In all my years of studying douchebaggery, never have i encountered anything like this. It's such pure and unadulterated douche that I wish I could bottle it and use just a drop of it at a time.
The back story on this is that a girl named Olga was out with her friends in the Marina district of San Francisco (known for being a popular hang out for douches), and she talked to this guy named Dmitri for all of two minutes. Then she gave him her card and said "give me a call." The above is the messages he left. Listen to the whole thing, it just keeps getting better and better. I won't even tell you my favorite parts because i don't want to ruin anything. Just listen.
I guess I am a doosch bag too, because I have a hairy back, bald head, gay neatness, and have a complex about women blowing me off. I suppose it is because of how many women I have blown off, and how bad I felt about it later, after hearing them whine about it. All hail the douch! I think he is awesome! He laid it all out there, and if she ain't biting, then she can go and be with a non-douch-bag-type. You know, the non-douche-bags, they watch football, have hair on their head, smooth female like bodies, they drink beer to appear more manly, and pretend not to care about women, but it is cute and endearing to women and other men I suppose: but there is always the chance they will care, and then the romance will ensue when they become men! This guy knows what he wants, and it is this girl: bravo to him for being so determined and laying it all out there in a fit of honesty and manly pride!!!!
Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game! Because it's a game, guys. You want to think it's not, huh? You want to think it's not? Go back to the schoolyard and you have that crush on big-titted Mary Jane.
Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who's in charge. I am the one who says yes! No! Now! Here! Because it's universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We... are... men!
Aghhhh... Just the guy i need in my life~ Dmitri is completely different from all the other 20 guys that beg for my number EVERY DAY! What the *&%$ were you thinking, obscuring this priceless man's phone number? How could you be so selfish? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?! Denied happiness, guess I'll just have to settle for my ounce of flesh from the next loser who doesn't get that no, means... um... no?
I am serious as a heart attack ;) next time think of the others who are deprived of this opportunity ;)
I bet this is the same asshole whips into my lane without signalling in his damned Infiniti on the Irvine stretch of the 405! ..Pehaps Dimitri is doing that same thing on the Golden Gate bridge right now! I bet this douche is a control freak as well.
But does he get the ladies?
Could it work????? Lets' see if I get a response:
Oh Elegant ladies who have so far posted here... you should go to my myspace and message me because I'm catch! I'm actually normal and if you don't come message me, you might have been abused as a child or something.. If you don't message by next Wednesday, You can just lose my URL! I don't want anything to do with you, I'm of English/German/Irish/Scotch/Dutch/French descent ...and I don't play games!!!!! or boardgames! So don't expect us to play Monopoly on the first date! We going to play Jenga at a Starbucks because I said so! I get all my dating techniques from Tom Leykus on the radio you know, and he says if don't don't put out..get out! So you better understand that sex with ME is fantastic! Best penis in Los Angeles County! It was Zagat rated for christs sake, how do you get much better than that?
myspace.com/dorianjonesusa ladies! Your window is closing! I have messages all day long so competition is fierce!
Thats what Im talkin about Mackey! Shiiit! What are you ppl talking about?? This guy is the shit! Perfect wingman for me! We can pick up bitches together like pimps! He is just like me. Im a ladies man too. All the chicks love me. Aye Mackey, get at me man, you can join us!
I get approached by married women at least 3 times a trip to the supermarket. You know how rich I am?? Oprah does my laundry. Michael Jordan cuts my grass. Donald Trump delivers my newspaper in the morning, and i dont even tip him! You know how frivolous I am?? I drive a Hummer to end of my driveway just to get the mail. And thats ALL I use it for! I got 6 stockbrokers, 14 doctors, 2 lawyers, 17 accountants, and 8 OTHER lawyers to watch the first 2 lawyers! I got custom made condoms made from other ppls dicks. And shit, when im too tired to get my socks blown, I hire someone else to fuck for me. I got so much credit, i threw away all my platinum cards and got a Uranium Card! I drive a Rolls Royce Pickup truck. I got a penthouse with a helicopter pad on the roof, and snipers in the building across the street to make sure no one steals my helicopter. Im the shit.
I hope i meet this guy so we can ball like real playas. Oh and ladies, i know all that stuff turned you on, so get at me and we can make this thing hapn. Dont be fat tho. I hate fat chicks. I dont like the nagging feeling i get when a fat chick looks at me. I feel like she wants to eat me rather than screw me. So just leave your number and send your panties and I'll be sure to make your life better. God blessed all women when he made me, and it would be a shame if you didnt get a chance to experience me. In the words of my dude Mackey, "Respect the cock!"
