Driving across the rural parts of America you'll undoubtedly notice the large number of churches that use their signs to try and draw people into their church with a joke or a pun or some good old fashioned fire and brimstone fear. The problem is, the comedy stylings of most church pastors is kind of like a combination of Yakov Smirnoff and Rush Limbaugh. You either get the world's crappiest puns or some sort of evil, hate filled message that's supposed to scare you into attending, or a totally awesome unintentional double entrendre. Either way, these signs are the only interesting thing to look at when you're driving from Pennsylvania to Colorado.
Um, what?
Now there's a well thought out marketing pitch.
OK, so maybe this one makes me want to go to church.
Damn... some of these have got to be backwoods Churches in the southeast filled with ignorant jackoffs. The ones about sacred cows and Obama/Osama are pretty fucked up.
But what's up with the "she knocks a hole in your bucket of joy" thing? Totally out of left field there.
not sure if ya allow posts with links or not, all I ever see are the spam, let's go see Jessica Alba and date her on this celeb dating site crap, gonna give it a shot anyways
Hey Pratik have you looked at a map of the United States lately? The post says these signs came "from Pennsylvania to Colorado." I'm fairly certain thats not the southeast. Andthe sign says "sin" not she. I wonder if you are an ignorant jackoff.
the church down the street from my house had a sign out front that said "pray for our troops" but someone took down the TR so it said "pray for our oops"
I live near the Dovercourt Baptist Church, and they always have punny, corny ones like that...
The irony is that I find it to be one of the actually less community-involved churches in the area. That church isn't even backwoods or redneck or anything, it's actually in downtown Toronto, where most churches just post signs for sermon times in different languages and are usually holding interesting neighbourhood events other than for the purpose of hitting you over the head with the bible
I grew up Catholic and all I know is that my priest called a "Hellion" .
I'm sure in California (La-la-land) they have ones that say: "Don't be a 'Speed Racer' thru 'sex in the city with your 'Hand-cock' or you'll suffer thru a 'Dark Night' - 'Get Smart' with Jesus....so some such nonsense. You know someone's going to try to do it.
Wow... some of those hateful signs are exactly why I think christianity is the worst religion of all. Well, not the religion itself, but the misguided church members who so brutally twisted the teachings of the very guy that they claim to follow. The way I see it, just worship in the way you want and let others do the same without shoving your nose into it. If you happened to choose the "right" one then you win, enjoy. Don't worry about those who choose the "wrong" one, that just leaves better real estate for you in the afterlife (if you believe in one)
I am sure if those had been pictures of Mosque signs, muslims would be ready to kill people indiscriminately. On another note, those who read my post really need to get to know Jesus as he will return to get his people and in the twinkling of an eye, millions of people will disappear from Earth and go with Him to Heaven, and then I am sure Almighty God will have the world's attention. Make no mistake God will not be mocked and those who don't except Christ will live forever, just not in Heaven, but Hell. Every man has sin, but not every man has Christ to pay for his sins. There isn't a single human being on this planet who hasn't lied, stolen, cheated, had sex outside of marriage or cursed God as such is sin and all are guilty.
There's a billboard on a main highway between Houston & Austin that reads: "Will the road your on lead you to me?" - Aside from poor grammar, the sign kinda frightens me, because I'm thinking, "God, I hope not!"
"I am sure if those had been pictures of Mosque signs, muslims would be ready to kill people indiscriminately."
So would Christians if they could get away with it. The only reason Christianity doesn't behave the same way as Islam is because Christians tend to be located in Western countries that do not tolerate that sort of behavior. Make no mistake, if Christianity were in Iran, they would be doing the same exact things.
I like the atheist one, except that I think God is an atheist.
I mean, to have faith, you need to believe in something that you can't prove is true.
God can prove anything to be true, all powerful, right? So he doesn't have faith.
Now, speaking of all powerful, to be of any religion, you need to believe in a higher power, right? Well, since god is all powerful, there IS no higher power.
Therefore, God is not religious, and has no faith.
"Make no mistake, if Christianity were in Iran, they would be doing the same exact things."
