The Douchiest Phone Message In History

June 26th, 2008 | 06:14 pm


Douchebag Phone Message - Watch more free videos

In all my years of studying douchebaggery, never have i encountered anything like this. It's such pure and unadulterated douche that I wish I could bottle it and use just a drop of it at a time.

The back story on this is that a girl named Olga was out with her friends in the Marina district of San Francisco (known for being a popular hang out for douches), and she talked to this guy named Dmitri for all of two minutes. Then she gave him her card and said "give me a call." The above is the messages he left. Listen to the whole thing, it just keeps getting better and better. I won't even tell you my favorite parts because i don't want to ruin anything. Just listen.

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Comments

1342 Responses to "The Douchiest Phone Message In History"

  1. haha Says:

    oh my god how would this woman have the courage to post this? hahaha hes gonna like come and kill her in her sleep

    "your deadline is 3 o clock wednesday"

    he gives her a deadline hahaha

  2. whiskey tango foxtrot Says:

    whats wrong with this message? i leave messages like this all the time. u all need to grow up.

  3. Rob Says:

    hahahahaha typical Greek

  4. nikki Says:

    nothing wrong with him who is he tryen to lie to ... hes a jerk an he thinks hes better than everyone an hes not lol

  5. Adam Says:

    its like, dear god dude, jsut stop! stop talking! you wanna just hurt him to make him stop talking but you cant, lol but he just keeps digign deeper and deeper, :no one passes out a number and says call me, then doesnt call" ARE YOU KIDDING? words fail me, i cant go on, im just going to hang my head in shame that hes part of our species

  6. dude Says:

    What an ass.

  7. Rebecca Says:

    OMG!
    I know this guy!!!!!
    His website:
    http://www.dimitrithelover.com/

  8. ak907 Says:

    yes, women OBVIOUSLY approach him every day, i can tell because he is leaving 2 minute long messages going through scenarios on why this olga he is going after, hasn't called him back.

  9. Damage Says:

    Does anyone know where this guy lives? He seems like he needs a good butt kickin'!!!!

    Guys that talk like that are wussies and can't fight!!!!

    They also tend to have very small packages!!!!

    They also are secretly gay!!!

    They also love to have sex with goats!!!

  10. The Punisher Says:

    I want to slit his fucking throat.

  11. non-player Says:

    Future(or possibly present) mass murderer.

  12. jyesmith Says:

    Funniest fucker ever.

  13. curt schamberger Says:

    I'll kill this guy....I swear it.

  14. dj_souvlaki Says:

    hahahhaa what a fucking malaka.

    and 416 area code seems like he's from toronto canada.

    but what an idiot.

  15. dimitrifan Says:

    I posted these before ... send these fucking hilarious animations to your friends. Dimitri The Lover is fucking sick. Let the whole world know how warped he is ... the guy fucks the Virgin Mary in one of them. Totally fucking sick I pissed myself ...

    www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/worship.htm

    www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/conception.htm

    www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/dykes.htm

    www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/realmen.htm

    www.dimitrithelover.com/animation/dimitri.htm

  16. DRI Says:

    Hey ladies, you recall the excruciating final 5 minutes of Looking for Mr Goodbar? This is what Olga had in store if she agreed to meet this guy for coffee. Dmitris should be the spokesdouche for Date Rapists International.

  17. bryan Says:

    This guy is a total FAG, this can't be real.

    Bryan
    http://www.easywindowshelp.com

  18. Lora C Says:

    He said it himself... for heavens sake... DON'T call him! Hahahahaha! Talk about psychological issues. Clearly, he knows em all!

  19. lewdies7 Says:

    Awwww. Poor guy. Just think of how many elegant woman have played with poor Dimitri's heart causing him to act the toatal douche. He probably needs a douche rigt now, how sad.

  20. kevin hauter Says:

    haha wow guy really gets down to the point. he sounds like a telemarketer he doesnt speak or think like a regular person. hes got a spchological issue of overthinking things and not knowing when to stop haha fucken idiot. he really wants to wife up olga doesnt he.

  21. jaljal Says:

    Wow... I was worried for a second, because I thought maybe this would sound like something I would say, and that would mean I too am a douchebag. Well I no longer have anything to fear. Because I know no matter how much of a douchebag I could ever be, it will never compare with Dmitri's master skills. I'm actually glad there are guys like this out there, it makes me seem like a freakin' Don Juan.

