Remember when you'd go to the dentist's office when you were a kid and there'd be a copy of Highlights Magazine on the waiting room table? And you were so bored that you thumbed through the whole thing? Well, that magazine sucked. Really bad. Even eight-year-olds knew it blew. So, we decided to redo it. If there's a hell, we're going to it for this. Enjoy.
Click on the images to make them bigger.
Co-written by Patrick Schumacker
I asked Co-writer Patrick Schumacker if there was anything he wanted to plug and he said "I don't know, Jon Augusts blog?" So, there you go.
Scott - I just got done listening to their Greatest Hits album and I still don't get it. Can you please explain it for me. Also can you find the definition of the word "irony" for me since I still don't get what that means either. Thanks. Your the tops!
Disappointent fills my corpulent lard-laden body from my marrow to my oozing pustie-laden epidermis at the lack of tentacles assaulting lithe nubile females with skimpy pleated skirts barely covering those luscious upper-thigh regions.
OH WOW! I had a whole pile of the original magazines... some family friends offloaded this pile onto my poor unsuspecting parents... and seeing this page has brought back so many memories of childhood rainy days... lying around wishing for something better to read!
Great work! I agree that one knew this magazine was pretty lame... even when you were only 6. Funny stuff.
Funny stuff. I hated Highlights in offices too. Whenever my family goes to family counseling in the office there is that stupid magazine. Uh. But it was funny thanks for publishing it.
I have been up all night listening to the complete ABBA catalog and I still don't see what's silly. I also didn't get what "irony" means from the Alanis song. "a free ride when you already paid"? So irony means "shit happens"? PLEASE HELP!
LOL! Sure, I get paid a lot of money to write big studio movies, such as Big Fish and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, but I can indubitably say that this is a wonderful case study of where writing is heading into the next millennium (yes, the year 3000, and it's coming sooner than you think). Keep up the great work, guys, and thanks for linking to my blog.
Captain: You must really feel like a dumb fuck dip shit for wasting precious hours trying to figure the picture out when you could've been using that time to jerk off on your momma tits. Total knuckle head.
eyes was walkin itos a walsmart ones day and had to take mes a crap
wells its alll the way in the back of the store
i didnt makes it that far
i shit myself about half ways there
it came outs my pants leg on the floor
and i sliped and fell
smashed my head and died
help
Thanks for the tour of your house (?) in your flickr album. Please tell me that's your mom or your grandma or some shit in that one pic and that you don't actually fuck that thing.
(35 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
July 14th, 2008 at 04:17 pm
Hey jackyang: learn how to type you ignorant fuckwit.
July 14th, 2008 at 04:28 pm
I have been looking for hours at the last picture and I still can't find anything "silly" about it. Thanks for wasting my fucking time.
July 14th, 2008 at 05:21 pm
The Captain-> Go listen to music by ABBA and then you will get it.
July 14th, 2008 at 06:25 pm
Scott - I just got done listening to their Greatest Hits album and I still don't get it. Can you please explain it for me. Also can you find the definition of the word "irony" for me since I still don't get what that means either. Thanks. Your the tops!
July 14th, 2008 at 06:27 pm
Give me more like this!
July 14th, 2008 at 06:52 pm
Captain or Captaion->
Go listen to Alanis Morissette "Ironic" and you will get irony.
July 14th, 2008 at 06:53 pm
Its ironic because her song about irony really doesn't describe irony. LAWL.
July 14th, 2008 at 07:45 pm
Wow... how can you guys not get the ABBA joke... how many things do you see wrong with that pic... at least 4
or in otherwords the band!
i mean come on look at them wtf...
July 14th, 2008 at 08:59 pm
this was the funniest thing i have ever read by far
July 14th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
quite possibly the funniest thing i have ever read
July 15th, 2008 at 02:57 am
Disappointent fills my corpulent lard-laden body from my marrow to my oozing pustie-laden epidermis at the lack of tentacles assaulting lithe nubile females with skimpy pleated skirts barely covering those luscious upper-thigh regions.
July 15th, 2008 at 03:22 am
OH WOW! I had a whole pile of the original magazines... some family friends offloaded this pile onto my poor unsuspecting parents... and seeing this page has brought back so many memories of childhood rainy days... lying around wishing for something better to read!
Great work! I agree that one knew this magazine was pretty lame... even when you were only 6. Funny stuff.
July 15th, 2008 at 03:27 am
Prety wicked stuff dude!
JT
www.FireMe.To/udi
July 15th, 2008 at 04:05 am
Funny stuff. I hated Highlights in offices too. Whenever my family goes to family counseling in the office there is that stupid magazine. Uh. But it was funny thanks for publishing it.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:55 am
That bit about the responses to the letters about dinosaurs is fucking hillarious. "You're as stupid as my whore ex-wife" haha.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:10 am
It's already been done kids! And even better than this:
http://www.personal.psu.edu/kly5000/homepage.html
July 15th, 2008 at 11:48 am
this was pretty hilarious
July 15th, 2008 at 03:36 pm
I have been up all night listening to the complete ABBA catalog and I still don't see what's silly. I also didn't get what "irony" means from the Alanis song. "a free ride when you already paid"? So irony means "shit happens"? PLEASE HELP!
July 15th, 2008 at 05:47 pm
Tina, that wasn't funny at all.
The Captain, shut up.
July 15th, 2008 at 06:05 pm
Very funny!
July 15th, 2008 at 08:00 pm
Tina, that was hilarious.
Shaggy, suck it.
July 15th, 2008 at 08:57 pm
Somewhere, a formerly dismal part of my childhood is now smiling. Thank you.
July 15th, 2008 at 09:37 pm
LOL! Sure, I get paid a lot of money to write big studio movies, such as Big Fish and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, but I can indubitably say that this is a wonderful case study of where writing is heading into the next millennium (yes, the year 3000, and it's coming sooner than you think). Keep up the great work, guys, and thanks for linking to my blog.
July 16th, 2008 at 01:44 am
Wow, it's getting really hard to tell Goofus from Gallant among the commenters.
July 21st, 2008 at 01:35 pm
Captain: You must really feel like a dumb fuck dip shit for wasting precious hours trying to figure the picture out when you could've been using that time to jerk off on your momma tits. Total knuckle head.
July 21st, 2008 at 10:50 pm
its the boots
July 21st, 2008 at 10:56 pm
eyes was walkin itos a walsmart ones day and had to take mes a crap
wells its alll the way in the back of the store
i didnt makes it that far
i shit myself about half ways there
it came outs my pants leg on the floor
and i sliped and fell
smashed my head and died
help
July 23rd, 2008 at 04:48 am
This is Stupid.
July 23rd, 2008 at 03:14 pm
I'm surprised this doesn't pan the idiotic Timbertoes -- all kinds of room for wood jokes. . .
July 29th, 2008 at 01:45 pm
I was just showing my daughter a copy of Highlights. I think we both would have enjoyed this one more.
July 29th, 2008 at 06:26 pm
This made me laugh. Highlights is classic suckiness at it's finest.
Poor Goofus...He's such a fuckin retard.
July 30th, 2008 at 05:52 pm
Nice hosting your pics off of Flickr. Now I get to see pics of your apartment and Ho! Tis best to separate business from personal.
Anyho....Funny as shit. Make more Highlights.
August 7th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
So which one do you think they put in their asshole, the screwdriver or the hammer?
June 10th, 2009 at 07:10 pm
good!
August 28th, 2009 at 08:56 pm
Thanks for the tour of your house (?) in your flickr album. Please tell me that's your mom or your grandma or some shit in that one pic and that you don't actually fuck that thing.
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