I sit all day and write. So, If I had a girlfriend whom every time I came home from work was like, "Hi honey! Can you write some occasionally clever paragraphs about what's going on in pop-culture, then accompany that with a photoshop? That would be awesome!" I'd probably want to bash my face in. That's why you can't date someone who is infatuated with the end product of your job. For instance, it's a bad idea to be a chef and date someone who used to look like this:

But people.com tells us that's the case:

Star Jones has a new boyfriend who knows his way around a kitchen – Herb Wilson, the executive chef at Manhattan's Soho and Tribeca Grand hotels.

"It's a new relationship, and he makes her very happy," says a source.

I did some calculating on a super computer, and there's roughly 1.9 million fat jokes I can make after that last quote. Number 1,874,333 was "propose you calculated the number of fat jokes possible by using a super computer and the result was astronomically high."

Anyway, Star Jones didn't lose that weight Jared style, she had her stomach stapled. Which is basically the equivalent of that year Barry Bonds hit 73 home runs: technically it counts, but really, just kind of cheating. And because of that, I can see her getting larger pretty quickly with this new Chef boyfriend. In about three years, people will be stopping to take pictures of her, but it will be for a different reason. Insert joke # 373,016: