 37 furious with murderous rage because they have to listen to this shitty song one more time.
1. AMERICAN PIE – DON MCLEAN
WHO PLAYS THIS ON THE JUKE BOX: The 55-year-old hippie who’s long, thinning hair and tie-dyed T-shirt scream desperation for a bye-gone era. He’ll spend the entire 8:32 of this epic ballad telling you how much better things were back in the 1960s because the youth actually fought for something. Then, because this song is so goddamn long, he’ll run out of boring stories and will start telling you his “secrets he learned in ‘Nam” that the government invented cancer and that LSD is the only true form of learning. Once it’s finally over, he’ll ask you to sign a petition to legalize hash.
WHY IT NEEDS TO BE RETIRED: It’s an eight-minute long shitty folk ballad that has long outlived it's welcome. It needs to die.
Great list!! #15 should be NO STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN PLEASE!! great song but just way overplayed and seems to be the last song for every gig from the 70's on . . .
Yes, there are incredibly so many sites online with lists and social commentary about obvious and common things we share, love or hate, together as a Americans...or more accurately, young American men whose gravitational field and depth of experience radiate no further than five feet away from the computer. But it feels so good, doesn't it...to tear people a new asshole from such a safe distance.
I love cynicism as much as the next nerd, but it goes down so much smoother with some decent writing, and the sense that you may have revised yourself once or twice. Otherwise, this article makes the author sound simply mean (low) and unoriginal and just as lacking in experience as that kid who "just discovered music"...
...it sounds like you just discovered that other people are different than you, and often annoying. Congratulations! Wait until you turn 23 - or even 22 - then perhaps you might discover that you, too, are not all that unique and interesting. Much like your mom, who surely is hotter than anyone else in the bar with three bastard children...you will survive, but perhaps with a few less illusions of superiority in the future.
There is some profit to be had in making obvious and tired commentary about things no one really cares about - which is basically this whole site - but there is personal satisfaction even greater in taking time to think and revise and practice and offer the public something with a bit more substance and creativity.
FYI: I am a not bitching web-crawler. I like crap just as much as the next guy...but this article was the rhetorical equivalent to the Carlos Mencia Show (and, no, that is not a good thing).
Based on you say picks these songs are it seems like you don't spend enough time in bars.
Journey is always played by the college freshman or sophomore who just finished rushing his fraternity and has been convinced by his frat brothers that he's "just like soooo nostalgic about that song" even though he's only 19 which would make him like four years old when that song came out. This then leads to a conversation about "how like, totally awesome" cartoons were back then even though once again... this guy wasn't even born yet when they originally aired and only "remembers" them because he saw them on YouTube.
The author needs to get his its/it's and who's/whose choices straight before he blogs again. I think there are fifth grade grammar classes happening somewhere this summer...
I love the people hating on this list. I thought it was spot on. The offended are just butt hurt because when they hit up Applebees for happy hour their only wish is that they had a jukebox and these were the only 15 songs on it.
The author makes many good points, and I would agree that many of these songs are overplayed. What does it mean to say that _______ song should NEVER be played in certain place? I understand that this post is primarily intended to garner traffic, but how can you make such broadbrush statements about these artists and their fans? You have to remember that every single musician on this list is EXCEPTIONALLY talented, meaning that:
1. Yes, he/she/they is a better musician than you will ever be. period.
2. Although these songs have definitely been worn out on the radio, someone who pays 50 cents to hear one of these is not necessarily (although quite possibly) inferior to a prestigious and visionary blogger such as yourself.
3. Lighten up and appreciate these songs for what they are: the sum of talented musicians and a corrupt industry that aims to grab as many fans as possible from a nation of 300 million people.
It’s really not necessary to shit on everyone who, judged unfavorably by your superior and undoubtedly learned musical tastes, jukeboxes an overplayed song. These ignorant Americans are human beings with some value outside of their drunken choices.
This guy... that said all this shit... completely sucks. GTFO teh intarnets you idiot.
Artie Lang, I smell nerd rage from you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just think that maybe the authors might have hit a little close to home?
You know, I like these songs, but I agree with the writer. Sometimes, you have to put something away for a while, then, when they come back, they'll sound fresh again. I DJ at 2 different places on the weekends, and the Friday gig is where I have to play most of these songs, and I'm tired of these songs, but I still play 'em because of the reaction they get. If I could stop playing them for just a couple years, then they'd sound good again, and I bet the reaction would be bigger, but the people won't let me.