  22. Joey Alizio Jr Says:

    Im thinking...
    who is the douche bag who posted this?
    Ah... Olga must be one fat cow of a douche bag her dam self...
    lol..

    BTW...This is what we call a RUSE.
    This is a FAKE message Posting by one BIG DOUCHE BAG OF A GAL.

  23. Says:

    that's not a douchebag, that's just a socially inept guy.

  24. Nathalie Says:

    So this guy has rejection issues.

  25. hendetra Says:

    hahahaha
    "your friends where very jealous"
    lol that was epic

  26. Greekbuttfukker Says:

    Ok, seriously, Greeks are famous for banging each other in the ass and Im willing to bet that after some good "Greeking" in his a-hole he will be JUST FINE.

  27. the real big papa Says:

    t-dot will own any of the states in america containing 95 percent fatties which is anywhere throught america

  28. OrionZodiac Says:

    There is no way this is real.

  29. Angiee Says:

    ROFLROFL.
    I'm gonna call this dimitri guyyy.
    :D
    I'll be like
    "ohai, it's olga."

  30. Kevin Says:

    Can someone please figure out what his number is and post it, this guy absolutely deserves an unending amount of calls that mimic his douchness.

  31. RACHEL Says:

    WHAT THE FUCK. OMG SHUT THE FRONT DOOR....

  32. Joey boeing Says:

    OMG i live close to toronto I swear i would find his mother and tell her about this. I feel bad for some of you women who have met or got a attempted pick up from somebody like this. Im a really nice guy and if you need a boyfriend u should call me up cause i like people who are less than perfect. It makes me appreciate them that much more. nyway people like him should go back where he came from (under a scum ridden rock by the beaches of hamilton). lol that would show him.

  33. lawlz Says:

    you have GOT to be fucking kidding me. Im sure that woman just gave him her card to be nice, im sure she couldnt have meant CALL ME!! and if she DID want him to call her, the very first message he left her, made her realize what she had gotten herself into with this fucking flake, and her mind was most definately changed!! as for the second message.... give me a break!! "heres how its gunna work"..... or NOT work, you stupid fucking lunatic!! my god. this was a great laugh tonight, most definately on his account! good job asshole!

  34. Steve Says:

    Well, what happened next?! Did she call him? Did they meet again? She should give him a call, he is clearly THE MAN, the man of every woman's dream! If I was a woman I'd go with this guy, he seems so awesome!

  35. NickC Says:

    just a guy who doesn't REALLY know how to talk to women.

  36. TheLesbian Says:

    I feel sorry for all the straight women out there that wind up being subjected to that! You are right.. he is a douche!

  37. You guys are retarded Says:

    This is obviously a fake inspired by the movie Swingers. Olga? A complete catch in a long distance relationship? Psychological problems?

    Come on idiots. Answering machine messages don't last that long.

  38. Neil Says:

    I just read the non-fiction book 'The Game'. One of the characters is Mystery who says he is the best pick up artist in the world. I watched an online video and this is him. This guy actually gives seminars that cost $3000 on the art of the pick-up. Insane!!! Mystery is from Toronto also so it fits.

  39. Jason Says:

    Sweet fuckin jesus! That's hilarious. What's fucked up is that I have met retards just like this one at the bar. I feel really bad for the girls who are too nice to give these guys fake numbers or to tell them to fuck off.

  40. Sue Says:

    AWWWWW where can I find one just like this???? He sounds like such a stud!!!!!! I want a douchbag that understands I have "other issues" like being abused or wait that I'm passive aggressive :) hahaha

  41. lydia Says:

    this was on Preston and Steve today (Philadelphia wmmr) and some OTHER douche called in and said that it was the woman's fault for this guy. dumbass.

  42. Re: The Lesbian, Lydia Says:

    I KNOW! that was the first thing i thought when I heard this. and they say WE'VE got it wrong, poor sods.

  43. Olga Says:

    My friends and I saw him later, he tried to come over. We laughed so loud, he turned and ran out of the club. The bouncer said he shit himself.

  44. Gollum Says:

    how boring ca one get..... this guy is setting new boundaries.

  45. gimy Says:

    wow...i gotta say fake. i just don't think(god i hope not) somebody is this psycho. this is worse than the Swingers message scene. dude is a serial killer...IF this is real...d3mn

  46. DMC Says:

    Your Fuckin kiddin me.....

  47. Dmitri Says:

    And now Olga is my wife.

  48. victor Says:

    What a pathetic dick head!!!!!!

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