Wow, she handed you a business card and said call her. That should've been your clue, she didn't write down her own number. This is a completely new lvl of douchebagggery that I've heard of. There is nothing wrong with me, except I'm a huge douchebag. Did I mention I was a douchebag, you might want to look that up, douchebag disorder. That was great, keep firing douchebags!!
While she's looking up "Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder," she might want to have a look at "Narcissistic Personality Disorder," which will explain why she'll be better off because she missed the deadline.
Interesting.. Wow. That guy needs to be shot in the head, of course we couldn't do it on earth though. His douchey decomposing body would be smelled turning people into douches, like him, soon it would become an epidemic and this world would be even more douchey. I say someone sneaks into his house and replaces his anal beads with bombs that go off when pressure is applied. If someone does that, we would have one less douche in the world. But he is equal to about 940,406 douches, so this will be a much less douche-filled world.
Wow, wat a catch! can i get this guys number? i mean, im not gay, but id totally go gay for him. i hope he doesnt mind im on a mild ant-depressant tho...awww shucks im no good for him :-(
This is how you get it done, plain and simple. A lot of judgement is being passed, but it should make one step back and think about how to be assertive in their own lives to get the things they want. Dimitri just wants to do as much ass-to-mouth as possible in this one go-around at life. Cut him some slack.
This guy is classic. Kind of like the guy in Swingers. I really wonder if she ever called back. Maybe she didn't meet the prereqs or maybe she had something serious going on...like parents in chemo or she could be on depressants :)
I would date this guy just to wreck his car, max out his credit cards and leave him drunk and naked at the YMCA.......you handle a douche by being evil......pure evil.
BTW, I actually did all that to an ex of mine for being a douche.
Sounds fake to me...but whatever.
I know 2 guys (Brothers) here in Toronto named Bart and John that sound EXACTLY like him...talks in the SAME tone, and dude is so fking conceited. Worst of it is, they have NOTHING to be conceited about....
They're ugly, they are COMPLETE douchebags, they 'think' people like them, but everyone that knows them cannot stand them haha...they're a joke
(1342 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
June 28th, 2008 at 07:37 am
Hmmm,
I guess I am a doosch bag too, because I have a hairy back, bald head, gay neatness, and have a complex about women blowing me off. I suppose it is because of how many women I have blown off, and how bad I felt about it later, after hearing them whine about it. All hail the douch! I think he is awesome! He laid it all out there, and if she ain't biting, then she can go and be with a non-douch-bag-type. You know, the non-douche-bags, they watch football, have hair on their head, smooth female like bodies, they drink beer to appear more manly, and pretend not to care about women, but it is cute and endearing to women and other men I suppose: but there is always the chance they will care, and then the romance will ensue when they become men! This guy knows what he wants, and it is this girl: bravo to him for being so determined and laying it all out there in a fit of honesty and manly pride!!!!
June 28th, 2008 at 07:45 am
Wow... that just happened.
I had to listen twice to make sure he actually said that
June 28th, 2008 at 08:44 am
Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game! Because it's a game, guys. You want to think it's not, huh? You want to think it's not? Go back to the schoolyard and you have that crush on big-titted Mary Jane.
Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who's in charge. I am the one who says yes! No! Now! Here! Because it's universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We... are... men!
June 28th, 2008 at 09:04 am
OH WOW!
June 28th, 2008 at 09:24 am
Fake... no greek with self respect is named dimitri... thats en eastern europeen name, like Russia and stuff...
June 28th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Aghhhh... Just the guy i need in my life~ Dmitri is completely different from all the other 20 guys that beg for my number EVERY DAY! What the *&%$ were you thinking, obscuring this priceless man's phone number? How could you be so selfish? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?! Denied happiness, guess I'll just have to settle for my ounce of flesh from the next loser who doesn't get that no, means... um... no?
I am serious as a heart attack ;) next time think of the others who are deprived of this opportunity ;)
June 28th, 2008 at 10:03 am
I bet this is the same asshole whips into my lane without signalling in his damned Infiniti on the Irvine stretch of the 405! ..Pehaps Dimitri is doing that same thing on the Golden Gate bridge right now! I bet this douche is a control freak as well.
But does he get the ladies?