It's not much better at the Saturday gig, either. Top 40 & dance, but the requests tend to be the "heavy rotation" stuff. I don't know, but when I make a request, I like to ask for something I haven't heard in a while, instead of something I heard more than once just on the drive to the bar.
Who the fuck goes to the bar and says " Man I hope they don't play Hotel California tonight!"
Im a little more inrested in whats in my glass of booze or where the hell my pack of cigarette's went... and who the hell is that fine lady in the corner with the hiked up skirt, sweet jesus i hope its a hooker!
Can't someone write a funny list without a bunch of people coming out with knives to call him immature, socially inept and an asshole. I can't imagine taking a music list so personal.
OF COURSE THESE SONGS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYED IN BARS SINCE MOST OF THE PEOPLE THERE ARE TOO DRUNK ANYWAY TO APPRECIATE MOST OF THESE WELL COMPOSED SONGS. IF ANYONE WHO WROTE ANY NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT THESE SONGS. LET THEM JUSTIFY THEMSELVES BY POSTING THEIR TALENTS @ YOUTUBE.
Wow, I wish I could be just half as pretentious as the "holy taco". Let me guess, you're the pathetic loser who sits next to the jukebox judging everyone who walks up to it because your too socially awkward to do anything that involves more human interaction than posting "why everyone else is a douche" articles on your lame ass blog. Here's some advice, stop masturbating long enough to make some friends and maybe you wont be so bitter.
This list is hilarious and spot on, for the most part. Anyone who would play the majority of these songs has terrible taste in music and should be barred from accessing a jukebox. Yes, it's you're $.50, but the rest of us have to listen to your generic, played out shit so fuck off and leave the music playing to people who actually follow music.
Lol this is great... I personally love all the music on that list... Yeah the songs are all played alot but there's a reason for that... It's GREAT music... It's like saying oh I love sex but since it's great and i've done it for a while I'm just gonna stop... NOOOO you don't say/do that... Why cause it's great!
"If this still pumps you up to hear, you probably also get pumped up when your wife says stuff like “I rented the first season of that show “The Closer” that my sister recommended. Maybe if I’m not too tired afterwards we’ll have sex or something" --------Sounds like this comes from a personal experience...
"This song, much like Jenna Jameson’s vagina, once was great, but years of non-stop commercialized rocking have made it unsuitable for use."----------Yeah but you would still hit it to this day if you EVER had the chance... Don't lie...
Oh and Santana being a washed up guitarist???? I would love to see you come up with something better... Oh but you can't and won't...
But yeah anyways... Thanks for the playlist for the bar I'm going to tonight... Yeah and it's not one of those newer jukeboxes either... so no 50 cent stop playing option!!! Haha
Oh btw have a question to everybody who says this music sucks... Tell me why you don't appreciate this music???? Can you do better??? Doubt it... Or maybe just maybe it's because your friends, peers, buddies, colleagues, or whoever may just disown you because you listen to a certain type of music and you can't handle this world on you own...
josh wrote: Journey is always played by the college freshman or sophomore who just finished rushing his fraternity and has been convinced by his frat brothers that he’s “just like soooo nostalgic about that song” even though he’s only 19 which would make him like four years old when that song came out
Uh, when do you think "Don't Stop Believin'" was released? I'll give you a hint: You're off by a good decade.
I agree with everything on the list besides the Beatles..... I'd definitely switch the Beatles for Nickleback, which is a shitty ass band that I hear non-stop at bars in central PA.
I agree. These songs are annoying and past their time. You might as well replace the jukebox with a machine that spews out random Will Ferrel quotes for quarters. I enjoyed much of this music at one point, but 10 seconds later I had heard it enough to last many agonizing lifetimes. Sweet Home Alabama - turn it up? No, please don't. How's about you download all of your clichéd pop music onto your iPod because just like every band listed above, you're a corporate sellout.
These would be hilarious zingers if any of them were more than vague-ass stereotypes. I don't know what's more sad, that you don't actually know any people or that you bother with these little tributes to the actual humans you've glimpsed from afar.
got a chuckle outta the list....but one totally cheesy bar song that i always love to hear after a dozen beers is "You Never Even Call Me By My Name"....love me some David Alan Coe.