You submit a rash hypothetical you have no way of guaranteeing. It's a poor way to frame an argument. Christianity is the predominate religion in the United States and what have we for it? A plethora of relief organizations, the Salvation Army, Catholic and Protestant charities, food drives, foreign aid and missions. Where is the Muslim equivalent to such benevolence?
@unpaste: "Where is the Muslim equivalent to such benevolence?"
You don't think they exist? Google red crescent. Just because you don't hear about them in this country doesn't mean there isn't a lot of that sort of thing there. You don't really think the news outlets in this country want to have us think of people our government wants to bomb as human, do you? I'd be very surprised if there isn't actually more charity donated in those countries than this one, by percentage of donor's income as well as overall percentage of people that give.
Some of these were funny, and some of these were very scary. But many of these post were just as scary. Christianity today really isn't what it was intended to be by Jesus. However, just because some people (and it seems like more and more these days) don't reflect what it's about... Doesn't mean you should just write it off. That's kind of the same ignorance as racism. Don't judge a group by a bunch of bad apples. Many of you have made your own conclusions based on what you've heard or by someones bad example. I'd just like to challenge you all to study it for yourself with an honest look. You may find it's alot deeper than you ever realized.
As a Christian(and a minister to be exact) I am first and foremost embarrassed by many of the acts of so-called "christendom". While yes, many christians today and in days past have performed many acts I believe Jesus would have been incapable of committing, many of them are well intentioned, wrong, but well intentioned. As far as Christianity in Iran - understand that nearly all of those Christians cannot stand-out in public due to rampant persecution - and not mere words of intollerance, many have been shot in the streets, in front of their families and in prisons just for saying that they believe in Jesus and not Muhammed. I am not writing that to bash on muslims I am simply stating why you don't see Christians striving for the same humanitarian efforts as you see many do here in the states. In the end I think what many of you have posted is accurate and reiterrates what I have been trying to say to the church for many years, "your stupid little phrases don't mean anything to anyone but you..." I hope that those of you who read this will know that Christianity - often times like politics - the loud minority is who gets the press - not the silent majority.
Some of these are funny, but others are messed up.
Also:
@Seraphim: Oh do shut up.
"There isn’t a single human being on this planet who hasn’t lied, stolen, cheated, had sex outside of marriage or cursed God as such is sin and all are guilty."
That doesn't mean that everyone commits every single sin. Not everyone has stolen things and/or had sex outside of marriage, you stupid asshole. (masturbation doesn't count, even if it did not every one on the planet has done it and it's not even a sin) I haven't had sex at all and plenty of people that I know haven't, you presumptuous moron. Also, wasn't Jesus human too? I guess there was one who hasn't sinned after all, huh?
Now take your fire and brimstone and get lost, ya jerk.
"Christianity is the predominate religion in the United States and what have we for it? A plethora of relief organizations, the Salvation Army, Catholic and Protestant charities, food drives, foreign aid and missions. Where is the Muslim equivalent to such benevolence?"
Besides the obvious church charities, how are you able to justify that these relief efforts are the result of a religion and not that of the basic innate human quality known as sympathy? Don't forget the fact that we have more resources to afford such efforts compared to those other countries. It is when a person insults the beliefs of another person that causes those types of brutal actions. Christianity is just another belief. The fact that State and Church are separated is what makes us different from those Muslim countries. Best example Christians will react just like any other religious group? Beatles. John Lennon. Bigger than Jesus. Outrage.
I dont exactly believe in anything, especially any "holy" text, such as the bible, Quran, or buddhist sutras. However, i do love one biblical saying "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" I take it as an internal question, a man asking himself "who am i to judge? i am not you and i am not perfect". Just my opinion though.
Gods and their stories are for people who get bored easily, run low on self confidence and can't think for themselves.
When I was young I also believed in fairy tales... then I grew up(went to school) and got wiser.
There's only wisdom and responsability.
Btw where do you think all the pornstars will go to IF there would be a hell and a heaven :p
//ontopic: The signs show the average IQ of those people. We also have one here "Jesus is LOVE" (Belgium). They should put heavy taxes on that kind of advertising. Religion is what divides people.