Could it work????? Lets' see if I get a response:
Oh Elegant ladies who have so far posted here... you should go to my myspace and message me because I'm catch! I'm actually normal and if you don't come message me, you might have been abused as a child or something.. If you don't message by next Wednesday, You can just lose my URL! I don't want anything to do with you, I'm of English/German/Irish/Scotch/Dutch/French descent ...and I don't play games!!!!! or boardgames! So don't expect us to play Monopoly on the first date! We going to play Jenga at a Starbucks because I said so! I get all my dating techniques from Tom Leykus on the radio you know, and he says if don't don't put out..get out! So you better understand that sex with ME is fantastic! Best penis in Los Angeles County! It was Zagat rated for christs sake, how do you get much better than that?
myspace.com/dorianjonesusa ladies! Your window is closing! I have messages all day long so competition is fierce!
June 28th, 2008 at 11:20 am
This is denial of so many types and levels that it's scary...
June 28th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Thats what Im talkin about Mackey! Shiiit! What are you ppl talking about?? This guy is the shit! Perfect wingman for me! We can pick up bitches together like pimps! He is just like me. Im a ladies man too. All the chicks love me. Aye Mackey, get at me man, you can join us!
I get approached by married women at least 3 times a trip to the supermarket. You know how rich I am?? Oprah does my laundry. Michael Jordan cuts my grass. Donald Trump delivers my newspaper in the morning, and i dont even tip him! You know how frivolous I am?? I drive a Hummer to end of my driveway just to get the mail. And thats ALL I use it for! I got 6 stockbrokers, 14 doctors, 2 lawyers, 17 accountants, and 8 OTHER lawyers to watch the first 2 lawyers! I got custom made condoms made from other ppls dicks. And shit, when im too tired to get my socks blown, I hire someone else to fuck for me. I got so much credit, i threw away all my platinum cards and got a Uranium Card! I drive a Rolls Royce Pickup truck. I got a penthouse with a helicopter pad on the roof, and snipers in the building across the street to make sure no one steals my helicopter. Im the shit.
I hope i meet this guy so we can ball like real playas. Oh and ladies, i know all that stuff turned you on, so get at me and we can make this thing hapn. Dont be fat tho. I hate fat chicks. I dont like the nagging feeling i get when a fat chick looks at me. I feel like she wants to eat me rather than screw me. So just leave your number and send your panties and I'll be sure to make your life better. God blessed all women when he made me, and it would be a shame if you didnt get a chance to experience me. In the words of my dude Mackey, "Respect the cock!"
June 28th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Wow, she handed you a business card and said call her. That should've been your clue, she didn't write down her own number. This is a completely new lvl of douchebagggery that I've heard of. There is nothing wrong with me, except I'm a huge douchebag. Did I mention I was a douchebag, you might want to look that up, douchebag disorder. That was great, keep firing douchebags!!
June 28th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I found even more ...
www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/worship.htm
www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/conception.htm
www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/dykes.htm
www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/realmen.htm
www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/dimitri.htm
June 28th, 2008 at 01:07 pm
Gee, no wonder Greeks like to do it from behind, they have to get what they can while the chick is running away!
June 28th, 2008 at 01:12 pm
Oh Yeah.... And GOD BLESS this chick for posting this idiots narsacistic rambelings on the internet!
June 28th, 2008 at 01:50 pm
it was mystery from that gay vh1 show!
June 28th, 2008 at 02:03 pm
Fake, Fake, Fake, Fake,
But you all fall for it...
June 28th, 2008 at 02:26 pm
Yeah, I'm gonna need those TPS reports.
June 28th, 2008 at 02:32 pm
Wow, I so hope he never called her back. Poor Olga! I'd be incensed if I got crap like this - TWICE - on my voice mail. What a prat.
June 28th, 2008 at 02:37 pm
shit this guy is psycho!!!
June 28th, 2008 at 02:46 pm
ahhhhh... Thats so hard to listen to...
June 28th, 2008 at 02:53 pm
hahahaha funniest thing ever seen. im the perfect catch
June 28th, 2008 at 02:57 pm
To 100% Man: F&ck Eastern men! American men are 1500000% better than any men on this planet. Go figure the douche was greek.
June 28th, 2008 at 03:07 pm
this cant be SFO !!
Listen carefully to the 1st msg.. the area code he pulls is 416 & that is a Toronto number.
