The Douchiest Phone Message In History

June 26th, 2008 | 06:14 pm


Douchebag Phone Message - Watch more free videos

In all my years of studying douchebaggery, never have i encountered anything like this. It's such pure and unadulterated douche that I wish I could bottle it and use just a drop of it at a time.

The back story on this is that a girl named Olga was out with her friends in the Marina district of San Francisco (known for being a popular hang out for douches), and she talked to this guy named Dmitri for all of two minutes. Then she gave him her card and said "give me a call." The above is the messages he left. Listen to the whole thing, it just keeps getting better and better. I won't even tell you my favorite parts because i don't want to ruin anything. Just listen.

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Comments

1350 Responses to "The Douchiest Phone Message In History"

  1. Evan Says:

    Amazing. Simply amazing. Why didn't she call back though?

  2. Kevin T. Says:

    These voicemails are just viral marketing for a Hollywood movie about Dimitri The Lover that's coming out later this year. Here's something you guys would get a kick out of ... a girl was handed this flyer by Dimitri The Lover after she refused to submit to him (there are also a ton of cool links near the bottom of this site to video footage of the actual guy):

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/christoum/3704411688

  3. These Voicemails are Fake ... Says:

    They're viral marketing for a film. It is all over the net. I'll tell you what is NOT fake. Check out Dimitri The Lover's NSFW BANNED ANIMATIONS:

    http://dimitrithelover.com/animation.html

  4. dick Says:

    lol at the douche

  5. OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS LINK !!! Says:

    "DIMITRI THE LOVER" IS THE REAL LIFE "MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD". I AM IN AWE OF HIS AUDACITY:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/christoum/3704411688

  6. That Link Doesn't Work ... Says:

    Dimitri The Lover's Douchey file can be seen here in all its glory:

    http://pics.livejournal.com/suspiciouslump/pic/00001pse

  7. WoW Says:

    First I laughed when he tells her what to do, but when he starts explaining the reasons why she wouldnt call him- I freakin lost it

  8. Baked Potato Says:

    wow.....so many levels of awesomeness...such a complexly layered performance of douchiness!

  9. thedean Says:

    next stop......lavalife
    i have a feeling that email is more his style

  10. Kody Says:

    I'm just aSSTHuming that she didn't call him back after that last one.

  11. BigPapa Says:

    That is the most insane display of narcissism I've ever heard. Thanks for posting. But he says area code 416, which makes him from Toronto Canada. This makes him even douchier in my book

  12. David Says:

    Wow, that was awesome, I wonder if Mystery teaches this kind of pua behavior.

  13. jack Says:

    this phone call is so uncomfortable it makes mikeys call from swingers comfortable.

  14. Spencer Pratt Says:

    I didn't see anything wrong with this guy whatsoever.

  15. TM Baraccus Says:

    "i dunno, maybe you were abused in childhood. maybe you're mother has cancer." hahah...i pity this desperate fool.

  16. grady Says:

    oh my god, this guy is out of control. what a fucking douch bag.

  17. Alejandro Says:

    Sounds like he has a tiny wiener...and since he said he was Greek, I assume he has large amounts of back hair.

  18. Bostonlongstroke Says:

    I've always thought I was the biggest shitbag alive. After listening to that message, I now know that I'm a mere novice. I just don't think I could ever achieve such a lofty level of douchebaggery and suckitude!

    By comparison, this guy makes me look worthy of canonization!

    I fold... I'm throwing in the towel, Dmitri... You've unequivocally and undeniably taken the title of undisputed heavyweight douchebag champion of the world!

    +1 to Dmitri... For giving ALL of us a newly found appreciation for who we are, and what we're not!

  19. Itrex1969 Says:

    hmmm... where to start

    Dmitri you should not question medication as it is obvious you need to up the dose on your own. If you say several times that nothing is wrong with you... uh somethings f@#$ing wrong with you numnuts!!!

    anybody who has to boast about nothing being wrong with them, they make alot of money and claim to be good in bed is..... A fat virgin that finally drank a beer and thought I really should move out mom's basement and quit playing world of warcraft

  20. ahhahah Says:

    WHOA, i thought i was a couch potatoe loser....This guy is on a whole new level of epic douchebagness i wanna meet this guy just so i could laugh at his balding dome, cause that's exactly how he sounds. He actually sounds kinda gay, but power to him if he's still in the closet.