Dance sucks, trance sucks, hiphop sucks. That's why people play legendary songs, good songs. Because all you hear from the hip people now is electronic music made by artist with no inspiration at all. I could make any dance song by just pressing 3 buttons at a stupid music maker program...
The songs have been overplayed for a reason, they´re unbelievably good, made by artist 1000000 times better than today´s artists..
It´s now ´hip´ on the internet to criticize good artists/songs/movies/games so that people will think you're smart. But you're not, you're just someone in need of attention...
Hey... I'm a forty-something year old corporate guy who likes at least half of the songs on the list, but since I have a since of humor, the post did almost make me blow Pepsi out of my nose. And even though the song came out when I was young, "Don't Stop Believin'" still has me looking for a trash can in case I hurl.
By the way, you left out "Summer Nights" from the "Grease" Soundtrack. Who plays it? The young married woman who finally got her husband to watch the kids so she could get a night out with the girls. She wants the bar patrons to think she's a fun-loving free spirit, but she also wants all the guys in the bar to know she's way too geeky to get freaky.
One more thing... Abba may be Disco pablum, but you should really check out the version of "Dancing Queen" by the Yayhoos, a band featuring Dan Baird of the Georgia Satellites. Roll down the windows and crank it up, and you'll have passing motorists going "WTF???... ".
Also needing banned: ANYTHING by HOOTIE and the Mo'Fo'ing BLOWFISH. Good GOD, they've always sucked, and there's NO GOOD REASON that ANY of their music should be played when a person is trying to have a good time, or if they're just trying to be miserable.
Great article, you are right on point and very well written!...
I would just like to add on from the Kid Rock -BAWIDABA guy... if I may
"He closes his eyes and nods his head while still facing the jukebox in anticipation. As the lyrics kick in he spins around to face the bar, throws up the 'goats', looks to the sky and screams "YEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" with a look of conceited exhilaration...when he lowers his eyes this quickly changes into a look of genuine surprise on the realization that the entire bar hasn't shared his enthusiasm, and haven't all ran over to raise this guy above there shoulders in admiration of his awesome song choosing... Instead they are all looking at him with confusion, concern, pity, or just laughing at him.
His head hangs as he returns to the bar, muttering about all the queers and liberals in this bar. After 5 more beers he will later pick a fight with the smallest guy he can find in the room... cos that'll show them! That'll show the all!"
... the only reason I add this is because i have actually seen this happen.
regards
(326 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
June 17th, 2008 at 09:15 am
Great list!! #15 should be NO STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN PLEASE!! great song but just way overplayed and seems to be the last song for every gig from the 70's on . . .
June 17th, 2008 at 09:49 am
This song, much like Jenna Jameson’s vagina, once was great, but years of non-stop commercialized rocking have made it unsuitable for use.
LOL!
June 17th, 2008 at 11:36 am
I'm going to a bar tonight to play these in order, just to see the looks on everyone's face.
June 17th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Yes, there are incredibly so many sites online with lists and social commentary about obvious and common things we share, love or hate, together as a Americans...or more accurately, young American men whose gravitational field and depth of experience radiate no further than five feet away from the computer. But it feels so good, doesn't it...to tear people a new asshole from such a safe distance.
I love cynicism as much as the next nerd, but it goes down so much smoother with some decent writing, and the sense that you may have revised yourself once or twice. Otherwise, this article makes the author sound simply mean (low) and unoriginal and just as lacking in experience as that kid who "just discovered music"...
...it sounds like you just discovered that other people are different than you, and often annoying. Congratulations! Wait until you turn 23 - or even 22 - then perhaps you might discover that you, too, are not all that unique and interesting. Much like your mom, who surely is hotter than anyone else in the bar with three bastard children...you will survive, but perhaps with a few less illusions of superiority in the future.
There is some profit to be had in making obvious and tired commentary about things no one really cares about - which is basically this whole site - but there is personal satisfaction even greater in taking time to think and revise and practice and offer the public something with a bit more substance and creativity.
FYI: I am a not bitching web-crawler. I like crap just as much as the next guy...but this article was the rhetorical equivalent to the Carlos Mencia Show (and, no, that is not a good thing).
