8 Memos From God's Desk

September 2nd, 2008 | 05:14 pm

God is really busy, so sometimes he doesn't always have time to deal with problems directly. When that happens, just like your boss, he sends a memo.

Comments

53 Responses to "8 Memos From God's Desk"

  1. Fresno Says:

    Yeah, maybe film cameras won't steal your soul...but thos digital ones are concentrated evil. I know a guy who had his picture taken once. Five years later or so? He was dead. True story.

  2. chrisH Says:

    At least the Amish know how to count. Or maybe they don't. Whatever. There's only 7 freakin memos.

  3. tombot Says:

    Fresno you're such a liar. It takes at least 5 digital pics to kill. Having his picture taken once won't do shit.

  4. Kodak Says:

    Cameras do not have "shudders", they have "shuTTers".

    Damn it.

  5. chaosthirteen Says:

    They must believe the camera's will steal their soul for them to have a shudder. Unless he meant shutter. In that case, most cameras would be equipped with them.

  6. Frank Says:

    Hey, maybe there is no eighth memo. Maybe it's one of them metaphorical things. Yeah, yeah... Like maybe the eighth memo is inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.

  7. MMAStation Says:

    "Hey, maybe there is no eighth memo. Maybe it’s one of them metaphorical things. Yeah, yeah… Like maybe the eighth memo is inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork."

    ^^ I can go with that

  8. SkiBum Says:

    “Hey, maybe there is no eighth memo. Maybe it’s one of them metaphorical things. Yeah, yeah… Like maybe the eighth memo is inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.”

    ^^ Gay

  9. Super Peon Says:

    "“Hey, maybe there is no eighth memo. Maybe it’s one of them metaphorical things. Yeah, yeah… Like maybe the eighth memo is inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.”

    ^^ Gay"

    ^^ Gay Envy

  10. Tatersalad Says:

    chrisH your are a retard, make sure you use your fingers next time to count. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,and what comes after that 8! wow 8 memos.

  11. tempenade Says:

    I'm not sure where you all learned to count, or maybe you just have a poor memory from having your Blackberry remember everything for you, but there are most definately 8 memos. Just to make things easier on you so that you don't have to scroll back up to the top (I know how annoying that can be with your little BBerry thumb scroller), here are the 8 topics:

    1. Masturbation
    2. Dorritos
    3. Herpes
    4. Gayness
    5. Rumer
    6. Dry Cleaning
    7. Pony Tails
    8. Amish

  12. inthetwilight Says:

    Yeah, I counted 8 as well, good job guys...

  13. Dom Says:

    Tatersalad, learn to type and show up earlier so you can actually see that there were only 7. Tardsalad

    Pony tails wasn't on the list

  14. jesuslover Says:

    The other day I used the phrase "Jesus titty fucking Christ" and my friend said it was wrong. But honestly if JC lived right now he'd be tight as shit and totally fuck chicks in the tits.

  15. Josh Says:

    God isn't gay.

  16. Hermen Says:

    Yo dom and other retards like him learn to read there are 8 memos

  17. socialdynamite.com Says:

    This was so utterly fucking hilarious.

    I had to Google who the hell Rumer Willis was though. Very cool. I guess that's what happens when you mix Demi and Bruce, for sure.

    I learned something today.

    Hail Holy Taco!

  18. Anonymous Says:

    don't you mean udderly? :P

  19. Kodak Says:

    Hells Bells, that memo about pony tails most certainly wasn't there early on, it must have been added later in the day. The author of this article site ALSO fixed the Amish post , replacing the word "shudder" with "shutter".

    But I digress, the memos are all funny and worth reading.

  20. Lee Says:

    Well Americans pronounce 'shudder' the same way as they pronounce 'shutter', so maybe he's speaking Americanish?

  21. Anonymous Says:

    thanks for letting me know how i pronouncesgit yagoff

  22. Kodak Says:

    Lee...

    ... what the fuck are you talking about?

    Sincerely,

    Me

  23. Pratik Says:

    I still demand an explanation for Pauly Shore and self-help books.