Funny and frightening all at the same time...... and these people believe there is a spiritual god who will rescue them in their hour of need!
Pass the ammo..... well these are really well adjusted church going people yall'...... praise god and I'll blow ya' head off given an opportunity!
I'm actually really comfortable in the belief there might not be a god at all. Why do we place so much emphasis on some deity to come down and save us. Who would want to after seeing how we behave and treat the planet.
I say... believe in yourselves, believe in the human spirit and save the planet, nobody is going to do it for us.
It is not a bad thing to say Jews killed Jesus. In fact they did. We should be happy. When the Jews killed Christ (did not accept Him as King) it opened the doors for the Gospel to the Gentiles. I am thankful for that. One day every tongue will confess He is God and one day every knee will bow. Still the greatest treasure remains for those who gladly choose him now. I think that the signs and the commentary on this site just go to show how bad we as humans really are. I for one give thanks for God showing me and others (if they are honest with themselves) how much we need a Savior. We need to stop comparing ourselves to one another and use the plumb line of God's perfectness to access our sinfulness as humans. He has given us a gift of self awareness to know that none are perfect. Sin=death. Thanks be to God that he sent his Son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross to pay the death price for our sins if we with REPENTANT hearts would accept His gift of life. It is in your hearts to know the truth. Please stop suppressing what you know in your heart to be the truth. The fool has said in their heart no God. Remember… He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
Decided to back up pratak... Northside Baptist is in North Carolina, and St Luke Methodist is in Georgia. Those sound like southeast states to me. Not sure about the rest.
"The ones about the sacred cow an the jews were really sick..
i thought Americans were tolerant people…
its really sad!!"
Are you kidding me? Sacred cows are fed well, and well-fed cattle make for some great beef! Eating a sacred hamburger is probably going to piss off quite a few people, but that doesn't mean it won't taste good.
Oh by the way, we did wipe out the Native Americans, throw Japanese Americans in concentration camps, and keep African Americans from the voting booth until recently. But we Americans are tolerant, as long as they're like us. If you ever say the word bomb at an airport, you'll see how tolerant we are.
(205 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
August 3rd, 2008 at 03:03 pm
Damn... some of these have got to be backwoods Churches in the southeast filled with ignorant jackoffs. The ones about sacred cows and Obama/Osama are pretty fucked up.
But what's up with the "she knocks a hole in your bucket of joy" thing? Totally out of left field there.
August 3rd, 2008 at 03:20 pm
I have seen a bunch of these before, but the sinburn/sonscreen one had me literally laughing out loud. Great post.
August 3rd, 2008 at 03:58 pm
Those are cute.
August 3rd, 2008 at 05:57 pm
I found some good ones travelling through Canada aswell, this was one that I found hilarious. Though not a statement the name itself is priceless.
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y271/Beasterbastard/DSC00204.jpg
not sure if ya allow posts with links or not, all I ever see are the spam, let's go see Jessica Alba and date her on this celeb dating site crap, gonna give it a shot anyways
August 3rd, 2008 at 06:07 pm
Hey Pratik have you looked at a map of the United States lately? The post says these signs came "from Pennsylvania to Colorado." I'm fairly certain thats not the southeast. Andthe sign says "sin" not she. I wonder if you are an ignorant jackoff.
August 3rd, 2008 at 06:22 pm
I rolled my eyes pretty hard at "Easter is more than something to dye for."
August 3rd, 2008 at 07:09 pm
What's with the hating of the Jews? Always. Wasn't Jesus a... forget it.
August 3rd, 2008 at 08:38 pm
one of my favorites is from a church across the street, it's in the same vein as the sinburn/sunscreen, "exposure to the son, may prevent burning."
August 3rd, 2008 at 08:47 pm
course most of them are pathetic/sad but the last one is actually pretty clever
August 3rd, 2008 at 09:47 pm
So it's true. God DOES hate jews. Always wondered about that.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:09 pm
The first one is at the corner of Berwyn (5300N) and Ashland (1600W) in Chicago.