June 17th, 2008 at 11:46 am
They forgot to include anything by Jimmy Buffet!
June 17th, 2008 at 11:53 am
I like Santana like I like a good kick in the junk
June 17th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Hey...what's wrong with phish??
June 17th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Based on you say picks these songs are it seems like you don't spend enough time in bars.
Journey is always played by the college freshman or sophomore who just finished rushing his fraternity and has been convinced by his frat brothers that he's "just like soooo nostalgic about that song" even though he's only 19 which would make him like four years old when that song came out. This then leads to a conversation about "how like, totally awesome" cartoons were back then even though once again... this guy wasn't even born yet when they originally aired and only "remembers" them because he saw them on YouTube.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
What a dumb waste of time absolute bull shit story.
This must be written, by a 20 something pussy generation, homo who likes the Fall Out Boys.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
all bon jovi songs should be added to the list also. God they suuuck!!!!!!
June 17th, 2008 at 01:03 pm
The author needs to get his its/it's and who's/whose choices straight before he blogs again. I think there are fifth grade grammar classes happening somewhere this summer...
June 17th, 2008 at 01:14 pm
I love the people hating on this list. I thought it was spot on. The offended are just butt hurt because when they hit up Applebees for happy hour their only wish is that they had a jukebox and these were the only 15 songs on it.
June 17th, 2008 at 01:15 pm
"Everyone who hears this song thinks they can sing along, but they always end up screwing up the words."
Yes, this joke was made in the movie Tommy Boy, released 1995.
Good one.
June 17th, 2008 at 01:23 pm
The author makes many good points, and I would agree that many of these songs are overplayed. What does it mean to say that _______ song should NEVER be played in certain place? I understand that this post is primarily intended to garner traffic, but how can you make such broadbrush statements about these artists and their fans? You have to remember that every single musician on this list is EXCEPTIONALLY talented, meaning that:
1. Yes, he/she/they is a better musician than you will ever be. period.
2. Although these songs have definitely been worn out on the radio, someone who pays 50 cents to hear one of these is not necessarily (although quite possibly) inferior to a prestigious and visionary blogger such as yourself.
3. Lighten up and appreciate these songs for what they are: the sum of talented musicians and a corrupt industry that aims to grab as many fans as possible from a nation of 300 million people.
It’s really not necessary to shit on everyone who, judged unfavorably by your superior and undoubtedly learned musical tastes, jukeboxes an overplayed song. These ignorant Americans are human beings with some value outside of their drunken choices.
This guy... that said all this shit... completely sucks. GTFO teh intarnets you idiot.
June 17th, 2008 at 01:26 pm
Artie Lang, I smell nerd rage from you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just think that maybe the authors might have hit a little close to home?
June 17th, 2008 at 01:30 pm
You know, I like these songs, but I agree with the writer. Sometimes, you have to put something away for a while, then, when they come back, they'll sound fresh again. I DJ at 2 different places on the weekends, and the Friday gig is where I have to play most of these songs, and I'm tired of these songs, but I still play 'em because of the reaction they get. If I could stop playing them for just a couple years, then they'd sound good again, and I bet the reaction would be bigger, but the people won't let me.
It's not much better at the Saturday gig, either. Top 40 & dance, but the requests tend to be the "heavy rotation" stuff. I don't know, but when I make a request, I like to ask for something I haven't heard in a while, instead of something I heard more than once just on the drive to the bar.
June 17th, 2008 at 01:34 pm
Who the fuck goes to the bar and says " Man I hope they don't play Hotel California tonight!"
Im a little more inrested in whats in my glass of booze or where the hell my pack of cigarette's went... and who the hell is that fine lady in the corner with the hiked up skirt, sweet jesus i hope its a hooker!
June 17th, 2008 at 01:44 pm
Can't someone write a funny list without a bunch of people coming out with knives to call him immature, socially inept and an asshole. I can't imagine taking a music list so personal.
June 17th, 2008 at 01:46 pm
i do not know why i just read all of those comments
June 17th, 2008 at 01:54 pm
The entire premise of this article is based on the assumption that all bars are the same.
They're not. So the entire diatribe is one huge non-sequitur.
June 17th, 2008 at 02:02 pm
I have personally witnessed each and every one of these musical transgressions. Well done!
