Our friends over at shortsbus.com sent us a movie pitch they've been working on, and well, I think it's pretty fantastic. They don't have a title for it yet, but maybe you can help them out.
OUR SUPER AWESOME ACTION MOVIE
We' ve written this really great action comedy about a black guy who is a cop. Also, he will get teamed up with this white guy who is also a cop. These guys are total opposites! The black guy is smart and the white guy is stupid. The black guy takes showers and the white guy doesn't. The black guy loves popcorn and the white guy can't stand it. You get my drift.
Anyways, there is a major heist where these men with ski masks and guns and knives and dynamite and hatchets rob a candy store. They steal all of the candy and because the town is really small, there is no place to buy candy. The candy distributors refuse to ship more in because it is snowy and the planes with candy in them can't land safely. This makes the town go crazy because these people like candy.
There will be a montage of the chaos as the song "Mother" by Danzig plays loudly in the background. During this sequence, all these people will be getting raped because everyone has gone bonkers by how they can't get any candy!
The police chief will tell the black cop and the white cop to forget their differences and crack the case. The men will reluctantly work together and use their weapons to kill people that give them a hard time about solving the case. In a major plot twist, we will learn that the police chief was behind the robbery. The black guy and white guy will grip hands (closeup shot) and then rush at the police chief and clothesline him to death. I think the white guy will be played by ex-American Gladiator, Nitro
and then Kene Holliday from Matlock will play the black guy. Also, the police chief will be played by Bill Pullman. That's it. We've written the whole thing, we just need an agent to help me get as much cash as I can from this gem.
I dont know if the big Hollywierd producers are going to have enough balls to back this movie idea. I mean its just so new and innovative that it may cause people in theaters to shit their pants resulting in years of litigation to settle theater clean up costs. Sure the theaters will say "The movie producers made too good a movie and it caused people to crap themselves". On the other hand movies producers will say "We just made this great movie, patrons did not have to be amazed by it to cause mass pants shitttery." Closing their arguments by saying these claims are outrageous and have no legal precedent.
(3 Comments)
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August 23rd, 2008 at 07:34 am
I dont know if the big Hollywierd producers are going to have enough balls to back this movie idea. I mean its just so new and innovative that it may cause people in theaters to shit their pants resulting in years of litigation to settle theater clean up costs. Sure the theaters will say "The movie producers made too good a movie and it caused people to crap themselves". On the other hand movies producers will say "We just made this great movie, patrons did not have to be amazed by it to cause mass pants shitttery." Closing their arguments by saying these claims are outrageous and have no legal precedent.
August 22nd, 2008 at 09:43 pm
Do you think that Nitro stuffs his tights?
August 22nd, 2008 at 04:25 pm
I don't know, they would have had me with just the picture from Lethal Weapon and the caption:
"He hates Jews. His partner hates white people. Together they're cleaning up the streets."