I was just over by there for dinner lol.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:10 pm
I cannot respond to these- I do not exist...
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 pm
awww!! I love jews!!
google may not have it all, but it satisfies my search! specially with the filters off!!!!
haha!
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 pm
the church down the street from my house had a sign out front that said "pray for our troops" but someone took down the TR so it said "pray for our oops"
August 4th, 2008 at 12:32 am
I live near the Dovercourt Baptist Church, and they always have punny, corny ones like that...
The irony is that I find it to be one of the actually less community-involved churches in the area. That church isn't even backwoods or redneck or anything, it's actually in downtown Toronto, where most churches just post signs for sermon times in different languages and are usually holding interesting neighbourhood events other than for the purpose of hitting you over the head with the bible
August 4th, 2008 at 02:05 am
The only church sign that ever made me think was "Seven days without prayer makes one weak."
August 4th, 2008 at 02:42 am
I grew up Catholic and all I know is that my priest called a "Hellion" .
I'm sure in California (La-la-land) they have ones that say: "Don't be a 'Speed Racer' thru 'sex in the city with your 'Hand-cock' or you'll suffer thru a 'Dark Night' - 'Get Smart' with Jesus....so some such nonsense. You know someone's going to try to do it.
August 4th, 2008 at 02:55 am
Wow... some of those hateful signs are exactly why I think christianity is the worst religion of all. Well, not the religion itself, but the misguided church members who so brutally twisted the teachings of the very guy that they claim to follow. The way I see it, just worship in the way you want and let others do the same without shoving your nose into it. If you happened to choose the "right" one then you win, enjoy. Don't worry about those who choose the "wrong" one, that just leaves better real estate for you in the afterlife (if you believe in one)
August 4th, 2008 at 03:19 am
I am sure if those had been pictures of Mosque signs, muslims would be ready to kill people indiscriminately. On another note, those who read my post really need to get to know Jesus as he will return to get his people and in the twinkling of an eye, millions of people will disappear from Earth and go with Him to Heaven, and then I am sure Almighty God will have the world's attention. Make no mistake God will not be mocked and those who don't except Christ will live forever, just not in Heaven, but Hell. Every man has sin, but not every man has Christ to pay for his sins. There isn't a single human being on this planet who hasn't lied, stolen, cheated, had sex outside of marriage or cursed God as such is sin and all are guilty.
August 4th, 2008 at 03:23 am
Here is a much better picture of the
"SANTA NEVER DIED FOR ANYONE" sign
from xmas 2006 in Seattle.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/printzerostudios/242932149/
August 4th, 2008 at 03:41 am
I've got a good one posted on at this page ... http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=...
August 4th, 2008 at 05:38 am
Whoever wrote "Pratik is a dumbass", I will find you and castrate you motherfuckeR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 4th, 2008 at 05:39 am
The best sign I ever saw was in Orlando, FL it said. "Sign broke, message inside on Sunday."
August 4th, 2008 at 05:39 am
There's a billboard on a main highway between Houston & Austin that reads: "Will the road your on lead you to me?" - Aside from poor grammar, the sign kinda frightens me, because I'm thinking, "God, I hope not!"
August 4th, 2008 at 05:39 am
"I am sure if those had been pictures of Mosque signs, muslims would be ready to kill people indiscriminately."
So would Christians if they could get away with it. The only reason Christianity doesn't behave the same way as Islam is because Christians tend to be located in Western countries that do not tolerate that sort of behavior. Make no mistake, if Christianity were in Iran, they would be doing the same exact things.
August 4th, 2008 at 05:46 am
Correct me if i'm wrong, but isn't the sacred cow one an old saying telling us to question standing traditions? I want to see that church
August 4th, 2008 at 05:50 am
I like the atheist one, except that I think God is an atheist.
I mean, to have faith, you need to believe in something that you can't prove is true.
God can prove anything to be true, all powerful, right? So he doesn't have faith.
Now, speaking of all powerful, to be of any religion, you need to believe in a higher power, right? Well, since god is all powerful, there IS no higher power.
Therefore, God is not religious, and has no faith.
So GOD is an atheist.