  24. Says:

    God had nothing to do with Pauly Shore, Satan and MTV got together and produced him.

  25. Says:

    what are you talking about there are 8 memo's you morons

  26. Pauly Shore Says:

    I counted 9 memo's.

  27. Pauly Shore Says:

    I counted 9 memo's

  28. strat89 Says:

    That's because you are an idiot...

  29. PENIS WRINKLE Says:

    WHAt AbOut VagInas? WhyDiD He Makee Theem Smel Funnee?

  30. Brendan Says:

    OMG. You say he died. crap. I am going to chuck out my cameras. i SAY THEY ARE FILLED WITH EVIL. EVIL INSIDE THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. fluffernutter Says:

    your moms filled with evil.

  32. aherosxtrial Says:

    god is pretty down to earth for being so far out... hahahaha

  33. oliver Says:

    gay is not a life style - it's a sexuality.

  34. Smurfette's left tit Says:

    LOUD NOISES!

  35. Odonata28 Says:

    Great Zombie Jesus.

  36. Says:

    There are 8 memos. The Gay memo doesnt imply that God is gay, just that He has some feminine tendencies He prefers not to talk about. Ex. He likes shoes.
    ....and "Penis Wrinkle", why did you even need to go there? dont need to think about that, man.

  37. Mikey Says:

    gay is not a lifestyle? heh, I think it is my friend. you're buggering about the difference between blond hair and blond attitude. yeah, different but still pretty much the same anyway.

  38. Allison Says:

    hey chrisH, there is 8 memos, yes 8.
    learn to count!

    (and just for the record i am not amish :P)

  39. Lambsie Divy Says:

    The one about masturbating is so lame. Anyway, it doesn't make any sense because who's fault is it that they have hands and protruding appendages -- and for what? So God's not going to be upset that a 15-year-old applies himself. Everybody knows they can't tell time.

    I'm glad I didn't know about any of this when I was a 15-year-old girl! Ick!!

    Whatever.

  40. Frank Says:

    My grandma got her picture taken once, and she died right away.

    ...5 years after...

    ...she got hit by a truck...

  41. Says:

    Definitely doesn't have an "a" in it.

  42. WhiskeyGirl Says:

    the gay one is awesome!!

  43. rose Says:

    this is so funny i am on the floor laughing

  44. Jaysen Says:

    i kinda like it how it makes God like a regular person, but hes still God, i think that concept is pretty cool, and to chrisH, there r 8 memos dude.

  45. cameras are terrifying Says:

    We all know cameras feast on the souls of the young, innocent, and amish. Cameras are absolutely terrifying, and I promise cameras shoot to kill.

  46. Anonymous Says:

    i hate all the christains i have evry met, and the amish good fucking hell, wat are they all bout, oh well fuck em

  47. From the desk of God Says:

    Ok, I read that one as you were writing it, but had to help out a few people that survived a Tornado.

    Look, if you don't like my Son, your going to Hell.

    Do I make myself clear? You wouldn't even know if you met a Christian...

    Now, do me a favor, and apply for that sewer cleaning job I put into your head...

  48. Kinnison Says:

    So if gays are okay... Sodom and Gomorrah are mistakes?

    How can they be fruitful and multiply? all they do is do 69 or pack their sh**

    Here is a better memo:

    TO: Gays and Lesbians

    RE: Your doing it wrong

    Until humanity finds a way to allow two men or two women to have children on their own please stop. yes it might feel good but I am not going to endorse any marriage no matter what anyone says. Until then.. just stop.. especially the guys. That orifice was meant for exit only.

    Now the ladies, if you want to do it for fun.. I am not going to stop you. But at some point when your Eros type love fades, find a guy, marry him, and have lots of children. Please? and if he thinks a finger in the bum will make him happy.. well, i guess you need to make him happy.

    GOD

  49. Josh Says:

    lol what an asshole you are.

  50. Anonymous Says:

    Yep, this sounds like God all right. Hypocritical in allowing the rules to be bent for His own selfish benefit,and a TOTAL prick. That's Him, all right.

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