    HAHAHA Maybe you were abused as a child.

    that's how I pick up my woman too! What a player!

  21. Joe Says:

    Daaaaaamn.

    The best thing about this is how calm he is throughout the entire message. He doesn't get all pissed and starts a rant. He thinks he's being completely logical and rational the whole time.

  22. elliotlaberge Says:

    yeah, this loser is from toronto ontario. the women are hot in toronto., the men are douchie. plan a trip. you will do well here.

  23. sleeper Says:

    My ears are bleeding!

  24. sfandy Says:

    man i hope this was a joke. i really want to kick this guy's ass.

  25. jimmy Says:

    I would have called him after 3 and said fuck you!! Douchfucker!!

  26. JimmyWolf Says:

    He would be from the 416 hahaha!
    GO HABS GO!

  27. itsdae Says:

    Hahahaha The definition of doucheeee

  28. Anonymous Says:

    He is Greek, so his name is spelled Dimitris, not Dmitri (that's the Russian version). Yeah, he sounds like Greek to me alright. I am Greek too (female). I ended up married to a west European guy, I won't touch Greeks ever again.

  29. Echoed Says:

    I didn't think he could've been a bigger douche until I heard the second message. And then I heard the reasons as to why he thinks she didn't call him; I'm amazed.

  30. poozza Says:

    my new hero.

  31. wow Says:

    hahahahahaha what is this? a job interview? gross.

  32. Hellcat Says:

    This guy is gay and is in denial. What a moron! This guy should not have kids and should get a lobotomy.

  33. fake Says:

    IT'S A FAKE, wake up people

  34. dmitri Says:

    Jealous much? although you won't admit it. I am a winner. I listen to Anthony Robbins every day & have a huge wanger. 18 women approached me this morning in line at Starbucks - oh wait I work there :-S

  35. FlupKe Says:

    OMG this is awesome :D

  36. princess Says:

    This sounds like a guy I know. Makes me want to puke.

  37. Nurlan Says:

    This is Dimitri the Lover. He is a guy from Toronto.
    http://www.dimitrithelover.com/

  38. Allisa Says:

    Hey can I get his number. he sounds fantastic and I really need a good man right now...Someone post his number for me.

    Thanks!

  39. Says:

    Dude, the guys has NOTHING wrong with him! I totally envy him. I wish I could be as confident as he is.

  40. Says:

    Am I the only person that imagined Bill O'Reailly leaving these messages because of the picture of him to the right?

  41. Jim Says:

    You're funny Valde. I agree 100%. He's an idiot.

  42. Says:

    What a retard.

  43. Says:

    Are you friggin' kidding me? Who does this guy think he is? Lol, what a douche.

  44. Says:

    Sad, just sad. What a loser.

  45. sonia Says:

    this fucking loser is not a fake. hes absolutely real. hes from toronto and was out in san fran for god knows what reason. hes a sick twisted bastard. suppposedly lost his medical license in the early 90's for kissing and hugging patients. sick fuck.

    dimitrithelover.com

    i am a proud canadian and this douchbag needs to fuck off. i'm not surprised though, hes from toronto.

    CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE DIMITRI.

    haha and he gives classes too on how to be like him. god help you if you give this shithead money to help you meet women this way....i would have kicked him square in the nuts.

  46. Says:

    what a moron

  47. Says:

    Holy Fuck, he is a douche bag, there's nothing wrong wiht anyone who has an anxiety problem, thaqt's normal

  48. Says:

    haha, oh my god, is this douche for real? i want to slap him. man, the nerve.

  49. Says:

    dumbass! filthy dumbass!

  50. SPARTAN45 Says:

    LOL, he's the type of person I'de call the cops on!

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