August 4th, 2008 at 05:55 am
McCaine is not his brother's keeper?
August 4th, 2008 at 05:59 am
Those crosses in the fourth picture look exactly like the chinese character for 'middle'...
Look here: http://www.zhongwen.com/cgi-bin/zipux2.cgi?b5=%A4%A4
August 4th, 2008 at 06:02 am
"Make no mistake, if Christianity were in Iran, they would be doing the same exact things."
You submit a rash hypothetical you have no way of guaranteeing. It's a poor way to frame an argument. Christianity is the predominate religion in the United States and what have we for it? A plethora of relief organizations, the Salvation Army, Catholic and Protestant charities, food drives, foreign aid and missions. Where is the Muslim equivalent to such benevolence?
August 4th, 2008 at 06:04 am
@WTF - Ummm, Christianity is in Iran, and all of the other Middle-eastern countries... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christians_in_Iran
August 4th, 2008 at 06:21 am
LOL WTF
August 4th, 2008 at 06:26 am
The ones about the sacred cow an the jews were really sick..
i thought Americans were tolerant people...
its really sad!!
August 4th, 2008 at 06:31 am
@unpaste: "Where is the Muslim equivalent to such benevolence?"
You don't think they exist? Google red crescent. Just because you don't hear about them in this country doesn't mean there isn't a lot of that sort of thing there. You don't really think the news outlets in this country want to have us think of people our government wants to bomb as human, do you? I'd be very surprised if there isn't actually more charity donated in those countries than this one, by percentage of donor's income as well as overall percentage of people that give.
August 4th, 2008 at 06:33 am
Some of these were funny, and some of these were very scary. But many of these post were just as scary. Christianity today really isn't what it was intended to be by Jesus. However, just because some people (and it seems like more and more these days) don't reflect what it's about... Doesn't mean you should just write it off. That's kind of the same ignorance as racism. Don't judge a group by a bunch of bad apples. Many of you have made your own conclusions based on what you've heard or by someones bad example. I'd just like to challenge you all to study it for yourself with an honest look. You may find it's alot deeper than you ever realized.
August 4th, 2008 at 06:38 am
As a Christian(and a minister to be exact) I am first and foremost embarrassed by many of the acts of so-called "christendom". While yes, many christians today and in days past have performed many acts I believe Jesus would have been incapable of committing, many of them are well intentioned, wrong, but well intentioned. As far as Christianity in Iran - understand that nearly all of those Christians cannot stand-out in public due to rampant persecution - and not mere words of intollerance, many have been shot in the streets, in front of their families and in prisons just for saying that they believe in Jesus and not Muhammed. I am not writing that to bash on muslims I am simply stating why you don't see Christians striving for the same humanitarian efforts as you see many do here in the states. In the end I think what many of you have posted is accurate and reiterrates what I have been trying to say to the church for many years, "your stupid little phrases don't mean anything to anyone but you..." I hope that those of you who read this will know that Christianity - often times like politics - the loud minority is who gets the press - not the silent majority.
August 4th, 2008 at 06:45 am
Some of these are funny, but others are messed up.
Also:
@Seraphim: Oh do shut up.
"There isn’t a single human being on this planet who hasn’t lied, stolen, cheated, had sex outside of marriage or cursed God as such is sin and all are guilty."
That doesn't mean that everyone commits every single sin. Not everyone has stolen things and/or had sex outside of marriage, you stupid asshole. (masturbation doesn't count, even if it did not every one on the planet has done it and it's not even a sin) I haven't had sex at all and plenty of people that I know haven't, you presumptuous moron. Also, wasn't Jesus human too? I guess there was one who hasn't sinned after all, huh?
Now take your fire and brimstone and get lost, ya jerk.
August 4th, 2008 at 06:45 am
"Christianity is the predominate religion in the United States and what have we for it? A plethora of relief organizations, the Salvation Army, Catholic and Protestant charities, food drives, foreign aid and missions. Where is the Muslim equivalent to such benevolence?"