June 17th, 2008 at 02:02 pm
OF COURSE THESE SONGS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYED IN BARS SINCE MOST OF THE PEOPLE THERE ARE TOO DRUNK ANYWAY TO APPRECIATE MOST OF THESE WELL COMPOSED SONGS. IF ANYONE WHO WROTE ANY NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT THESE SONGS. LET THEM JUSTIFY THEMSELVES BY POSTING THEIR TALENTS @ YOUTUBE.
June 17th, 2008 at 02:11 pm
BY THE WAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAUL MCCARTNEY.
June 17th, 2008 at 02:56 pm
Wow, I wish I could be just half as pretentious as the "holy taco". Let me guess, you're the pathetic loser who sits next to the jukebox judging everyone who walks up to it because your too socially awkward to do anything that involves more human interaction than posting "why everyone else is a douche" articles on your lame ass blog. Here's some advice, stop masturbating long enough to make some friends and maybe you wont be so bitter.
June 17th, 2008 at 03:08 pm
This list is hilarious and spot on, for the most part. Anyone who would play the majority of these songs has terrible taste in music and should be barred from accessing a jukebox. Yes, it's you're $.50, but the rest of us have to listen to your generic, played out shit so fuck off and leave the music playing to people who actually follow music.
June 17th, 2008 at 03:13 pm
best ht post ever
June 17th, 2008 at 03:31 pm
Lol this is great... I personally love all the music on that list... Yeah the songs are all played alot but there's a reason for that... It's GREAT music... It's like saying oh I love sex but since it's great and i've done it for a while I'm just gonna stop... NOOOO you don't say/do that... Why cause it's great!
"If this still pumps you up to hear, you probably also get pumped up when your wife says stuff like “I rented the first season of that show “The Closer” that my sister recommended. Maybe if I’m not too tired afterwards we’ll have sex or something" --------Sounds like this comes from a personal experience...
"This song, much like Jenna Jameson’s vagina, once was great, but years of non-stop commercialized rocking have made it unsuitable for use."----------Yeah but you would still hit it to this day if you EVER had the chance... Don't lie...
Oh and Santana being a washed up guitarist???? I would love to see you come up with something better... Oh but you can't and won't...
But yeah anyways... Thanks for the playlist for the bar I'm going to tonight... Yeah and it's not one of those newer jukeboxes either... so no 50 cent stop playing option!!! Haha
June 17th, 2008 at 03:35 pm
Oh btw have a question to everybody who says this music sucks... Tell me why you don't appreciate this music???? Can you do better??? Doubt it... Or maybe just maybe it's because your friends, peers, buddies, colleagues, or whoever may just disown you because you listen to a certain type of music and you can't handle this world on you own...
June 17th, 2008 at 03:44 pm
Freebird, Number 1 without a doubt. Rest of the 14 I wholeheartedly agreed with
June 17th, 2008 at 03:46 pm
josh wrote:
Journey is always played by the college freshman or sophomore who just finished rushing his fraternity and has been convinced by his frat brothers that he’s “just like soooo nostalgic about that song” even though he’s only 19 which would make him like four years old when that song came out
Uh, when do you think "Don't Stop Believin'" was released? I'll give you a hint: You're off by a good decade.
June 17th, 2008 at 03:53 pm
wow...
you must feel really good telling shit about great singers/bands/songwriters...
so what have you done lately?
June 17th, 2008 at 03:56 pm
I agree with everything on the list besides the Beatles..... I'd definitely switch the Beatles for Nickleback, which is a shitty ass band that I hear non-stop at bars in central PA.
June 17th, 2008 at 04:12 pm
"Don't Stop Believin" really just needs to be outlawed in every bar in college towns across the country.
June 17th, 2008 at 04:19 pm
I agree. These songs are annoying and past their time. You might as well replace the jukebox with a machine that spews out random Will Ferrel quotes for quarters. I enjoyed much of this music at one point, but 10 seconds later I had heard it enough to last many agonizing lifetimes. Sweet Home Alabama - turn it up? No, please don't. How's about you download all of your clichéd pop music onto your iPod because just like every band listed above, you're a corporate sellout.
June 17th, 2008 at 04:22 pm
things you should never do:
compile a psuedo- list like a whiney bitch
about something you know little or nothing
about.