June 28th, 2008 at 03:31 pm
This guy is not normal
June 28th, 2008 at 04:02 pm
While she's looking up "Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder," she might want to have a look at "Narcissistic Personality Disorder," which will explain why she'll be better off because she missed the deadline.
She did miss the deadline, didn't she?
June 28th, 2008 at 04:30 pm
Thank you for saving those and posting them!
June 28th, 2008 at 05:17 pm
this dude sounds about as small minded as my girlfriend and with half the dick,]
June 28th, 2008 at 05:18 pm
biggest baffoon/douche on teh interwebz.
June 28th, 2008 at 05:28 pm
Greeks smell (__)_)\\\\\D
June 28th, 2008 at 06:10 pm
you are the most insecure dickhead ever.
June 28th, 2008 at 06:56 pm
Wow...someone doesn't take rejection well. How cocky and arrogant..no wonder she didn't called him back.
June 28th, 2008 at 07:14 pm
get a life people, it's fake http://www.dimitrithelover.com
June 28th, 2008 at 07:14 pm
Interesting.. Wow. That guy needs to be shot in the head, of course we couldn't do it on earth though. His douchey decomposing body would be smelled turning people into douches, like him, soon it would become an epidemic and this world would be even more douchey. I say someone sneaks into his house and replaces his anal beads with bombs that go off when pressure is applied. If someone does that, we would have one less douche in the world. But he is equal to about 940,406 douches, so this will be a much less douche-filled world.
June 28th, 2008 at 07:23 pm
Wow, wat a catch! can i get this guys number? i mean, im not gay, but id totally go gay for him. i hope he doesnt mind im on a mild ant-depressant tho...awww shucks im no good for him :-(
June 28th, 2008 at 07:23 pm
holy cow, this guy has t-shirts....i gotta get me one.
June 28th, 2008 at 07:34 pm
This is how you get it done, plain and simple. A lot of judgement is being passed, but it should make one step back and think about how to be assertive in their own lives to get the things they want. Dimitri just wants to do as much ass-to-mouth as possible in this one go-around at life. Cut him some slack.
June 28th, 2008 at 07:48 pm
holy crap. is this guy for reals? its not only sad but extremely douchebag-ish. what a quack.
June 28th, 2008 at 08:20 pm
This guy is classic. Kind of like the guy in Swingers. I really wonder if she ever called back. Maybe she didn't meet the prereqs or maybe she had something serious going on...like parents in chemo or she could be on depressants :)
June 28th, 2008 at 08:24 pm
wow wat an absolute gimp, talk about never getting laid, this guys desperate for some poon and he aint gettin any
June 28th, 2008 at 08:26 pm
i actually liked his voice. it made me hard
June 28th, 2008 at 08:32 pm
WHAT A F*#ING TOOL, I WOULD LOVE TO MEET THIS GUY AND PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE FOR BEING SUCH A NERDY ASS DICK HEAD.
June 28th, 2008 at 09:14 pm
That was like the most disturbing thing I´ve ever heard.
June 28th, 2008 at 09:18 pm
I would date this guy just to wreck his car, max out his credit cards and leave him drunk and naked at the YMCA.......you handle a douche by being evil......pure evil.
BTW, I actually did all that to an ex of mine for being a douche.
June 28th, 2008 at 09:25 pm
HE'S one of the only normal ones left in the city?!
June 28th, 2008 at 09:32 pm
OK here's the deal.
Sounds fake to me...but whatever.
I know 2 guys (Brothers) here in Toronto named Bart and John that sound EXACTLY like him...talks in the SAME tone, and dude is so fking conceited. Worst of it is, they have NOTHING to be conceited about....
They're ugly, they are COMPLETE douchebags, they 'think' people like them, but everyone that knows them cannot stand them haha...they're a joke
June 28th, 2008 at 09:53 pm
Dang !! This guy needs Dr. Phil to set him straight. And this Dmitis, he knows
how and what he's doing. I say he's a fake too.
June 28th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
haha what the fuck haha
i wanna slap that guy
June 28th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Yah that guy only gets pussy from the most insecure women ever. What a loser
June 28th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
OMFG!!!.....I rather think he's gay!!!.....OMG!!!....Douchbag!!!!
June 28th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
oh man, I wish they left his number in the message, I would totally call that guy! Just what I'm looking for
June 28th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
OH THIS IS PRICELESS, I HOPE THIS SHITBAG HEARS HOW STUPID HE SOUNDS AND HOW THE WORLD THINKS HE IS AN UBER FUCKTARD
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