Besides the obvious church charities, how are you able to justify that these relief efforts are the result of a religion and not that of the basic innate human quality known as sympathy? Don't forget the fact that we have more resources to afford such efforts compared to those other countries. It is when a person insults the beliefs of another person that causes those types of brutal actions. Christianity is just another belief. The fact that State and Church are separated is what makes us different from those Muslim countries. Best example Christians will react just like any other religious group? Beatles. John Lennon. Bigger than Jesus. Outrage.
August 4th, 2008 at 07:10 am
the last 2 are hilarious
August 4th, 2008 at 07:20 am
I dont exactly believe in anything, especially any "holy" text, such as the bible, Quran, or buddhist sutras. However, i do love one biblical saying "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" I take it as an internal question, a man asking himself "who am i to judge? i am not you and i am not perfect". Just my opinion though.
August 4th, 2008 at 07:22 am
"I'm also making a list and checking it twice."
-god
If the christian god is infallible and all knowing, then why would he have to check a list twice? he would get it right the first time.
August 4th, 2008 at 07:31 am
"The Road Warrior said God hates the jews,
and the Road warrior dont lie".
"Screw you guys, Im going home".
August 4th, 2008 at 08:06 am
My contribution: http://www.flickr.com/photos/twonjosh/2685631585/
August 4th, 2008 at 08:31 am
Churches sure has gone commercial ... with a make your donations here mentality !
August 4th, 2008 at 08:42 am
Gods and their stories are for people who get bored easily, run low on self confidence and can't think for themselves.
When I was young I also believed in fairy tales... then I grew up(went to school) and got wiser.
There's only wisdom and responsability.
Btw where do you think all the pornstars will go to IF there would be a hell and a heaven :p
//ontopic: The signs show the average IQ of those people. We also have one here "Jesus is LOVE" (Belgium). They should put heavy taxes on that kind of advertising. Religion is what divides people.
August 4th, 2008 at 08:52 am
Funny and frightening all at the same time...... and these people believe there is a spiritual god who will rescue them in their hour of need!
Pass the ammo..... well these are really well adjusted church going people yall'...... praise god and I'll blow ya' head off given an opportunity!
I'm actually really comfortable in the belief there might not be a god at all. Why do we place so much emphasis on some deity to come down and save us. Who would want to after seeing how we behave and treat the planet.
I say... believe in yourselves, believe in the human spirit and save the planet, nobody is going to do it for us.
August 4th, 2008 at 10:21 am
It is not a bad thing to say Jews killed Jesus. In fact they did. We should be happy. When the Jews killed Christ (did not accept Him as King) it opened the doors for the Gospel to the Gentiles. I am thankful for that. One day every tongue will confess He is God and one day every knee will bow. Still the greatest treasure remains for those who gladly choose him now. I think that the signs and the commentary on this site just go to show how bad we as humans really are. I for one give thanks for God showing me and others (if they are honest with themselves) how much we need a Savior. We need to stop comparing ourselves to one another and use the plumb line of God's perfectness to access our sinfulness as humans. He has given us a gift of self awareness to know that none are perfect. Sin=death. Thanks be to God that he sent his Son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross to pay the death price for our sins if we with REPENTANT hearts would accept His gift of life. It is in your hearts to know the truth. Please stop suppressing what you know in your heart to be the truth. The fool has said in their heart no God. Remember… He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
August 4th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Church is good. God is Good!
JT
www.FireMe.To/udi
August 4th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Decided to back up pratak... Northside Baptist is in North Carolina, and St Luke Methodist is in Georgia. Those sound like southeast states to me. Not sure about the rest.
August 4th, 2008 at 10:42 am
"The ones about the sacred cow an the jews were really sick..
i thought Americans were tolerant people…
its really sad!!"
Are you kidding me? Sacred cows are fed well, and well-fed cattle make for some great beef! Eating a sacred hamburger is probably going to piss off quite a few people, but that doesn't mean it won't taste good.
Oh by the way, we did wipe out the Native Americans, throw Japanese Americans in concentration camps, and keep African Americans from the voting booth until recently. But we Americans are tolerant, as long as they're like us. If you ever say the word bomb at an airport, you'll see how tolerant we are.
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