June 17th, 2008 at 04:24 pm
Man, every easy joke ever. Way to raise the humor bar.
June 17th, 2008 at 05:03 pm
These would be hilarious zingers if any of them were more than vague-ass stereotypes. I don't know what's more sad, that you don't actually know any people or that you bother with these little tributes to the actual humans you've glimpsed from afar.
June 17th, 2008 at 05:10 pm
I agree with the list...but here's a a couple of songs that should be added, Sir Mix-A-Lot: Baby Got Back and Juvenile: Back That Azz Up.
Have you ever noticed that the girls that dance to this song in the bars are girls with no ass?
June 17th, 2008 at 05:22 pm
got a chuckle outta the list....but one totally cheesy bar song that i always love to hear after a dozen beers is "You Never Even Call Me By My Name"....love me some David Alan Coe.
June 17th, 2008 at 05:37 pm
Dance sucks, trance sucks, hiphop sucks. That's why people play legendary songs, good songs. Because all you hear from the hip people now is electronic music made by artist with no inspiration at all. I could make any dance song by just pressing 3 buttons at a stupid music maker program...
The songs have been overplayed for a reason, they´re unbelievably good, made by artist 1000000 times better than today´s artists..
It´s now ´hip´ on the internet to criticize good artists/songs/movies/games so that people will think you're smart. But you're not, you're just someone in need of attention...
June 17th, 2008 at 06:03 pm
Hey... I'm a forty-something year old corporate guy who likes at least half of the songs on the list, but since I have a since of humor, the post did almost make me blow Pepsi out of my nose. And even though the song came out when I was young, "Don't Stop Believin'" still has me looking for a trash can in case I hurl.
By the way, you left out "Summer Nights" from the "Grease" Soundtrack. Who plays it? The young married woman who finally got her husband to watch the kids so she could get a night out with the girls. She wants the bar patrons to think she's a fun-loving free spirit, but she also wants all the guys in the bar to know she's way too geeky to get freaky.
June 17th, 2008 at 06:17 pm
One more thing... Abba may be Disco pablum, but you should really check out the version of "Dancing Queen" by the Yayhoos, a band featuring Dan Baird of the Georgia Satellites. Roll down the windows and crank it up, and you'll have passing motorists going "WTF???... ".
June 17th, 2008 at 06:44 pm
Right on brother, if american pie is never played again, it will be too soon.
June 17th, 2008 at 06:45 pm
As soon the words "fupa" and "gunt" came up I realized this dude was a mouth-breathing 19 year-old. with fungal dickrot. FAIL.
June 17th, 2008 at 07:05 pm
every one who has posted here besides me and Buddy Ice are out of their fuckin' minds.
June 17th, 2008 at 07:37 pm
Brilliant! This is the funniest thing I've read since lunch. And I read a lot of funny shit. Roll on!
June 17th, 2008 at 07:48 pm
Definitely hit the nail on the head with this list.
Fuckin-A accurate!
June 17th, 2008 at 07:55 pm
Also needing banned: ANYTHING by HOOTIE and the Mo'Fo'ing BLOWFISH. Good GOD, they've always sucked, and there's NO GOOD REASON that ANY of their music should be played when a person is trying to have a good time, or if they're just trying to be miserable.
June 17th, 2008 at 08:00 pm
All I can say is that the person that came up with this list is a MORON that wouldn't know good music is he / she had the sound system fall on them.
June 17th, 2008 at 08:39 pm
Great article, you are right on point and very well written!...
I would just like to add on from the Kid Rock -BAWIDABA guy... if I may
"He closes his eyes and nods his head while still facing the jukebox in anticipation. As the lyrics kick in he spins around to face the bar, throws up the 'goats', looks to the sky and screams "YEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" with a look of conceited exhilaration...when he lowers his eyes this quickly changes into a look of genuine surprise on the realization that the entire bar hasn't shared his enthusiasm, and haven't all ran over to raise this guy above there shoulders in admiration of his awesome song choosing... Instead they are all looking at him with confusion, concern, pity, or just laughing at him.
His head hangs as he returns to the bar, muttering about all the queers and liberals in this bar. After 5 more beers he will later pick a fight with the smallest guy he can find in the room... cos that'll show them! That'll show the all!"
... the only reason I add this is because i have actually seen this happen.
regards
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